Mom That Blame Everyone but Their Own Child

Once again, just like the very last post I read and responded to....Women have this weird assumption that other people know what they're thinking. You can't "assume" anything when it comes to people. Another perfect example of women doing this sort of thing is the women who come on here and say "why doesn't my husband help out more?" If you want something, all you have to do is ask. Don't assume that other people are going to do something, just because it's what YOU'D do. If you're wanting the neighbors to have your child over to give you a break, start asking them if they'd be interested in doing a once a week trade? Just say "you know, with my husband's work schedule, I'd love a break. Would you be interested in trading a couple of afternoons so we both get some time to ourselves?" We're all human, not mind readers.

I don't know if you are venting or trying to find an answer. If venting I will support you in how awfully selfish people are.My sister would bring her children to my house all the time, I about raised them until they were six. I think she watched my two about four times in the six years and it was under conditions and limited to a couple of hours. Others brought their children to me, also. You see she and those people feel they are more important than we are until they one day realize they gave up some very precious moments in their children's lives. If you want a clean house all the time lock the door. If you want to live and remember one day in your mature years how wonderful it was to hear the giggles and the laughter and those moments you gave children their childhood, then keep on opening that door.

We are the house that everyone comes too and I prefer that! None of my other neighbors reciprocate. Would it be nice if they did every once in a while? Sure, but they don't. And I cannot expect them to do it either. Just b/c someone has kids doesn't mean they are comfortable with other people's kids OR that they are obligated to watch kids just b/c you are willing to do it. Also, it is NOT an inconsideration unless you have asked them to reciprocate. They don't know you are peeved about this until you voice it. They may just think you are the house all the kids like and you're are okay with it b/c you haven't said otherwise. It is apparent you can handle having kids in your home and they are comfortable with their kids being at your home. Shoot, some parents don't even want their kids at home until dinner time. Plus, are you sure you want your kids in their homes. There is one of my neighbors that I definitely do not want my kids at, so I am happy to have their kids here. Personally, I like that fact that they enjoy being at my home - I only hope that leads into the teen years too. I always know where they are and can watch the interactions of the kids. If it is nice outside, they all know they have to play outside. They can only come in the house if it is raining, or it is extremely cold or hot. Another thing, the kids know in my house, they have to follow my rules - which means no one can be rude, snobby, a bully, hit/shove or fight and that everything they do is all inclusive of everyone. They know if they don't follow the rules they get sent home.

Regarding watching the kids outside - this is what I did if there wasn't another parent outside when I was ready to go inside - I just called my kids in and told the others to go home or they needed to get their parent to come outside. If they didn't, it was off my plate b/c you're right, they should be watching too. Luckily though, the parents were pretty good about being outside when their kids were.

What I would do: Relax, sit back and enjoy that your kids and their friends like being at your home. And, accept that not all parents are as cool as you :)~

Ok, so I see a lot of mom's telling you to be honest and speak up. They are right but it doesn't sound like you are good with confronting people like that. That's ok. Not everyone is. I have a hard time setting boundaries with people (other adults who take advantage--not kids breaking the rules) and a hard time saying no. So if you are like that, you are left with one option--you need to stop watching your neighbors kids. You don't say if they call first or if the kids just run over. If she calls to see if you can watch them, simply say it's not good a time--you've got a lot to do today for xyz reason. If the kids run over (like they often do here, just open the door, say "Sorry, honey. It's not a good time to play right now," and send them right back home. You don't need to tell your neighbor she's taking advantage or that she needs to reciprocate--you don't really know WHY she's doing it so making assumptions is dangerous anyway--so instead of saying NO etc etc just apologetically say you are busy...OVER and OVER and OVER until she gets the point that you are not a drop off daycare or until she invites your child over first. Some people have no problem taking advantage of other people. Or she may assume that you like having all the kids over--some people like having the kids at their house so they can supervise their own children. We had a problem with a kid who was constantly into mischief, didn't listen, I would catch her whispering to my daughter "Let's go where you mom can't see us and do X." But I just stopped having her over. Good luck. Best not to burn bridges or say something you'll regret when it involves neighbors who'll you see ALL the time. :) But that's just my advice. I'm pretty diplomatic about this stuff.

There are those moms who LIKE to have all the kids over, and who are set up for it, with snacks treats, etc. A couple of my friends are like that-we don't go hang around there, because some of the regular kids are too bratty, but they always have lots of kids over and don't mind. They never take their kids anywhere else or send them out, they prefer having everyone over. All the other moms on the block love it, because they don't have to reciprocate.

You have given the impression through your actions that you are one of those moms!!! Especially since you havent' told them how you feel.

Blow their minds one day and just cheerfully say, "You know what, I used to love having oeveryone over a lot, but I'm TIRED!" And be totally frank with whatever you ask. I woud completely respect somone who did that and act accordingly.

You'll have to be honest and tell people how you feel, or hide out in the house more. The next time someone comes over, say ,"Hey, can my kids go to your house tomorrow?" Make a specific request. If they deny you enough times, they will start to get it that the exchange isn't fair since you've asked for them to share. Then they'll either come over less or let your kids go there more, but they WON'T hate you.

As for the bratty boy, you say you've given up saying anything. Again, if you don't put your foot down-no one else will fix it. His mom is obviously not on the ball. You'll have to tell her he's too disruptive and send him home when he acts up, or just put up with it. Good luck!!! I'd lose my mind hosting all those people...eeeek.!

Also, instead of simmering you can simply ask them to reciprocate. Yes, they should offer, but there's no harm in asking. Then you'll see whether they do or not, and act accordingly. I have to agree with part of what Sheila said: "If you want to live and remember one day in your mature years how wonderful it was to hear the giggles and the laughter and those moments you gave children their childhood, then keep on opening that door."

As far as a rude child, I would simply tell them very calmly and nicely when they are being rude that x behavior isn't allowed in your house. If they continue to do x, then I would tell them, again very nicely, that they will have to leave because "x" behavior isn't allowed in your house, but are very welcome back when they are ready to behave properly. And show them the door.

My brother's kids constantly whine at their house, but they know it's not allowed at my house. If they start to whine I say, "I'm sorry, what are you saying? We don't understand whining in this house." But I do it nicely, and they stop.