Mom in Need of Help with Daughter Who Bites :(

Hi! My daughter would bite things out of frustration as well. The doctor told me children that around 16-24 months children can go threw a phase where they might bite things or bang there heads. It is all out of frustration. They know what they want but they do not know how to say it. It is just a phase. I started to take away the toy she was biting for the whole day and as I took the toy away I told her to "tell mommy "help" and I will help you"( I stressed the word help) and I would say "We don't Bite. It is mean". After about a month of that she stoped and she now asks me for help when she gets upset and no longer bites. For my daughter it was just a matter of her learning the words she needed when upset so she would not hit the boiling point which was biting. Good luck.

Hi,

The positive way to break the habit is prevention. Make sure that nobody tries to take anything away from her until she out-grows it. When I have a bitter is in my daycare,I use loud hand clapping to prevent it. Bitters get into position to bite and that is what you have to watch for. Watch for the signs.

Negative yet effective!

Put her arm in her mouth and make her bite herself. It is certainly better than bitting her back. She needs to realize the pain she causes others when she bites someone. It has worked on my own little bitters. I have a book called "The Mothers Almanac" that is about 30 years old, and the suggestion is printed in that. I doubt that is is suggested anymore, but I have not compared the revised versions.

Place her arm in her mouth. Your one hand on the top of her head and one hand under her chin and compress so that she feels it.

It sounds mean but it is certainly better than bitting her back!

As for the comment about a 17 month old being to young for a time-out. Balogna! Kids are smarter than anyone realizes. I agree that re-direction is better, but in some cases time-out is necessary even for a 17 month old

Good luck with your little bitter.

D.

First of all - kudos to you for raising your two girls on your own! My sister had this problem with her toddler, and one day, she bit (nipped) her right back!!!!! She never bit her again! Now....you also should realize that a Time Out IS NOT APPROPRIATE for such a young child. She does not have the cognitive ability to understand and you will only frustrate her more (and yourself). Punishment is not appropriate at this young age for anything! Simply remove her from the situation at hand or distract her. Of course a FIRM NO or STOP is fine and good - but punishment is wasted on such a young child .....and honestly, will only the moment worse. Good luck.
K. F.
Wellness Consultant/Mentor
http://kellyis.StayinHomeandLovinIt.com

Another MamaSource Mama, Molly S., just asked about her own "little biter". Here's a link to her post.

http://www.mamasource.com/request/12619267833210077185

She got 9 responses and would probably be happy to answer if any of them are proving usefull. her post was about 3 weeks ago, so she may still be working out a solution as well. Isn't it great to know you're not the ONLY mom to ever have this question and not know how to fix it!?!

Hope the link helps, ~J.

Everyone has an opinion on this one that has raised children and usually it is different, I personally have raised 5 children and everyone of them went through that stage, I bite back, I have taught my children do not hit (not because it is not nice) Because it hurts, do not bite, it hurts, when they feel for themselves the pain they are inflicting usually it breaks them of it, a quick lesson in do unto others as you want done to you

We share a nanny with another family and when the other little girl (16 months at the time) bit my daughter, the nanny told her "no biting, biting hurts" and distracted her with a toy, separating the two by a few feet. She made the biter say "sorry" using baby sign language. Then she got them to hug each other. It happened a couple more times before it stopped, and was always dealt with the same way. I know that at her home there was a lot of stress happening, which finally blew over, so that might have been why she stopped. It is hard for toddlers to deal with their feelings, isn't it?

At the time (two months ago), I looked for advice on biting so that I could read about what to do if it continued. It didn't, but below is my reading list that I compiled. Some of it might help you. There are lots of things to try, so you can experiment until something works.

Advice sites:
- Berkeley Parents Network - http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/worries/biting.html
- About.com: Pediatrics - http://pediatrics.about.com/od/biting/Stopping_Toddler_Bi...
- Baby Center - http://www.babycenter.com/dilemma/toddler/toddlerbehavior...
- ivillage.com: Parenting - http://parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tpbehavior/0,,mpvj,00.html
- toddlerstoday.com - http://toddlerstoday.com/resources/articles/biting.htm
- Hand in Hand Parenting - http://www.handinhandparenting.org/csArticles/articles/00...
Academy of Child Psychiatry - http://www.aacap.org/page.ww?section=Facts+for+Families&a...
- Clearinghouse Early Education and Parenting - http://ceep.crc.uiuc.edu/poptopics/biting.html

Books:
- "Teeth are not for Biting" by Elizabeth Verdick
- "Becoming the Parent You Want to Be" by Davis and Keyser
- "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Harvey Karp
- "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
- "Positive Discipline A-Z" by Jane Nelsen
- "No Biting!" by Karen Katz (for kids)

Hi C.,
I know it sounds crazy but one of my cousins used to bit. One day he bit my brother....my mom bit him back and he never bit again! :)

Hi C.,
We are experiencing the same problem here. My little one is 21 months and she bit me so hard my arm turned black and purple and then down to a yellow green. We were at the PED and he recognized the mark as a bite mark.

He said it is unacceptable for her to bite. She has to be placed in time out and as we discussed time out, she got very quiet and clingy to me. She knew we were speaking of her discipline.

He said 1 minute per year old and if it takes all night for her to get the picture that time out means time is up when I say it is up, then do so. He said she will probably throw the biggest tantrum the first time and then the next time it will just take a time out reminder. It worked! As soon as I start feeling those teeth, I ask if she wants a time out and she shakes her head no and that is the end of it.

Best of luck.
C.

Hi C., I see you got some great links to check into. So I'll just give the short form answer:

When she bites, or when you catch her about to bite, firmly tell her "No. No bite." If this is not enough you can seperate her from her victim. If it is you that she is trying to bite and she does not refrain when you say "NO," then you walk away from her. For toddlers, the walk away gives a strong message. If it is another child she is trying to bite, and she doesn't honor your "no", then pick her up and move her away from the intended victim.

If the other child is old enough, coach them to say, "No!"

Another thing that helps is to make sure you have something your child CAN bite. It could be a chewy baby toy or a safe food item. When she is interested in biting, give her the substitute object to bite. You can smile and nod, and otherwise give her positive messages, to reinforce that this is a good outlet for her bite urge.

Biting is a normal way for toddlers to explore their environment, and often times they have teeth coming in that makes the biting almost a necessity.

We just want them to learn that some things are okay to bite, and that some things are not -- and people never!

Also, as Diane has said, prevention is key!

Dear C.,

I hate to tell you this, but that is what 17 month old children do. They bite because they do not have many social skills yet. .....and they can't talk and they do feel like they want to defend themselves and 'their property'. So you are doing the right thing, she will quit pretty soon, especially as soon as another child bites her back.

She will find out that it hurts 'when you get when biten' - be sure to say that over and over when it happens.

Time out is a good way, but also, you could just take her over to the other side of the room or another room, and say very carefully to her that she cannot do that. Do not bite people, then give her time out, even if you have to stay there with her.

Remember, when time out is over, you have to declare that it is over, and do it right there close to her so that she feels your power and determination. Do not let her leave where ever you have put her for time out without your permission. It may take a few times, but she will get it.

I have heard that some mothers bite the one who does the biting, but I really do not feel good about that. You would be hurting her, and she might think that it is alright to bite YOU then. You are a hero to me - three jobs and caring for your two darlings so carefully. God is with you, and all you have to do is to listen and he will guide you.

Sincerely, C. N.

Hi C.... I had a biter. Finally, I just had to bite him back. I tried everything up to that point because I didn't want to hurt my baby! But after screaming from a surprise bite right to my thigh, I finally bit him back. He never bit anyone again. Sorry it isn't positive.

Hi there..

I think evey child goes through this stage, and I believe it was around her 18th month that my daughter started. I did everything with my daughter as well, I tried time out's, I tried tellign her "no bite" as most moms said to do. I even would tap at her mouth with my finger tips and tell her no...nothihng really worked. she'd bit us until it bled even once or twice. My baby has a bit of a temper and even took it out on herself a few times. She reached forward and bit herself good and hard on the wrist one day and screamed her eyes out...but you know she didnt do it again..for a few months at least..LOL.

At 21 months she started doing it again...but not as severe as the first time. This time when she doesnt get her way or we take something away she will grab her hands and bite ..nothing ever hard to hurt herself... but I think it's just a way for them to get out all that anger they build up cause they didnt get their way. It will start to wear off again. Just keep saying no, no bite, dont do that...sh will catch on. She is about 22 months now and she has started to forget about it now. So have patience and it will go away. As long as you keep reminding her that it is not acceptable.