Miscarriage - Fort Lauderdale,FL

There is nothing wrong with asking those who want to be supportive for time alone to heal if that is what you need.

Dear Terez,

I'm so very sorry. I also lost a baby - my first son. We found out at the 20 week u/s that there were some fatal defects. They expected me to make it to term and deliver him and that he would live about 24 hours. So we walked in uncertainty for months, dreading what the delivery day would be like.

Then, five days before Christmas, our angel went home to Heaven on his own. I had to be induced and deliver him, leave the hospital empty-handed and grieve. My husband said to me that he wished he could just carry me away somewhere - and he did. We went to a cabin in the Poconos and allowed ourselves to cry, scream, curse the sky, question God, and be silent...alone and together.

Only later could we look back and be thankful for what we had been spared: a high-risk delivery, the trauma of watching him pass and struggling to survive... This way, he never knew anything but warmth, contentment, and security. I thank God for that, but it wasn't easy to accept at the time.

I agree w/the moms who are recommending that your family and closest friends be a buffer so you don't have to put yourself out there over and over.

Take your time. Allow yourself to feel - and verbalize - whatever you're thinking and feeling. Get it out of your head so it can't torment you anymore.

I got pregnant 2 mos after losing my son. It was healing in a way few other things could have been, but it was scary, too. Only you can know what's right for you, and take one step at a time. If you believe in Heaven, you can be sure that you will see your baby again. Having an eternal perspective helps immensely as it offers us hope.

I highly recommend C.S. Lewis' A Grief Observed. He write it after his wife passed away. It was like reading my own thoughts. If such a deeply religious and intelligent man could think and feel the same things I was, perhaps I wasn't as crazy as I feared.

You will get through this, even though you want time to stop right now. Life marches on and doesn't wait for us to pull it together. It's heartless and merciful at the same time. Rest assured, there is another side to this and you'll be there soon.

Hugs to you - please take care.

I am so sorry for your loss! I lost our son at 16 weeks and our daughter at 31 weeks. It is hard and it takes time to deal with everything.

I think my faith helped me the most. Each child is created for a purpose and somehow my children had influenced this world even before their deaths.

Give yourself time. It does get easier. Do what you feel is comfortable for you. People are bound to say some pretty rude things, understand that they really are trying to help.

I promise it does get better.

I had a healthy daughter first then we tried for our 2nd one and i was 10 weeks but the baby only measured 6 weeks and there was no heart beat. I cried for a few days but just kept in my mind that my body got rid of the baby for a reason probably chromosomal abnormality and my body knew it and aborted it. There is a reason for miscarriages and its the baby not forming correctly and its our bodies way of getting rid of it. As soon as i quit bleeding had normal miscarriage and only bleed for 10 days and the day after i quit bleeding i became pregnant again and didnt realize that i could get pregnant so fast again. But we are pregnant again and im 18 weeks today and this baby is healthy. I just realize that baby was not meant to be. But def. cry if you need to i did and it helped alot. Hugs to you!

My first pregnancy the same thing happened to me, and I was heartbroken. The only difference for me was I didn't miscarry on my own I had to have the DNC. This was about 27 years ago and I can remember it like it was yesterday. After the procedure they put me on the maternity floor with the mommies who had just delivered. I remember thinking, how cruel. I wanted out of there as soon as I could. I did conceive three months later and have a beautiful son, and 4 years later a beautiful daughter. There are no words, just allow your self to go through the emotions to heal. I remember sadness, and anger, did overcome me. It will pass and unfortunately people do not know what to say so they may say the wrong thing like "It's for the best" It wasn't meant to be" etc. You will be surprised after going through this how many women have and how common it is. I know you feel alone, but you are not alone. I am sorry for your loss, you are in my prayers!!

My condolences. This is not an easy thing for us to go through. Yes, I have gone through it as well. I too went through it at home. The only blessing out of it is that it was better to go through it naturally. (Or so my doc told me). I don't think we ever get past it. I went through it before I had my daughter. I still think about what could have been. You sound like you are going through the grieving process correctly. I would look up the stages of grief and try to address each step accordingly. Try not to push others away, but make sure that you get some alone time for yourself as well. If you need anyone to vent to feel free to message me. I will be thinking and praying for you and your family.

This exact same thing happened to me in Oct. and I am so sorry for your loss. I believe that things happen for a reason and that God would not give me a baby that wasn't healthy or developing properly. This brought me some sense of relief and we plan to try , again, in the fall.

I have had a tubal pregnancy that was traumatic and I was in the hospital for three days. I didn't know I was pregnant, had a period the whole time, then I went to the hospital with severe stomach pains and found out in the emergency room that I was 9 weeks pregnant and that they had to do emergency laproscopic surgery. I also lost a lot of blood and said that I might need a transfusion. Thankfully I didn't need one and recovered pretty well. Years later my husband and I were trying to get pregnant and we were and then lost the baby at 8-9 weeks as well. It was a miscarriage, I was devastated and cried a lot. My husband was so gentle and understanding.

No one can tell you that it will get better because the what ifs come into play and you keep thinking that maybe there was something in you or your body that harmed the fetus. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I didn't want to hear the "I'm Sorry" or the sad face. I just wanted to crawl into bed and make it disappear. I was afraid that this was another tubal pregnancy and I was devastated. I had the help and love of my husband and my mom to help me through. Tell your husband how you feel once you are up to it. I think that will help. Get as many hugs as you can and know this, it will get better. You are loved, and there is nothing that can stop all that love.

Well here it is. There is nothing that you did or didn't do correctly that made this happen. Our bodies work in a mysterious way and has a way of doing things. Your baby for some reason was not meant to be. I would like to think of it as your body making way for a healthy baby.

You will be heartbroken until you get pregnant again and wait until you know that the baby is definitely healthy. Cry as much as you want and sleep a little longer for another day. But cheer up, it does get better and you will find that once you get pregnant again, we got pregnant a month after my miscarriage, and we have a healthy baby boy. My heart goes out to you.

Dear Terez- I am so sorry for your loss. You are going to get lots of responses to this question because so many women go through exactly what you are right now. I had a miscarriage in Jan of last year and then again in August. I have a daughter and I remember thinking the mc was more excruciating than birth and that I'd never be the same again. (i also had it at home the night before my scheduled d&c)

There are no words to make you feel better immediately but I promise it will get better in time. It is going to seem extra hard at first because it is going to hit you more than everyone else. You were the one falling in love with the baby inside you- so you may feel like others are making it not a big deal- or telling you to move on before you are ready. There is nothing wrong with letting your husband shoulder a bit more of the responsibility until you are feeling better- and let your 5yo be your ray of sunshine on your darker days. It will, will, will get better. I remember thinking that if I could only get pregnant again- I would be healed and be able to move on. Unfortunately in my case the second pregnancy also ended in the early weeks. It feels like fate is cruel- but I know that when God closes a door he makes sure to open a window for us first. We just have to be patient until we find it. Take time for yourself. Pamper yourself a bit, watch funny movies, eat the food that makes you feel comforted and you will see that slowly you start to heal. Your baby will always be a part of you. Someone told me after my first- that every baby has a different plan for their life- different needs to be fulfilled. And when you lose a baby that their needs were the simplest. They simple needed to feel loved and wanted. And because they knew they were loved and cherished- they could move on, even after such a brief time with us. Their life's purpose has been fulfilled by bring us joy for as long as they could in this world and by watching over us from the next. I'm probably not expressing it as well as I could- but knowing that was a comfort to me.

I hope you will begin to feel better soon- and always remember you are not alone.

-T.

Terez,
I am sorry for your loss...I went through the exact same situation January of last year. We also learned at 13 weeks that our angel had passed at 8 weeks. It was the most awful and devastating thing I have been through and it took several weeks before I could verbalize any feelings about it. I HATED some of the things people said when trying to make me feel better. "Everything happens for a reason" "just concentrate on the children you have and count your blessings" etc. I often just wanted to scream "THIS IS MY BABY"... I had to realize I too had said these same things to other moms who had miscarried, and understood they were only trying to help and had no clue what I was going through...you just can't know until you experience it yourself.
You are right, it takes time...and you never truly heal. I conceived again in May...twins! And I still shed tears for my angel baby.
Some of the things I did to get through...find something to memorialize your baby (such as a necklace or bracelet, maybe a plaque)- I was so afraid I would somehow forget (ya right). I also posted the sad news to my friend and family via facebook and let them know I wasn't ready to talk about it. I joined a miscarriage support group online via babycenter and that was really helpful, and wrote a long letter addressed to my baby.
The pain will never go away, but it does ease over time.hugs to you and your family!

I am sorry for your lost, is a terrible thing to go through. Before we had our baby #2, we lost an angle too.
Only time and love from those near you help to go through this.
Be kind to your self, take time to heal and hope to hear good news from you soon.
Best wishes for you.

Terez,
I am so sorry for your loss. There isnt anything that I can say that is going to make it better. So I will stick with, I'm so sorry.
I've been in your shoes...actually, I'm in your shoes. I lost twins in Oct 2010. Then just lost again on March 23rd. Both times, the babies stopped developing early on. It is so devastating.
I have 2 little boys, ages 3yo & 22 mos. They are how I am getting through this tough time. I would like to lay in bed & cry all day, but as you know, with a young child, you dont have that option. I had to pick myself up off the floor, literally, & keep going. At the very beginning, that part is so difficult. But as time goes on, it will get easier, I promise. I dont think I will ever be over this completely, as I have now lost 3 babies, but it does get easier.
For me, the first week was hell. The second week got better. But once I hit the 2 week mark, I was able to "function" in the world, again. Im hoping you have a similar experience.
I think it's great that you are trying to be strong for your husband, but dont forget about yourself in the process!!! This is a horrible loss for you too.
Dont feel like you have to answer the phone when people call. Either have your husband answer, or ignore them. Call back when you feel up to it. Try not to be annoyed when someone continues to call over & over. Remember that they are calling b/c they love & care about you.
Also, try to ignore the stupid comments people will make.
My favorite came from my Grandmother....."Were you over exerting yourself?" Spoken well from a woman who had 8 children & never lost one. UGH!!!
Also, try not to beat yourself up over this. You didnt do anything to cause this. You wanted & loved this baby before you even knew you were pg. That is what I struggle with the most. Wondering what I did, etc. But I know that I loved & wanted all of my babies & wouldnt ever have done anything intentionally to cause them harm.
Take your time going through this. I promise that it does get easier.
H.

I am sorry the same thing happened to M., the only thing that helped M. was conceiving before the due date, so I knew there was no way I would hjave had my current daughter if I had a successful pregnancy, and I would do it 10 times over to get her...I waited a few months and then tried...thats what worked for M., it was hard, but the second i knew she was safe and healthy I looked positively on the past horrbile sittuation

I am so sorry for your loss. You lost your child, and need to mourn.
Walks helped when I lost my husband. And time.
Also eat well, lots of B vitamins. Sounds trite now, but you have your 5 year old,and want to be the best for that child. And your husband lost a child too.
Help each other. So eating well is important.
Sympathy, k

I am so sorry for your loss. I could have written your post--my husband and I conceived in October 2009 and when we went for our 12-week u/s in December, the baby had no heartbeat and had stopped developing at 8w5d. I had a d&c in January 2010. By April 2010 we were expecting again and on Dec. 31, I delivered a healthy baby boy. I know this is a horrible thing to have to go through, and for me the worst was all of the "helpful" comments like "things happen for a reason" and "at least you weren't that far along." People can be so cruel without even meaning to. You need to mourn your baby (and your husband does, too). No matter how young he or she was, that was a REAL baby. It may help to get back to your normal routine. And if you really don't want to talk about it with anyone, I suggest telling them so. Say, "I'm really sad right now and I don't want to discuss it." You will get better and you are right, it will take time. The hole in your heart will heal but it will never go away forever. Again, I am sorry for your loss and I pray for comfort and peace for you.

I praise God we never went through this we had our own difficulties. But I am just here to say you are in our prayers. My heart goes out to your whole family. May God's love comfort you all in this most difficult journey.

Terez, I am so sorry for your loss. I have never been through it but someone very close to me lost her baby at 7 1/2 months pregnant. It was very difficult for me to know how to console her or to know how I could help. To help the people around you know how to help you cope, just tell them what you need. You won't offend them. If what you need is to be left alone,, tell them. They will understand. Also, do not feel selfish for taking the time that you need to heal, because this is about you and your family, no one else. You do not have to make concessions for any one or any thing else.

Good thoughts, hugs, and love sent your way... best wishes to you & yours.