Ok ladies - my oldest child just turned 2 last week. Her daddy has been underway since january, but came home for a week last week and then left again 2 days ago. She has been super clingy, especially at night. She will wake up multiple times per night screaming and it will take an hour or more for me to get her to calm down and go back to sleep. I also have a 2 month old infant who is fine, but like all babies her age, wakes to feed at night. The sum effect is that I am dealing with one of the two kids almost 24 hour per day and geting almost no sleep. This also means my daughter is gettinvery little sleep. It is to the point where I do not feel safe driving (so I don't!) because I am so tired.
I know this is connected to my husband's absence as it completely went away for the breif period he was home and returned immediately the day he left. However, He is scheduled to be gone for almost the rest of the year (he will only return for 2 more weeks of the entire year). I can't physically hold up to this for that long and neither can my daughter. I do not know how to help her understand her daddy's situation and cope with it. We talk about it, we count down. If you ask her, she can tell you where her daddy is and when he will come back, but that does not seem to help her sleep. I talked to her doctor about this and he had no suggestions.
HELP!!!
Edit: I have tried letting her sleep with me, but she just crys and says "Katherine's bed" until we go back to her bed. She does ask me to sleep in her bed, but I can't get out of her bed without waking her up to feed her sister in the night and that starts the screaming for both of them. Her bed is to small for all three of us to fit in safely - mine is big enough for all three, but my older daughter will not sleep there. He can only call/skype when in port, so that contact is limited at best.
I haven't been a military mom in years but I am a mom and it sounds like she is having seperation anxiety which her doctor should know about. Have you tried letting her just sleep with you at night? Is he able to call at all and talk to her so she hears his voice.
Sleep with your babies. All of you will get more sleep, and with the stress you are feeling right now being on your own and worrying about your husband, sleep is very important. I coslept with both my babies (I'm not a military mom, but I really can't function without sleep) and both of my kids sleep on their own fine ever since they transitioned to their own beds. Your daughter will feel safer when she can stay close to you, your baby can breastfeed while you're still sleeping (or if you formula-feed, she will be close to you and you can respond to her faster, and maybe get back to sleep more quickly), and all three of you will sleep better. Just a suggestion. Good luck; I can't imagine the difficult time you're going through right now.
I am older, was a military 'mom' for the previous six years and cannot imagine how hard it is for you as a wife with children by yourself. I cried probably everyday. My son was in the service for six years. He is out, fine, okay. Anyway, if you can sleep with her or whatever it takes to get your own sleep do so. Throw out all the rules. It's time to take care of you while he takes care of our country. By the way, he was based pretty close to where you live. God bless you and your husband.
Does she sleep in the bed with you? When our daughter was 2 and hubby was deployed, she slept with me most nights. Made both of us more comfortable. When Daddy is home, she is in her own bed.
Do you have a Daddy Doll for her? We got one for my husband's first deployment and our daughter still loves it & hugs it now (he's deployed again). https://www.daddydolls.com/
Being a military wife is hard I went through it for a few years, and through a year long deployment. It is very difficult, so I feel you. I am sorry your having a tough time.
My son was young so he knew daddy was gone but he adjusted fine after he came home.
I had a video of daddy talking to him that helped, and it also reminded him of what he looked like, and sounded like. I showed him it every day, sometimes more than once. Saying things like be good for mom, I love you and cant wait to play with you etc.
Also, I had him sleep with me so he felt safer, and more comfortable. It was alot easier to calm the tears if he was right next to me. And it made it nicer for me because I had something to cuddle to while my husband was away. Worked out for both of us.
If he gets any computer time then you could webcams and then she could see him, or get one of those books that records your voice reading a book to her.
Hope that things get better for you, and that he stays safe. Best wishes for all of you, and remember this too shall pass.
Put Katherine's bed and yours in the same room. She needs to be with you now. You can give her Ignatia 6c twice a day for the grief and she'll get better quicker.
Why this ENDLESS war is not seen as damage to the children of soldiers I'll never know.
I work in Germany and many of the older people I see were damaged by losing their father's or the starvation after the war, or the loss of their neighborhood to occupying soldiers.
So even if your husband is in the military it is time we pulled back and took care of our own children and families. Ending the wars will bring money into our economy and let the men and women who are in the military work stateside on very necessary American projects.
From one military mom to another - I am so sorry you are having to deal with this after such a nice time having him home. We too have gone through this - not really the sleep issues but the going to sleep issues.. My daughter would cry for daddy every night and want to say goodnight, etc.
So, two things that seemed to help for us.. The first one was we got a Flat Daddy. Basically a life size poster of daddy to put in her room. That way he watches over her always, she used to talk to him constantly, would hug him before bed, say her prayers with him , etc. Here is the link.. They aren't terribly expensive but is sure helped. http://flatdaddies.com/
Second - we got the recordable books at Hallmark and had daddy record himself reading the story to her. That way he would be able to read her a story every night (they have a variety of them) but it would relieve that stress for her... She loved having him read to her.. They would be pretty easy to ship to him wherever he is, he could record them and then send them back.. Another option is to video him (I know he's gone but maybe next time) reading to her.. then you could sit in front of the tv or computer and have real daddy reading to her too..
More then anything, you are doing a good job mom. Its not easy being left behind and there a lot of us supporting you through thoughts and prayers..
There is an Elmo video about separating for work. Our army FRG recomended it for the last deployment. I think I found it on militaryonesource.com
I know it is hard , especially when family support system is usually across the country. I spent time traveling to family. At least you can sleep and relax there.
the other thing that helped me is using the Child Development Centers on Ft Lewis. For those whose spouse was on orders you got a set numbers of free care hours a month. Even if your base doesn't offer free it is still reasonably priced and drop-in hours. It can be hard to find drop-in hours when you may really only want a few hours a week.
Another option would by join the Y- put them in daycare while you exercise or sit in the chapel to recharge. Once again it i drop-in hours and reasonable rates.
As far as sleep-I hope you find something that works for you. Do you have a consistent bedtime routine? I know I loved the days at that age that their naps were at the same time. Try talking about daddy's absence during the day and try not to bring it up at night.
Another good book is My Dad is a hero (a superhero) tells the story of dad in army.
Do you have a Daddy cd? His chaplain probably has books he can read on CD and send it to you. Then every night while she is in bed play it. This is her Daddy time. Put it on continuous loop.
Stop counting down. Say Daddy is in Iraq, or A, wherever, he will be home after Christmas, after Thanksgiving, etc. Do not reason with her, he is gone he will return, short and simple.
Are you near a base? Get involved in some mom and me kinds of activities with other moms.
Move her bed into your room.
Do not lament that Daddy is gone and be sad. THey go and come back and go and come back. It;s a vicious cycle. But the happier you are and the more self sufficient you can be for her and the baby the better.
Can your mom or MIL come for a visit?
Get into a routine, with the baby right now it's hard but pretty soon that one will sleep through the night.
Hire a teen to come in and be a mommy's helper. She can help you make dinner or you and baby SLEEP and she take the 2 year old to the park for an hour. This was the best thing I ever did.
We never skyped, it was too much. SO when he called I let them talk if they wanted and sometimes they didnt' want to. That was OK. I just let them be.
Do a care package every other week and she helps fill it. Or every month. We sent stuff every 7-10 days, even if just a card or picture drawn by the kids.
She will calm down. Her daddy is gone, you just had a baby, her world has been turned upside down. It takes time
Take walks and point out the birds and squirrels, the fresh air will help her be more tired and she will sleep better.
And do not lay all this on your hubby. He is already stressed that you are having a hard time with your little ones. Put on a brave face and cry to us and your mom or his mom or your girlfriends. I know it's hard.
Next January when he does get home your two year old may not want to have anything to do with him. It's OK, she will in time. My girls are 13 and 15 and they are Daddy's girls to the max. He has spent over half my 13 yo's life deployed.
YOu're going to get through this and you will look back on this year and say How did I ever!?!?
((((HUGS)))) M. and God Bless you and your hubby.
I know how tough this can be.
A few things to try: a special teddy bear (either from Build A Bear or Vermont Teddy Bears, or sometimes the uniform shops carry bears dressed in military uniforms) that is dressed to match Daddy's uniform. Or get a photo of your husband and have it imprinted on a t shirt or a pillow that your child can hug and sleep with. And if your husband wears any cologne or uses aftershave, spritz a tiny bit on the bear or shirt or pillow. Kids at that age are very literal.
When I was in that position, I hired a babysitter from the neighborhood who was a little young to be left alone in the traditional sitter sense, but who was responsible and mature for her age. When the baby was sleeping, I had the babysitter play with my older child and I got a nap or a shower. I was still in the house and of course no cooking took place, so I felt confident in taking a nap while this babysitter (she was about 11) played with toys with my older child. The sitter was old enough to understand my rules and follow basic safety, but I never would have left the house with her alone with my child. But that hour nap was invaluable. And she was pleased to earn a little money.
