Military Divorce Issue

Please advise her to engage the legal services folks on base ASAP. They are used to handling situations like hers, and their services are free (or at least used to be) to active duty personnel. But she need to get to them before her spouse does - they will only represent one spouse in a divorce case, and they help whoever gets there first. She needs to talk to them NOW.

My first question is, Does the baby's daddy even WANT to have custody of the baby. I have a friend whose daughter is kind of going through the same thing, but the daddy does not want to be"tied down" to a baby. The lawyer told the mom of the baby that he would be given custody until she came back, and that probably he would be BEGGING for someone to take the baby by the time he had custody for two to three weeks. The one thing she could do, is prove that he is not responsible enough to care for the baby. I don't know where you live, but in some states...grandparents don't have many rights, so it is possible that the dad would be given the baby before you, if he wants custody. Some states are better at looking at the big picture, and put the child where it is best for the child. My prayers are with you all, and I hope everything that is decided will be the best for the baby. If at all possible, I would try to keep communication open with your son-in-law, with the hope that IF he is given custody, you can be there to "help" him, incase he decides he can not/ will not take care of the baby.
You are in my thoughts & prayers.

My husband is a JAG attorney at Ft. Carson. This advice comes from him:

1) Have your daughter make an appointment at the legal assistance office on post. It is FREE and CONFIDENTIAL. She will speak with an attorney that can help her set up a family care plan & deal with the legal aspects of getting temporary custody assigned to you (not her soon to be ex) while she is deployed. The attorney can also walk her through divorce paperwork and process.

2) Colorado has very recently (only 1 case so far) started recognizing the family care plan (a written document she files with the army when she deploys that says who gets her child while she's away) as a custody document. If her ex decides he wants the baby while she is away, he can take her to court over it, but the new precedent (from that one case) says he probably won't win. If she has 100% custody of the child, that document (her wishes) will remain in effect. Again, a JAG attorney at the legal assistance office can help her set this up so it becomes nearly fool-proof.

3) The legal assistance office can also help her file additional paperwork (on top of the family care plan--separate from the army) that gives you (and not the child's father) custody for a specific period of time. This is double insurance, but easy enough to do.

If the divorce will not be final until AFTER she deploys, that is a whole other deal, but the attorneys on post can help with that situation too...it's just a bit trickier.

Finally, even though her spouse is a civillian, he is allowed to get free council on post as well, but if your daughter goes in first for divorce-related advice, the office will turn away her husband. He is still allowed free military legal advice, he will just have to go to one of the other bases in town. The office she goes to will not represent both of them at the same time due to conflict of interest.

Hope this helps. If you have any more specific questions, feel free to send them my way. My hubby is happy to answer questions.

PS- My husband read the other responses and said they are WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!! If your daughter is divorced before she deploys and has 100% court-awarded custody, she gets to decide who takes care of her child. Custody does not automatically go to the father or get randomly decided by a judge. PLEASE have her see a lawyer on post.

One of the responses was correct in that a military lawyer can't represnt her in her divorce (she has to file with the state), but he/she can help her fill out all paperwork and walk her step by step through the process and give lots of advice specific to her situation.

First of all a military divorce is no different than a civilian divorce. Why? Because the JAG office on ANY base will NOT handle a divorce. It' a state issue. The JAG office is only available for advice. But the good thing about that is that the advice is free. But the divorce itself can only be handled with in the state it's filed in, by civilian lawyers in that state. I happen to know this from personal experience.
Secondly, unless your son-in-law does not want responsibility during the deployment he will get custody of your granddaughter. Unless he gives up his custodial rights, he will have sole custody while your daughter is gone. She (your daughter) can not just pick and choose who she wants to leave the child with. I would suggest your daughter stay married untill after her deployment, unless she's being beaten and abused or he is having affairs, or is harming the child in anyway.
Thirdly, the courts usually decide for the Best interests of the child, which unless the child is abused can favor one parent or another.
Lastly no matter what your daughter tells you, you should remain a nutral party, other wise you may lose your visitation rights with your granddaughter. And always remember there are 2 sides to every story.

I can't imagine any judge giving custody to a grandparent when the actual parent is willing. (He may be incompetent, but that's hard to prove.) I don't really think you have good odds here.

My brother went thru that He is active duty and she was not. SHe got custody and he has visitation when he is in the country. Good luck

Since she's military & not making all that much money, she might qualify for a few hours of free legal representation. I didn't know it, but my sis who went through a Texas divorce & my sis that went through an Indiana divorce both were able to get a few free hours of legal work-something about the lawyers throwing their name into a pool to do a certain number of pro bono hours. If she's able to have JAG walk her through what she needs to do until she gets to court, hopefully she can find somebody to go to court with her because she really needs to be represented in court-especially if her soon-to-be ex has representation.
If she's deploying she needs to have all of her wishes in writing NOW.
If she's trying to give you custody I'm guessing she'll need to give reasons why Dad should have custody while she's gone-she needs to start documenting his incompetency now so she can take that with her to court. I do know she can't just "leave the baby with you" because she's got a dad. And thanks from a mil wife for being willing to help out that way for that long! I'm sure it's a huge load off your daugher's shoulders!
Last I knew, there couldn't be any court proceeding while she's deployed under the Soldiers & Sailors Civil Relief Act (pretty sure that's the correct title). Anything she wants done, she's got to jump on before she goes so it's not unsettled or dragging out while she's gone. I know in the divorcing father's case-from 2 of hubby's soldiers-that they had to pay their spouse the equivalent of full BAH until the divorce was settled. And both of these spouses lived in housing so they also got the benefit of housing.
She needs to go to JAG, find out how much help they can give her-I know they can't represent her, but they can give advice & point her in the right directions.
Good luck to her-and you in raising a baby!

Hi,

I live on an army base, and my next door neighbor is a divorced mom with a child. If she deploys, she has it set up with her lawyer that her kid will go stay with her uncle instead of her dad. Her dad has custody like every other weekend. I guess she said she doesn't trust that her ex would take good care of her daughter during deployment but trusts the uncle, so she set it up that way during the divorce with her lawyer.

Marci