Messy Toddler Won't Clean up After Herself

Ditto Hazel and Marda. Ease up, she's a year and a half. You need to teach her, she doesn't know. Put the majority of her books and toys out of her reach and rotate them out in one box, bucket, bin she can play with. Hold her hand and show her how to pick up and put away, and you can also keep her from taking them back out this way. It's a process...my guy is in preschool and they work on this...so keep working with her, set limits and show her. It's more than likely going to take awhile, once she's talking it should start to get easier.

I am finding that my 2 year old is just now ready to start helping, and frankly it isn't much help!!

At 18 months she does not have the mental capacity to do what you are suggesting. They don't develop that ability of cognitive processing until they are much older.

Teaching her and making a game out of it is the only way to go right now. She imitates you so get in there and help her pick up, toss the toys into the storage tub and sing and play, she'll imitate you and soon, maybe by kindergarten she'll be able to do this independently.

She is a baby. If she puts one thing away be happy. You are expecting way too much.

She's 18 month old. Say that out loud over and over. Your expectations are far too grand. FAR too grand. Have you been around many 18 month olds? (I'm not meaning that in a condescending way.)

Get the book "what to expect the toddler years". You are expecting your child to act like a 3 year old.

http://childdevelopmentinfo.com/child-development/normald...

Wow . Not to be snarky, but do you know ANY 18 month olds that DO clean up after themselves? Lol

Woah, Mama, time to dial the expectations way down! She's not even 2 yet! I have to remind my daughter all the time to pick up after herself and coach her through it, and she's a very bright 5-year-old kid! At that age, it's just fun to pull things out and put them back in and then dump them out all over again! "Clean up" means nothing! Relax now and accept reality, otherwise you are going to end up very frustrated, and you will have a child who will feel they can't live up to your unrealistic ideals.

"I think she does understand my intentions when I start putting her toys away."

Wow, as someone else posted -- please dial the expectations, and your belief that she is at all focused on your adult intentions, way down. Please consider getting some good books on child development and learning more about stages and ages -- "what to expect in the early toddler years" kinds of guidance.

At her age, every single thing in her world and her mind is immediate. She makes no connection at all between pulling the book off the shelf and putting it back onto the shelf. If, later, she puts the book on a shelf (not necessarily where it "belongs"), it's because she thought it would be fun to pick up that object and do that action with it, not because she has any thought yet of "tidying up" after her earlier action with that object. Can you see the difference between what you're expecting and intending, and how her very young mind works right now? This is why children this age make what adults see as "messes" and are not in the least affected by those messes and have no inclination to "clean up." They don't see it as mess and don't have a concept that these toys or books are out of place. Yes, you will have to pick things up for a long time to come.

What you can start to do now that is age-appropriate is to make what you think of as clean-up into what she will -- over time, she's still very young -- come to see as a game.

You are already part of the way there because you're "encouraging her to drop toys into a bag/box" and you say you've used the clean-up song. It's good that you have her hand you toys and you put them away yourself. Do you use the song every time, so she associates it with the game of putting things away? That would be helpful.

Do you want her to hand you item after item and "clean up until it's done," and find yourself frustrated when she loses interest and wanders off after two or three items? I'm betting that's one thing that happens here. Do have her hand you things but don't expect her to do it more than a couple of times; praise her a lot for doing so and at the same time name the item several times, say, "The red dog goes into the blue toy box!" and so on -- this helps her with verbal skills and much more but do not expect it to get the cleanup job done. At her age, she will hand you a few things and you need to do the rest. As she gets older you can start with directions such as: "Can you put the red dog into the blue box?" Then you'll move on to "Let's have a race! Can you put the red dog into the blue box before mommy can put this elephant in the box?" But don't try this now; you need to give her time and build up this game. And still don't expect her at two or three to do lots of items all in one go.

One other thing -- As she gets older, even when she's in elementary school, please resist saying "Clean up your room." That is an overwhelming statement for most children that age. They don't know where to begin and it seems enormous, so they do nothing and their parents get so frustrated. Give very specific tasks: "Please pick up your clothes off the floor and put them into the hamper." "Please put Elephant and Red Dog into the toy box." There are a lot of posts on here from moms who don't get why "Clean up your room" doesn't get results. It's because, for younger kids, it's just too much and too vague. Again, look into what's age-appropriate and praise your child for doing what's age-appropriate rather than expecting behaviors that aren't quite there for her yet. It takes a long time.

I suggest that at 1.5 you cannot expect her to clean up after herself. You're just causing yourself too much frustration by trying to make her do it. Yes, it's good to have her help clean up. You've made a good start in teaching her. She's only 1.5, has a very short, if nearly non-existent attention span and needs more time to learn.

At that age, I have them help and while they're putting in one toy, I put in several and we're done in 5 minutes. I do clean up several times during the day. I clean up one set of toys before I get out another set for them.
But only on the infrequent days I need to have it clean. Mostly having clutter doesn't bother me and I clean up once in the morning and once in the evening.

It will help if you don't allow her access to all her toys at once. Keep toys in a baskets/boxs and put some of them up.

Yea, but how is she with the vacuum and unloading the dishwasher??

A 1.5 year old is still pretty much a baby.
If you don't like messes then only have available what you are willing to clean up yourself.
I can't stand clutter either, so at that age all my son had for "free play" was a single bucket of toys, a few books on a bookshelf and another bucket of toys outside.
I kept the rest of the toys and books in closets, up high and otherwise out of reach, and rotated them in and out so he always had something "new" and interesting to play with.

Honestly, I would teach this by limiting her access to the amount of toys you find troublesome to have out. If this means putting most of the toys away temporarily, that's okay. Toddlers do not need to have loads and shelves of toys available. In fact, with this age group, less materials presented is more, otherwise they get into "shopping" mode, where they pick up a toy, look at it and then put it down.

It may be that she's overstimulated and wants to go play with the next thing, so she simply cannot pay attention to you. Remember, toddlers can't multi-task--they truly aren't capable, and when she's engaged with that new item, her whole brain is doing just that. . So the trick is to limit both how many toys are out AND how she may interact with them.

Practice when you have time. Leave out a basket of five board books. Take one of them out, read it, then hand it back to her. "Let's put it away now." Walk her over calmly, and putting your hand over her hand, have her hold the book and place the book into the basket. "Put it away. Now we get a new book." If she brings you a new book, once again, calmly "Let's put this one back first." and repeat the actions.

Know that dumping and filling ARE the primary motor activity toddlers practice. With this in mind, I would tend toward offering items to dump and fill which are simple. Soft fabric balls in an oatmeal container are one very fun thing little kids this age like. You can crumple balls of paper and offer a basket or other rigid container.

And yes, I think she's too young to be expected to reflect her skills to you, she is still only just beginning to learn. Kids go through phases where their cleanup skills are better at some times than others. Be patient--you have a lot of teaching ahead, and many years of it. At this age, I wouldn't treat this entirely as a discipline issue, but be consistent with having her help you, limiting the amount of toys available, and know that it does usually come in time if we don't make it a power struggle.

Your daughter is only a 1 year old.
They do not even have... SO many things cognitively developed yet. They don't even have the motor coordination to ride a 2 wheeled bike without training wheels, yet. They don't even have the fine motor skills to use a broom efficiently yet.
Not even Kindergarten aged kids can use a mop or broom or wipe a table 100% accurately, yet. I know, I work at my kids school.

Not even, some Moms clean up after themselves.
Not even some Husbands clean up after themselves.
Not even some College aged kids clean up after themselves.
Not even some Elderly clean up after themselves.
Not even some Teens or Tweens clean up after themselves.
Not even some 8 year olds clean up after themselves.
Not even 1 year olds, clean up after themselves.

And all people no matter what age, can be messy and leave things around. Regardless if they are clean freak types or slob types. And regardless of how they were "trained" or not.

I am pretty organized, but even I... do not always clean up after myself. Why? Because.
And I don't always have a reason.
I just dont' wanna sometimes.
Oh well.

But what is clean & neat to me... is not to others or to others it is too clean and neat.
Who knows.

Patience Grasshopper!
She's a baby - this is what babies do - it's totally normal.
The only cure for this is to keep modeling what to do and in 2 to 3 years she'll be much better at it.

Don't overwhelm her with toy choices.
Remove some toys from where she can reach them so that she can only pull out a manageable selection of toys at one time.

When she IS older, be sure she is looking at you (you are sure you have her attention) when you speak to her and ask her to repeat what you just said.
Don't tell her 'pick up / put away your toys' - it's too unspecific and it overwhelms them - tell her what to do one instruction at a time:
'Put your doll on the shelf'
'Put your blocks in the box'
'Put Teddy on your bed'
'Put your books on the shelf' etc.

I don't want to shock you, but teens have trouble with this too.
Sometimes it takes going off to college before they learn to pick up their room (although that doesn't always work).
Other times it takes getting married - and if THAT doesn't work - hopefully they are well off enough to hire a maid!

She's not old enough to grasp this concept yet. She's really still a baby. Don't expect her to do this. She is also not old enough to grasp the concept of order.

If you keep expecting this, you're just going to frustrate yourself and her. She needs to be able to have some unfettered play time away from mommy's sense of order. That's how she can bring some creativity to bear.

Try reading up on child development. It will help you understand what part of her brain is not yet developed and when you should be reasonably able to expect more from her.

Dawn

One toy at a time..(if you are training her to put things away), next toy when the first one is put away.....However, she's pretty young to be tagged "messy".

Really??!!?? She's a baby.

Start by telling her firmly NO when she starts to pull books off the shelf. No, leaving toys out all over. She will not learn to pick up after herself for probably another year maybe 2 years. You are expecting way too much from her.

But she can learn to only play with her toys in a certain area. I never allowed my kids to play in the kitchen. To dangerous, hot liquids and sharp objects around + toys is not a play area. Get a pack 'n 'play or playpen and put her in that when you need to work in the kitchen. If you put her in a spot where she can still see you and you keep talking to her while you are getting things done she will learn to play safely without crying.

You have to gradually teach a child this young to do things like pick up toys, etc. and you have to do it WITH them so they see how you do it and make it fun. I worked in a nursery at church for this age kids and they all picked up the toys when time to go and sat in chairs then to wait for parents so excited to see them. BUT we all did it together and I made it fun and time to pick up, etc. They can do it but then again each child is different and some are more mature and you always have to help children this young to do it. You can NOT say 'pick up your toys'. If you don't want the toys drug into the kitchen, etc. put a gate up in her play area, room or wherever she can play safely. I never put books down where kids this age could get, ( unless they were thick pages and not able to be torn ), them but I did read, read, read to them.

I believe that she can start learning the concept of cleaning if you start teaching it, but you cannot expect miracles immediately. With my daughter I started by making it very simple-at the end of the day she would help me put the toys in the toy box. If she started taking them out again I would move her away and shift her attention to a different toy (walk her over to the other corner of the room by a doll and say "good job with your puppy, we can't take him back out, now pick up your dollie.") It will take you twice as long as doing it yourself, so be prepared. But with enough patience they can start to learn. To be fair, you certainly cannot expect a one year old to play with one toy at a time and put it away when they're done. You also probably don't really want to because you do want to allow her the freedom to be creative. But you can at least start her with the idea that at some point (maybe before bed) things do need to be put away. And don't make her do anything complex, like sorting or putting things in order. Just let her help with generalized pick up. My daughter is now 28 months and she knows that every day before lunch we have clean up time where she helps me pick up her whole room (and is actually helpful) so we can eat, give her a nap, and send her to school. So yes, you are right that she can probably understand the general idea of what you want, but don't count on her ability or desire to do it that well yet, you will have to be very patient and make it a work in progress if you really want her to learn it!

You can begin gently teach cleaning up. Sing the clean up song, start picking up, and give her one task at a time: would you please put this toy in that box. If she doesn't help, don't say anything further. Just keep on cleaning up.

Well my 6 year old is the same way so...yea she's a baby still give her time!

She's too young-if you get her to clean up after herself-send her to my house and I will pay her!

Hi, K.:

After she is done playing, make a game of
putting things back in order with her.

Good luck.
D.