Am I So Wrong for This?!

If she can do this at 21 months of age, all the better for when she is older. It also helps her developmentally, so no problem here!

Are you kidding? 21 months old is definitely old enough to be picking up her own toys -- by the time they are 15 months old, they can comprehend picking up something and putting it in a box!

NO way.. You are right on. When exactly do they expect them to learn? My grandson is the same age. He's not perfect with it and we have to do it together. But if one of the other kids starts or I do or his mom, he'll pick up with us.

i don't think you're out of line at all - keep in mind, there is a growing culture of "parents" that see the term parent as a noun, not a verb - meaning, they are befriending their child instead of parenting him/her. i don't clean up toys once my kiddos are about 12/13 months old. if they're old enough to take it out and play with it, they're old enough to put it back. i reorganized our playroom a few years ago with new storage furniture, i put everything away where i wanted it, and i haven't cleaned up a toy since then. they need a starting point, but there's no reason that even a very small child can't maintain the organization. i think it's great to have expectations that are age appropriate starting from a VERY early age! but, i'm also one of those weirdos that makes my kids sit on their rear ends in a restauarant and behave quietly - so take my opinion for what you will ;)

Children live up to the expectations we set for them. That said, all things are good in moderation. Having your child clean up her toys is by no means bad! ;) Good for you that you are able to do that! :)

Sounds like you're doing a great job to me!! : )

I started gently around 2 with this and it was policy by 3... I think it may be a bit young to expect her to do this all by herself, but you said "at least help me" and I think that is what is to be expected. I started by giving only a few toys at a time in small bins where the toys "went together" one way or another and if he wanted another bin those had to be picked up, I would help. I think your statement of "I expect my 21 month old daughter to pick up after herself when she gets toys out of her toy box daily" is a bit harsh sounding and that's why people went off. If it were more "I expect my 21mo to assist in picking up the toys when she is all done playing" you would not have ruffled so many feathers getting the too young response.

Do you have a clean up song? at that age, I found it easier to get my daughter to clean up (or really, do anything, we have a grocery song, a going potty song, and a getting dressed song, among others) if we sang a song and I started helping her so she knew what she was supposed to be doing. And even if she cant do it all herself at that age, there's no reason she cant be helping you or even doing most of it depending on the toys. It's not like you're asking her to load the dishwasher or do laundry.

I think you are doing a great job regarding responsibility, but boy am I in trouble with child labor laws?!!

My daughter has been doing things since she was your daughters age. She HELPS do laundry -puts the clothes in/takes them out of the washer and dryer (front loaders), feeds the dog and cat, puts unbreakables in the sink, then starts the dishwasher (she just hits the start button.) She also helps with meals by putting ingredients into the bowls and hitting the start button on the microwave.

Please let me state that I do not make my daughter do any of these things, she just wants to help me all the time, with everything. She gets very upset when she can not help. And I am with her at all times while she is helping me.

I just hope that she continues this through her teen years.

Pshaw. My 2yo was

- doing his own laundry (with help, since he couldn't see over the top, after our sorting game he'd throw them in the hole, then I'd lift him up and he'd pour the soap in, twist the knob to the right place, start it, and bang the lid shut), I'd cycle them onto the open door of the dryer, he'd lob them into the dryer, then he took all of his clothes out of the dryer and hung them up (we had hooks at his height instead of hangers or drawers).

- helping me cook every meal I made

- was the Windex King (every time I cleaned the kitchen counters, he'd do the lower cabinets. When I did the living room he'd do the windows.

- put away his toys after using them (and the LAST thing he'd put away every night before bed were his trains... lining them up and kissing each one good night).

I always felt BAD that I wasn't doing anything more interesting/useful than CLEANING and cooking! The human species is hardwired to COPY other people starting from infancy. In eons gone by toddlers were helping hunt/farm/weave/make tools/learn to fight/what-have-you...whatever their parent's careers were (and still do in many parts of the world). Here was this AMAZING mind ready and able to absorb tons and tons of information and behaviors, and all I could offer it was household chores??? How pathetic. But yeah. He had them down pat well before age 3. I mean, c'mon, this isn't rocket science. ((We did do other things, of course, but as far as daily activities went... what he could copy... housework. Rolls eyes)).

I've never seen the logic behind teaching children that they aren't capable.

Youve seen toys that have parts to fit thru holes (shape sorters) and toys that have balls that go inside and roll down chutes and come out at the end. Im sure there are a lot of toys where you stick one part into the other part. These toys are all designed to help a very young child to pick up and put away in a fun manner. They teach shapes, size, proportion, and matching. Hand control, and co-ordination comes into play also. I bet the age recomendation on the box for those toys is way younger than 21 months. So why wouldnt a child this age not be able to pick up toys? I think those other women were off the mark thinking you are pushing her to do something too soon, and the fact that she does it most of the time is proof she is able to. I think its great to get her started now in learning there are things she needs to do to help you.
Sara B..We have songs for a few things with my grand daughter. My favorite is "spreading the jelly spreading the jelly spreading the jelly for lunchtime" when she helps make a PB&J. I did it the first time and she remembered it weeks later and now she thinks we sing everytime,,lol
And I have the cutest video of her putting silverware away in the drawer she was too short to even see into. Spoons flying everywhere! Make her do dishes!!!! (o:

Honestly, I think you are teaching your daughter a great lesson! There is nothing wrong with learning about self-control and cleaning up. I too have a little one who LOVES to help with : dishes, taking out garbage, washing the table, folding laundry and of course picking up toys after playing with them. If I were you, I wouldn't worry another minute abou this. You are doing the right thing!

M

I have worked at daycares and preschools. They make the children pick up their toys and put them in their boxes. Oftentimes they were color coded or had some other way to identify where they can go. The children had not trouble doing it. I haven't read anyone else's comments, but that is how it used to be. Perhaps it has changed?

As soon as my child could walk and pulled out toys, he learned to put them up! When he is done, he puts them up without me telling him to(most of the time)! I agree with you 100% they need to learn responsibility at an early age!

At 21 months we teach them to go potty on the potty chair, we let them feed themselves, why not teach them to pick up their toys? I assume you are helping her and not yelling at her or punishing her when she doesn't do it right away, so what is bad about starting a habit that will hopefully last her a lifetime, a good habit of neatness? I have never been to cafe mom and don't have a clue of the type of parents there, but if all they are complaining about is your daughter's age being too young to pick up, then ignore them. My granddaughter wasn't even walking yet when she would take her toys out of the rubbermaid drawer that they were kept in and then put them all back. Now she is 4 and not so good about picking up her toys.. When Grandpa told her to pick up her toys she replied "Grandma will do it" I knew then we had problems..lol Grandma now only "helps" pick them up. At her house she picks up her own toys so the problem is grandma more then her ability.

When it comes to picking up toys, you are not overdoing it at all in the expectations you carry for your child.

But, be warned, there are definitely some rude and catty folks here too. That is the nature of online discussions like these. Some use it to express themselves in ways they would not dare to face-to-face. I've experienced the rudeness, and it has brought me to tears at times. It does not matter whether we don't know each other -- no one likes to hear that you are being a bad mom or wife (especially when you know in your heart that it is not true).

That whole bit about if you don't want advice, don't post anything is just an excuse for rude behavior. It is unacceptable to harshly judge anyone here. We are all learning how to be better at what we do. That is why we post questions! No one is perfect.

If we were truly bad mothers, we would not be reaching out to other moms for advice in the first place. The worst mothers I have met are so narcissistic, they never ask for advice and they never listen to anyone.

I dont think there is anything wrong with teaching your child to pick up after herself. Even before 21 months I had my daughter pick up after herself. The babysitter used to call her "The little picker upper".

Funny in daycare our daughter did it automatically, she also poured her own juice at day care at about 18 months.. I only figured out she could do these things, because I had to drop something off mid day and witnessed in through the viewing window! I would have never thought about her ability to do these things.

From then on I never underestimated her abilities to do things way earlier than I would have guessed..

Of course I had to remind her every time,
"it is time for US to pick up the toys." And then "Thank you for being a good helper." Eventually she understood what happened when we were finished playing with her toys.

If she did it on her own, I would say, "I like how you picked up your own toys. " Sure there were sometimes, when she was over tired and it might take some coaching.. but I tried to not make it seem like a "chore" more like, just part of what happens when we play with toys.

I had a small grocery cart for her (one of those cheap ones)she could push all through our house. She could put her toys in it and bring them into another room, and then fill up the cart to take the toys to "their home" in her room.

I REALLY tried to not punish her or mock her if she did not do it perfectly, but instead used these times as explaining, "oops, I think we forgot to look around carefully for ALL of the toys". Or "I spy with my little eye a toy still next to one of the chairs".. etc.. Again, yes, it took time and was not always drama free, but it worked pretty well.

Are you serious!?!?!?!! They shunned you for teaching responsibility?????!!! Both my kids (4.5yo and 19mo) have been taught and been very good about helping clean up their toys since they were around 6mo!! Your daughter is at PRIME age for wanting and loving to help, and this is when their ethics and morals are beginning to form. Teach her right. Go mama!!!! It's not like you're expecting her to wash dishes or run the sweeper, clean windows or do the laundry... Sheesh....

Yes, there are days when it's a battle even with my 4.5yo, but for the most part, if you make it fun (especially if there's a race involved hehe), she'll love to help and learn responsibility at the same time :)

I guess I'm a little confused as to what you're asking: whether your expectations are or are not realistic, or asking for ways to get your daughter to accept more responsibility, or or whether you just want to complain about rude, opinionated moms? If you are hoping for other moms to validate your approach, then of course you'll get opinions that are all over the map on any open forum. That's just life.

It sounds like you have a remarkably cooperative child, based on your "So what happened?" With my daughter years ago, and now with my grandson, we always make a game out of cleanup. Both did very well with that approach. I sense that any task/responsibility that can be taken on with a light heart is going to go better (this is still true for me at 60-something). It does seem (to me) that a child under two is only on the early side of understanding an adult concept like "responsibility," but she can certainly get a great sense of ideas like "helping" or "making the house/her room look nice."

My grandson has, for the past several months, taken total responsibility for picking up his room and making his bed, just because HE wants to. This seemed to 'take' for him about the time he turned 5. He even cleans up cheerfully after his room is thrashed by cousins. That was the ultimate goal of the training he's received, so even though he had to be reminded and helped for a few years, he's there, and we're very proud of him.

Nope, not wrong. My daughter started cleaning up after herself around that age too. So if that makes you a bad mom then at least you know there is someone who is just as awful.

When mine were old enough to know how to pull toys OUT of their toy box they were old enough to know how to put them back iIN. Yep, you do hafta be patient to get them to put stuff away, and it usually involves you helping and they mirror your efforts.... eventually :)

You are not wrong and you are a GREAT mom for teaching her this stuff now!! I had some people on here say my kids were doing too much a while ago when I posted that my 3 year old vacuums. He LOVES it. Now he is 4 and he caught me doing it today and begged to take my place! My 6 and 8 year olds are also super helpful kids. I think everyone in the house has to do their part to make it all work...if not, the ones who are doing the work will struggle more and spend less time with loved ones.

Its never too young to teach this. As soon as they are old enough to understand "putting toys away" is the right time. I usually start at 2 actually expecting an end of the day cleaning, before that i let them clean for fun.

jeeez, its not like you are expecting her to bathe herself, and then drive her wooden horse to work, lmao

You are an AWESOME mom!!! Keep up the good work!! A 2 year old can do simple tasks like put a toy in the toy box, go pick up something off the floor and bring it to you (although sometimes they run the other way!) I taught all my kids to pick up and also help out as part of a group. We have 5 kids so everyone needs to be helping or contributing in some way. I have children that had some learning challenges too but everyone can do something no matter what and 2 is not too young too start. Many kids enjoy doing small things and it builds their self esteem up too when they accomplish something! The new Psychology is too don't do this and don't do that or it will damage your child some how, I am a Psychology Major and I say HOG WASH!!! That is simply crazy! I was a Nanny for years and nannied for many parents that bought into that Psychology and they have problems with self indulged, spoiled, bratty kids and they wonder, How did that happen? You can even watch The Nanny for some examples about that! I raised 5 kids with 2 being at home as Teenagers now but they all know to do their part, be respectful of others, no one owes you anything, Follow your Dreams and Make it Happen! You are doing a Great Job!! Keep up the good work!!!

BA In Psychology
Spiritual Mentor/Life Help Consultant

Haven't read the other responses, so my apologies if I'm repeating.

Pfft, please. My youngest is 19 mos and helps set the table, take out the trash, take care of the animals (she's learning how to milk the goats...Mostly she just likes dunking her fingers in the cream, but we're working with her!), sort laundry, put toys away, dust, garden...Only a little bit, and barely helpful at all yet, but the fact is she's learning HOW to help.

I applaud you for teaching your daughter this valuable lesson!

i don't think you are wrong. people always like to say,"they are just babies", but they won't be babies forever! children only learn what we teach them so if you start teaching your daughter now that she needs to clean up behind her self hopefully that is something that she will carry into her adult years! everyday our kids get one day older so why wait? it something she needs to learn!

Not wrong at all! I always had my son pick up after himelf at that age and even younger, I would do it with him sometimes but for the most part I would just tell him to pick up his toys and he would. He is now 4 and plays with his toys then puts them away without having to be told..of course we have our days but for the most part its not an issue. :)

Thank thank thank you. At least you make her help you do things around the house instead of waiting till Shea 5 years old and now acts like she cant do anything because she's been so used to everything done for her. Nothing wrof with any of that. My girls 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 are responsible for cleaning their room, separating their clothes, and putting dishes in the sink, making the bed(somewhat at least lol) so I commend you for knowing that these lessons need to be taught early.

Cafemom sucks ;-)

You are doing a good thing. It's never too early to teach proper clean up skills. She is almost 2, not 2 months old. I get so sick of age being used as an excuse to not parent your child (it's a phase, it's the age, he's too young, etc, etc.) I call b.s. I think that parents have forgotten how to be the parent or are too lazy to do so nowadays & I'm glad that to see that there are still some people out there with my mentality. Hats off to ya!!

No child is too young to put their own toys away once they can follow the direction to do so. You're fine and not expecting too much out of your daughter.

You're never too young to start learning to p/u after yourself. I think you're on the right track. I prob would do the same thing. Don't worry about what other ppl think. They obviously don't mind picking up after their child & when their children are older & whine & complain & basically prob won't p/u after themselves w/o a hassle, you can smile at yourself at knowing your child is already on the right track; she'll already be used to picking up after herself & will be a good example for others too. You're teaching good housekeeping early & that's a really good thing. I wished more parents did that. Best wishes!

Little kids are a lot smarter then most people give them credit for!! It just boils down to the fact that she is your child and you will raise her how you please. It is much easier to start a good habit then break a bad habit. One of the big keys to parenting is to work with the child and watch the child's body language. It is challenging at some points but if it is working for you two then it is right.

First, I don't think you are a bad mom for this, and I'm sorry they were rude.

I don't think she's too young to help you. I have all my kids help me clean. But when they are that little, I don't punish or force or turn it negative and don't expect them to be capable of doing it without me helping them. I just expect some help from them. If they won't help, I help them help me (I take their hand nicely, put toy in hand, and toss it in the bin - then we clap).

I think the thing is that their brains don't comprehend it like some might think they do at that age. I see nothing wrong with expecting her to help. But if she's getting in trouble (time-out or something) for not cleaning, I do think that's pushing what is expected of her at that age and don't agree with that. I don't worry about spoiling with a child that age (with responsibilities like that) until they are closer to three...which is when their brains develop much more and can be expected to do much more.

Regardless of my opinion, she is YOUR little one, and I think you should do what feels right to you. That's just my take on it. I think teaching to work and that working can be fun is super important. I have my kids helping from young ages! but I don't make it a big deal if they refuse...except once they are older (3), then they need to do it.

EDIT: Just read your "so what happened" and my kids that age help with all those things too! They set the table, help empty dishwasher (minus breakables and sharp utensils, etc), help with laundry, wipe down table counter, etc. I think it's great to let them help!

i dont think so,i did it with my daughter,you hav to teach them early.and if you stick to it the rep will make them know that they will have to do it.i think that you have to be nice about it and not beat it in to them which some parents,tend to do.

i've been doing that with my 3 year old for almost a year now. i make her clean up what she's gotten out before she can get more out, and before she goes to bed. I don't think there is anything wrong with teaching kids from a young age to be responsible and clean up. she knows the clean up song and will sing it while she picks up. she loves to help out and clean things up all the time.

Hey, my husband neices were all expected to do way more than I ever would have imagined asking a baby. I thought she was nuts! But they learned it. All of them are turning out just fine. In fact, they are great kids and I wish she would have kids before me so I could have learned something.

My husband had my son picking up his toys at that age. Obivously sometimes we did, but for the most my son has always been responsible for his own things. And thank goodness for it. My sons room while not pefect, is usually decent. Although these preteen years seems to have some regrassion.

Yep, CafeMom is a tough crowd. I found their categories/groups a bit too esoteric for myself, personally. And even within a single category/group, wow, what a broad array of perspectives. Part of this is because everyone has their 'ideal' and we don't always live up to each other's parenting ideals-- and that site had a pretty unforgiving crowd, in my opinion.

I'd also say that negative feedback is sometimes due to how we phrase a question, other times, it's a reflection of a lack of confidence in one's own parenting. (for example, if I feel strongly about my beliefs and they are different than yours, I should be able to address your topic without dressing you down).

To the topic at hand: I think much of this cleanup depends on *how* it's done. From your So What Happened, it sounds like you have a little helper and you are able to involve her in a friendly, playful way. Many kids need help with cleaning up, even until ten or older. For some children (and even adults) messes are overwhelming. When I was leading a group of toddlers, I was sure to give a child one type of object to clean up at a time, so they could visually sort for those particular items and stay focused.("Help me put the big pop beads into this basket now, please. Let's jump them in!") This was because we had specific baskets for each type of toy. If I had a child who needed extra help, I'd engage playfully. There are many nights when my son (4) will happily help if I ask "do you want to be the crane or the bulldozer?" and let him either push all the toys to the shelf a la bulldozer or put them on the shelf like the crane.

We also have a habit of checking in a few times a day to see what's out and helping him figure out if/when he's done with an item. At some point, no more toys can come out until some are put away.

Lastly, and I don't mean this to come off as snobby, but there are a lot of voices in a forum, so you are going to get the full spectrum of opinions. With that comes a full spectrum of intelligence and education on your particular topic. I'm not trying to be pointed in regard to this particular forum: this is true about *any* forum. So be very careful about what you ask and how you ask your questions. Sadly, some people are just waiting to attack. I found the CafeMom crowd to be quick to pounce first, ask questions later, and it seems to be the "culture" of that site. I'm sure there are some people who use that site who are nice, but I have to say, I've found that the more controversial topics have been more respectfully discussed on this forum, in some respects. Just my opinion.

When I worked at the Montessori school, we always had the 18 month-2 year old kids put away one project before starting another one. We would assist them if they became to tempremental about it. Plus, it allowed them to have a model to do things properly. I would also have them help me "clean" and set the table and fold the sheets from that day before. Granted, they never did it all correctly and I was always going along behind them sometimes, but kids actually WANT to do what there parents and adults in their lives are doing more then playing with their own toys. Even my son's 5 year old half sister has asked to help me clean before. It's not child labor or taking away their fun. In fact, I think if we don't view it as a chore, but rather as something fun to do, not only will they help, but they learn some good practices at the same time. Kids don't know that picking up there toys is a chore. They think it's just something to do, unless you teach them YOUR viewpoint of it. I think your doing fine. I would only be concerned if you punished her for it as she's a little young for that, but it sounds like you handle the situations well with her attitude and she's learning good behaviors.

You are very smart to start this at an early age. I didn't and now trying to make my 2 kids clean up is a bit of a fight. You are doing the right thing. Good luck. :o)

You are fine. Nothing you did there was wrong, of course!

I hate the clean-up song. It's so cheesy, and not in a good way... SO not me- mean, I hated the song before we had kids, so there's no way I'd implement it in my parenting (that goes to all songs on Barney, as well, same thing -BLEH!). LOL:)

I base my kids "chores" on this list. (http://www.new-life.net/growth/parenting/age-specific-res...) and I think picking up toys fits just fine... I mean if they can figure out a hamper and dirty clothing... well, toys are just a natural extension...

No, not at all. YOU HAVE EXPECTATIONS that they obviously don't share, so don't allow them to second guess your parenting. My daughter is 19 months and she understands clean up time, put this/that back, close the drawer/door, etc. WHY???? Because we practice and I participate to model what is EXPECTED.

IN SCHOOL IT's CALLED ROUTINES!!!!

You are not a mean mom. It's good to teach your child this.

Yes, she's pretty young to be expected to clean up. I have over 10 years in child care and I can tell you that my toddler room teachers spent a lot of naptimes and after all the kids had gone home picking up toys. They did a good job getting them to pick up when they played games with them to pick up though.

But it is not within the cognitive development of a toddler to understand the whole "pick up" thing is yet. They can do simple, one step commands. They are told to pick up the toy. Then they might stand there holding the toy until you tell them to put the toy in the tub. Then they'd put it in the tub.

As for telling her to pick up her toys, to fully clean up by herself, and expecting her to actually pick up, no, not yet.

21 months is pretty young -- in Happiest Toddler on the Block, the doctor points out how short their attention span is -- but i think it's great that you are encouraging her to do it -- then she will get in the habit. If you are doing it with encouragement, making a game, no punishment if she's not participating, I think it's fine.

can you come to my house and get my 4yo to do it too??!!

I think that while it is unreasonable to expect a toddler to clean up on their own, it's an entirely different story to expect them to help in tidying up after playtime. Toddlers love helping, and they love order, and if you're picking up with them and helping keep them focused, it's just another game to them. Now, expecting more than about 10-15 minutes of focus on it might be a bit much depending on the toddler, but I think it's a great thing to be teaching her, and I wish that I had started that with my kids earlier rather than picking up for them for so long. They'd have better habits now.

Don't let it get to you...take comfort in the fact that their kids will be asking yours if she wants 'fries with that" some day. You are doing the right thing and raising a responsible member of society. They are raising spoiled children who will not be able to function on their own and probably be living on their sofas at age 30.

WTH is up with this cafe mom anyhow? May have to jump on over there to check it out for myself.

As long as it is not a constant power struggle I don't see anything wrong with making her help clean up. You are teaching your child how to be respectful and care for her things properly. It is good to start at a young age so it does not become a battle when they are older.

.......and these would be the same women that have their 10 and 12 year olds screaming at them while in the middle of something else to come here because they need her to wipe their butts. Seriously? I'm usually not one to judge or make such cruel statements about someone else's opinion I just take what I need and go on because what works for them and their family may not necessarily work for mine-period end of story.
You are doing what every responsible parent does which is teach your child to be self-sufficient, respectful, and independent. The minute she gets rejected or told no she will be more equipped to handle it more than those "other moms" children most likely.

I don't think she's too young. Most of what you're doing is "play" for her yet, and it's a great way to get kids started. When my oldest was in daycare, they always cleaned up after themselves, setting the precedent for US as parents that it was appropriate to have him help clean up after himself. We've always had bins for toys, so it's not hard to put things in appropriate spots. Ditto his daycare; toys were easy to put away, which is over half the battle, in my opinion. Our oldest was VERY invested and involved in what we were doing around the house. I have a picture of him browning hamburger for us at 18 months. He was on the stool, stirring the meat, while I was at the island chopping an onion. Unsafe? Well, probably not the safest, but not the wildly unsafe thing people can imagine it to be--he really did know it was hot. Hot was his first word, because of his interest in helping cook! To this day he still helps us cook. And, I'll add, my other two children...yeah, I couldn't IMAGINE trusting them at the stove at 18 months! If you do chores to suit your child's inclinations as well as what I think of as "personal" chores (ie, cleaning up after your own messes) your children learn responsbility. I wouldn't get too upset when she does it imperfectly, but starting to learn that stuff young makes it much easier when they're older!

Updated

I don't think she's too young. Most of what you're doing is "play" for her yet, and it's a great way to get kids started. When my oldest was in daycare, they always cleaned up after themselves, setting the precedent for US as parents that it was appropriate to have him help clean up after himself. We've always had bins for toys, so it's not hard to put things in appropriate spots. Ditto his daycare; toys were easy to put away, which is over half the battle, in my opinion. Our oldest was VERY invested and involved in what we were doing around the house. I have a picture of him browning hamburger for us at 18 months. He was on the stool, stirring the meat, while I was at the island chopping an onion. Unsafe? Well, probably not the safest, but not the wildly unsafe thing people can imagine it to be--he really did know it was hot. Hot was his first word, because of his interest in helping cook! To this day he still helps us cook. And, I'll add, my other two children...yeah, I couldn't IMAGINE trusting them at the stove at 18 months! If you do chores to suit your child's inclinations as well as what I think of as "personal" chores (ie, cleaning up after your own messes) your children learn responsbility. I wouldn't get too upset when she does it imperfectly, but starting to learn that stuff young makes it much easier when they're older!

Good for you! You are being a responsible parent. My 2 and a half year old helps me unload the dishwasher and loves to help because I have shown him that he is valuable. People can say what they will but I have kids I enjoy and I get to be proud of them. And they are proud of themselves for taking part in our family chores. You are raising a child that has a good shot at being a responsible and succesful adult.

You do not expect too much of your daughter. She is old enough to pick up her toys. If she can take them out, she can put them away.

I had my sons helping out, age appropriately, by age 5. They are 13 and 17 and daily chores are a way of life. Not doing them is a big deal in my house.

Don't let the Cafe moms get you down. Your daughter will learn responsibility long before their kids do and be a better person for it.

I didn't read the responses below, but I think that you are doing a great job of teaching her what she needs to do. You're not screaming at her or spanking her for not doing it, you are just teaching her what you expect from her. Isn't that what parents do? You are doing fine. :)

My daughter is 20 months, I encourage her to pick up toys and at least not get them out simply to throw them on the ground. But she usually will only pick up half of the toys before she becomes too terrible distracted. I think she gets better and better by the month at it though.

I see no issue with teaching an almost 2 year old that she needs to pick up what she gets out. Good for you.

There are so many ways to parent--and who's to say that one way is better than another? I've seen young adults come out of homes where a lot was expected of them and they are wonderful, responsible adults who say that their upbringing taught them responsibility at a young age. Then you see another young adult where a lot was expected only to have them resentful and they are purposely irresponsible.

I get a lot of responses here, some range from "good job!" to "you should be ashamed of yourself." You're going to get opinions like that--so consider the source.

Also, many moms are insecure about what they are doing and they love to go on boards and put other moms down. After all, there is no Mommy Manual, and really no "right" way of doing anything! Also, it's impossible to put down your entire life story down in one question so it's hard to answer based on just what a mom has written.

Take it all with a grain of salt. I've gotten some wonderful advice and some rotten advice. It's the risk you take when you put yourself out here on the internet. (I doubt many of those moms would ever say stuff like that to your face!)

YOU know if you're doing the right thing for your family. So I say trust your Mama Instincts. They are usually far more correct than any internet advice!

no you are not wrong to expect her to pick up. we've got way too many lazy growing up kids around this world that never were told to pick up their toys. its good that you are teaching her to do it. no, she should not be expected to pick up every single toy perfectly and in the exact time you think it should be done; shes not a little soldier. shes just a kid. and sometimes when kids pick up toys they get distracted, and they start playing with something instead of putting it away, and you just shouldnt let those kinds of things start the fight, you know? be firm, but repeat that she should put them away now. a good thing to do is give her a heads up about 5 minutes in advance, and then maybe again in 2 minutes and 1 minute that she will be expected to pick up her toys. some kids also have trouble with transitions in general, so know your child (you do!) and make sure you give her what she needs to transition from her play time and stuff. there is nothing wrong with you helping her, but she should be involved actively, and not think she can stop putting them away and you will just "give in" and do it. im sure you dont think that. if she missed a toy under a chair or something, obviously, its no big deal because she didnt see it. right? lol. you are doing just fine.

i dont think that the other people who commented were implying that you are a bad mom. you have to stop and think for a minute: all they did was tell you what they thought or something. you took it personally, and put words into their responses that werent there. you said they didnt "come out and say it" so chances are that they werent saying it. the wide majority of moms out there DO NOT want to hurt or insult another mom. just because you read "between the lines" and thought they were implying something does not mean that they were.
when we ask for advice, you are going to get some good some bad. YOU then choose what you do with that advice. if you dont agree with or dont like a response, you toss it out, mentally. dont twist their words and comments into something rude or catty when chances are it was not. if you dont like the "implied tone" of printed word, you can choose to ignore it, blow it off, and toss it out mentally you know? no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, and when you take someone elses words and make yourself feel judged, you are technically judging yourself. dont be so hard on yourself. know your limits. know your boundaries. toss out bad advice, but not by feeling insulted or angry at the person giving it. they might tell you what works for them and if it doesnt work for you, then it doesnt deserve a second thought.

above all, parenting is an individual path. you and your family decide what is best, not anyone else. especially not parenting advice sites. but also, not your doctor, your friends, or even your parents or other family members. you and you alone in your family make the decisions. if you feel that your daughter should do ___ then you do it. no one has the right to tell you that its wrong. you do what feels best and works for you. :):) even if "the world" is telling you that you are wrong. lol. who cares what they are doing! this is you and your family here. just do what works. :) keep up the good work your kid is going to learn to be responsible for her own things. thats great!

I think mom's know what their children are ready to do. So if you feel that she is capable then by all means have her do it. It is teaching responsiblilty.
I wish I would have started earlier with my 5 year old cuz it is a constant battle with him now.

Not being rude at all.... being kinda silly....

You can poo in one hand and wish and the other and see what fills up first.

Having 3 kids I don't expect much of anything out of my 19 month old. I won't till he can talk very well. I mean hold on a conversations. Will I encourage him... heck yeah! Why not? So what if most boys take forever to potty train doesn't mean I can't try every other month to see if he's ready. Even one month less diapers is awesome.

But I have a very very very well behaved 7 and 8 year old that still have to be told to pick up their toys. I can remember being a teenager and still being told. I think it's pretty normal. Just try and remember to not ever make a big deal out of everything. Half the time that just makes it worse with kids. . . heck adults even.

why in the world would anyone be rude about that?? It is their opinion and you have yours. I think that it is good that you try to get her to clean up and that you are starting early. she may not be old enough to comply or to fully understand but getting her used to it is good for when she is old enough. I waited too long and now my kids don't clean up at all without a fight....ugh
Just be nice about it, make it fun, make it a game. Make up a song that goes along with cleaning up. Good for you!

She can "help" you but I would not expect her to pick up all her toys. She is
only 21 months. She can watch and if she picks up one or two things great.
She will eventually realize that she has to clean up but not right now. Keep
showing her. Kids learn from watching what we do.

Just read what happened. Kids love to help. I know my grandson does.
That is a great thing. That's how they learn, just as long as you do not
expect her to do the job herself. You are teaching her great things. As long
as she is having fun keep up the good work.

Do what work for you and your child!
Why do you even care what others think or do in their own homes?

Not wrong at all. The only thing I would add (which may have already been stated but didn't read all the answers) is that at this age, you might need to give some specific direction. For example, you can say something like, "Ok, now it's time to clean up. Why don't you start with putting the books in the bin?" Then a couple minutes later, "Ok, now let's put Barbies back in their box, etc." I found giving more specific directions helped my kids to stay focused and not be overwhelmed. Lots of praise is always a good motivator too!!! By the way, I think giving them responsibility is a great idea! Moms are not responsible for everything and everyone has an important role in the house, even at a young age. It's a great way to let them feel they can contribute and it's good for their self-esteem. That's just my two cents.