Expectations of a 2 1/2 Year Old

Also, don't forget to give lots and lots of praise and say "thank you!" very enthusiastically when she does clean up. In my opinion, she still needs to be motivated by something more than an order at this age. But she still wants to make you happy, so you can help by going overboard on the praise.

Kudos to you!! I don't think there is anything wrong with having a 2 1/2 year old learn to pick up their toys.I think its better to start having them learn it when they are younger b/c if you wait until later when they are older it will be more of a challenge. I have my 2 1/2 year twins pick up their toys. Some days they will pick up their toys on their own, but there are times that I have to start picking up the toys and have them help me. If I tell them to pick up certain items if they are not listening or taking too long it seems to help.
Maybe if you can start her by helping to pick up a few and then tell her oh you missed one it might help to keep her mind on what she is doing.
Good luck!!

It may just be that she wants to do these tasks with you. Then she feels like she is helping and not just doing something on her own. A lot of young children have a fear of doing things independently.

You have the right expectations for her. She is old enough to start helping you clean up and you aren't doing anything wrong by asking her to do so. Maybe you could try and make it more fun for her to clean up.... I work for a daycare and we used to have a clean up song so that the kids always knew that it was time to clean up (you can either sing one or get a CD player and pick a song). Sing the song with her at clean up time and make it a race... "Let's see if you can get all your blocks cleaned up before the song is over!" You could also take the opportunity, if you aren't busy with the 8 month old, to count the blocks with her when she's cleaning or work on her colors if the blocks have colors... I think the other big thing is that you have to be consistent with it so that she knows what is expected of her. Make her clean up EVERY TIME she plays and she is also old enough to start having consequences if she refuses to help (like not moving on to the next thing until she is done cleaning) and she might take an hour to clean some blocks at first, but she will get faster if you stick with it and don't clean it up for her. She just has to realize that this is the deal and she'll get used to it.

If it were me, I'd probably do it with her and make it fun so she doesn't get a negative attitude about chores. I read the book Montessori from the Start by Paula Polk Lillard. It describes how kids who are about your daughter's age take a very strong interest in doing what mommy and daddy are doing. She admits that it's much easier to just take over and do it yourself, but you're doing your kids a disservice by not allowing them to learn to be self sufficient. I think a little patience has to be practiced, of course. Two year olds don't really have a sense of responsibility at all, so we have to be flexible with them. Responsibility grows with age.

By the way, I'm the perfect example of what can happen when mom takes over the chores. When I went to college, my roommate had a much better upbringing as far as chores went. I could honestly not "see" dirt as well as she could because I was not used to being on the lookout for it. She was usually the one who initiated doing the dishes and then I'd feel guilty and go help. I've gotten much better and I've always been a relatively clean person, but I have to admit that my husband (whose mother left him a daily list of chores) is better at cleaning the kitchen than I am. How embarrassing. :)

I wouldn't expect a 2 1/2yr old to pick up all on his/her own. I have two boys, ages 6 and 2 1/2, and my 6yr old can do it himself, but my 2 1/2yr old still needs guidance and a little help. Its an overwhelming task for a little one, adn they don't have a very big attention span... so there is nothing wrong with helping her, but dont' expect to give her an order (pick up the blocks) and have her do it all by herself right away with no help or further guidance at all.

You may be expecting too much from your daughter. Make cleaning up fun. For example tell her "I'm going to pick up more blocks than you," then race her. I give play-by-play discriptions. Such as "Mommy is in the lead. Oh no, Evan just put a big handfull in, that puts him in the lead." Sometimes just offering them help is enough inspiration. When they deliberately make a mess, like dumping the whole toy box out just for the heck of it, I will threaten to take something away such as no TV time before nap, no popcycles after supper, etc. That usually works too. Good luck!

H.; yah almost at any age they dont like to clean up alone, i understand the issue, and the capability, yes they are capable, but you need to make it more fun, just telling her is not enough, maybe you can say , lets see i got a yummy treat here, but the wrapper says can eat only if all books are picked up in your room, ahhahaha or how about when all your books are picked up you pick one out and ill read it to yah, or my kids loved it when i put what they had to clean up on little peices of paper and they had to draw them out of a bowl, you break up the job by writing on on paper, like, pick up 5 books and put them away , of course at this age she is not reading so maybe the number 5 and a picture of books, then maybe on another paper, get a drink from mommy, or a snack, if they draw that one you give it to them, what ever works for yah, this paper draw thing worked very well for a long time, maybe you can even put things in the bowl you can draw out with her, like sweep the floor or whatever you can do, a mommy draw bowl, and a little kid draw bowl, it takes a bit of time to set it up, and make all those little papers, but works, or even play some music, we used to sing the barney song while cleaning, clean up, clean up , everyone everywhere, etc, if they see you are doing some too, it does help, any way have fun and enjoy life, D. s

Yep - because seeing the whole mess as something they have to do is overwhelming to toddlers, it will always work better if you do it together. Make it a game. Have her see how fast she can pick up the green blocks while you do the red. It also helps my daughter if I say, "I bet you can't get those blocks picked up by the time I get back from **the laundry room, etc**. It's a challenge to them and it is fun, so it works nearly every time!

I also have a 2 1/2 year old son (with 2 older sisters and a younger one as well.) I don't think you should have to clean up with them on a regular basis at this age. (Unless it is a large mess like an entire room, then they might need some more help.) You may, however, have to do a lot of prodding and reminding. Either just "pick up the blocks" or either, "okay, now get that one." Their attention span is pretty limited still and they may need reminders about what they are supposed to be doing. They also may get bored and just want someone with them while they work. I don't think this is a bad thing at this age, but you shouldn't have to do simple tasks with or for them. You are right, she needs to START to learn to do it by herself.

Actually your not being hard at all. She is the right age were she can learn responsibility. My DD is almost three and I have been having her pick-up after herself since she turned two. Of course when you start you have to help, until they get what it is you're wanting them to do. Yes she fusses and will take forever if i don't enforce a time limit. The way I enforce it, is by letting her know that if I end up cleaning up her toys (gave her ten minutes), she will loose those toys for the week. the length of time (week) sounded extreme to my DH but for her it had to be that long, shorter then that and she didn't care. This also is teaching her time management, since at this age, kids dont have a good sense of time. I have also been asking her to put her dirty laundry in her basket or down the laundry shoot, her dirty dishes in the sink. She also helps to feed the dogs when asked, and sometimes when not asked, lol. I believe that the younger that you can start teaching kids responsibility for there things and the things around them, the more receptive they are to it, as well as it becoming second nature for them versus it becoming, a "buy why, I never had to before" scenario. If the living room has become especially messy, I always offer to help, but then I task her with specific item she needs to take care of and I'll enforce the limit on those items only. I hope this advice is encouraging and helps.

Speaking from a Toddler teachers perspective... If you "help" clean up with her it will go faster. Say you'll help her pick up but then only pick up items at a slower pace then she is. That way she is doing most of the cleaning but enjoys having you "help" her and is none the wiser.

My 2 year old has the attention span of a fly. I make cleaning up a game. Sometimes he plays, and sometimes he finds something more interesting to do. I am not saying that your expectations are too high, because truly it is a child by child basis, but I think that your daugther is normal, and anything that takes over 5 minutes for her to do is probably too much. Even if it is a 30 second job that takes her 1 hour to do! Maybe try finding a clean up song, and even if only one block makes it into the bin, act like she has won the Olympic gold medal, might make her more inclined to stay interested in the task the next time.

H.,

My 3 year old son does better if we work together to clean up. In fact, some days if I don't help he takes forever... I don't have time to wait that long, so I figure as long as they (he has a 19 month old brother) are both helping, we are teaching them to clean up their messes.

I'd work toward her doing it alone, but if she is helping and enjoying it, she'll figure it out when she's older.

J.

Make a game out of it. TRy telling her something like I bet you can't clean up all of those blocks before I do the dishes or do something else.

I also have a 2 1/2 year old and I do expect her to help clean up some things. Every day when we come in the house, I tell her to take her shoes off and put them away. I usually make her help clean up her books and things as well. Sometimes I just tell her and she does and sometimes I do some and she does some. But, if I help, I always make sure that she does her "half." If it is taking your daughter a long time to do something, and you're not in a rush, I wouldn't sweat it. Unless of course she is playing and not really doing what you asked. I make sure that my daughter knows that she can't do anything else until she does what I've asked. If that takes her an hour of pouting, so be it!

I also have a 2 1/2 year old, and think it is a bit much for them to do on their own. But it is a great time to teach cleaning up. She does need you there cheering her on or helping her out. Prob about the age of 3 would be more realistic to start expecting her to do it on her own.

I agree with many other posters, while she may be willing, and you may be ready to give her more duties, developmentally speaking she's probably not ready to do small chores at a level that won't mean extra work for you. Even if it's seemingly simple. I think she's not old enough to really understand the value of taking responsibility let alone, the value of putting things away and caring for them. She's still in exploration-mode, and is probably better at making messes and doing cause and effect experiements instead of organizational tasks.

Until she's older, you should expect to be the primary "cleaner-upper" until she's about 4. Around 4, they seem to reach a milestone, and seem to be better able to take on cleaning up toys on their own with the understanding that it's a responsible and necessary thing to do.

But, with that said, I don't mean that you should always do everything for her either. If she shows initiative, let her "try" her hand at activities within reason. For examle, if she wants to fold her clothes (ball them up) and put them away in her drawer ( just stuff them in her dresser) let her. When she's not looking you can fix them up, and let her enjoy pride in her big girl accomplishment.

These are the important years where you can reinforce and establish good habits and expectations for the future. Don't expect perfection, and definitely expect doubling your workload. In years to come, you'll be happy you did. The extra work is well worth it, when you have a child that's eager to help around the house and please you with their accomplishments.

So in the months and years to come routinely encourage her to help you to put toys away, pick out an outfit for the day, help pick what to serve at dinner, or even help cook by pouring a measuring cup of a simple ingredient into the mixing bowl. Right now she's learning from watching you. When she sees you picking up, or tidying the house, she's learning this is how things are cared for, and done in the home.

If your question is coming from the thought that you shouldn't be doing things for her because she won't learn responsibility, I think many parents who complain that their older kids don't do anything to help around the house may have forgot to give their children "tiny" jobs, or failed to delegate age appropriate tasks all along as the child was growing up.

It's kind of unfair to suddenly change the rules on the child when they're older and expect them to suddenly take on responsibility if you haven't been giving them responsibility all along. It's also really hard to reinforce new habits when they're older. It's a growing process.

I think it's great you're already conscious of delegating responsibility. You and your child will be better for it when she's much older. However, right now, just look at cleanup or similar activities as small learning experiences, with the goal of eventually working up toward real responsibilities later.

Hi H.,
I also have a 2 yr old daughter, who doesn't like to clean up. We started making it a game and made up a song. I have her find all the red blocks and put them away, then all dolls, then .... I usually don't help unless we need to clean up quickly but I do watch or check on her often so she doen't get side tracked.

Good Luck,
Megan

First off, Congrats for having expecations for your child...so many parents don't.

I have read thru a lot of the responses and I have a bit of compromise between helping and teaching to do it on her own.

My daughter is almost 3 and we do one of two things...either the pick up song (pick a melody she knows and sing pick up, pick up, every body do your share) or count to 10.

Count to 10 is my favorite and works great for when you want it done fast.... Count to ten very slowly and have her get as much away as she can (with your help depending on the size of the mess) because what is still out in the end "goes in the garbage".... It works great here. Most of the time the count to 10 takes as long as us working quickly to get things away.... sometimes, though if she is not willing to help or participate the toys left out get a 1 week time-out in "the garbage". She hates to see that happen, but only happens when she is truely defiant and unwilling to help.

I would say "Let's put away the blocks" and do it together, then celebrate how good it looks and how much fun it was to help each other. That way it does not become a battle of wills, and she can learn that clean-up is quick and fun, not a dreary thing that takes an hour. As time passes she can take on more and more, of course, and keeping the focus on fun and helping will help you both to enjoy being a team.
You can also make it a teaching time for categories, if you want to. "Let's gather up all the blue things first." "What shall we get next, the blocks or the books?" Round things, square things--whatever she's ready to learn.

You are being too optimistic H.. Two year olds are exploring - not cleaning. They are mirroring - not leading the pack. You will need to clean up with her to show her how to do it for another year or so.

You'll know when she's ready to clean up alone - she'll do it with ease and quickly so that she can move on to the next thing. Once she reaches the age where she can be motivated to clean up by the next thing you are doing (eating, etc) you will have arrived where you think you are now.

Every job is more fun when shared. Your daughter is in the "togetherness" stage where she will work with you on anything, but if left alone her attention will wander and the joy of helping is squashed. We initiate our kids into work at a very young age - by 1 yr for sure - but they are usually in Kindergarten or older before they are truly able to do a job completely alone. Alot has to do with maturity, gender and personality. But the thing to remember is to work alongside - "Many hands make light work" - and keep smiling. It's not about cleaning as much as relationship building. In the future, when she is older and less egocentric, she will be able to do things for you, often w/o being told, if you train her correctly now. Check out What the Bible Says About Child Training by Fugate for great ideas on age-appropriate work.

SAHM of seven

You are not being too harsh. A 2 1/2 yr old knows perfectly well how to clean up a mess. The fact that it takes her an hour to cean up one thing is just being a kid. Sometimes I can't believe how long it takes my boys to clean up their room (not to mention all the "breaks" and whining that goes with it! lol) Stick to your guns and make her do it.

No, you are not being too harsh! I'd suggest picking up a book called "1-2-3 Magic". It is for kids 2-12 years old and helps with situations like yours. What this book suggests is that for something you want the child to DO, you explain to them that you will set the timer (your choice on how long to set it) and if the timer rings and the task is not done, they get a time out. It only takes once and they get the idea of the timer quite well! I have a 4 1/2 year old daughter and a 2 1/2 year old son and they both are expected to clean up their messes - sometimes with or without the timer! It's definately not too young to have them clean up! Also this book has suggestions on how to handle bad behaviors as well, using the counting method with time outs. Which from experience works quite well when done correctly! :) Good luck!

My daughter will be 3 next monday. She knows alot, and often makes me rethink in my head on is she really going to be 3 or is she going to be 4? Anyways, she always throws a fit if I ask/tell her to go and clean her room. And all that contains is picking up all her toys and throwing them into one big toy box, and putting her dirty clothes into her clothes basket.. Not hard, even for a 2 year old.. I would personally like it better if her toys were organized better but I keep reminding myself that I have to keep it simple.. So to your question, if you are keeping it simple, then your child should not have a problem doing something on her own. It is good for them to start young, and clean up after themselves.

I have a background in developmental pediatrics (I am a physical therapist) and from everything I've read, seen, and experienced first hand with my daughter (who is now 4), I have to agree with the other responses. 2 1/2 year olds need guidance. "Clean up" is overwhelming to them; "put your blocks back on the shelf (or in the box)" is less overwhelming and a more specific direction. and I still find that the more specific I am with the 4year old, the better the results. And she has always been less resistant to helping if I work with her and tell her what's next. YOu can also use the time for simple learning (or reinforcing) of colors, shapes, counting, etc.. Ihave a co-worker whose daughters are 17, 14, and 11 and she still swears by the "team approach" with bigger or extra projects, even thought they are old enough; she says it helps keep the peace and creates some extra family time and promotes working together as a family (although they do each have their own individual responsibilities)

Children learn a great deal about how to behave from modeling your behaviors. By refusing to help her clean, you may be teaching her that if she didn't make the mess, then there's no reason for her to help clean it up. If you help her clean, you can model for her that although the mess wasn't yours, you're still willing to help her clean and may even enjoy cleaning with her.

I am a single mom of two boys. 14 and 3. My little guy now cleans with little reminders that after we make a mess the sooner we get it cleaned up the sooner we get to do something else. If we don't clean when we are asked and mom has to pick it up it dissappears for alittle while. We started this when he was two. It took alittle while but he caught on. Now he even wants to help everyone else. Just give lots of praise to the positive if you have to even try to make a game out of it. count who can pick up the most toys the fastest, name what they have, whatever. Smile and just realize that every kids learns at his or her own pace and the first is usually the hardest. Congradulations on your happy family and being lucky to have the option to be able to stay home with them. Enjoy every minute! =)

My son is the same age. I almost always help with clean up. One thing that seems to work is to sing a 'clean-up' song. I don't know why but this works like magic - and they sound SOOO cute singing. (He learned the Dora clean up song at daycare.) Another thing is to try to make it a game - like how fast can we clean up or have her count the blocks or tell you the colors. Yes it takes much longer, but my son is starting to be able to do small clean ups without too much help or reminders about what he's supposed to be doing. I'd only give her about 5 min to work by herself and then help her finish. Make sure she knows how proud you are of her. Also, you can tell her that mommy is going to pick up the dolls and she can pick up the blocks. I try to tell my son when he complains that a) it is a responsibility of being in our family to help with chores and b) sometimes we all do things we don't like and c) the sooner we are done, the sooner we can do something fun!

No dear you aren't expecting too much. That is about the time when I started having my son picking up toys too. He's four now & cleans up his room after playing & makes his bed.