Who Cleans up After Your Homewrecker Aka 2 Year Old?

It really works to sing the clean up song even with my 4 year old still - makes it fun for him and it's when he is the most successful :).

I've never had older kids around to help, but teaching a toddler how to pick up is, indeed, a work in progress. "Neat and orderly" are adult concepts. With my daughter and grandson, I simply make it another game, because I never wanted them to think of cleanup in negative terms. I'd get a box or basket we'd use for target practice to receive small items, or we'd race to see who could get larger items reassembled and/or placed on shelves.

With my grandson, we'd sing a goofy cleanup song. Now that he's 5, he routinely picks up his room himself because he likes it, and he simply puts other games and projects away before starting a new one. But we never taught him that pickup was a drudge.

At 2 your child not only doesn't know how to pick up but he also doesn't have the ability to focus for any more than a few minutes. He can be taught to pick up by having someone work with him and keep him on task. But this has to be done in a fun way so that he will want to help. At 2, he's just learning that he has some independence. If picking up is taught as an unpleasant chore he is likely to refuse.

Perhaps you could teach your older two how to help the 2 yo to help clean up. All three work on it at once. First you'll need to spend several times doing something similar to what Peg M. suggests. Make cleaning up fun. Also be consistent as to having it done. Perhaps schedule a specific time that everyone stops what they're doing and pitches in.

My daughter's philosophy is that everyone lives in the house which makes everyone responsible for clean up. She doesn't just clean up her things. She picks up for everyone at times. She does chores to make the house cleaner even tho she isn't the only one to spill on the kitchen floor. And so the kids are also expected to help clean up. They help each other.

I have to admit that this doesn't go over too well with her 7 and 10 olds. It is a work in progress that is hampered by a lack of consistency and frayed nerves. I do think sharing in clean up an be done when everyone is doing the clean up at the same time in a good natured way.

I think it is just the nature of two year olds... the combination of a limited attention span and a lot of mischievousness make them the ultimate mess-makers. If the older kids are not making the mess... don't make them clean it up... do help the 2 year old to clean up... but help her do it. I also am willing to let a mess "sit" for an hour or so as long as we do a clean up before she leaves the room the mess is in.

I don't have any older kids... but when my older nephew is around he only has to help clean IF he helped to make the mess. If they are playing together, they clean together. I do expect my daughter to pick up, but you cant expect perfection... so I am ok if clothes make it in the drawer... even if they don't always make it there "neatly" and if she is putting dishes in the sink, I forgive if she leaves a trail of crumbs on the way there.

I sympathize with you though! It blows my mind how fast my two year old can destroy a house! She helped us "look" for the tv remote the other day and within 15 minutes EVERY toy, piece of clothing and blanket she could reach was on the floor! Yet, the TV remote is still hiding in neverland with about 500 tiny socks! hehe...

Good Luck!
-M.

PS: when I say the older kids shouldn't have to clean up her messes... i don't mean this applies to all kinds of cleaning up. Kids should have to help out with many tasks, at whatever level they are capable... they should have to pick up and wash ALL the dishes (as a team), not just their own, or help do everyones laundry, or vacuum, mop, sweep rooms that everyone uses like the bathroom, living room, and kitchen. but I do think it is unfair to expect the kids to pick up a toy mess left by the 2 year old if they had no part in it. However if the task is "everyone clean up the living room" they should help clean up whatever needs to be done, not just "their part"

I have a daycare & the #1 rule is: if you are finished with a toy/activity, then you have to put it away before you begin something else.

& yes, even the 18mo's have to pick up too.

It's only a mess if you allow it to be....

3 minutes? I wish it took that long for my 3 yr old. Yes, she sometimes cooperates and picks things up but not always. I also have 3 12 yr old kids. The rule in the house is supposed to be, if it is on the floor and does not belong there and it is not being played with when you see it, pick it up. Everyone lives in the house and should help out. Yes, they get upset since they did not make the mess. But if they can just relax-who is left. MOMMY. My reasoning is that I wash ALL the clothes, wash most of the dishes, pay for all the stuff in the house. If I have to do this and I am not the one to wear it all, or use it all, or diry it all, I should not have to clean it all. I think the key is to make everyone responsible. I do not let my little one sit around while everyone else picks things up. but I also do not make my older kids miss out on something because she made the mess and it has to be cleaned up.

My daughter is 6, and my little tornado is 2 as well. My daughter usually makes part of the mess so she doesnt mind cleaning it up. I will give her a dollar, or a special treat for helping out with her little brothers messes.
When I clean up his mess, I make him help me. Sometimes when I tell him to do it by himself, he will, sometimes he wont, but hes usually into it when Im helping. I usually stay on top of him to make sure hes not making too big of a mess so it will be easier to him or I to clean up.

I clean with my three-year-old, turning it into a learning experience. For example, I say, "you pick up everything with yellow, and I'll pick up everything that has red on it." Or "you pick up everything that's square shaped, and I'll pick up circles." It makes it a game. :-)

I would say she has to much stuff asseble to her if she is making that big of a mess. When our kids were growing up the rule was no toys in the living room, they could bring a stuffed animal out with them to watch TV or what, and they all by the age of 2 had their own table in the living room with their books and art supplies, so the mess stayed in their rooms, our living room was never thrashed. And by 2 my k9ds were picking up their toys with my help of course like monkeyzMom said it's faster that way, and we always sang the clean up song. But no i never had my kids pick up after each other
unless they were playing together which in our boys case was always. J.

LOL!! I have a 1 year old daughter who can make a mess in 2.1 seconds to find her all I have to do is follow the trail of newspaper, pots, pans, diapers, wash cloths and so on!! Whatever she get's her hands on goes straight to the floor.

I clean up after her when I put her down for naps. If I try to clean while she's up it's never ending!! I guess it gets worst before getting better being that she's only 1yrs old & yours is 2yrs old

I would handle the 2 year old however you did your older children. Teach her now or wait until she's older and do it yourself now. But I wouldn't make your older children clean up her messes. As you say, it seems unfair.

Hello, I have four (now grown) kids. When they were younger, until the last one got into school, I did full-time licensed daycare in my home. When the last of mine got into school, I went to work at the school and did the daycare before and after school. I started having the children clean up after themselves at about 18 months. We made a game of it and tried to see who could pick up the fastest and the most. I also limited how much each child was allowed to take out at a time. One mother was shocked to come and pick up her baby and see that he picked up his toys and put them away. She said that he never did it at home. Expectations are the key. I didn't make the older ones pick up after the younger ones. They learn to use that and make the older ones their slaves.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

I don't have my older kids help clean up the baby's mess. I also don't have the 2 yr old effectively help. I have her "help", but at this age, she's not going to be consistent with it. Sometimes she is good, sometimes not. So, I clean it up most of the time. When she gets older, I'll expect more from her. If you can, it helps to have a playroom or play area and only allow a few toys outside of that area at a time. We turn on fun, upbeat music and clean together. If the other kids' toys are out too, I do have them help to clean up the little one's toys...along side of me. But if it's just the two year old, I do it myself.

Once a little kid makes a tornado of a mess (and they can), picking it up can seem like forget-it-ville. It's much easier to take a 2 minute time out than put away 20 things.
I don't think it's right to have your older kids pick up after the little one. It's nice of them, helps you out, gets things done more quickly, but I think what you need to do, and it's easier said than done, is limit your little one to only being able to have a couple of things at a time.
Your older kids are able to get things for themselves and put things back so limiting access to what she can drag out will help.
You can put toys and things out of her reach so she gets in the habit of putting something back before she gets something else. If she won't put it away, it's not an entire room thrashing and before she gets something else, you can have her be mommy's helper and pick up whatever she had out.
Like you said, it's a work in progress. It also depends on what you mean by thrashing a room. Is she yanking all the cushions off the couch, knocking plants over, writing on the walls?
There's messy and then there's destructo.
My kids are 10 years apart and I didn't make my daughter clean up after her little brother. But, she was so good about helping him by example.
My son was a born helper and his favorite toy was a little fake vacuum cleaner. He was fascinated by the vacuum. Maybe if you approach things from a helping point of view, she'll be more inclined.
In the meantime, try to contain the tornado.

Best wishes.

I try to get her to at least help me clean up. We make a game of it. "I'm going to get all the red blocks first!" and then the bag might go "nomnomnom" to encourage more block eating. It can be hard when your toddler is running around like a crazy little person, but I figure if I don't at least try to get her involved, she'll never learn. There are still nights when she doesn't help so much but it's a process.

I don't have the older kids pick up her stuff. They pick up their own.

I have her pick up the toys and I help pick them up a little bit, but she knows she does most of the work... it's just faster if I help her. As she gets older I will gradually increase it til she is cleaning her toys on her own. I wouldn't necessarily have the older kids do it but maybe they help a little every now and then.

We are in a similar situation, I let the big kids go upstairs to play together or go into another room. I stay with the little one and keep after him.

I don't think 2 is too young to understand, or start to understand, that you take something out and put it away before you take out something else. If you let her be a "tornado" and have free run to pull stuff out, then you'll be cleaning up after her forever.

Another suggestion is to change the layout of the "play area" and either take stuff out of the room, put it away in lidded containers or in a cabinet. The reality is if she can't just pull everything out and dump it there will be less mess.

We've moved some toys to the basement. Put others away in a cabinet and put bigger stuff into a toy box. Keeping the top closed on the toy box has helped limit getting bins flipped over and dumped. Most games have been put away on a shelf or up high, out of reach.

Just like anything, I think you need to set yourself up for success WHILE trying to train a little one what's acceptable.

When my kids were little and it was time to clean up, we made a game of it. At that age, they need to learn to clean their own mess...and if you make it fun it gets easier.

I used to sing a Barney song from when my sisters were little. It goes "Clean up. Clean up. Everybody, everywhere. Clean up. Clean up. Everybody do your share!"

Good luck!

It is too hard for a 2 year old to completely be responsible to pick up the messes they make I'm afraid. I do make my 2 year old help me. For every 4 blocks I pick up she picks up 1 because my hands are bigger than hers. But I always make her help. When my boys were younger I did the same tthing. I do have my older 2 help my youngest pick things up. There is no getting off scott free..there will be helping, but the reality is their physial abilitys to clean aren't up to par with their abilities to make a mess. Easy to dump the whole tub out, much harder to put it all back LOL