Menacing Grandmother

Updated on March 06, 2007
L.C. asks from Kenosha, WI
3 answers

I have been tormented by my mom's menacing attitude and it is tearing apart my homelife with my children. She is a "buy their love" kind of grandmother most of the time, but our history goes so far back that it has kept me from moving on. She takes certain grandchildren on elaborate trips and neglects the others while undermining my decisions continuously. She has provoked physical fights with me on more than one occasion. Does anyone know how I can get legal help establishing grandparent visitation so she atleast cannot take them without returning them in time for school? I am on disability and cannot afford much.

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So What Happened?

Apparently you would rather have more information than address the issue of legal help so for those asking, I have one grown daughter and five at home. My mother and brother kidnapped my fourteen year old when he was three and that is how I met my husband, getting legal help when the public defender in Illinois did nothing. I have been in counseling voluntarily since I was eighteen years old because when my parents divorced my father was accused of inappropriately touching my sisters, so these topics are nothing new to me. I submitted to two years of supervised court visits and psychological testing two gain custody of my son back and my husband and I got married on the same day the case was officially closed. By the way, the judge ruled that indigency alone is not sufficient grounds to interfere with custody of a child. My faith has and always will remain the center of our family regardless of those who want to group us into high-risk categories. I choose to be a stay at home mother because I want to be the attentive mother I did not have. Anymore questions, just bring them on! Sincerely, L.

More Answers

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E.W.

answers from Chicago on

Hi L.,
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this! Grandparents should be supportive, not cause more problems. I agree with the previous post about calling a women's shelter. they often have a legal advocate who may be able to help answer some more of your questions. I know you have a ton going on, but if it is at all possible, try to finish your degree!! It will be worth it. My mom graduated at 51, so it's possible! I will say a prayer for you and your children. Also, try not to let others questioning your decisions bother you too much. No one can understand if they haven't been in your situation. God bless.
E.

2 moms found this helpful
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M.B.

answers from Chicago on

back when i had my 1st child, my husband (now) and i were not married.. he was 17 and i was 20.. this women was no kind of mother to my husband,(she gave up her leagle rights of him and my family took him in) and after all kinds of other stuff him and i went through because of her i did not want her around my baby..and at the time he didnt eaither.. she once tried to take my son out of state, and we found out from many ppl that we knew that she told everyone that our son was her son... i had to get a restraining order against her.. and she tried to sue me for "grandparents rights" and have visitation visits with him and over nights...
i had to document EVERYTHING... and the judge ruled against her..
have u tried a restraining order?.. if u bring up her past and can back it up.. there should be no problem?..

i know what its like to be a married "single" parent.. my husband works 14 day shifts and does nothing else but leave the weight of the world on my shoulders... dont give up.. cuz our kids need us!!

1 mom found this helpful
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Y.

answers from Chicago on

I applaud you for trying to go to school and better yourself. Do not give it up!! I know it is rough but it will be worth it!! As for the mother situation, deny her visitation. If she wants to continue to see the kids it will be up to her to sue for visitation since they are YOUR children. Explain to the kids, assuming they are all old enough to understand that they are not to go with her. Explain to them that you do not feel it is fair how unequal the treatment is for some of the grandkids but that it is not their fault. I had a friend whose MIL was like this. It was horrible but she explained to her kids repeatedly that it was not them it was her!! Never let them feel it is their fault. I am not sure of how to go about this legally but there is a website illinoislegalaid.org which can answer your questions. The first page that comes up asks what is your legal question and what is your zip code. Good Luck!!

1 mom found this helpful
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