Marriage Counseling, What Should I Expect?

My husband and I have been to 2 different counselors, and both first visits were mostly the therapist getting to know us and learn what we want from the sessions, we didn't really get into any issues until the 2nd or even the 3rd visit. I agree with everyone who said to make sure & tell them the situation, and they can help keep it light.

The reason we went to 2 counselors is because after several months with the first one, we just felt discouraged, like we were wasting our time and things weren't getting any better. But the second one we tried, we left the very first visit feeling great - hopeful and very optimistic. If you don't feel good about the visits, please shop around until you find someone who is right for you.

I think you should express that to the counselor. Tell her you would like to START counseling on a positive side and not spoil your bday. Also, maybe you can find things to help you see the marriage in a good light which would actually IMPROVE your mood, right? You are giving yourself a gift! Making your marriage stronger. It will take time and it might even be hard but nothing worth having comes easy right?
Happy Birthday!

I'm sorry you are going through a hard time, and that of all days to go to therapy, you have to go on your birthday! No fun.

I totally agree that you should mention that its your birthday... although, I also think that it may be important to take one for the team and not get hung up on it, since you have to go to the appointment anyway, you may as well be as cooperative as possible, to a certain extent, even though it is your birthday.

My husband and I have been in therapy - every couple is different, and every therapist is different.. but I want to share just a few points that are important to remember in any case:

1. Give as much as you take. No one likes to be proven wrong, or stripped of dignity or made to feel less than others... so when talking about him to your therapist, remember to respect him as you would want to be respected.

2. Don't keep score. It doesn't matter how right you are, or how right he is... there is no such thing as a score board... better to accept that now and not try to out do one another.

3. Help one another. You're in therapy together, not separately.

Best of luck to you, I hope it goes well and I hope that you guys can heal your relationship. Hang in there.. things never stay the same forever!

I do agree with Jane about making the fact know that it is your birthday and you would like to keep things on a lighter note for the first session. When I was at marriage counseling the counselor could see right away what the problem was and jumped right into helping us. My husband would never listen because he was very angry so nothing was ever accomplished. I do think you will have a different outcome with a different man. I commend the fact that you two are seeking help.

I hope you had a good first session with your counselor and that you had a special birthday celebration.

My personal experience with marriage counseling has been invaluable. I found that it helped my husband and I understand each other, spend more positive time together and work together to build our relationship.

You do have to choose the right counselor that specializes in couples therapy and has a successful track record and experience. The average marriage counselor only saves one out of four marriages. A friend of mine, Dr. Dana Fillmore, is a marriage counselor and clinical psychologist in San Diego, CA and has created this video on how to choose a counselor: http://strongmarriagenow.com/blog/counselorlanding/

Her track record is way better than average. Three out of four couples who see her stay together at the end of therapy. She taught me that focusing on positive times together and building your relationship is the way to solve marriage problems. She also recently published an online video course to help marriages and there's a special offer for Mamapedia members: http://strongmarriagenow.com/blog/mamapedia

I agree, make it known that it is your birthday. But I would also consider a healthy marriage, or starting on the road to, a great birthday present. I went through counseling with my ex-husband and I remember the first session was light and not 'painful'.

Best of luck and I hope you have a Happy Birthday!
L.

To be perfectly honest with you, THIS is how I'd start the session. Tell the therapist that it's your birthday, that you're dreading the conversation, that you'd like him/her to take it easy on you two the first go round. After all, the therapist won't know unless you tell her (I'm assuming her because my mother is a marital therapist). She might give the two of your some homework to work on before the next session. But clue her in that you have a big weekend planned and you'd like to get through it as peacefully as possible, she should be able to help you do that. Good luck, and congrats on getting help.

It really depends on the therapists ideals. Yes, it is usually a time to lay out what you'd like to work on and set a small goal for the next visit. They might ask some questions to get a better idea where you want to go in the sessions. It might help if you call their office and mention it is your birthday and you'd really like to lave the visit feeling better about things.

Most of the therapists I have seen has individual visits and then about every other week they'd have us attend a joint session.

Congratulations on the decision to go. We have gone several times and have grown so much from it.

HONESTLY, It depends LARGELY on the counselor! Everyone is different and has different methods, personalities, etc. In my experience, a CHRISTIAN COUNSELOR will be the most caring, offer the best alternatives and options and won't tend to be one sided. They seem, to me, to be more upfront and honest.

Might want to also get a couple of names - WITH PERMISSION, of course, from the couonselor so that you can talk w/ someone else about their experience. THAT is always a huge eye openiner.

Talking to more than one person is important, too. You may talk to someone who went but wasn't really into getting help in the first place and only went begrudgingly. Someone else might have gotten alot out of it because they WANTED to be there to learn, grow and work things out.

MINDSET IS IMPERATIVE in what you get out of it.

Might also think abou trying some things on your own......doing a book together, family devotion, etc.