Marriage - Twinsburg,OH

Print out your post and tuck it into the book "The 5 Love Languages." Give it to him and tell him "I'm not feeling the love, honey. And I need to because I love you and I don't want to lose you. Please help us reconnect."

Good luck!

Is he the father of your children? You have several teens in there and those are tough ages, especially if the family is blended. Your profile says you are the breadwinner. How long have you carried the finances? Is there a possibility he's depressed?

Yeah, sounds like a dry spell, and you're going to have to find a way to get the message to him that you NEED to feel loved. Good suggestions below. See if you can get your hands on the "Love & Respect" DVDs. The book is good but kind of a boring read, so I recommend the DVDs.

Counseling really helps too. I think all married couples should go to counseling sometimes. I'm a big fan of the process.

Another thing... manage your expectations of your marriage and make sure that they aren't unrealistic. I went through a spell of feeling unsatisfied in my marriage. I brought it up to our counselor, and she helped me realize that I was being unrealistic in my expectations. I've been with my husband 15 years. Things aren't going to be like they are in the soap operas.

But I'm with you, it does sound like you need some spicing up. I hope you can get him to listen to what you need.

If he's like this with everyone, it may be a health issue or depression or both. Suggest he see his doctor. If he wants help, he has to choose it.
Then don't link your happiness to his. See a counselor. Find ways to stay active, invite him along but don't count on it. You cannot control his behavior, only your response.

Don't feel bad, I got two husbands to hate me in less than two years-my bad choice both times-picked people just too diametrically different. Try ignoring him or being busy and always wrapped up in something other than your husband-walk out the door the minute he gets home-take a class or join a volunteer group-go get the validation you need as a worthy and significant person from strangers-he'll go nuts. Good luck!

Some times if you (or your husband) are feeling a little down in the dumps, you don't feel like talking or being helpful or toughy/feely.

Get the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." It will help you understand your husband better. Then give it to him for him to read and he will learn a lot about you. Watch the movie "Fireproof" and get its campanion book, "The Love Dare".

They are all relationship books.

Good luck to you and yours.

I'm sorry your relationship is going through this phase right now, but that is exactly what it is. With the right tools, patience, and approach, you can move your relationship right out of this phase and into an even more fulfilling, rewarding phase! (Remember, it is through the storms of life, that we grow and get stronger.) Your relationship is just on the verge of an opportunity for beautiful growth and rejuvenation! So what does it take? Well, every relationship is different, so it may take some playing around and experimenting with different tools until you find one that works. Some good places to start would be "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman or "the Love Dare" by the people who put out the movie, "Fireproof". Doing is more the key to rejuvenating your relationship than talking is. When you first met, you did fun things together. You probably didn't spend so much time talking until later. So, I recommend you get back into a playful, fun, mindset and initiate some fun things you used to do together when dating. If they fulfill his love language, it will be even better. Just remember, in doing something for your partner, it is about meeting his needs, not yours. The time to meet your needs will come later, after his are met first. You also might want to check and see if there are any relationship or marriage education classes in your area! These classes are filled with fun activities that bring a couple closer together! It's not counseling, so you don't have to feel intimidated by it. If all else fails, just surprise him by wanting to playfully wrestle or chase him around the house. Get back to laughing and having fun together!

Good luck.

Date night.
It's the best way to reconnect and get talking.
Do something fun, something that will get you laughing together and loosened up.
Go for a drink, play pool, go bowling, see a funny movie, share a meal without the kids.
If money is tight pack a picnic and go for a walk in a beautiful, peaceful place (my husband and I like to hike with our dog.)
What did you enjoy doing when you were dating? Do that!
If he doesn't want to do that, well then, I would wonder if he's depressed (?) Is he overweight, or out of work, anything going on that might be affecting how he feels about himself?
It looks like you've only been married three years, so I'd say it's way too soon to give up. Good luck!

I suggest letting him know you both were invited to such n such event (wherever you think you can get him to go, ie. wedding, birthday dinner, company party) once he commits, get the sitter together, make reservations at a nice restaurant, maybe somewhere they have a dance floor or a place close to a dance club, get the perfect sexy outfit together, and surprise him. Maybe you can find a place that has salsa lessons to follow dinner. Maybe you can even set it up where there are some nice roses at the table for him, maybe even a card just saying thank you for hanging in there through the years, and how much you appreciate him. Sometimes we just need to take a little time to say it to each other every now and then. Guys like surprises and flattery just as much as women do. :0)

Good luck!

1) How old is he? could he be going through an age crises?
2) Your profile says you are the main provider for your family. So... what does your Husband do? Is he a stay at home parent? Does he work or anything? Maybe, he feels overshadowed by you (since you said you are the main provider) and he feels useless or not man enough...
3) Does he have any hobbies or outside interests?
4) Does he have any friends?
5) Is he in good health?
6) Does he exercise or do anything rejuvenating?
7) Do you and he... ever go out just by yourselves?
8) It seems you TRY to focus on him and make time for him... but he does not. Did you ask him why?

9) Does he have any problems or stress, or mental issues?
10) Is he possibly... Depressed????? Most men don't know if they are. Perhaps he should see his Doctor. When is the last time he went for a check up???
11) Not to critique you... but, does he perhaps feel he is Hen pecked? Maybe since you are the main provider... he feels just lowly and not respected???? Men, can be sensitive about things like that. Especially when the woman is the main provider.

You have not been married for long.
Perhaps you and he, should see a counselor.
He does not seem real expressive. At all.
Its hard to talk to a stone wall. Perhaps he will talk to a neutral 3rd party???

It could be a life stage in your marriage or his personal being.
A marriage changes over time. Actually all relationships do.
It does not have to be negative.
I love what all the posters below me said.
I think they are all worth a try.
Marriage is an ebb & flow like the ocean.
My husb & I do not do ANY of the things we did when we first met or
courted for that matter or when we first married.
We've had our ups and downs.
While I'm more of a "lifer", his past experiences have led him to the "run"
method. I've let him know that's no longer acceptable. We are in it to
win it as we have a lot of time/marriage invested & have kids.
Try a lot of things:
-getting busy yourself
-trying to get him to do one thing w/you both might enjoy (a couple of hours of bowling or going for a short 20 min walk, renting a DVD that you
BOTH like etc. Start small.
-realize that some of the things he did for you may be gone (back rubbing etc)..................for now.
-I loved kissing but now that I have been w/my husb FOREVER it feels weird. I'll give him a quick peck but I prefer a quick hello/goodbye hug. I ask him about his day (tho he rarely ever asks about mine but I tell him.....in a few short sentences w/kid running around as men's attention spans are VERY SHORT).
-I dated many men that took their time paying attn to me but there was a cost to that too. They secretly hated what they were doing, were passive/aggresive or resented it later. There's no PERFECT person or relationship. It's work.

So don't despair. Talk to him (in as few words as poss. I keep the 5 word sentence so as not to lose my husb's attn. I've used this w/male co-workers, male friends, boyfriends and now hubby)./

Realize that ALL relationships change. They morph. It does not have to catastrophic or the end of the world. Just change. Roll with it. change with it.

Get busy. Volunteer, get active, workout, develop more of your intererests and hobbies.

And...hang in there. With all luck....things will change positively for you, your hubby and family. Think positive. Sending hugs