Mamapedia Police

I think sometimes that the wrong things are being policed.

The point of this site is to be helpful. To give advice. Sometimes advice and help is harsh. Sometimes not.

And sometimes folks read harshness into an answer when it's just not there.

I personally like the blunt, forthright answers on this site...and have been known to give a few myself.

I don't think there's a need.
You already can pretty much say anything you want as long as it doesn't break the Terms and Conditions site policies.
There are certainly no shortage of people who will tell it as they see it and just as many people who will be outraged by statements like 'the sky is sometimes blue'.
Throw in the occasional troll and we have a large variety of people with a wide experience of life who will share advice in a more or less reasonable manner.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Afternoon Ma'am,
I agree with you , i dont think there should be policing on the board. Many people react better to blunt opinions than ones that are sugarcoated. I do however believe that mamapedia is here to help . If you do not have a suggestion or advice to offer, i believe snide remarks should be made, as you did on my post earlier. Have a great afternoon!

You could drive yourself CRAZY wondering why one thing gets pulled and another does not.

But there's better and more pleasant things to focus on. Like...hmmm...why are there 10 hot dogs and only 8 hot dog buns? Or is it the other way around? lol

:)

I would much rather see policing of the people who post questions then whine and complain when they get answers they don't agree with. It's an anonymous, public bulletin board - if you're going to post here put on your big girl panties first!

i think no mamapedia police is needed there are enough moms o here who think they are and report anything that they determine shouldn't be here. As for mean answers, I saw your one answer you're probably referring to that you gave and I kind of thought it was harsh. I think there is a way to disagree nicely without calling names. We teach our children these ways why not use them ourselves. You can say the same thing and critique someone without being mean, condescending, or rude, not saying you were being these things but J. my opinion.
Example
your response : You're a whiny mom
compared to th other moms who disagreed and said she overreacted without calling her names.
She probably listened to the other moms and missed the point on yours

Although, even with M. thinking people shuldn't try to be mean and try and be constructive, I still think people should be able to write how they feel. If I don't like it I don't have to read it. No polite police needed!

No because some people are just naturally blunt, doesn't mean they are trying to be rude or anything. Besides if we start policing blunt answers, what's next? Police the ones that don't agree with the poster or with everyone else? It is up to us to take what we want from the posts. Now can people be a bit nicer? Yes. There's no need to berate the poster or personally attack the person. Start banning what people say, is a slippery slope.

When I read some questions, I think to myself: "OH MY GOSH!! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???" And unfortunately, or fortunately in some situations, my response shows those feelings. I'm like that in "real life". I tend to "say it like it is" and I can't hide anything, when you look at me, you know EXACTLY what I'm thinking, even if its "are you stupid?". BUT, a few weeks ago I realized my comment hurt someones feelings and although (before she reported me and had it pulled) I got tons of flowers, I could see how I *could* have worded it "nicer". So I'm working on it. No one is perfect, I don't analyze every single sentence and response before I send it. And do we need police? We already have them...everyone can hit the "report this" at any time and they do. =)

Rhonda:

No. I don't think "policing" needs to be done. There's a difference between being blunt and being mean.

Being blunt-Accepting responsibility for your actions is what you need to do.
Being mean-if you weren't such a horrible person, that wouldn't have happened.

Some say got to give respect to get it - but they don't practice it.

Some on here will do immature and mean things - just because they can. Does it make it right? No. But they can't see their actions as being wrong.

I am accused of being mean. It is not my intention to be mean. I call it like I see it. I admit I don't have a filter between my brain and my mouth or my fingers. I will type an answer and click send many times before I READ what I wrote.

There are some mom's on here that I would jump if they asked. Give them the shirt off my back if it would make their world right. I hope they know that! :)

The beauty of this site is it is like a rainbow - you get all colors, shades, curves....some are prettier than others (sugar coating, Politically Correct) some are brighter (bold, blunt, non-sugar coating!) but it all comes out in the wash - right!!?

Yeesh. No.

In no small part, because then there would be NO answers. No matter what the response is, it can be read sarcastically/ snarky/ snobbishly. And HOW it's read usually depends on the person reading it.

Flaming, otoh, is different. But rude and blunt? I don't think so

I used to worry that whenever people started talking about rude posters, that they were talking about me. At some point I just laughed and realized some probably were, and some would never mean me. Totally depends on the perspective of the reader.

((Just for example; a time honored tradition of becoming a more relaxed parent... is to have more children. First time parents are NOTORIOUSLY uptight and worried about everything. Someone mentioned this, however, when someone was asking about how to become a more relaxed parent... and got upbraided up oneside and slashed down the other for being rude. Ummmm. And yet? How many parents of more than one child are more relaxed with #2, #3, etc? Most. I have an only child.... but even with him... as he grows older I'm soooo much more relaxed than I was when parenting was new! And I'm still far more uptight than my friends and relatives with multiple kids! IN MY MIND that piece of advice was sound. In OTHER people's mind, that piece of advice was beyond rude.))

I LIKE the difference of opinions here. It's why I stay. If everyone parented like me, had lives just like me, spoke just like me, thought just like me... I'd be beyond bored.

There's blunt with constructive criticism and suggestions and then there's rude. I've seen you be rude. I don't see any need to be rude unless the poster first insulted a group of people, ie: a racist. Just telling someone they're an idiot or something like that doesn't really help them. Telling them what in your opinion they're doing wrong or why they see things, in your opinion, in a flawed manner and then offering ways to improve is helpful. Isn't that the point? To help people? Otherwise it's someone just trying to boost their own ego by putting someone else down. If you can't see that, then you're the idiot.

I do not want policing for blunt answers. I tend to give blunt answers at times because sometimes that is what is required due to the question or nature of the question.

Just because I don't agree with someone doesn't mean I'm being rude either. It means I don't agree. There is no need for name calling. When you name call you have lost all credibility.

Be blunt, that's okay. Don't be rude. Don't call names. Don't say someone is "stupid" (unless they are! lol HA!)
I think we do kind of police a bit. I know I have written things and then seen someone else really go over board on the rude and I have called them out. I have only been crazy disrespectful to one person, the thread got pulled, but not before I got 20 flowers.
L.

The only thing that really needs policing are the flaming posts.

I try to give constructive criticism or constructive advice. Some women don't like it when a man answers questions about "girl stuff" but I have a wife and experience it. And now I have 3 girls and will be going through it with them.

I don't like the catty women. The ones who PM and spread gossip about other people. The ones who intentionally hurt other people, man or woman. Those are the actions/posts that need to be policed. How do you police that? It's a thought. Can you prove it or disprove it? Unless it's blatant - probably not.

Rhonda,

I too think there is a line between blunt and inappropriate.

For instance, in response to this question, if I were to be blunt I would say.
No. That this is a website for all sorts of different opinions and ideas. If people can't handle that, then this may not be the best place for them.

If I were to be inappropriate, I would say.
No, all these women that get upset when you say something you don't like are complete idiots. Really? You don't like it? Then go straight to...

I might expect my second answer to be pulled. Which, by the way, I in no way actually think, just using it as an example. :)

I agree with MamaR - I've not been on lately for several reasons - it was frustrating for me to have people ask questions, then get mad at the answers they were given. That or the people who ask questions and follow up with the "thanks for your answers but I'm going to do it my way". Huh? Why did you even bother to ask the question then?

If people are expecting "feel good" answers and everyone agreeing with them, I don't think this is the site for them. I've met some really nice people on here. There are a couple of bad apples, but you will find them everywhere you go.

Anyway, no. I don't believe policing needs to be done. We should be adult enough to police ourselves. Again, I know there are some on here who don't think their actions are wrong and will point the finger elsewhere.

Tact: tact/takt/

Noun: Adroitness and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues.

Synonyms: delicacy - finesse

There are a lot of people who will get defensive at blunt answers and then won't hear what the person is trying to convey.

When communicating, we HAVE to be sensitive to how our message will be received. If the person gets emotional because a poster is blunt/harsh, the message is lost and the response was a waste of time.

I think there's a difference between blunt and downright rude or disrespectful. They are not the same thing, but many women disguise what they say as just "being honest." My biggest pet peeve though, is when people instead of ANSWERING the question asked, give "extra" advice that was unsolicited and give opinions on details of your question vs answering the darn thing.

I agree there is a difference between blunt and outright rude. sometimes like you say yourself it is a good wake up call to see a rather off handed remark but when you ask for advice your not always going to get what you want for an answer. if you only wanted responses you agreed with i doubt you would choose such a public forum to ask. lol. its like if you post anything in public you better have some thick skin for the comebacks...lol. Outright name calling of a poster should be pulled immediately tho, that doesnt help anyone and should be considered bullying by any standards.

I think that if someone is reading our answers and pulling responses that are "perhaps" what they think the person asking does not want to hear then where does it stop? Who really has the authority to censer us, to try to make us conform to "their" idea of what the answer should be.

I used to get hate mail all the time. I didn't even go to my account for a long time. I don't get so much anymore but I still try to be honest and not mean.

Rhonda- do I believe people need to be policed on this site. YES! not only because there are rude, racist, flaming responses that come out of this site but because I feel that this site should be open to any question even if you happen to think it is not correct. I honestly believe that you as a person were being very rude to people on this site. If someone inflicted their bad mood on you would you have it. I highly doubt it. Mean comments are not allowed on this site as people need to be able to enjoy themselves. Read the terms and conditions people. I mean really if you obided by these terms and conditions you wouldn't need policed. This is my opinion

I believe kindness goes a long way in EVERYTHING WE DO AND SAY and just because you can answer anonymously you should feel you can be so blunt, it's just a hard world we live in and every act of kindness makes this world a better place even if the answer is not one that one wants to hear there is always a way to say it without grating on the person.

No to the police.

However, you can say what needs to be said and give direct, honest feedback to someone without being harsh or rude.

Just because someone asks for advice doesn't mean it's okay to be cruel in our responses. You can be truthful and to the point without being rude.

Amanda F. and Nikki G, the first two responders to this post summed it up best, and their answers deserve a look by all.

There is (or can be) an ocean of difference between being blunt and being downright rude. Blunt is okay (and can be due to distraction, communication style, or lack of available time to rework the response to be more tactful). These remarks can still be helpful.

talking bluntly is one thing. Name calling degrades the whole site and should be shut down.

Make no mistake, Rhonda, this site is in business because it MAKES MONEY for the owners of the site.

When you break it down--there is no "warm fuzzy" at the basic level.

Respect--gotta give it to get it, right?
Tact? Kind of like good taste & a sense of humor--everyone thinks they have those, but not everyone could!

Who should "police" the answers?
Someone blunt or someone less blunt? :)

Maybe some answers could be MORE blunt?

It's all perspective!

Nope - I usually preface my really blunt answers with, "I'm going to be blunt" :) Flaming is something that needs to be policed because personal insults and attacks are uncalled for. But to me it's usually obvious when someone is being blunt/harsh vs. insulting/attacking.

No, I don't think bluntness needs to be policed. However, I think people who report "tongue in cheek" responses, designed to add levity to a situation and make the poster feel a little better, in response to questions with no real answer need to dial it down a bit. You know the kind of questions I mean? The ones where a mom will show up and lament a situation with no real way for any of us to fix it with advice so the only thing we can do is respond with an opinion, a joke (or silly personal anecdote) or leave her question unanswered and alone, to become one of those dangling, zero response, sad forum dangler threads.

When I take the time to respond to someone, and it's not mean-spirited or hateful but its only crime is to not be perfectly constructive to the conversation, it really burns me up when my post just disappears because someone with a narrow view of the word reported it as "inappropriate".

It only happened a couple of times but really? Unless it's spam or a flagrant spewing of racism, hatred or personal attacks, leave it alone! I've only used the report this button ONCE, because the post was an obvious advertisement for some other website. Don't report it because you don't like or agree with it. It is not a thumbs down button.

I don't see anything wrong with a blunt answer. Blunt is good...no misunderstanding/misinterpretation. Sometimes sugarcoating leaves a little to interpretation and some people really need blunt. Unfortunately, sometimes that is taken too personally and people are offended and don't take from it what they should or they become too defensive.

What is not needed is complete rudeness or beyond.

I think it is ok to be blunt, but when you judge somebody without knowing them or their situation it is wrong.

I think we do a good job on our own. I too appreciate the honesty of the people on this site. If everyone just okie dokied everything, there would be no point.

Hi Rhonda,

I am known for my "blunt up close and personal" answers. However, I never use vulgar language or purposfully try to attack another mama. I do think the site needs to be monitored because some companies try to advertise by pretending to be one of us. Also, some mamas seem like they are looking for a fight and try to incite them with flamming posts.

As for the way you feel about the advice, I think it's great and glad some of the frank posts have helped you grow.

Blessings...