Lying Tweeners and Teenagers

Since they're already in therapy, I'm wondering if this behavior is a symptom of a disorder you haven't specified and not just the main problem. Either way, I would see what their therapist thinks about removing all possessions from their rooms and keeping everything under lock and key in your room until they can show an understanding of boundaries. Items can be given out for use or play, but must be returned. Let them earn their own things back, but keep your possessions locked in your room. A simple key lock on your bedroom door should suffice. Not ideal, but it may be your only way. Good luck!

Where on earth are you when this is all going on? I have a 13-year-old and I would know if she stole my laptop and was doing things with it. Is your house that big?

You need to be doing things with these kids and keeping them occupied. it sounds like they have way too much time on their hands and they are bored and acting out in bad ways.

You need to be in therapy as well it sounds like to me. A therapist would teach you how to stand firm, have fun with these kids and make consequences stick when they do wrong. It sounds like you're complaining about somebody's kids you have no control over. Take control.

And yes, lock stuff up. Get rid of bad stuff (candy, pop, movies, etc.) they can get their hands on. Do you have alcohol in the house? Get rid of it now if you do.

Wow D. I can say that I honestly don't know what I would do in this situation. Is it that the 13-year-old is acting out due to the recent antics of his birth mother and the 12-year-old (your bio child, right?) is there as a partner in crime? The nighttime thing would scare me to death, to be honest with you. It sounds like you're doing everything right during the day and then you can't even get a good night's sleep?

Definitely bring this to your therapist and see what she or he says. It sounds like you're going to have to physically lock up things for a while to prevent them from getting access. That makes you and your husband prisoners in your own home too, but maybe that's what's warranted at this point and it's a sacrifice you can make for a while. In their rooms, remove their doors and dressers. They can hang things in the closet and not have a place to hide things. Normally I would never think of treating children like prisoners, but in your case, it seems warranted. Someone on here posted a thread a couple of weeks ago about doing an "at home" bootcamp to help manage her teenage daughter's extreme and dangerous behavior. Maybe run an idea like that by the therapists/psychologists to see what they say.

It's clear that your boys and your family is in crisis - stay strong and have faith that you will get through this. Hopefully this phase will be short-lived and you'll be able to get them back to a place of normalcy soon.

Have you had a chance to spend 1:1 time with each child and ask him what on earth is going on? What do they say?

What is going on in your house that is happening...Was there a traumatic episode..Loss of family or friend? Are you working too much??? Coming home too late? Are you being consistant with action and consequence? How long have you been in therapy?

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED:
Learning that you aren't the mother of the 13 year old helps to understand his behavior. He's suffering from the feeling of abandonment from his birth mother, not matter how good you and his father have been. Still this no excuse for delinquent and disrespectful behavior.

If you or dad are at home with the boys, it looks like your just going to have to get tougher and be consistent. Take door off their bedrooms and the dresser out , they can hide things in there. Show them that if they want privacy and their material items returned, they will have to earn each thing one by one.

D.,

It sounds like your family has a lot of material possessions and your children are stealing from home. Are they stealing from outside the home?

Since your boys don't obey, respect or listen to you, dad or the therapist, it may time for another solution. I would suggest contacting your local police department and see if there is something like a "Scared Straight" program in your area. I would also see if the juvenile department could recommend a different therapist.

There are also private schools that specialize in helping troubled children. Here is one url: <adolescentcrisisteam.com>

These programs are very expensive so if this is not an option it's really time to put the hammer down at home. They should not be left alone at any time. If they have stolen things outside the home contact the police and juvenile authorities.

Get to the bottom of the telephone SIM card and contact the parents of the other child assisting your boys in stealing.

You might also consider clearing your room out to the point that it is not necessary to lock your door. In order to improve the morals and standards of your children, you and dad may need to evaluate your own standards.

Place the only tv and computer in your in a family area. You can control access to both tv and computer with pass codes. Have family time for tv and at least eat dinner together during the week. More time together on the weekend.

Your boys are in trouble and it appears that all concerned will have to make some sacrifices and lifestyle changes in order to bring them under control. They need to be pretty much grounded with no outside activities except for school until the can prove they can be trusted.

Blessings.....

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