School Schedule 6Th

Let her deal with it. Like you said, she has also participated in these things; maybe she'll gain some empathy and stop doing it to others. Let Karma work her magic!

My daughter is 11 and in 6th grade. She will be 12 in May.

I would speak to the lunchroom supervisor sooner rather than later before it escalates.

I would go with let it go and start distancing from these girls if she no longer likes the way they joke. I would almost be sure she was on the giving end of some of the same and thought it was funny. It isn't, she knows that now.

So either distance or call a truce. By call a truce I mean without accusing anyone since all were a part of it, say we are getting a bit out of hand. Mom isn't happy that my water bottle got dented. They will either say we were thinking the same thing or they will not. If not, distance.

Both! I think it's a great idea to talk to the school counselor. No matter what your daughter's role is or what, exactly, has been going on, the school counselor needs to know and might have more information than you do. Having a conversation is a great idea.

You still need to let your daughter deal with this.

I think you have to step back and really determine how your daughter participated in the past. Was she really just an observer? Did she encourage and/or instigate? Was she more of a ring leader?

While she may have not played a major role, maybe she did. It's important that you not ignore this possibility.

I would sit down with her afterschool and ask her more. Find out what her role has been all along. If she's been more of an observer, you might ask her if she really wants to be a part of this group. If she's participated a little bit, maybe you can help her come up with ways to make some changes. If it turns out she's been a major player, well, paybacks are hell, and it sounds like some of the girls were tired of her shenanigans.

You really need to get some more information from your daughter about what's been going on. It's not just about what happened yesterday.

If your daughter wants the throwing and patting on the back to stop, coach her in how to loudly and firmly say something like, "Knock it off!" or "Stop hitting me on the back!" to her friends.

She needs to learn how to assert herself, when necessary. Learning to do that will be invaluable for her. I don't think you should talk to the counselor at this point.

28 Degrees at lunchtime? I call troll. That's not a "warm day."

I see you have a post history and aren't new to MMP. You might not be a troll, but I don't think you're getting the full, honest story from your daughter if she's telling you she went outside to eat at lunch in "warm" 28 degree weather.

These girls aren't her friends. They're a$$holes. I suggest that she not hang out with them any longer. Sit somewhere else to avoid them, but not outside where it's below freezing.

I agree with Julie S. Sounds like she participated in some degree of this herself prior to this incident.
I won't speculate as to whether she enjoyed participating or was just trying to fit in with these other girls, or not.

If she speaks up and says it went too far, we need to curtail, and they persist, then she needs to back away from these "friendships," because they aren't really friendships at all. Sounds like a group of mean girls to me. Is your daughter also a mean girl?

Since you posted about it on this forum, I wonder if there is more history or something, since it seems a big concern over a single incident. Perhaps you might want to check out (and have your daughter check out) Queen Bees and Wanna Bees. I think that is the name of it.

I confess I haven't read it personally, but I understand it addresses some of the types of behavior it sounds like your daughter might be encountering.

Good luck.

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Yes, 11 yrs old is 6th grade. My kids (both of them) were 11 for their entire 6th grade year. My daughter, who is 13 is in 8th grade. She'll graduate high school at 17, unless she graduates early. I did, too, started college when I was still 17, in fact, since I have a September birthday. And I did not graduate early. My son is a junior (11th grade) and he is 16. Will also graduate at 17.
I'm not getting the snarkiness over the age of this girl.

They aren't her friends. Period. Your friends don't throw your things or ruin them, or 'pat' you so that it hurts. Your daughter needs to stand up for herself and tell them to stop because helicopter mom shouldn't be flying in every time a situation comes up to rescue her.

In addition to Rosebud's great advice, I'll just chime in that I've seen this kind of behavior in girls this age and it drives me crazy. But more often I see girls take each others phones as a "joke" and proceed to send texts, make fake FB posts, etc. I don't know why this is a trend, but man when I see it I put a stop to it IMMEDIATELY.
I would only get the counselor involved if your daughter is unable to get the girls to stop on her own.

Sounds like a teachable moment to me. First she was being a mean girl (even if not the ringleader, she went along with it), and then she found out what it was like when the other mean girls made her the victim.

I don't think you need to talk to the school counselor right now, but you do need to talk to your daughter.
1) talk about how it felt to be the object of teasing, instead of the one doing it. Maybe she'll start to think more about how she treats others.
2) talk to her about how she wants to handle it. Does she want to still be friends with these girls, but tell them she won't participate in mean games anymore? does she want to find nice girls to sit with? does she need practice role playing how to stand up to other kids?

Thus is not to the level of bullying, and I think it is far better for you to teach your child how to handle other kids on her own than to involve the counselor. If it turns into true bullying later on, then yes, by all means call the counselor. But you're not there yet.

ETA: And yeah, my son will be 11 in 6th grade. That is completely possible. If you don't redshirt for K with a spring or summer birthday, it's not just possible but typical that you will be 11 for all of your 6th grade year.

Sounds typical. (Makes my blood boil--but typical.)
Encourage her to speak LOUDLY and CLEARLY.
Encourage her to be smart & head these things off at the pass by using her head with regard to her items.
Ugh. Sorry. Good luck!

I'm confused - it was far from warm in the DC region yesterday...so I hope she was okay to eat outside. We were out of school (southern Maryland) but if they were in school they would not have been permitted to go outside for recess or lunch.

Anyways, it really sounds like she participated. It's hard at this age to try to fit in and they make bad choices sometimes. This is coming from a mom of an 11 year old 6th grader. It really stinks your daughters items were messed up, but I also assume if all of this was going on an administrator would have noticed.

If you think a counselor can help your daughter to avoid situations like this, by all means utilize her. But really I think you need to talk to your daughter about the types of friends she is choosing. If she picks better people as friends, she will likely not get in these situations.

They broke her thermos by throwing it across the room. That's beyond goofing off.

Call the office and ask to speak who's in charge during lunch, in the lunchroom. Ask them if they'll be the bad guy and "catch" these kids acting like this. Then they can do some sort of retribution in the lunchroom like helping clean up or something.

That person should have stopped this sort of behavior when they saw it. Someone could have been walking along and got hit in the head with a flying thermos. It could have given them a concussion or worse.

I had a little toddler friend die when she was hit in the head by a flying rock, a small rock too. It hit her temple just right. The mom was pregnant with little sibling and almost lost it too. The rock wasn't big nor moving really fast. It was a freak accident.

So these girls went too far. They need be caught and reprimanded by their authority figure at lunch.

So many tween and teen "harmless" fun activities start out with something so negligible and silly, and end up with someone getting injured, property being damaged, or worse. I believe that a huge percentage of accident reports and damage reports start out with "we were just clowning around", or "we always did it, until...", or "nobody meant it to end this way". The kids push somebody, or try some stunt, and one time, it's funny. The next time, it's devastating.

So I think that this is not an incident that should be reported yet, but I definitely think that this is a great time to help your young daughter learn a valuable lesson. When they were joking and hiding lunches, I'm sure it all seemed quite funny. But had she thought ahead about possible consequences, she might have thought about the possibility of losing something valuable along with a lunch, or hiding a lunch with peanut butter in it near someone with a deadly allergy, or making someone go hungry - maybe someone who's diabetic and needed the food. Young kids don't naturally think of these things.

So help her learn to stop and think. Is this actually harmless and funny, or could it be perceived as harmful or bullying, or could it escalate to where someone is hurt? If she learns to think like that, and step away from situations that are potentially harmful, she'll avoid a lot of problems down the road. This is a great example, and a great time, to help her learn some lifelong skills. She doesn't need to explain everything, or preach, or appear snobby - she just has to walk away pleasantly and find something else to do.

And maybe you could get her a lunch box that has a shoulder strap?

I think the girls are bullying your daughter and if she cannot get them to stop on her own, she should consider talking to a trusted teacher or counselor. She should also move tables to sit with nicer friends. Middle school is a miserable time for many kids. Girls in particular are mean, catty, and underhanded. I would encourage HER to deal with it as much as she can, because it often is better if she stands up for herself vs having a parent intervene at this point. I would keep my ear out for further problems, but also not get wrapped up in every little interaction. MS girl friendships are like water. Ever changing. You can role play with her things to say and what to do if it happens again. How does she tell them to stop? If it's not very assertive, teach her more firm and direct words to use. "This is not funny. Do not touch my lunch." Or whatever. Being a smaller person myself, it can be easy to be picked on but she needs to make herself heard.

Further, I would discuss with her friendships and why she hangs out with girls who are not nice. Why does she do things "in fun" that aren't really funny? We had to have some conversations like that with both sks, so they could understand that no, hiding someone's shoes so they couldn't leave a friend's house was not funny, especially when it made everyone late trying to find them. Or no, "busting" on someone was not funny when it made him mad or nearly cry.

FWIW, I was new to a school when I was 11 and I picked the wrong table. I stubbornly stayed there, at the far end, but the girls would move my backpack and put it and my books on the floor. By the next year I made friends I could sit with, but 6th grade was miserable. I hated lunch.

Wait a minute - 11 years old and in 6th grade? I'm not getting that... most 4th graders are 10 years old. No wonder someone called you a troll...

If this is really true and someone hasn't hijacked a real member's MP account, I would go to the principal about it. These girls are not being friends - this is either a continuation or beginning of bullying behavior and it needs to be dealt with. Obviously letting her deal with it is NOT working.

First, My youngest daughter is 8 and in 3rd grade. She will also be 11 in 6th grade lol. Anyway, I think I would see how she would like to handle it. My older daughter actually told us that she wants us to step back and let her try to handle these types of situations (she also had a couple similar experiences) on her own and if that did not work then she would come to us for helped. So far that has worked out well.

It doesn't sound like these girls are friends sounds more like they would like her to sit elsewhere. I would suggest that first before taking it to the counselor. Maybe talk to the counselor but tell your daughter to sit somewhere else with other friends.