Loss of an Infant

I work in the maternily dept of a local hospital. We have recently had a group of couples come and speak to us about the loss of a child. They have formed a group to help other people who have also had losses. If you think this may be a help to her, please let me know and I can get the information for you!

C.,
I'm so sorry to hear that. She will definitley be in our prayers. My suggestion would be to tell her that your there for her and that your not sure exactly what she needs, but whatever it is your there. What my church did for a family that lost their son was make dinners that could be frozen, so they wouldn't have to worry about cooking and wouldn't have an excuse not to eat. Some church memebers went over and helped with things like cleaning. The most important thing is to make sure that she knows that your there for her, and she is not alone. I hope this helps, and again my deepest condolences to your friend.
C.

I pray that your friend finds peace in her loss. And I think just your being there for her means alot. At times you don't have to say anything to give comfort. I hope you all pull through.

Your presence on the other end of the phone or just being in the same room with her helps. There doesn't have to be a conversation. Let her talk...you just being there helps. You don't have to find a single thing to say.

Dear C.,

I also had a daughter die at 3 months old, but she was able to be at home with us the whole time. From my perspective, there are a few things you can do to help. Saying you understand or that you're happy the baby is in a better place are NOT good things to say. Saying "I love you" and "Would you like to talk about her today?" are really good things. But remember, saying something stupid is SO much better than saying nothing at all. You are a great friend just for sticking around through her pain.

Also, I really appreciated when people would offer to help with my older child, make a meal for us, or help with housecleaning. Your friend is busy grieving full-time right now, and all other things tend to fall by the wayside when you're that busy with your grief.

As time heals a little bit and your friend becomes more able to cope with life in general, the thing that she'll probably need most is the opportunity to share about her baby's life OVER and OVER. You may know everything she's saying inside and out, but the therapy is in being able to tell her story and keep her little one present in her life. If you'd like, I'm completely willing to give you my e-mail address if you have more questions in the future. Please know that my prayers are with your friend and her family.

Bless your heart! you are a good friend.
How sad for your friend and her family and friends.
I have been on both sides. what i can tell you is, to be honest.
if you just say, 'i really wish i knew what to say to help you feel better but i know there really isn't anything i can say right now'. or what ever the true feelings are you are having. don't try to come up with something profound that you feel could be helpful.
only time , love and support will help. is there any one who has been put in charge of say meals for them, or helping our with other children(if they have others)? or house cleaning, laundry. helping out with meals or child care while the family takes care of other matters is always helpful and later when looked upon very appreciated. Sometimes there is many friends and family that come to visit. and the neatest things anyone brought to our family after our loss was a box full of paper plates, napkins, untensils , toiletpaper even..lol
main thing, i would just ask her.. how can i help you? don't think that oh others are probably calling, visiting etc, so i'll stay back for a while till things calm down. don't do that. others are thinking the same thing. make that contact with her even if it's just a voice mail message.

you are a good friend..I'm so sorry to hear your friend and family are going thru this.

I would give your love and support to her. Let her know that you are here for her and let her cry on your shoulder and just listen to her. Just be a friend can be give her the support that she needs.

Just being there when she needs to cry one your shoulder, or talk about it. Maybe make up a casserole every now and then, those are great because then can freeze well if they've already started something. A friend of mine said that was the hardest part was focusing on preparing meals. when you don't feel hungry it's hard to cook.

Or something as simple as offering to toss a load of laundry in, unload the dishwasher could be a big help.

Truly, the best thing you can do is just be available to her. Let her know that you are there if she needs to talk. Was this her only child?
A grief counselor once told me that when people go thru such a horrible ordeal they don't remember what people SAY, just that they were THERE. Make yourself available. Maybe take her to lunch to get her out of the house...don't worry that you might say something dumb..who cares..just sit and hold her hand.
Best wishes-H.

C.,
The loss of a child is very hard for a parent. My ssuggestion is to stay as close as you can with her and offer to just be there if she needs someone to pick her up from depression. In my experience people just left me to defend for myself which i admit was very dangerous. I had a lot of bad thoughts and depression. I couldn't figure out why God allowed this to happen to a child.I had to figure and work out alot of emotions by myself. It has been almost 4 Years and alot of people I knew then are just starting to talk to me but they back off when I mention my babies name. Just be there. She needs her space and time but her and the father both need someone to keep them together mentally. Thanks for being there for them this far. You are a true friend. This will be hard on everyone even close friends. I am sorry .
A.

My hear and sympathy go out to your friend--I, too, experienced the loss of our first born child.it hurts deeply! the best thing I found was for my friends to be there for me if I wanted to cry or just talk, Many people said "You're still young and can have more children--this is true, but they forget that a child cannot be replaced by another child. This baby has a close tie to it's mother as will her other children will. I found having friends pray with me and just being there meant much to me and i am greatful for each one of them. I now have one son and five daughters--each one is precious and loved, but i still remember the little boy that was called to His eternal home. My sympathy and love are extended to your friend and her family and may God bless you also as you walk this pathway with her.