Looking for Advise on a Easy Way Stop Nursing a Almost 2 Yr Old

I have a friend who had this issue. She went away for a long weekend & left her child with grandma. Her milk supply dried up while she was gone & when she got back she just told her child that she had no more milk.

As in any situation, you're the mom.
He's very demanding and won't stop until you give in, because you do give in. If you don't give in, He'll stop!

Hi, K.. Well, to tell you the truth, there really is no way to just stop nursing a kid who wants to nurse without traumatizing him.

I'm not sure why you want to stop. The reason why he can get through the day without it is because you simply aren't there to nurse from. He copes without your presence, but when you are there, he wants that bond with you, and he feels the urgency because he HAS coped all day, and wants to relax and have that reassurance that Mommy is still Mommy when she's home. He's not yet 2, so it's not a bad thing that he wants this. Lots of children nurse until around age 3, plus or minus a few months.

He's not ready to give it up, and I think you should just be patient with him until he's ready. If he's well-adjusted enough to patiently wait for you all day, then please, by all means, reward him with a little patience and bonding.

Otherwise, if you try to force him to give up that comfort when he's not ready, you're going to see a whole lot of drama acted out in other ways. So be kind to yourself as well as baby, and give him some more time to get weaned.

Peace,
Syl

I can offer no personal experience but that of a very close friend. She had to wean her daughter due to medical reasons around 18 months. She put band aids over her nipples and told her daughter she had boo-boos and the milk went away. Seemed like the child could relate to a boo-boo and didn't want to hurt her mommy. Just an idea. Good luck!

I had the same problem with my daughter who nursed until she was 2 1/2. Finally one day I told her that I was very sorry, but that my milk was broken, and that it just didn't work any more. We were sad together for a while, and then, very thoughtfully, she said, well, can I just hold them? I said sure, and she cupped her little hands around my breast and laid her head on them. Turns out what she really wanted was the closeness and comfort, not really the milk. For a little while she would ask to hold them if she was tired or stressed, and we would cuddle together with her cupping my breast and putting her head on them, and eventually she just setttled for the cuddling. She wasn't even jealous when her twin brothers were born 8 months later and started nursing. Maybe something similar would help in your situation. I think the key is to be sad with them and then continue to say "I am so sorry, but they just don't work any more." and empathize with the child whenever they ask to breastfeed. I think this keeps them from being angry and demanding the breast. Hope this helps.
L.-Lin
Mother of 5

It is suggested to take one feeding away every week to two weeks. To make a goal that by his 2nd birthday that he will be completely weaned. He doesn't need to nurse passed 2 years old. Even the Pediatrics Association suggests nursing until 2 years. I know it is difficult, but if he knows you will give in he will keep pushing it. When I weaned my daughter, she was weaned at 19 months and I was 5 months pregnant with my son, it took me 5 months to wean her...the 1st feeding I took away was before bedtime. My husband put her to bed instead of me until she trained to fall asleep without nursing. The last one I took away was before nap time...she was nursing on me and I took my breast, covered my nipple and said "I am sorry, Mommy can't do this anymore" and I closed my shirt hugged and kissed her and rubbed her back to sleep.
The other feedings I just redirected her to other exciting things to do for example games, puzzles, ball, a movie or some juice.
The relationship between you will be different, but in a good different way. If you do it the best way you will teach your son that it is okay to let go and when you let go of something other great things open up.
Great Luck!!!

Hi K.,
Looks like you've got lots of responses to review. Just wanted to share with you my story. I, too, thought I'd stop nursing my daughter by the time she was two. It didn't work out that way. By the time she was two, last Christmas, we were down to about 2 or 3 times a day. Naps and bedtime. I felt some pressure to stop because of her age, but frankly it was so nice and also easy nursing her to sleep. Now let me say, if she'd had her way, she'd nurse all day but I limited her. A month before she was to start pre-school I started telling her that once she started school she could not nurse any more. She was really excited about school so I thought this would work. We had our last nurse the last night of the olympics (she was 33 months) and I was a little sad about stopping. The next night, we eliminated the (last) bedtime nurse and it was awful. I know that's not what you want to hear. The "exorcism" behavior lasted about 25 minutes and it broke my heart. My husband was great at supporting me. I kept reminding myself that it would be cruel to give in and nurse because then I'd have tortured her for nothing. The next night she cried for about 10 minutes and I held her and soothed her. The third night, no issues. She still half heartily asked to nurse over the next few months but I just assured her that I love her and we don't nurse anymore. Good luck. Stay strong. And nurse your child for as long as you see fit. N.

I did not wean my son untill he was 2 1/2. I kept waiting for him to wean himself, but I don't think he would ever have given it up. Towards the end we only nursed before bedtime and it was a comfort thing for him so I started to time our nursing sessions and slowly, and I mean over a few weeks, decreased the time from 5 minutes to 1 minute. In the end, I caved in and let him rest his hand on my breast just so he could still find some comfort. I think this become another comfort issue and I'm still battling breaking this habit but again limiting his time still seems to be working for us. On most nights, he'll remove his hand after just a few seconds.

K....Lord do I sympathize with you! With my first child, who is now 7, I went through something similar. He was strictly breastfed for the first 6 months and when I went back to college, I was pumping and supplementing with formula. As soon as I got home, he was ready to nurse. This went on for quite some time. When he was 2, it was to the point of him lifting my shirt to get to his "nursies." =)This wasn't just at home either...it happened in stores and restaurants also. I wanted to wean, but he just didn't seem ready and I felt bad when he would cry for his nursies. Finally, after a lot of talking with him about how Mommy was almost empty of milk, we were down to only nursing at night. He would ask sometimes during the day, but would calmly go about his business when I refused...as long as I was calm and nice myself. I would often try to redirect his attention with an activity or game while letting him have a sippy cup of milk or water. By the time he was 2 1/2, he was completely weaned. It was long and arduous(mainly because I wasn't sure of the decision), but once he knew I was sticking to my guns, he was more accepting of the change. It was like when I was still unsure of stopping, he sensed that and was able to take advantage of my weakness. Once I was completely confident and secure in my decision to wean, he got the picture quickly and calmly gave up his nursies. =)
I hope this helps in some way. Just be secure in your decision to wean and he should pick up on that. If he senses any reluctance on your part, he'll want to keep up with his "gulk." Good luck!

Hi K.,
I am a Mom of two girls age 9 & 4. I nursed the first one for 15 months and the second for 2 1/2 years. ( I didn't have to go back to work back then). Anyway, don't worry everything will work out great! I weaned them off. Try only at night before bed for two weeks and maybe prep by reading big boy drinks from a cup books or video tapes. When I felt firmly about my plan of action, my girls responded with security. I also gave extra reassurances like kuddles and holding times. Just breathe through it all and remember this is only temporary. You can't blame him for wanting "more" but if you are consistent that is key to your success. You will have many more years of having to say "no" or put your foot down for various reasons. He will always naturally try and push boundaries. In a perfect world who would blame the wanting of it, but he is getting all his nutrients now in food and you can replace that type of love with a different physical closeness . Good luck! Elaina L.

Find a La Leche Group. If the first group you try doesn't "click," try another (they are varied as we are). Get support because all nursing mothers are ready to quit at some point. I've nursed three, the youngest now three (had to stop at eleven months for health reasons). It's not easy but getting through this with the minimum of regrets and the maximum of support is my wish to you. Take care, and hang in there!

L. D., mom of three

My daugter was exctly the same as your son, Demanding and insitent on nursing. I just began telling her every day that soon there will be no more "other side" ( that is what she called it!)
I would basically explain to her that it was time to stop, as she was getting bigger., And mommy need her body back ( not exactly in those words)
I would share with her that her older friends had stopped,or other children her age.
I also purchased the Adiri bottle nurser , which cut out ALOT if nursing time to start .
Check it out at adiri.com. This helped us SO MUCH and still does.
this went on for about 3 months and one day she fell on the slide and hit her lip, it swelled and she felt she could not nurse ,as it would burn, after the first day she took the "other side' bottle,but insited that she should not nurse because of her lip, she stuck with this story long after her lip healed and never nursed again.
She is very strong-willed and it had to be "her " decision.
even when I would bring it up that she has stopped 'other side', she would ask "why?' and I would say it is because you are a big girl now, and she would say , no , its because I hurt my lip!!!
I truly believe she understood all the talks we had , and I noticed her more and more ready, she just did not know how really and eiter did I!!
I NEVER EVER would have believed it would have been so easy.
I am glad I stuck it out until she was "ready "
I was ready months before.
she was 2 years and 6 months old when she finally stopped.
She still uses the adiri "other side "bottle at night when she goes to be and if she wakes in the night.
she drinks two full 16 oz bottles of soy or cows milk ,sometimes with a herbal tea and some agave in it as well (mixed with the milk )its nice and warm and yummy!

oh and my daugether will be 3 in December (15th) , they are strong , these little December children , Warriors!!!

GOOD LUCK!!
S.

I'm in the middle of the same thing with my daughter, and she will also be 2 in December, although I only allow her to nurse to bed. I have figured out that if she wants to nurse at other times, she is either hungry or tired and she needs either food or a nap. You could let him nurse at two specific times: right when you get home and to bed and no other times, or you could cut one of those feedings out and find another activity that he loves. You could also try drinking less water so you have a lower milk supply and he gets less of a reward. If you could get him to wait until after dinner, and play with him until then, eventually he'll get the message. Have snacks ready so he isn't hungry. Focus your attention on him so he gets that reward, but delay the nursing as long as you can. You could also try eating very strongly flavored foods and see if that could put him off your milk. That won't work with my kid, but it might with yours.

It's really not as easy as just stopping. I bet he nurses when you come home from work as a way to reconnect with you after you've been apart. At 2, you can definitely set limits. I nursed my daughter until she was 25 months so I know how demanding they can be. How often does he nurse? I might start by only nursing at certain times. For instance, nurse him when you get home (I have a feeling that is a really important session for him) and tell him you'll nurse again after dinner or at bedtime, etc. The more you "battle" him about nursing, the harder it will be. If you have set nursing times to start, it helps take the struggle out of it and the anxiety for your son about if you'll let him nurse again. And he may be upset over having to wait until the next session, but I don't think he'll be traumatized. After all, he will be getting to nurse again and he'll know when.

For my daughter, I started with limits around 16 months. I only nursed her on our bed to eliminate the nursing association anywhere else. I made sure to tell her we only nursed on the bed. Then I only nursed her at certain times and I told her when they would be coming. It wasn't all tear free, but she understood that she would get to nurse again and when. After a few days, she accepted it. Then I started eliminating nursing sessions until we were down to nap and bed and during the night. We had those sessions for months until I decided to finish weaning her around 23-24 months. I basically weaned her from nursing to sleep. It was very gradual and not traumatic for her. Oh and I did it without any help from my husband. I'm running out of time, but if you'd like to know specifically how I finished weaning her, please send me a message. FWIW, my daughter was a huge comfort nurser (never took bottles or pacifiers either) and I never thought I'd wean her without a huge struggle. But, at the end, it wasn't too bad.

Hi K., I don't understand why people think you should stop and that it's a bad thing to continue to nurse. Nursing forms a great bond between mother and child, one that can never be replicated. I also don't understand why people stop nursing to instead give their child the nursed milk of a cow intended for HER offspring. Anyway, the World Health Organization says up to age 6 is ok. I never thought I'd nurse after my daughter turned 1. I even saw a friend nurse her 4 year old daughter and thought it was bizarre, till my daughter got older and older. I did finally wean her, she last nursed on her 4th birthday to go to sleep. I would have kept going but was in the middle of a brutal divorce and there was drama with my ex and continuing nursing. Keep up the good work you are doing the BEST thing you can for your boy. He will grow up to be confident and not have mommy issues.

Hi K.,

I stopped nursing my son the day after he turned 2- Congrats on nursing for 2 years! My son also loved nursing, only took a paci until he good get his thumb and rarely took a bottle. He would get very mad if I refused to nurse. So the day I wanted to stop I told him all throughout the day, "No more Mommy's milk" The days leading up to it I would say "only 3 more days of mommy's milk, only 2 more days", tc. By this point he was only nursing at night. So the night I stopped after his bath I said "Remember, no more mommy's milk" He did ask and wanted it but I just kept the same routine minus the nursing and he would ask and get mad for a few days and then one day he just stopped asking.
I hope this helps.
Good Luck!

Jill

If you are sure you want to end nursing your son, then you MUST do it slowly and once you stop, you can't go back because it will confuse him. You have to start replacing each nursing session with something else. Think: Distraction. When he asks for milk, don't sit with him in your usual nursing spot. Instead, go to another room, sit and read a story together, or play a little game. Begin telling him that mommy's milk is starting to go away because he's done such a great job at growing...make up whatever story that works. I used to tell my second daughter (who I nursed past her 3rd birthday) that my milk was tired and it went to sleep. I stopped wearing my nursing bras and I wore shirts that made nursing next to impossible. Lots of cuddles, hugs and kisses during this transition. It may take a month to get him to stop completely. Since he will be 2 in December, his level of understanding is a bit low so he wouldn't understand if you told him that in another month or so your milk was going away. Just start by replacing nursing sessions with something else. Good luck.

I have 3 kids and I weaned all three after they were two years old. I weaned my youngest, a son, at 2 and a half and I did something that might work for you...

Instead of nursing we did "tummies." He would lay in my arms as if to nurse, tummy against tummy, and we would snuggle and talk or I would hum to him, anything that might have happened during nursing. I discussed this change with him before it took place, and I never waivered after the starting date.

Not waivering is a key component. If you stop nursing, loose your resolve and start nursing again, then he knows that any future attempts to stop nursing might be reversible too, and this makes it harder and harder for you over time. You have to be committed from the get-go or they sense it and take advantage of you! It's heartbreaking for you!

"Tummies" worked for us because he still experienced all the things he liked about nursing, except the milk: having me all to himself, a long snuggle, close eye contact, being held, comforted and protected. I didn't need to do this, but you could serve him some warm milk in a cup before tummies so that his tummy is full.

Before you start weaning, you should have some honest conversations with yourself. Please do not feel guilty about weaning your son (or about working). You have given him a very important leg up in life by nursing him this long a time. Now it is time for him to learn to be adaptable and that is also a very important leg up in life. Since he did not take a pacifier or a bottle, it does show that he is not very flexible in this department. It is important for him to be flexible. Life in uncertain and I think the best thing you as mom can teach your son is to accept change and to make the best of it. For us moms, being needed is wonderful and incredible, but eventually having independent, adaptable, easy going kids is even more fulfilling.

Good luck. I hope this works for you.

Does he nurse to sleep at bedtime? This requires additional tactics...