Looking for Advice on How to Handle My Almost 12 Yr. Olds Attitude!

My 8 year old has started this already! We just got a TV for her room a week or so ago (no cable, just for her dvd's). I told her when she got it that if she raises her voice to me, the tv is gone. she has gotten a lot better. She has also gotten into a habit of slamming doors...I told her yesterday that if she slams it one more time, the door will be taken off it's hinges and she will have no more privacy. We will have to see how that works.

I have two daugheters one is sixteen and one is 13. My sixteen year old daughter is very responsible and does very well in school. My 13 year old has been a great challenge. It started when she was 12. I never thought I'd make it. The thing that saved me was I remember my oldest daughter going through the same thing when she was 12. The peer pressure is so great at this age. The first thing that I did was take her to Huntington so we can help her feel struggle less with her grades and see others were feeling the same way. I could'nt be the bag guy and help her because she would sream at me. It was very expensive and I realize that she is going to need constant help so I take her to tutoring after school and take advantage of any free tutoring oportunities possible. When she started making better grades in school it helped her self esteem. My daughter has anxiety, but she's not been diagnosed with anything else at this time. She does her homework but with very little effort. I've agreed to help her keep her room organized as long as she's reading and doing her homework. If she's studying for as long as she is studying I will help her with chores in her room. This seems to help because she loves to have her room clean, but she does not like to clean. I hope this helps some.

P.

I would say this is way too much to do on your own. I have a younger sister with bi-polar. She needs medication and counseling to even function in the world. I know there are different degrees but it is a serious disorder and it seems as though a professional is needed to help with her self esteem and OCD. There are a lot of counselors out there/ If you have tried one before and did not like it try again. Everyone is different. She may not like the idea at first but if she is able to build a relationship with the person she could end up love going. Especially if she sees that things are getting better.
I wish you the best with this. I could imagine it being very difficult at times.

i have a son that is adhd and i am bipolar so i know what youre going thru im also adhd. i remember being 12 the whole world against me. it took a peer telling me no one was talking about me to calm me down. i would bust into their conversations yelling everyone was talking about me and i knew it. this peer told me no one was and i needed to get a grip. you cant control this but maybe someone who cares will convince her of her peers. the best news is that 12 is only here once and they move on. it doesnt sound like much but it is true. it sounds like shes dealing heavily with hormones too. is there an increase in stress at certain times of the month. if so maybe theres help for that. a therapist helped my son and meds too of course. hope this helps. my therapist has made a world of difference in my house.

What a lot to deal with! Have you considered counseling and medication for her? Bipolar disorder and OCD can certainly rule someone's life and color how they view the world. There's also a National OCD non-profit, I can't think of their name at the moment, but it's a support group of sorts and they have a website and phone number.

J.,
I am a special education teacher with Chesapeake Public Schools. Although, I am not big or keen on medicating children...I may think about if I was you if you haven't done so already. If your daughter is on meds they may not be the right ones because children who are on the right meds usually act as though they have no disabilities at all.

I would try making your daughter become responsible for herself. She needs to learn that there are consequences for her actions, i.e. if she won't get out of bed in the morning then don't fight with her. Ask her once or twice to get up and if she doesn't leave her there until the last minute before the bus comes. At the last minute get her up and put her out of the house and on the bus. All though this may seem cruel...she will quickly learn to get up or she is going to go to school in her pj's.

As for her failing in school...her ADHD, OCD and BiPolar may be causing a lot of her problems. If she can not concentrate then she can't sit still long enough to learn and her mind is probably wondering a million miles a minute. Again, with this many disabilities the right meds may be the answer.

As for her not like herself and having self-esteem problems that probably has a lot to do with her bipolar disorder and if children and/or adults are not on the right medication they can act and say things that are irrational.

I would really reccomend that you either speak to your pediatrician or seek the help of a child psychologist. In what you describe your child is screaming out for help and waiting for someone to answer her.

I hold you in high regard to be handling all of these children with their disabilities by yourself.

Good Luck and I hoped that I have given you some good advice.

K.

Pray for your daughter. God can heal her. Pray over and have faith. Once you pray don't worry about it anymore. Everyday...just start thanking God for healing your daughter. It doesn't matter if she still has the symptoms of those disorders...just thank God everyday for healing her....and I promise that you will see a change in your daughter. God is a healer. Ask me how I know...he healed my body. Believe God for your daughter's healing.

Dear J. F
Oh the joys of raising a girl. It seems you have a big personality to deal with, so why not try one thing at a time. First of all,our children are dealing with alot more pressure at school today then we did. The curriculum is harder and the other girls...ruthless.
Try, if you can get babysitters for the other children, a one on one; mall day. It gives you a chance to have a day to talk about whatever, the other girls at school, teachers, boys??, ect. Let HER pick out a new outfit that makes her feel good about herself...maybe some new lip gloss and some perfume too.
Sometimes self esteem issues are because the child doesn't have the right pair of jeans, she sees all the other girls with something that she doesn't have.It may seem petty but pre teens don't understand anything but MTV and thats it! They don't care about anything but fitting in right now, and it sounds like she has enough against her already with her OCD ect.
Also you would be surprised how a new outfit can get her to clean and organize her closet! Maybe some weekly chores can pay for a by-weekly mall trip? Or do you have a girlfriend or aunt that she might feel more comfortable confiding in? Gosh...I have a thousand ideas. Feel free to email me if you want to talk some about it. ____@____.com
C.

Just a few thoughts. If your daughter takes meds, she may need her doctor to recheck them. As a special ed. teacher, I see chldren begin to hit puberty and their hormones get out of wack and their dosages need to be changed. Also, find out who her friends are at school. Some of her self-esteem issues may be coming from them. As we all know, kids at that age can be very hurtful sometimes. Finally, maybe a visit with a therapist could do her some good. She may just need someone to talk to that is a neutral party she can trust. Best wishes and good luck!

My daughter is 13, she'll be fourteen next week and I have been dealing with this sicne she was 5. It is a hard road. She has gotten ten times better as shes gotten older. She never had many friends either and the dchool was determined to put her special classes, medicine, anything they could find to rid her. Please hang in there mom it will get better. Also watch how much medicine she is on. Tiffanni was much better without it then with it. Email me sometimes maybe we can talk. ____@____.com