Long, Long, Question About ADHD, Marriage/communication, and Meds.

Oh, I have my own question, which sprung up while I was reading through the ADHDgirls responses. Perhaps you fine folks can help me trouble shoot my own situation. It's going to be a long and bumpy road, so buckle your seat belts (or jump out noooooooow!!).

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. It is amazingly freeing to FINALLY understand that yes, I am indeed 'different' (not making THAT one up, phew! What a relief!). It's also wonderful to look at my past and present and GET what's going on. Up until recently I really did just think I was crazy and/or incapable (I'm trying SO hard, but I'm not getting anywhere and fast!).

My husband hasn't had a screening in a lot of years, but as a kid/teenager he was given many (contradicting) diagnosis (and medications). His experience of the psychiatric world has been very, very negative, especially as he was not given permission to be part of his treatment plan and was given a lot of meds that really took a toll on his sanity. He was, among other things, diagnosed with ADHD. I would be shocked if this is not the correct diagnosis, as my husband is pretty darned textbook (understatement of the year)...but I'm no doctor and I'm not in his body.

Anyhow, I've been working with a psychiatric nurse practitioner who is helping me test out medication options. I am, thus far, pretty uncomfortable with trying out Rx stimulants (funny, because I'm just fine with consuming a crazy amount of caffeine and nicotine). As the months pass, and I'm able to witness my own process, I am becoming more curious to see if a stimulant would work for me, especially because I begin school this September (!!!) and will be taking a very science heavy load. It's really, really, really important to me to do well in school - after being a one time high school drop out and a two time college dropout, I don't have many second chances left. I'm ready to excel folks, LOOK OUT!

My husband has tried (many) stimulants and, while all of us ADHDers present differently and have different good-fit meds/treatments, it's still really useful to hear other people's experiences with their own meds. So I start to ask him about his experience taking an assortment of stimulants over the past years. I realize (sometimes) that I can be incredibly intense and I'm really not sure how to dull that down, it's just a part of who I am. I grew up in a A-typical household that prioritized attacking questions with vigor and commitment, and I enjoy conversation immensely. My husband has a short span for conversation. He's a funny fellow who enjoys the volley of humor and present moment sass. So good, good, we are opposites and balance each other out (without him my Russian seriousness might take over! I've got to say light SOME times, for crying out loud).

Back to the point: So I start asking questions, what was this like, well, what do you mean by that, I mean in what ways, specifically, and so on and so forth. He's sort of pushing it off, which is very annoying to me. Curiosity killed the cat and all that jazz aside, when I want to understand something it drives me ABSOLUTELY crazy to not get answers. He says, Eph, I've worked the past 13 hours. I just want to relax and I don't feel like being interrogated about pharmaceuticals right now.

WHAAAAA!?!? Come on! I'm asking questions, not interrogating you! I see no methods of intimidation! I have no agenda besides further understanding! I'm not looking to criminalize his experience. If I wanted to interrogate him, believe me, I'd do things a lot differently. Hello role play assassin 5000.

On the other hand, okay, I need to get real. Not everyone is up for Ephie is curious and is in one of her big picture moods time (I need a friend who lives in the closet, no joke.) It's reasonable to not want to converse about heavy topics.
We ended up compromising. I got to rapid fire for five minutes with the agreement that afterwards we would play video games and that would be that.

So multi part question, finally, YOU REACHED THIS POINT! (good for you, you have more stamina that I do!)

- For you ADHD ladies (and fellas), and if you, like me, have insatiable sessions of curiosity, what do you do? How do you moderate your intensity? What's reasonable to ask for and expect? How do you find a good balance?

- Let's talk stimulants. I'm freaked out by them. What's your experience? Do you ever feel out of control with them? Do you feel comfortable with your relationship to your meds? How do you know when you've found a good fit...I mean, what's that actually like in your body/thoughts. I'm trying out Buproprion right now (150mg/2xper day) and it's...subtle? I feel a bit more able to easily organize the day and follow through. It's harder to sleep. I feel more energetic, like in my skin. Less wanting to sit and be hypoactive and more balance between hypo and hyper hours. It's not quite the silver bullet I was hoping for though.

- Can you relate to feeling uncomfortable taking a schedule II substance? If you've used a stimulant and then decided to come off of it, what did that feel like? Was it difficult?

I know none of you are doctors and I'm certainly not looking for that sort of support. More than anything, I just want to hear about your path and choices, how you made your choices, how you navigated them as a spouse of someone else, and how you experience a good/ill fit.

Thanks ever so much.
E