Little to No Sex Drive

OMG! I was so relieved to read your question and all of the responses! My daughter will be 3 in October & I have no sex drive whatsoever! I had a great sex drive before I had my daughter. My husband also takes it personally & it really upsets him. It is hurting our marriage too. I make myself have sex, often I do enjoy it once we are in the act but forcing myself to have sex in the first place is a horrible feeling. I told my husband, it's not like I want sex w/ someone else, I don't want it period! I talked to my OB/GYN, he told me it could be due to mild depression and life stresses. We discussed antidepressants, however, a side effect of them is decreased libido...obviously not the answer! We seldom get alone time or go out, I am certain that contributes but what I really want to know is why isn't there a pill for us like there is for men? This is obvioulsy a bigger problem than each of us thought b/c there are so many of us. I think that this is something that is just not talked about a lot b/c it's so personal. I wish you the best of luck & know that you are not alone. I am taking some comfort in that myself!

please know this..you are not alone on this!! i have been going through the same thing since my son was born (he's now 4). not trying to scare you, but talk to your ob/gyn. my old doc told me it was just a phase. 4 years is not a phase. i know my mom has gone though the same thing. did the same thing happen to your mom when she was younger??

you said it was hurting your relationship..have you talked to your partner about this? my hubby was mad at first and i finally had to sit down with him and make him understand that its not that i dont love him, or that i am not attracted to him, its just my sex drive is null and void. when it does hit me, we take full advantage (sometimes it cant be months before we are intimate..and it could be as close as days apart).

i dont know if i have helped at all, but know that you are not alone.

I have the same issue and my daughter just turned 4. My husband also takes it very personal and I don't know how to help him understand and even if I could is that going to make him feel any better. If you find something that helps PLEASE let me know. I don't know about in your situation but with mine it is causing some real problems with our marriage and I'm worried it could destroy it if things don't change. My best wishes to you and hope it doesn't last as long for you as it has for me, it's very mentally and emotionally draining.
K.

Hi A.,
My friend just went through the same thing. She lost most of her sex drive when she was pregnant with her first, and after she had her second, she lost it completely. Her husband too took it very personally. She tried romantic evenings and afrodesiacs (if that's how you spell it) and nothing worked for her. She too, had to force herself to be intimate with her man. She finally went to her doctor and they ran some tests. Turns out she was really low on some kind of hormone and they put her on a supplement. It worked almost immediately. She had to take the prescription for about 6 months and her body finally returned to normal and now she is just fine. If this persists, I would talk with your doctor if I were you. Complete loss of your sex drive isn't normal. Good luck!!!

ok i dont know what other moms have said to you but i went through the same thing. you could try making it a night out just you two. maybe plan a night after the kids go to bed. get those fake rose pedels, light some candles, make a nice dinner and make it about as romantic as posible. if that still doesnt work! think about all the things about him that use to make you feel sexy! really thats all thats about. you need to feels sexy about your self. i hope everything works out good for you!!

Hello A.. That sounds like a pretty common delima. I wonder if you are on medication of any kind, like birth control that could be causing your lack in interest or fear of getting pregnant again right away. Also, if you are breastfeeding, there isn't anything wrong with having a glass of wine with dinner occasionally. One thing that you might want to consider is setting up a romantic setting in your bedroom. Something that pleases you, if your husband isn't all that romantic. I saved the fake flower petals from our wedding and sometimes I spread them out on our bed and get us each a glass of wine and light the candles (my hubby isn't all that romanic). You might also want to consider purchasing some of the new brnds of K-Y products that they have for intimacy. Or set intimacy dates in advance and have the boys lay down and take a nap with you that afternoon so that you are not dead tired that evening.
And PLEASE don't fear your husband will start having an affair, the additional stress and tention in your marriage won't help. I am sure he loves only you and isn't looking for someone else. I believe all marriages go through these types of slumps.

First I want to say how you are feeling is completely normal. I was preganat when I started dating my boyfriend and we didn't sleep together then and after I had my daughter I had no drive and I told him what was going on and he completely understood and waited till I was ready. It was over a year before we sleep together so I truley belive he loved me and I believe if you sit down and explain it to him he will understand. We also do different things to keep it fun. You can try that ky stuff I have heard about, toys, different postiotions and so on. Eventually your drive will return and I don't believe in forcing yourself to do something that you don't want to do just becasue you are afraid he will cheat on you if he loves you he will understand and be willing to wait. Good luck

A.,
I know exactly what you are going through right now. I have had no sex drive since befoe I had my daughter almost three years ago.
My doctor told me it was just from having so much presure on me as a new mom and working fulltime and going to school.
At first I could see this, but now I have been into the mom thing for almost three years. I am still working fulltime and have cut my school time to part-time.
Still I have to force myself to have sex. I just don't want sex. I just don't care if I ever have it again.
I know I have to get this resolved. My husband is starting to get very upset and feels I don't care about him or his feelings.
Have you though about medications or seeing someone about this?
IF you can think of any good ieas or plans let me know. Good luck to you. I just wanted to let you know your not alone out there with this no sex drive.

Not sure if any of this applies, but I breast fed until child was 1, so even a few months after that I was not comfortable with him touching those. And after my birth it was probably longer than 5 months that I wanted to or was not in pain to be intimate. Just try to explain to him. Also a few things for me, after at year of breast feeding I would have a glass or 2 of wine in the evening. That would settle me down. Or try to get some one to take the boys for a few hours or an evening. I would also let him do his business(quicky). And let him know it was ok that way. I wanted to be there for him so that I did not have to worry that some one else could be there for him. Men will be men. If they can't get what they want in one place, they can always go to another place. We don't like to think so, but we all know it happens. Good luck! And take your time!

I completely know what you are going through!! After my first daughter, I could care less about sex!! I had no drive. I got pregnant with my next and I had some drive ( not like i was before!) My youngest is now almost 2 and I still need a little boost, sometimes just kissing helps to get in the mood. But still I am not as driven as I once was. I don't know if I ever will. But give it some more time, your baby is only 5 months old! I know you have to be exhausted. Raising children takes alot out of you. Try having a "date night". I don't know if you spend time with your man alone, but that might help too. Take care!

Of course your tired you have to kids!!!!! It takes a womans body and mind a year to recover from having a child !! What I did was bought my hubby a "helper" from the "toy" store and a dirty movie, I told him I love you so much and I'm so sorry that I've been distant in the bedroom. I don't mean to neglect you I'm just exhausted!!!!!! He was understanding when he realized how much it took for me to be okay with him having fun with out me!! It didn't take me long to feel rejuvinated and even kinda jealous of his "free time"!! We're back on track and all is well!! I understand this isn't for everyone but maybe just letting him know that it is normal for women to feel (or rather not feel) this way after having a baby!! I think it's natures way of letting us recover from the birth before having another baby!! Do little things that will make him feel special so he knows you still love him you just don't feel like making any!! Good Luck and don't rush yourself you'll be back on track before you know it!! M.

you know, if u find the answer please share with me lol. My daughter is 16 months now and I still have no sex drive. Once in a great while I will butits very rare. My husband too thinks its him, but its not. I think of it as a chore now and I would rather relax or something than have sex.

I know how you feel believe me it is normal..i have had my last baby dec 27thof last year...i have 4 children from 3 months old to my oldest is 9..i had one girl the rest are boys...i have come to find out that to get your sex drive back you have to play...do somne foreplay or just make the atmosphere enlightenin...what I mean is do somethin you normally wouldn't do..be spontaneous...!
My husband says the same thing too! lol..yea our job as mothers is so hectic most the time that men don't understand what all we go through anyways..well i hope the best for you and your family talk to you later you can contact me if you would like i am always up for new friends
take care
sincerely
B. rader