Little League Downer

He is getting older. No more "cute" plays. This is the real thing. Just sit back and let him play. At the end of season, he might want to quit because it sounds like up until now it was more social for him. If he does want to quit then, let him. However, not before. He made a commitment to the team and he must stick it out.

I'm guessing your league is competitive as is the one our son plays in. As boys get older it is more competitive and generally as a player you are more skilled or you've dropped the sport by that age. That being said the coach should not allowed all the negativity. Looking back I know you probably feel like you should have said something, but I doubt it would have helped and probably would have led to some unspoken animosity. I think you need to have a frank discussion with your son about playing next year. At the 11 year old level for a lot of players and coaches it's not just to be with friends and get ice cream anymore, they want to win. Just something to think about.

It's the competitive nature of sports. It's going to happen.

My daughter's competitive dance team has two girls who are not up to par, play around too much, are not as dedicated, etc. I tell my daughter it is not her job to coach them, and she should only be supportive of them. But I know that's hard.

We had one little girl on my 8 year old's baseball team that so obviously didn't want to play. She lost us several games, even though we didn't technically keep score. Poor thing. No one was EVER mean to her. The parents were frustrated, but never said anything to the girl or was anything but nice to the family. She was out there to play, but she was forced. That's the problem.

Maybe you can find a less competitive league for your son? Or if he wants to keep playing, practice with him. Make the time.

At age 10 - he's most likely in "A" league ball. This is competitive ball playing. Some of these kids have aspirations to be the next Derek Jeter of Sandy Cofax.

I understand where you are coming from - you can talk to the coach and tell him how disappointed you are. You can also tell him that by NOT HELPING and COACHING the kids that were not as good - he and other dad's passed up a great opportunity to HELP a child.

My oldest son took a break from baseball this year. He was on the AAA team for the last 3 years and was trying hard for the Majors team. he got burnt out.

It says a lot about your son that he tried to support the player(s) that were not as good. PLEASE make sure you compliment him on that and tell him how proud you are of him for reaching out and TRYING.

If you talk with the coach - make sure you use "Coach, **I** feel" - "**I** am disappointed with ....." so that he doesn't get defensive and it turns ugly. Tell him how YOU FEEL and what YOU think was missing from the team. At least you can say your piece and then he can mull it over in his head and MAYBE, just MAYBE you have helped him become a better coach!

Good luck!

First, I think you got a dud this year.

Second, I wouldn't say anything this time b/c you are right it will effect him come draft time next season. Just hope for the best next year.

Third, my son plays on a Pony league that is very competitive, he is 9y/o and at this level (he has been in kid-pitch for 3seasons so far) kids ARE competitive and WANT to win and if your son wants to continue on he needs to practice at home. Period. End of story. You can absolutely tell which kids pit in the extra practice at home with mom & dad and which ones don't! * I catch for my on when he practices his pitching, I love it, it's some of our best bonding time!!

I agree, you should write to the association instead of the coaches so they can make sure they address it next season at their coaching meetings. Our associations are diligent about reminding parents and coaches that the games are fun and there are rules about sportsmanship. Parents aren't even allowed to cheer for their own kids too much and we always give a shout out to the other team when they score, with clapping or a cheer here and there. It's supposed to be encouraging and fun for all kids! I would be sure to try to place my son on a different team next year too. Some coaches aren't a good fit and it's best to move on.

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience this year. I do think that attitudes change when the kids get older and the competition is tougher. However, the coaches needed to handle it differently.

First of all, they needed to coach - teach the boys skills and proper technique. They needed to encourage the players who weren't as good and enhance the skills of those who are good. They also shouldn't let the boys get away with yelling at their teammates or calling them names. If they want to pout and cry, there's not much you can do (even though it's lame), but the name calling is unacceptable.

My son also had a dud of a team this year. It's his third year playing, but he's only six years old. The coach was a really nice guy but a lousy coach - didn't really teach them anything at all and rarely held practice because his work schedule was too busy. As a result, none of the kids learned anything. They still had fun because they are young enough that it doesn't really matter, but the parents were very disappointed. The coach also didn't deal with discipline problems (similar things - taunting, not listening) and many of the moms ended up having to deal with the kids when they didn't behave well.

I would say let it go and hope for a better experience next year. Your son probably only has a couple of years left before the pitching becomes too hard for him to hit - unless you work with him and he becomes a stronger player - so just try to let him enjoy these next two to three seasons. If possible, when the time comes for drafting next season's teams, try to put in a request with the division commissioner not to place you with the same coach.

A word of caution...don't be **that** mom.
Local baseball can be very political. You could very well do damage to your sons chances of anything here.
Is it right? No.
Is it the truth? Yes.
At 10, it's a whole new ball game, so to speak.
There are some really good coaches out there but many are mired in the board, the politics, etc. You CAN "rage against it" but you'll finish off your sons baseball days.
O. thing I can tell you is a coach will respect any kid, even O. with less talent, if he has heart, tries and LEARNS from mistakes.
Mine is 10. Very competitive age because most likely the kids still in it for the next 2 years will be the core if the HS baseball team.
People are ridiculous. I know people that have admitted they timed their boys births for an age advantage in LL. Crazy, I know. This runs deep!
If he's gonna play, he's gotta toughen up at 10! He's been playing for a long time. This age is about being good in the batters box (eye), fielding, stealing and he should KNOW the rules of the game by now.
Good luck!

ETA: I would NOT do a letter to the Association! The end result will be the same as having a "talk" with the coach/manager. These boards meet every week and, believe me, your letter will be QUITE the topic if discussion! If ANYTHING, talk to the player agent. But I wouldn't. This level of baseball requires commitment and dedication. Some kids can hack it, some can't. Same with parents. In the end it's really a case if "Suck it up, Buttercup"! These volunteers aren't babysitters and baseball isn't always fair.

Just because a child has played a sport for a while, that does NOT mean the child is therefore married to it for life. Many parents seem to feel that way -- "He played starting at age X and has played every season since then and just must play next year, he's committed!" as if it were a job.

You say right up front: "He would prefer to be doing other things." He doesn't care about practicing at home, at all. He likes the social aspect which is nice but is going to cause issues very soon, because the kids there for fun, alas, will be increasingly excluded by other players and adult coaches.

Let him find another sport that he likes. Let him try new things. Let him try something that's not even a sport. Look at your local county or city parks and recreation classes. It does not have to be a team sport, either -- by age 10 many team sports are locked into the better players, the travel teams, etc. He might like golf, which he can play the rest of his life. He might like tennis, which requires only one other person to play, not a team. He might like fencing or bowling....

Have you talked to the parents of your son's friends who play but who, like him, are more social about it and not intensely competitive? I would bet that if you bring it up, you may find that some of them too are saying, "My kid isn't into it and it's getting really competitive and kind of unpleasant and exclusionary." Why not see if they can be bold enough and get out? There is no law that a kid HAS to do any extracurricular. Isn't it possible that your son "does" baseball because that's what he's done iin the past, he's just used to it, and he hasn't tried other stuff he may like as well or better?

I would not worry about "he has committed to the team for next year, he must play" attitudes. Unless he has a passion for the sport and finds the sport itself fun -- and it sounds like it's the togetherness and not the sport itself that he likes -- then ASK him if he wants to try something new instead. Even better if you can get a friend to try tennis lessons or fencing lessons or golf lessons (or computer camp! Whatever) with him.

I think kids get locked into team sports so young now, and parents get so invested in "commitment" to the teams so early, that both parents and kids see only that one activity as the one the child "must" do. There is so much else to try. Your son sounds so nice -- encouraging of others. I would worry that he's going to end up with a sour memory of baseball if he continues to play and is truly excluded and treated poorly because he isn't fiercely competitive. It's fine not to be like that.

It does happen often but the coach could of, should of, did more at practice to work with the weaker players and encouraged more team work. That said, speaking up now won't do much unless you are very careful with how it is presented.

One such way may be at the general little league meetings, voice a suggestion to help weaker players improve (like one practice a week that focuses on improving skills especially for the weaker players). Or maybe even some clinics for such leading up to the season.

Another option is for you or hubby to step up and work with your son (and maybe some of his other buddies from bb). Not all the time but maybe now that summer is here and then leading up to the season.

Could you or hubby volunteer to run a practice for skills? Could you help out with the team where you could say "hey coach, how bout I take this half of the team and work in catching while you work on hittting or pitching with the rest?"

Otherwise, you could wait until next year and see how it goes. If you start to see the issues, calming talk to the coach without anyone else present and say something like "Hey coach, I was watching the team and wondered if maybe some of the kids that are having trouble might benefit from a few practices to work on just the basic skills. I could organize it IF you could run it or have someone run it.".

Wow you are lucky you are just noticing this now. This behavior started when my son was 5 (TBall). Sure they didn't play to win, but the 'good' players knew who 'sucked' and yelled 'loser' to the kids.

I actually would hear "a**hole" out of a 6 year olds mouth this season. I went over and said something to the kid. Yet, this was not a top player, just one with poor sportsmanship (he does not have a father around, just a single mom who sits in her car texting).

My husband works a lot and is not into sports. I know for a fact some dads who practice with their sons do judge dads who do not. That does not mean all do, but I have hear them talk. One actually came up to me and said "you know your son will never be any good if your husband doesn't spend time with him." i just chalk it up to human nature to have an opinion. I did tell my husband and for a week straight my son had a dad catch ball with him.

My son has the same attitude. He looks forward to going. He like being with friends, yet he is not a top player. Next year he will be 7 and that is when they assess skills.

My advice is to let is roll off your back and not get to you. Yes, they are free volunteers who want to bond with their sons. Some coaches are really good at teaching and coaching all types of players some are not. There are also less completive leagues. I have heard from other moms that their sons decide to stop around age 9 or 10. I figured they did not like being teased.

Rather than talk to the coach, I think you should write a letter of complaint to the baseball association. Talk about the coach and his friends offering no "coaching' or instruction or goals for improvement. Talk about the coach allowing the better boys on the team who were a group of friends excluding the other boys from the very first practice.

It doesn't matter what the coach thinks about your husband not getting to the games. Your husband WORKS to put food on your table. It's not the coach's business. Part of the ball club is to help kids grow up, teach them team sports, which includes acting like a team player, not allowing cliques to form that treat other lesser talented kids badly. Instead, the coach is sanctioning this behavior and not teaching baseball well.

We had a soccer coach who pushed his kids to be aggressive and to play dirty. The last time he was our coach was when the most aggressive kid on his team that kept behaving badly on the field slammed his elbow into my son's nose, ending the game from my son's incredible nose bleed. The parents took their kids home in mid-game. Our team was already upset about this coach's behavior. THIS was the straw that broke the camel's back. The next year they allowed him to come back with 6th grade girls. He was told that if they got anymore complaints, he'd never coach the league again.

It's important that the league know what is going on. You have a right to tell them. Just do it.

You definitely got a raw deal as far as coaching is concerned. My son is the same age, coming in as a 10 yr old on a team of 10, 11, and 12 year olds. A good team and a fun season is ALL about the coaching! He is also a dad and so are his assistants. They are SO good and SO positive to the younger guys, even though all their sons are 11 or 12. They act as coaches and teachers and will NOT put up with pouting, throwing equipment or talking bad about another player if something goes wrong. He also stresses that he wants the older guys to help out the younger guys because they were the youngest once, as well.

You are in a tough situation. I guess, if I were you I would see if your child could be on another team, if at all possible. Talking to him may really backfire to the detriment of your son. Winning is great, but so is sportsmanship and teamwork and comradery. Maybe you could speak to the head of the league, as long as he and the coach are not buddies, or that could backfire, too!

I am sorry you had such a bad experience. It sounds like you don't have coaches who understand the purpose of little league.

We were fortunate enough for our son's first year of playing, to have dedicated coaches who felt the the most important things about Little League were for the kids to have fun, develop skills and show good sportsmanship. The following is an excerpt from the National Little League organization:

"Little League Baseball is a program of service to youth. It is geared to provide an outlet of healthful activity and training under good leadership in the atmosphere of wholesome community participation. The movement is dedicated to helping children become good and decent citizens. It strives to inspire them with a goal and to enrich their lives toward the day when they must take their places in the world. It establishes for them rudiments of teamwork and fair play."

I would recommend that you file a complaint with the Little League board representative.

It makes me sad to read posts like this. This was my son's first year playing baseball. He had never played t-ball. We had THE BEST team of coaches. Not only did they teach skills and the basics of the game and sportsmanship... they also taught the kids how to blow a bubble with gum, how to spit sunflower seeds and how to slide using a slip n slide. They taught the kids to be a team and love baseball. That's what coaching at this level should be about.

I hope you have better luck with next year's coach if your son chooses to play.

This happens all the time. I would say request to avoid this coach next year, but let it go for now.

I heard advice that was given to a professional football player, a friend of my husband: he was told "didn't like the coaching/didn't get treated fairly? Well, try harder". Not 100% fit to your son, who seems to have handled things well, and wasn't that upset, but just to say, "hey, life isn't always fair or perfect, so learn to deal". I wouldn't say anything in this case, especially since your son
is dealing just fine and doesn't seem to be all that into baseball anyway.

Wait for more important things to jump into.