For those of you that remember I was very worried about our school system deciding to cluster our elementary schools last year (I.e. K-1st grade one building, 2-3 in one etc). I decided to take everyone's advice and give it a try. So far I'm pleased. My kindergartner is doing great-and has things to talk to sibs about after school, my 2nd grader is doing excellent, my 3rd grader is doing so much better than last year-but I'm worried about the 4th grader. She goes to the same ele that all the kids attended last year-same staff diff set up. Last year they had a huge anti-bullying campaign and were featured in the local paper. this year my 4th grader has been getting in a lot of trouble with us. Dad caught her forging my name in her planner, bad behavior at home, teacher caught her forging my name a month later (her 'excuse' this time was her 'friend' next to her did it too and didn't get caught), not completing schoolwork, not telling us about projects (or giving us school handouts). She's been grounded for what
seems like the whole school year. Yesterday in her after school jobber jabber she mentions that some girls told her that they wanted to 'beat up' another classmate (her friend) and not to tell her. She did. I asked a lot of questions and the same group of girls told the entire class not to be the girls friend a week before.
I emailed the mom because this sent up my bully radar. Mom thanked me because she was unsure if her daughter was being overly sensitive-said it's been going on since te beginning of the year.
This morning I had a heart to heart with 9 year old-told her to put her feet in her friends she's for a min and think about how she would feel etc. And urged her to report the incidents-just so the school is aware.
She did not. Her excuse was the other girls mom already came in and reported it.
This child is little miss bossy pants at home-but seems to be a 'follower' at school.
So, any ideas for Christmas to foster leadership skills? She has a lot of books and some AG dolls. Maybe some games that encourage leadership/doing the right thing?
Thank you, ladies. For some odd reason my questions come out a little silly. The spell check on my mobile device has a tendency to change words, lol.
The girls scout troop in our school disbanded last year. I have been talking to several moms about getting it started again-I'm willing to take the helm-but not looking to fly solo. I coached her soccer team-but she clearly needs a new activity now. I agree
that she needs help with empathy. I've signed all four of my kids up for a peer support group at our local church-that starts in
January. With your advice I think we are going to have a white Christmas in our home this year and put a heavy focus on
service/helping others. I also will be going to the school today. I thought maybe I was over reacting-but it seems that some of these girls are getting away with too much. Thanks!
Service leadership -
volunteering - she is old enough to participate in volunteer activities with you.
girls scouts
boys and girls clubs
she needs to get out and be exposed to other youth and other activities - broaden her world view
I would say my girls by nature were on the shyer side. I got them involved in drama and theatre and I believe this gave them the ability to find their voice. Both of my girls are leaders (student counsel reps and my oldest (15yo) holds several other leadership positions within her after school activities)
If she has any interest at all in theatre, sign her up. This will give her such confidence and will expand her circle of friends.
I have used the Dove Campaign for Beauty for my GS Troop (3 yrs ago I was a leader in FL) it is for you to learn and then use to help girls to realize that beauty comes from within and also helps them to become more secure in themselves rather than, 'following'...I also have found GS's to be a great help in putting girls on the right track at an early age...I was a leader for my oldest daughter who is now 42 and my grangirl (who is as my last daughter, she has been with us since 2 months and is now 13) before we moved to AL...it is a great way for you to do things with your daughter and help other girls as well...just a thought...I hope this works out for you and for her, bullies can be soooo scary, it makes it easy to allow someone other than yourself to be their target...
It's not her leadership skills in trouble. It's her empathy that's being challenged. Leaders get to be leaders two ways. One is bossing everybody and the other is championing and empowering underdogs.
If your school got kudos for an anti bullying campaign, then they out to have resources and books to help you. I'd start with biographys of great people.
Sounds like her friends at school are a bunch of thugs - and she likes hanging out with them.
Anything you do in the way to help her leadership skills (after school activities - taekwondo, Girl Scouts, etc) would have her making new friends and spend less time with her current peer group but she still sees them at school - you need to separate her from that herd.
I'd consider moving her to a different school.
She's learning forgery from them and other problem behaviors - almost sounds a bit like gang activity (yes, sometimes they DO start up in elementary school).
I'm not so sure she's a total follower at school.
I think the school needs to be addressing this. I know you need to teach her empathy and compassion at home but still, these girls are getting away with a lot because no one at the school is taking care of it.
I say go to the school with this and let them deal with it there. They need to be working on the entire situation there.
