My daughter is starting kindergarten this year. She is best friends with her cousin and will be going to the same school. We live fairly close to them so they see a lot of each other. If they could, they would do everything together. They are already in the same preschool class and it has been a lot of fun for them. My question is, do you think it is a good idea for them to be in the same kindergarten class? I am concerned because there has already been hurt feelings and a little competition between the two, when one of them accomplishes something first or when one of them is taking piano and the other isn't, or when one gets praise and the other doesn't etc... They want to do everything the same. I have explained to my daughter that we are our own family and will sometimes do different things. That there will be times that she does better and vice versa. Have any of you ever dealt with this before with a family member? It may not be a big deal yet, they are both still young. Just wondering if any of you have experienced this and could offer some advice.
Thanks so much!
Thank you for all of your advice and for sharing your experiences. It was good to hear the pros and cons of the issue. I want my daughter to be independent of her cousin and have her own experiences but I also want her to enjoy school, I know she would love to have her cousin around. I think I may talk to the teachers before hand and then make that decision. If they end up in different classes, I do think that would be a good thing. They do see each other a lot outside of school as many of you reminded me.
Thanks for your help.
Keep them separate if you can. They need the opportunity to make new friends and learn how to socialize on their own.
My daughter was in preschool with one of her cousin's (they are 3 weeks apart in age) and they are in Kindergarten together this year. I have to say that i am a bit relieved that they are going to seperate schools next year. :(
The cousin has a wild imagination (we can't say lier at this age I guess) and my daughter is very black and white. So about everyday for a month my daughter came home crying because cousin lied to her again, again, again...they love each other and are very close friends, but I don't really care for some of the ways the cousin is allowed to act or things she is allowed to talk about (mom chalks it up to having older siblings), so there is conflict and its hard to deal with. If it were another parent/child it would be easier to address the concerns.
I also feel like when you spend a lot of time with family already that it is nice for them to have time to shine on their own. We have 10 grandkids in this town and 8 of them are the same age group. They share the spot light a lot and I like the idea of them having a seperate identity all their own.
My daughter had 2 cousins and a neighbor in her preschool class. She only played with them. When she started kindergarden they all went to the same school. She only had the neighbor in her class. I actually wanted her to have one of them in her class to ease the transition. But none of them had an issue with getting upset because of one doing something before the other. This year in 1st grade she didn't have any of them in her class and she did perfectly fine.
This is sooo hard! My thought is let them grow a bit alone over kindergarten. Maybe it will be good for them. I also know the comfort that lies with you and the kids knowing they have each other. Maybe it will be a good test run to see how they handle it. You can always request the kids be put together if you see issues with it.
Sometimes this stuff can't be avoided and you just have to roll with it I guess?
When my 2 nephews and my half brother were young, all were the same grade, same schools from Kindy-graduation! My sisters son (Josh), my brothers son (Leon), and my half brother (Charlie)! The 2 nephews are exactly 2 mos apart in age (to the day)...and my half brother was held back from beginning school by a year due to a speech impediment and needing more speech therapy (he was born a 3 pound preemie 30 years ago...his one side effect).
The boys were all close, best friends and very competitive! Josh went to prom with Jessica...Charlie is now married to Jessica! There were fights..and lots of support too. Lots of "I hate your girl friend", and "I should have won that" sort of stuff. They did alot together, and apart. We lost Josh to suicide when he was just shy of 19...no one saw it coming, not even the boys when they were so close. They wish they could have every fight and argument back again.
This wouldn't be a ton different if they were just friends down the street...better perhaps, like our boys were because there is a strong base of love in place. In the long run, it over-rides alot.
Just our expereince....
This sounds like me and my cousin (who is still my best friend) we have done everything together. graduation, we got our first apartment together, moved away from our home town together, we even got married a month apart. We were not in the same class in kindergarden and I think it was a good thing it allwoed us to make other friends, and we still got to play together at recess.
I'd wait it out and see what classes they are placed in. Both opportunities allow the kids to work on resiliency and conflict management - important skills needed through elementary school and beyond, because they're going to have to learn to get along with all types of people and school is a great place to practice.
If they're in the same class, great. They will get more practice learning to be both friends and students and negotiate the ups and downs of friendship.
If they're not in the same class, great. They will learn how to be a student, independent of each other yet still be able to realize that they can be good friends despite not being with each other all day long.
They're in a good spot - seems win win to me. Let the school decide how they are placed and then let them learn the necessary life/coping skills based on their situation. (But, if you get the choice I would have them in separate classes)
I would let the school decide how to handle it. If the competition becomes too bad, they may decided to move one of the girls out.
My neighbor and her 2 cousins are all in the same class and they love it. Don't know how the teachers feel tho because they tend to act like they do at family gatherings, and then if someone has their feelings hurt during a family thing, it sometimes goes into the classroom.
My son and his best friend were in the same K class together. The teacher called me during the first conference and said 'Mrs. C. they are too competitive. They SHOULD NOT be in the same 1st grade class together'.
They were seperated for 1st and 2nd grade, but have been together for 3rd and 4th due to testing scores. There hasn't been any competition since K because my son learned to stand on his own.
You have have the choice I would seperate them. They need to grow independant of one another. They sound liek sisters rather than couusins which is awesome, but they need to become their own self in the new world of school.
Being in different classes, will be good for them.
Schools, generally do not let you pick, what class your child is in nor if you can have friends in the same class as you. If they allowed parents to choose, then they have to let ALL parents, do this.
It is just not possible.
Your daughter, will learn to have other friends and socialize and become her own person.
Hurt feelings and/or 'competition' between kids, happens. Whether or not they are related.
So, teach her, how to manage herself and how to make her own decisions and most importantly, HOW TO BE HERSELF. So that, she does not rely on external influences, to validate herself.
She has her own identity. Her own talents. Her own personality. Her own likes/dislikes. Her own interests. Instead of following what other kids are doing.
That is what I teach my kids. From when they were Toddlers. That each person is unique. To be themselves.
Keep them together. They are family. There is nothing better than having family close. They will learn that they both have different personalities and one will be better at something than the other and vice versa. The same goes with friends. Why separate them?
I lean towards separation. Less chance of getting in trouble talking to each other in class and offers the opportunity to meet new friends. They will probably still be competitive on some level, but this way it won't be in their faces constantly.
They can still be together after school.
