Kindergarten Behavior

As a teacher, I see this every year. 2-3 kids per Kindergarten class have this issue. It looks different for each kid, but the same thing works every time-make the break quickly, firmly, and lovingly. Some kids take longer to get used to the idea than others, but they all do. Pretty soon you'll be wondering what happened to the little girl who needed you so much. My own son was/is the same. He goes to a home day care for before and after school care, and he just started full-day kindergarten. Most days he says, "Love you, Mommy, you can leave!" Once in a while, though, he clings and cries. Those are the days his babysitter just pulls him off of me, I give him a kiss on the head, and I leave.
This process is harder on the parents than the kids, since the parents don't see the kids having fun a short time later. Stick with it though, and good luck!

The clingy stuff is normal, it will stop soon. As far as after school... She is tired from all the learning and that everything is new (my youngest just started KG last week too). I sit down with just my kindergartener and give him my full attention for a little while. That seems to help. Then I let him have some alone time doing what he wants to. If the meltdowns start again we calmly sit and talk about what is going on. They are just overwhelmed by the changes...It'll get better in a month or two. Good luck and know you're not alone. Parents everywhere are dealing with the same thing...lol

First off, they're never too young for the I don't want to go to school bit. My oldest didn't accept the fact that he had to go to school until he was in the fourth grade! He finally told me that summer that he realised he had to go to school so he might as well make the best of it & he has since then!It was a struggle everyday of every year, at kindegarten graduation I thought I've got 12 more years of this...

The after school behavior is the letdown of a "stressful" day. She may also need some one on one time with you (instead of just the alone time others have mentioned), as the other ones are home with you all day while she has to go to school. Maybe you could put the other ones in front of a movie or at the table coloring while you two spend 5-10 minutes together, or maybe you all could watch a short movie together, but she gets to sit on your lap, since she hasn't gotten to all day. Just a few suggestions..

Hi L.,
My oldest is 7 and in 2nd grade now but I can still remember clearly the whole kindergarten experience. The thing that caught my eye about your request was that she doesn't want to go to school. When my son started this I began asking him about his day - specific questions like if 'Jimmy' was at school today, or did he play on the monkey bars at school just to get him to talk to me and hopefully he'd open up. Sometimes it was that he'd spent recess by himself, or one of the boys was playing rougher than he's used to. I guess I'm saying that it could be a social situation that she's not sure how to handle and doesn't want to face again. After talking with other moms from the classroom, I was amazed at how many of them had the same things going on...and I'm afraid, really, the mom's of girls had it worse. And when I volunteered to help in the class room, I could see why. Even for my son, one thing that was particularly trying was how vocal the kids were about whether he/she was your friend. Somedays you'd have a best friend and the next day you wouldn't all because you wore a red shirt or you didn't feel like playing power rangers or 'house' for the umpteenth billionth time at recess. It was worse among the girls. I couldn't believe it. And these were all good kids! It's like a hierarchal thing and their all working it out. Frankly as parents, most of us found it so distressing. It was a great time to learn about my boy and what is important to him and teach him about how we're all different and that he's a great kid. He is short for his age and got teased a bit and this turned out to be a turning point for him because I explained that kids seem to tease each other about all sorts of things from hair color, to being too tall or short, or straight hair or curly hair. It really helped him to know that I was teased as a child too. I guess he thought he was the only one. Anyway, I also learned that if he'd had a rough day he'd come home and act out...and I think mostly at this age when they're expected to behave in school and follow the rules that it's stressful until they get used to it -especially if they've had an altercation with another child. It's 'safe' to come home and let it out -unfortunately though it may get taken out on a younger sibling. Home should be a safe place for them to 'download' constructively. I use snack time after school to chat a bit and see how he's doing. I think he likes it too. I just tried to help him through it as much as possible. They all just want to be liked and loved and to do well. Good luck to you!

My daughter used to do this when I would drop her off at pre-kindergarten. The key to stopping the "guilt trip" is to stand your ground. If she starts to cry you'll have to just walk away. We got to the point where I would walk her in, she'd put her bag away, run over for a kiss and then run off to play. That was only after a couple of times leaving her standing in the middle of the room crying. It doesn't take long for them to figure out that they don't get their way. It's hard but it worked well for me. :)

As far as being mean to her siblings my mom always had a trick that worked with me (I was oldest of three). She would make me help by letting me do stuff around the house instead of playing (of course it's still fun for a 5 year old). Tell her that she's a big girl now going to big girl school and that she gets to help out with house work. Give her small chores that she can help with to make her feel important (matching socks, unpacking groceries, etc.). Maybe this will help take away some of the time she has to be mean and also help you out in the long run.

Good Luck!!! And congrats on Kindergarten. :)

My little girl is in preschool and she does the same exact thing. Especially since she only goes three days per week, so it is a big deal to leave Mommy, although she is very happy about her day at the end of the day. She picks on her little brother and acts out in the evenings also, especially the car trip home can be frustrating! I have found two things that work for her, 1) keeping things low-key, trying not to go out to dinner after school, for instance, 2) Bringing her a snack - milk and/or crackers to eat on the way home - even though she has a snack at school in the afternoon she appears to be having some low blood sugar and this contributes to her behavior on the drive home and at dinner. We noticed that her behavior improved after dinner and started the snack idea which has helped immensely. As to the drop off issues in the morning, creating a routine of handing off has helped, always doing the same things down to waving goodbye. Also not letting her know she is making me feel guilty. I remind her quickly that she always has a good time, say goodbye, and the teacher leads her away to play with another child or take part in the morning activity.

Hope this helps, I know each child is different. I have also been told, regarding the acting out in the evening that children are under pressure to keep up appearances during the day (for instance my daughter's teachers say she is very obedient and a good student during the day) so they can relax once they are back with their parents/siblings and let out all the emotions of the day that may be pent up. I've notice that on the days that I can pick up Hanna myself, without her little brother tagging along, and we talk about her day on the way home, she is much more receptive and gentle when we get home.

-B.

L.,
When my oldest was in Kindergarten, this was an overwhelming issue for us. She went to pre-K and never batted an eye. I never would have imagined that Kindergarten would be so hard for her. I agree that full day is too much for these little ones, they are so tired and emotional by the end of the day. I took my little girl to school everyday and picked her up for several months. Each day was full of drama and her teacher trying to bribe her with candy and presents from the treasure box (not how I wanted to deal with her issues). After I had another baby, I decided that it was too much to pick up and drop off everyday, so I put her on the bus ( a very scary thing to put your baby on the bus!). I found that she got on the bus with very little drama and did so well going in to school without me. I don't know if this is an option for you, but it was a life saver for me!
Oh, by the way, she loved 1st and 2nd grade just fine. I thought she was going to hate school for the rest of her life!

L., Do you have a snack laid out for your daughter when she gets home? I do daycare in my home so when my boys get off the school bus I can't always give them one on one attention right then. I try to show them I've missed them and been thinking about them by putting out a snack for them, it seems to help.

M.

do NOT let her get away with that behavior. she is old enough to be responsible for her actions. with my son, who did the exact same thing after school, we did 20 minute "rest periods" in his room immediately after school. as for the clinginess in the morning, don't feel bad. that's like feeling bad for taking her to the dr when she's sick....she may protest, but it's for her own good. peel her off stick her in the door and hightail it out of there...staying and reassuring her over and over just makes it harder for everyone and aggravates the teacher after a certain point. once she realizes she doens't get the attention she will stop. and remind her in the morning of the "fun,fun things" she gets to do in school vs the stuff the other kids get to do....help with laundry, etc. make it sound special. she just misses you guys during the day but she will get used to it, especially when she makes a bunch of friends. good luck!

My suggestions would be to institute snack/rest time as soon as she gets home. Explain that her behavior is unacceptable and that you realize she must be hungary and tired. I would set a time limit she has to be in her room (or any room of your choosing) where she is to eat her snack and rest (or relax) such as thirty minutes. Also be sure there are consequences in place for her mistreatment of her siblings.

I don't have any advice but I wanted to let you know that you weren't alone. My 5 year old started kindergarten this year too and he has said he doesn't want to go to school and that it is too boring. I am sure he enjoys some of it but I also believe him when he says it is boring. It is a long day and he has never been away from his family for that long on a daily basis. They are bound to be bored at some point. He definitely likes the kids and making friends. Good luck with everything. I will be reading any advice you are given in case I come across this behavior any time soon. He has always picked on his little sister and brother so that isn't anything new.

Try sending her to half day kindergarten instead of full day.

Wow...that sounds EXACTLY like what we're going through. Our kids are the same age, too. That's funny. I was just thinking about posting something this morning after we dropped her off at school, but you beat me to it!

My daughter doesn't cling to my leg, but she does dawdle getting out of the car, and it holds everyone else up behind us. She says "Mom, I can't carry everything, it's too heavy." (which is just her book bag with 1 folder in it, and her lunch box). Then she whines and complains because I can't help her because I have to leave for work. I know she's fine once she gets inside, but I wish she'd stop with the crankiness. I know that she'd much rather be at home with her brothers or at her grandma's house.

I wish I had some advice for you, but I need advice as well. Just thought I'd share that you're not alone. Have a great day!

Hi I am a Kindergarten teacher and a Mom. I have 4 children of my own. Your daughter is tired after school. It takes about two full weeks for the children to ajust to school. A daily after school plan might help.
This might be a small snack with just Mom to sit and talk to. Yes this is hard with other children under foot. I found if I could give the 15 minutes of just one on one time the rest of my evening went better. My school child felt they did not really miss out on all the fun they thought we had all day while the child was at school. I had something for the other children, like a video, to do while each got one on one time.

Now about the start of school,you can make leaving your child at school okay. Just a quick kiss on the top of the head and Goodbye. Turn and walk away. Is this hard yes!! A few days of this and the tears will stop for good.
Good luck!!

My son is almost 8 and in the second grade, and he too started that "I don't want to go to school" routine for a bit in Kindergarten. He also does the picking on younger brother bit when he gets home! Ugh! Now that he's older, he still plays those days when he doesn't want to school, but I just remind him all his friends are there, and if he stays home he's stuck with me and brother ; ) LoL As far as the picking on brother when he gets home, he just gets punished because he knows it's not right. He knows no matter how tired he is, or if he's had a bad day, it's still not an excuse to pick on 2y/o brother who's been dying to see him all day! He knows he can go to other areas of the house, or ask me to take brother away so he can have a bit of alone time if he needs it. Plus he can always go to Grandpa's work to get away, or a cousin's house to play as well... All though it seems when he goes off to play with his cousins, or friends, he comes home with a worse attitude towards brother = P It's just something we're still working on! You just have to find out what works best for you. Maybe setting aside 15min to discuss your daughters day with her, or having the younger ones make a picture for her during the day so she knows they did miss her... Just let her know she was missed, and when she picks on the youngers ones, it really hurts their feelings... Hope it works out for you! I know it takes a bit to get it all worked out, as we are still doing it too! Good Luck!

Maybe you could try some type of rewards system. Agree that if she doesn't mis-behave in the mornings when you drop her off and when she gets home in the afternoon that she will get a prize. Maybe you could do a sticker on the days that she is good and if she has 5 stickers at the end of the week she gets to pick a prize from the treasure chest or something like that. I did something similar for my son when he was having trouble peeing his pants all the time. I just bought little toys at the dollar store and he really liked the idea. Good Luck! I have a son that just started Kindergarten. So far so good.....!!!

Hi L., I'm going through the same thing right now. My youngest just started Kindergarten and is a terror when she gets home. I try to give mine some quite time when she gets home. Either by watching a show or in her room. That seems to be helping her. She will fall a sleep sometimes and I let her sleep for 1/2 an hour or 45 min and that also helps.

Good luck and thank you for your husbands service and your support of him. I'm an Army Brat - my father is still active and stationed at Ft. Hood. Every year he says he's going to retire and every year he says maybe next year - I guess he loves it!

I read all of your other responses and I really cant add much...they gave you VERY good advice.
Be Positive
Be Firm
Be Proud of her and let her know it
Just one other thought...you mentioned that your husband is in the Army....did he just leave for a short tour or come back from one??? My husband spent 30 years in the Army and I know how it can lead to unsettling times....and that can effect the youngest members of the family.
Good luck!!! And tell your husband that I said Thank You for devoting his life to our freedom!!!
R. Ann

Hi,
When reading your post I thought "this was me last year". I have kids the same age too and while I don't have any great ideas I do have to agree with the advice you were given. Especially the advice that said it takes about 2 weeks to get used to school. Last year my oldest did the same things and her teacher sent a great sheet home with them the first week explaining how tiring it is mentally and phyisically. It really does make sense.
My daughter also went through the not going to school thing and even went as far as to say her tummy hurt on the way to school. I think that was her way of trying to tell us she was nervous. I tried to down play that a little bit and on the way to school we talked about fun things not school related. Also, when I would pick her up I found that too many questions was not the way to go.

Good luck to you!

Normal separation axiety. loving but firm, hard to due. Encourage her to participate, ask to meet her friend. then each morning search her out and say oh look your friend go have a great day. Ask her why she does not want to and explain to her that she is big girl and needs to act like one now that school is for learning new things. Then ask her what she did and ask her to make a picture for the refrigerator. It is so hard for them and you. You cannot let the guilt get the best of you. maybe in the morning give her something to look forward to when she gets home.

Good Morning L., I am excited for our 3 1/2 yr old gr. son to start pre-school on Sept 2. He is so excited and wants to go. But I can hear it now. I don't wanna go to school I wanna go Nana's house. They are never to young or old to play the guilt game.
He understands mom, dad & papa going to work, we call it "Makin the Bacon" so this will be his time to Make the Bacon!

Maybe when she is so tired and cranky you could have her lay down for 30 minutes. When she grabs your leg, tkae both hands in yours, tell her you are so proud she is a big girl now, and you love her and know she is going to learn so much and to have a wonderful day, give her a kiss and hug, tell her to go get in her seat and get ready for class. All the time holding her hands ;) SMILE really big and walk away.

Kids are Soooooooooooooo good at guilt trips no matter how old they are.
Good Luck L.
A Big Hug and Thank you for being an Army wife, what a sacrifice to your family as your Husband serve's our Country!
God Bless you every day.

As far as the clinginess goes, as long as she's fine once you leave, don't address it at all. Just don't give her any significant attention while she's doing it, be consistant and eventually she'll stop. Since she's just started kindergarten, she probably needs that clinginess for right now and that's ok.

My oldest had a hard time transitioning from school to home also. Perhaps try giving her some quiet time right when she gets home, she could have a snack and just be by herself for a little while. She could watch a video or look at a picture book or maybe have a special "big girl" toy that's just for her to play with that she can only have at that time of day. We all need time to "decompress" after we get home from a long day and she's no different.

the clinging to the leg is defianately to make you feel guilty, once you are gone she's fine..what you do with that is walk her to the door one quick hug bye then turn and go.....I taught preschool and worked chilc care for three years and this was one of our room rules....as for the tired thing maybe once she gets home let her have "lone time" let her just be alone to relax and recharge. Let her siblings know that she just needs a little time to herself for a while once she gets used to the school thing she should be fine. My son is in the 3rd grade and came home dead tired yesterday. They are all just used to the lazy days of summer, it'll get better

Snack time, rest time, a nap, all are great. But one of the biggest problems you have probably can't be fixed: all day kindergarten. I don't believe that most 5 years olds are ready for all day kindergarten. I remember when my daughter was in afternoon kindergarten. She went to a school with lots of ESOL (English as a second language) kids. At snack time, when they all laid down on their rugs, the ESOL kids who had been there all day, went to sleep. And the teacher just let them sleep, because they were so tired. As far as the "brat" behavior is concerned, could someone be modeling that behavior for her at school? Wish you luck with your adjustment period.

Past and future are difficult concepts when your 5. She's happy with you because she's happy with you, she's happy in school because she's happy at school. Transitions are always hard for everyone, we get used to it. Time is going to solve a lot of issues. But, at some point during the day, when there are no particular issues, you should talk to her about the clinging. She's a big girl now and she is LUCKY to be able to go to school, her siblings are not. You may want to offer her a reward each time she goes into school without the drama scene. That reward could be one on one time with you after school, even if it's for a few minutes. That may solve some of your transition to home issues.

At a different conversation, you talk about the sibling issue. Tell her you understand that she comes back tired, but she can't pick on the siblings, period. Outline punishments if she does, rewards if she doesn't.

The word discipline means to teach. She needs to learn how to handle school. It is no longer new, so she doesn't want to go anymore.

One thing you may want to check though is - is she being picked on at school? Trust me, this happens ALL the time at any age and the teacher may not even know it. This MIGHT explain the picking on the siblings and not wanting to go anymore. You may want to start this conversation by telling it that it happens at school sometimes and if it happens to her, she needs to tell her teacher AND you. You may want to cover other issues that she needs to tell you about, hitting, inappropriate touching, etc. Once you open that door, she might tell you if kids are picking on her.

Try finding a least one day a week that she can look forward to that just you and her go and have fun together after school. This will show her that she did not miss out on any time with Mom while she was at school and her sisters got all your attention while she was gone.
If possible do it more than one day a week. But start with one and let this be something she will look forward to.
Tell her she has to go to school to be able to go and do the fun thing with Mommy. Her behaviour must be good as well to do the fun thing with Mommy, also. Because you do not want to reward bad behaviour. My best to you!!
God bless you and your family.