My kids are an almost 4 yo dd and 16 month old ds. They have sharing problems, but especially when it comes to food. For example, I just gave them an entire pint of raspberries in a bowl, to share. They gobbled them down in under 2 min, the whole time they are trying to elbow each other out of the way, grab the bowl, and 16 mo ds is stuffing as much as he can in his mouth, packing his cheeks full and grabbing more. Dd is holding the bowl and wolfing them down as fast as she can.
Is this normal for their ages? They also fight often over toys, but not with the same enthusiasm as the food.
If I give them separate bowls, whoever finishes first, usually ds, then goes after the other ones bowl. I feel like they are two dogs. I need to feed in separate rooms, lol. I know they are getting enough to eat, they both get 3 meals and many snacks a day, so I know thats not the problem. They do this all the time, but more when its something they really like, like the raspberries, or blueberries.
They dont do it during meals, just snacks. During meals they are seated, and out of reach of each other. Mostly its ds doing the grabbing and 4 yo doing a lot of yelling. Or if she thinks he got more, or if he got something she didnt get, she will have a total breakdown.
They are both healthy weights. I have noticed my older daughter doing a little of this behavior anytime their is shared food, like if we all have a bowl of popcorn to share. I caught her grabbing big handfuls, putting them in her lap and stuffing her face. I think the little one is picking up this behavior from her. Even if its something she was done with, or didnt want, she will freak if brother goes to have a bite.
Do NOT let them take food off of each others' plates. That is just rude. I don't even like it when my husband starts picking at my plate without asking! It's a bad habit, nip it in the bud.
The 4 year old is old enough to know better. Maybe put the 16 month old in the high chair for snacks. Separate bowls, and 4 year old needs to NOT go after the younger one's food. If DD takes DS's food, then she gets time out or whatever is appropriate. DS will learn if you are giving DD the rules. If they can't eat nicely, take it away.
I swear I think it's biological and evolutionary. My kids were not to that extreme but let's just say that, at 19 and almost 16 (YEARS), they still get miffed if one perceives the other as having received more food. I thought it was just a boy thing.
If you watch a litter of puppies or kittens they do the same thing. :P
I agree with the other moms' suggestions. It's our job to socialize them to higher order beings. :)
Separate bowls obviously and don't allow one to take from the other... kids aren't born with manners and boundaries, that's what parents are for :) put them at the table for all meals and smacks if needed, strap them into booster chairs.
Rule #1. Do Not Touch Any Plate Other Than Your Own!!!!!!!!
Your 4 year old is certainly old enough to understand this rule and can model it for your younger one.
M
Stop giving them anything in a 'share' bowl. People have strong security connections to food, and this will only exacerbate the problem.
If it were me, I'd give them each a dish of whatever it is and say clearly: "You may have only what is in your own bowl." Then, as soon as a child finished, take their bowl from them and tell them to go wash their hands. They are finished. If they head for the other one's food, be firm "You are done with your food now. Go wash your hands. Leave brother/sister's food alone." and then give them a physical assist if need be (that is, take them by the hand and lead them to the bathroom or away from the other person who is eating.
Make a concerted effort, too, to only serve food at the table at home or in a designated spot when you are out and about. (Like a picnic blanket or bench.) No walking around with food, either. Those things go hand in hand.
Yes, it is sometimes common in some families. When I was a nanny, if one of the siblings was taking food from another, they had to leave the dining table/kitchen and go play elsewhere. It simply was not tolerated. If your little one is doing this, put him in a high chair with straps. If your big one is doing it, off to her room or to play elsewhere until the meal is done.
Of course they're going to act like animals without any supervision.
You need to be sitting at the table with them and modeling proper behavior. Nobody should ever be grabbing food off of someone else's plate. That is ridiculous. And if they are wolfing it down, they need to be taught to take smaller bites, eating one or two berries at a time. This is accomplished with your guidance, you holding the bowl and telling them how many to take.
If the poor manners continues with you there, I'd take the whole bowl away and excuse the offending child from the table. No arguments. You either eat properly or you get down.
I would just supervise them more, give them their own bowls, and make it clear that there will be no grabbing from the other, and when they finish, if they want more, they can come to you. The older kid will probably be easier to discipline for this - if she starts grabbing from her brother, she goes in time-out, no more snack, and/or loses something of value for the rest of the day.
You seem to have taken care of their food needs from the what you wrote. My kids love berries too, but I do not recall it being a competition.
You should see what happens with blackberries. A little boy was over for a playdate and he stuffed all of his in his mouth, then cleared two other bowls. If I didn't know his parents better, I would have guessed him to be related to your kids. :)
edit: we use separate bowl and they do not take off each others plates. I actually do not remember specifically teaching this. I agree with the other posts that modeling the behavior could be the reason.
Are they overweight or underweight?
Separate them and put in separate bowls. When they finish, step in and do not let the one who finished first go after the other. You are the adult.
I think it is somewhat normal, but maybe not to the extreme of what is going on in your kitchen! :)
I would go for separate bowls and tell them they may only have what is in their bowl. Maybe give them a smaller amount to start with and have them ask for more if they want more. If one goes for the other's then stop them and remind them that they each have their own. The 4 y/o should be able to do this with little issue, the 16 m/o...well probably not as easy!
Also, coach the 4 y/o on what to do and say when the little brother is trying to scope out her stuff. Teach her to use words and ask for help. You are definitely going to have to closer monitor snack time for the next week or two, but I think it's time to start teaching better habits and maybe the toy issue will follow.
A 4 year old and a 1 year old don't have the capacity to fairly divide and share from a single bowl.
Divide the food and supervise the eating. Put them on opposite sides of the table.
It would be normal for the 1 year old to go after the 4 year old's bowl, but redirect. The 4 year old knows better and should be disciplined. Which ever kid is done first must leave the table.
i think i'd have to lower the boom over this behavior. they are very small, and you have authority.
use it.
sternly.
khairete
S.
Teach them manners.
And the age difference, between them, is a lot.
So you can't expect the 16 month old to know things like the 4 year old.
They are developmentally, vastly different.
When my daughter was 4 and I had my son who was still an infant... I simply taught her about her baby... brother. That he does not know things like she does. He is only a baby. He doesn't know how to do things like her etc. nor understand things like she does... and babies/little kids are copy cats. So she must understand that. His comprehension of things, are drastically different, than her. She is older.
I taught her, about her baby brother's development. In ways she could understand. And this... decreased the "battles" between them. And increased, manners.
16 month olds, do not even know social skills yet.
They only do parallel play etc.
The 2 children are not at the same age nor developmental stages.
This is too funny - what a hoot !
For the 16 month old, I might cut up the berries, but an almost 4 should be able to handle raspberries and blueberries, if she doesn't gulp them.
I would put them at opposite ends of the table. I would give them the same number of berries (have them help you count). And then I would say that that is all the berries they get. Any snitching from each other means they have to give up berries or some other type thing. I would expect less ability to understand that from the 16 mo. old, but the 4 yr old can understand "You steal from your brother, you get less."
I would also work on manners. "Eat slowly. Eat them one at a time. Eat with a spoon." Etc. If they cannot eat appropriately, then take the bowl. There was a time where (for some unknown reason) my DD would stuff her face and she had NO competition. She would just put too much in at once. We had to slow her down, insist she eat just one at a time, use utensils, etc.
You can also say, "If you cannot share the berries, then you will not get berries for a snack." Take away the thing they fight over and offer them something else.
Tell your DD "You will get your share, if you act appropriately." Give her her own bowl, even for popcorn.
Ditto to everyone who suggested separate bowls, no eating from anyone else's bowl.
In addition, though, you might encourage them to very gently, carefully feed each other -- as a game. Make it out to be a game, and don't insist that they do it. That might help them learn to think of food in a spirit of generosity rather than scarcity.
My daughter 3.5 years younger than my son used to watch everything he ate and throw a fit if she didn't have the same thing. She was like the food police. My poor son couldn't get a drink of milk without her monitoring it. If the last of something was eaten by someone other than her she would have breakdown and think that he ate it all.
If he went over a friend's and came home and said that he had a goodie there - she would have a fit and scream "No FAir" and demand something only for herself (she didn't get it). It was very hard to deal with.
She is now 11 and growing out of it, she still wants to eat as much as he eats, but she finally understands that it is not a competition and that it is not always equal.
If you've never read or heard of Toddler Rules I suggest you do so.
BTW, full berries are a serious choke hazard. You should not have given them whole to either of your kids. You are truly lucky they didn't both choke on them. Next time chop them up and give both kids some with a spoon.
So, are you asking how to teach the kids table manners and how to take small bites? You take away their food and tell them "Take smaller bites of you can't eat the food, you might choke" then you offer it back. If they do the same thing again you take the food and feed them yourself. If they don't like that you tell them to take smaller bites and they can have their food back. They still need to eat of course but you don't allow them to risk their lives to cram food in their mouth and choke to death.
