Kids Not Busy Enough?

I might force one activity honestly. I also don't believe in over scheduling but nothing at all most of the year is so extreme. Or I'd at least limit video games. I have girls and it seems like boys are the video game addicts but if I let my girls watch as much tv as they wanted, they may choose nothing else too. So at least limit screen time. From what I hear from mothers of boys, they'd play all day if the moms let them. I think free play is fantastic but it's not clear if that's the dominate activity or video games are.

I think it's fine except that I would limit screen time so that they are doing something other than interacting with video games.

They sound fine, just stay active as a family when you can. We did a lot of hiking, swimming in summer, some skiing in the winter, rode bikes, went to the park/beach, they skated and played on their scooters. This generation is so pressured into signing up for structured activities it's truly sad. They go to school all day, just like adults go to work, of COURSE they want to come home and chill!
Maybe they will get into music or art or cooking or woodworking or archery, who knows? Plenty of time to explore...

I'm guessing you already limit screen time, including TV, internet, and video games. We go by one hour on school days and two hours on weekends.

If they aren't underfoot/complaining of boredom and get outside for fresh air at least 2-3 hours a day, then I wouldn't worry.

ETA: There is more to life than team sports as well. Have you offered the idea of music, art or cooking lessons? They offer so many cool classes now (like guitar lessons, graphic novel writing, screen printing). Maybe your kiddos would be more into something like that.

I'm also a big believer in not over scheduling but sitting around doing nothing (which video games= doing nothing).

MO you should eliminate all electronic access during the week and see how quickly they change their tune. Or eliminate all electronic access and sign them each up for something YOU choose - sports or music.

When we stop the glorification of busy, wonderful things can happen. There is nothing wrong with simply letting children be children. The importance of being outdoors and having time to simply BE cannot be overstated.

That being said, I hope that your boys have the chance to explore things they're interested in, and that you encourage them to try things they maybe haven't thought of yet (volunteer work? Reading books just for fun?), and help out around the house to a reasonable extent.

Your kids do each play a sport, even though it's only a few months of the year. They don't need a million activities, but if you feel that video games are getting in the way of doing other things, then you can control that by limiting access or eliminating them. We never owned a video game system. My kids actually survived without video games. My youngest is 15. He is in 4H, Boy Scouts and Venture Crew. He spends his weekends/free time hiking, camping, doing community service, etc.
Good luck!

They don't get to choose to be couch potatoes.
Our son does taekwondo and he's been doing it for 7 years.
He loves it and it helps keep him active.
Especially if they are gravitating toward the video games - you need to limit their screen time so they are not sitting sitting sitting all the time.

Are they playing video games more than they're outside playing? If so, I would not like that.

If they're not, are THEY bored?

I would insist on swimming lessons (safety) and limit the amount of video game time they get, but other than that I don't think I would force them to do anything. I have the opposite problem, my kids want to do everything and I have to encourage them to slow down.

Personally, I think it's better to be under-scheduled than over-scheduled. With that being said, I think it's healthy for the kids to play a sport or two. It's healthy for their minds and bodies. With that being said, ask them which of the sports they want to do. Let them choose. Tell them it's a requirement that they choose something. If they are doing well in school, I would let them continue to play with the neighborhood kids and play their games. Isn't that what being a kid is all about?!? I think so =)

They seem to be doing fine academically and socially, I wouldn't push it at this age. Relax, and enjoy this age!

oh my what wonderful children you have...my goodness don't sweat it they will do things when they want to

I'd let it go in elementary and middle school. They are happy playing with their friends and have no strong interests. It will be a waste of time and money to sign them up for what they do not care about. In HS, we told the sks that they needed to do something, not just for themselves, but for college. It took SD a long time to focus on theatre, but once she did, she was fine the rest of HS. If your district does student service hours, that might be a way to find an interest for them.

To answer your last question: No, you should not let them decide what to do if that means doing nothing. Kids will tend toward nothing if they have the choice, and that means they will never know what might have interested them.

K., ask yourself: Is this post about getting confirmation that your kids are just fine, and you can let them decide what to do? Or are you really ready to help them navigate finding some more challenging ways to spend their time?

Yes, they do well in school and aren't any trouble. Check. That's excellent. And yes, they have played sports. Fine. And you don't want to over-schedule them.

But a couple of thoughts from a parent of a middle schooler:

Kids know what they're exposed to. Someone posted below that maybe your sons will get interested in "art or cooking or woodworking or archery" and that would be great, BUT....they won't wake up one day and say, "Mom, I think I want to learn to cook!" or "Wow, I'd like to try archery!" They don't know which end of a bow is up, or what woodworking involves. Unless you take some initiative and work with them to find some activities to try -- to taste something new and outside their comfort zones of video games and running around outside -- they will not ever know if they might have liked certain things. Kids know what WE expose them to.

They should have a big role in choosing but you need to push them to choose. City or county parks and recreation departments often have huge catalogs of courses and classes for kids these ages -- sports, yes, but also unusual sports like archery and fencing, computer programming and game programming, many kinds of arts, even orienteering (using compasses outside) and letterboxing (going into parks and forests to locate "letterboxes" by using coordinates). Get a catalog and sit down with each boy one at a time and have him pick something. These tend to be four- or six- or 10- week classes, not gigantic commitments that go on all school year long. It's a good way to taste things and get them outside that comfort zone, because frankly right now, in the name of not overscheduling them, you're letting them coast in that zone.

You post that you have made such offers and they shrug them off. I would gather up ideas, maybe even go online sitting next to them to see class catalogues etc. and be clear that this time they will pick something. They get the freedom of choosing-- hooray. YOU have the authority to say, you are going to do something, and don't get to shrug it off. It's not a lifetime commitment but you need to taste new things or you will never know if you liked them and might have continued with them. Period. If they kick up a fuss about it, can you be tough enough to paste on a smile and say, "Kiddo, if YOU find another class you want more than this one, you can try it next time around, but you're doing this for these eight weeks" or whatever?

If you can locate a positively minded friend of theirs to try something new with them, that can help a lot, but if you think the pal will only become a "misery buddy" and they will spend all the time complaining to each other, better to have your son(s) try a new thing as a new kid, so they can focus on the activity and not their pal.

Before everyone says, "But kids need down time! Let kids be kids!" yes, they should not be so scheduled that they never have a Saturday morning free, or never have a second on a weeknight to read a book for pleasure. But bear in mind: Your sons pretty much have video games and neighborhood friends. And honestly, as they get older, the neighborhood run-around thing will fade quickly as their friends get more involved in activities and as everyone gets more and more homework. And video games don't encourage them to think and move and act in real life in new ways.

I want to add that I back Ms. May when she says there's more to life than sports. Take care that team sports doesn't become the focus because there are a lot of kids who miss out on other things they might like but their parents assume that as boys, they should be doing a team sport and they're fine if they do. Break away from that mindset and have them do at least one activity that is not a team sport. Believe me, they still will not be overscheduled -- a kid doing a team sport for one season, and a class in, say, woodworking for 10 weeks, and taking fencing lessons year-long -- that's not overscheduled, not where we live.

One last thing -- your older son is nearly in, maybe already in, middle school. It can be really helpful for kids in MS and HS to have an activity that is theirs and theirs alone and is done outside school. If they get swamped by school or overwhelmed by the academic work and social pressures, they know they have that part of themselves that loves that activity. My daughter is like that with dance -- it has nothing to do with school; it is physical so it balances the huge amount of academics she has; and her friends there do not go to her school so it's an escape from talking about school. She does like school plenty; it's just also good to have a place and friends and activity where she is "the dancer" and not "the student." Something to consider.

And finally -- have your sons tried scouting? If they did and didn't like it, please be aware: Every troop is different. Some might be very outdoorsy all the time while others are more into service projects and helping others, or may combine both. It's never too late to enter scouting, and it should be varied so they do different things throughout the year. Again, something to consider.

It's natural for them to not want to do stuff, but I think making sure they master at least one skill outside of school is important. One that takes a bit of daily practice and discipline. Like a musical instrument or sport. They would still have time for playing and relaxing. It's your call as a parent. My parents "forced" me to take piano and do gymnastics when I was young. I didn't feel like it at the time, but both skills put me ahead in other things as I grew up and now I'm super happy to play piano well and have maintained a focus on physical fitness that I pass on to my kids who all play instruments despite their wails that they don't want to practice....

I would nix or massively limit the video games and see if the space that opens up doesn't make them a little easier to deal with.

There's a happy medium. Kids who are always doing scheduled activities never build up any imagination and always have to be stimulated by others. Children who have no guidance or limits at all will find something troublesome to do.

So...limit the gaming time. None during the week. A specific time limitation on the weekend. Require that they do SOMETHING. Whether it's going outside, or an activity they choose. Guitar lessons? A sport? Art? What's the one thing you know each of them loves? Push them toward expanding their knowledge of that thing.

We've always stuck to the one athletic activity and one musical activity rule. Maybe you can try music and stick to it for a year. Our friends have two boys who are now 13 and 11 and they forced them to take piano for a year. Now they boys play in a neighborhood "band" and thank their parents for making them learn music. They also play a TON of video games. They are two of the best kids I know. Smart, respectful, well rounded. They also play basketball each year.

Since they are the boss I don't think you have much chance of making them do anything.

Most kids do have some say in what they want to do but the parents make the final decisions. For instance, right now my granddaughter isn't like dance. Too bad. She has numerous performances over the next 8 months and isn't going to drop out. My choice. I also know her well enough to know that she'll be back in love with dance in a few weeks. If I let her make the choices we'd be dropping out for a month the begging the teacher to take her back and allow her to stay in the same class she's been with since they were all 3.

I choose for her to stay in dance. When she rode BMX it was quite expensive if we traveled to do it. We paid a $40 fee to the ABA for her to be a member for a year. So if she wanted to ride on ANY track in the USA or Canada we could choose to go do that. If she didn't want to ride we didn't go ride that Moto.

It was easy to do that sport.

As for your situation I suggest that you start planning activities on the weekends that take them out of the house. Go for a hike, bike ride, picnic, to a sporting event, the zoo, a water park, stuff that will get them active and help you bond as a family.

I think it's fine to take a break and not be overscheduled with things.
Maybe let them take the break & look for something new.
In time maybe you could suggest a new hobby/sport? Like karate lessons
or what have you.
Rememeber there's a balance to everything. So maybe they sit this
season out.
They are still relatively young & have been busy w/sports.
And yes, you should let them decide what to do even if it means nothing
at all. Nothing worse than being made to do something. If my parents
had tried to make me join sports (did it on my own), I wouldn't have done
it!!

My kids are not allowed to play video games during the school week at all, and we insist they are involved in at least one activity per year, whatever that may be. It doesn't have to be sports, we've done children's theatre, arts classes, electronics club, music lessons, and archery, as well as (a variety of) dance, soccer, baseball, lacrosse, rugby, basketball and martial arts. What are they interested in, what are their strengths? Do they REALLY only enjoy video games? If so, then maybe you can find a local gamers club...IMO it's more about getting out of the house and experiencing positive, structured socializing, as long as they're doing that, we, as the parents, are happy.