Kids Don't Do Things When Told & Loss of Patience

Hello MK

During my Parent Coach training, I discovered the Love & Logic approach and was so impressed. I've been working with kids for more than 16 years and over that time became frusterated that I was always punishing for the same things. Because of this,I redeveloped my technique towards poor behavior from punishing the bad to rewarding the good. After reading and studying the Love & Logic approach, I've started using their theories as well.

Basically, Love & Logic teaches ways to eliminate yelling & fighting by allowing natural and enforced consequences teach lessons. One example is what they call "Draining Energy". When kids fight/disobey it "Drains" Mom's energy, meaning Mom doesn't have the enegry to take them to the park or their friend's house. The only way for Mom's energy to be recharged is for the children to behave AND help Mom with chores. The Mom's batteries are recharged.

I've used their techniques myself and they really work. They have several books and free handouts on their website, a link is below.

www.loveandlogic.com

Good Luck!

R. Magby

My daughter is younger, but both my husband and I talked about this just the other night, how our yelling is having the opposite effect of what we want. The more we yell at her, the less she listens to our requests the first time around - it's like it doesn't count unless we yell.

We have both decided that we do not want to become a family where everyone yells at one another. That means we need to model acceptable forms of communication. Kind of hard for kids to understand that their yelling is unacceptable and they should use an inside voice - but its okay if we do it...

It is understandable that they don't like to interrupt a pleasant activity like playing to clean up their toys. I now try to take a breath (for myself), get down to my daughter's level and physically interrupt her (i take her hands) to get her to listen to me. It is a work in progress but way easier on my and everyone's nerves than getting into a screaming match - and I confess, I still sometimes loose my patience and use a stronger voice than I would like.

One more thing: I think as adults we sometimes need to adjust our expectations to what is reasonable for a child and their age appropriate development. While I would love for my daughter to listen to me, and do what I say when I say it, I know that this really is not realistic to expect. Many children will go through phases of being "better" and then they will revert to unwanted behaviors, testing their boundaries and your resolve. Just remember to be patient, be kind and be consistent.
Good luck!

I don't know about girls, but my two boys (8 & 4) are the same way. I count to 3 & then they get put in time out. Everyone is different in their disapline, but ocassionally my boys need a pop on the butt (just one with a hand to get their attention).
It tends to take until I get to the count of 2 before they realize that they are about to get into trouble & then they start to listen.
With our boys we also have a a chore chart & if they can't finish their chores (pick up their room, get dressed, ect.) they don't get to play the Wii.
I would have them sit down (away from eachother) against a wall when they can't calm down or use their indoor voices.
I hope this helps.

God bless!

Try Love and Logic. It works wonders. There's one for 6 year olds and under that we've read and used. I can now simply say, "uh-oh" and my daughter jumps into action. Beautiful!