Kids Bedtime and Holiday Celebrations

We travelled a lot and as a result, from a very early age, my kids could sleep anywhere.
We never would have survived or been able to leave the house if the only place the kids could nap or lay down at night was in their own beds.
My son was only 3 weeks old when my mother in law passed away and we were away from home for two weeks staying either in our hotel room or my in-law's house as we planned the funeral service and handled their affairs.
It might not seem like the optimal conditions for sleeping patterns especially when life didn't exactly allow us exact and specific times to hold rigid to, but ironically, my kids were always excellent sleepers.
We could travel and take them anywhere. And we did. It was normal for them.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I understand trying to adhere to sleep schedules, but experiencing something outside of that routine once in a while might help them be more adept at going with the flow and doing okay in different situations.
No offense, but I do not think it's realistic to expect everyone else to change things according to your children's sleep or nap schedules. Bow out gracefully if you choose, but realize that time marches on and the world keeps spinning and our kids to an extent have to be allowed to learn to function as opposed to thinking the rest of the world should come to a stop or alter it's path for them.

This is just my opinion.

I agree with you. Stay strong. Your kids won't be tiny forever (trust me, it feels like yesterday that mine were 1 and 5, and now they're 12 and 16). I would give your kids their naps before you go to your mother's, even if you miss part of the celebration/family time there. With the inlaws, I'd let them know that you'll be leaving at 7:30 so if they want the kids to open their gifts, they need to give them the gifts early. It's their choice whether they want to change the routine or not, and it's your choice to leave early/arrive late. I know they may feel like, what's the harm if the kids stay up an hour late, but then the kids are tired/cranky or they still get up the same time the next day and are cranky at the next family event. They won't be little forever, and in a couple of years, you won't be dealing with naps anymore and staying up an hour late won't wreak havoc.
We've always had Christmas at our house, and when the kids were small, they were napped on Christmas Day with company here, and were sent to bed at close to their typical bedtimes even though guests were still here.

Since the whole family must change their Christmas plans according to your children's sleep schedule I would probably be annoyed at you.

Sorry, your kids sleep schedule is not more important than a family holiday party. That is pretty self centered of you. They should not have to plan their day around children's sleep.

So what if the kids are a bit cranky over the next few days while they get back on a regular sleep pattern. IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!

Do the nap then let the kids stay up a little later to open presents. At 21 months and especially 4 they should be wired up and very very hard to get to bed Christmas Eve anyway. The ride home will be a perfect way for them to fall asleep on the way home. And tired the next day due to not sleeping well.

I think that you need to do what is best for your immediate family. You know your children...if skipping the nap will make them into cranky little heathens for the rest of the day, then don't do it. NO ONE is going to be happy if you bring two kids over that are constantly having tantrums and meltdowns because they are overtired.

If they don't want to change the rountine to accomodate the needs of their grandchildren, then that is fine....they just need to understand that perhaps you guys might have to cut out of there earlier than they would like. You might have to go open presents with them at another time. The reality is that when little ones come along, you HAVE to change things to accomodate them...your life is just different now. They can help out with this change to enjoy these children too or they can stay ridgid. It really is their choice...

I think it's fine if you want to change your plans - or leave early. I do think it's a bit much to ask/expect them to change their plans. I know it's stressful so I hope it works out for all : )

Since it's Xmas night, I'm curious to hear what ended up happening. I'd stick to my guns on showing up after their nap, but be prepared for a later night.

One way to handle it is to put them into their PJs at Grandma's house, both so they are ready to hop into bed when you get home and also to send a signal that this event is encroaching on their bedtime, but they are making a sacrifice as well.

What does your husband say? Can't he talk to your MIL about moving some gifts earlier?

I have a 9 month old and a 4 year old, and we typically treat naptime and bedtime as hard, fast rules, which means that sometimes we miss out on things that are going on during those times. So I get where you are coming from, I really do, but I think it is a little ridiculous to expect that the entire family change their Christmas plans according to when your kids normally sleep. Routines are important, but so is a bit of flexibility, in fact, if you are sticking to a schedule most of the time, you should have well-rested kids who can handle a change once in a while. It's Christmas, your kids will survive staying up late to open gifts tonight. That said, I try to only disrupt one sleep time per day, if I have to, which is to say, I would stick with your normal nap, but plan to stay up late with your in-laws.
My family does a big Christmas celebration tonight too, and since I have had kids I started hosting it at my house, so I could put the kids to bed and the festivities could continue for the adults. My 9 month-old will probably be in bed an hour or so later than usual, and we will play it by ear with the 4 year-old, but this is a compromise that works for us, maybe it is something for you to consider for next year?

do whats best for your kids-you know them best-forget the control freaks-nothing annoys me more than ppl with NO KIDS-telling us how to raise our kids-nothings worse than a screaming ornery child..over something they will never remember-do what you feel is right-forget the rest....happy holidaze....

I TOTALLY understand and agree with you! I had the same problems with family giving me a hard time. So.....one time I did let him skip his nap and I did take him to the retaurant they all wanted to go to and I did let him stay as late as everyone wanted.....tand....he had a TOTAL meltdown. I very nicely said, THIS is why we don't skip naps and we keep to a routine. We then left. They have NEVER given me a hard time since then! I think they finally got how it DOES affect him and the people around!

I am so glad so many mom's are supporting you on your decision to make your kids a priority and make sure that they get their rest during such an overstimulating time of the year! I also agree. I think it might just be a matter of explaining to your in-laws how different it is for an adult compared to the excitement a child sees during the holidays. You might also want to ask "what will they be missing?" It seems like it could be solved by scheduling more family get togethers that aren't just on holidays if it is just the sharing of time. Also explain that traditions are only worthwhile if everyone is enjoying them which wouldn't be the case for you and your kids if you gave in because you would be dreading the next day. I recently read a book that you would enjoy. It is called NurtureShock and one chapter is devoted to how important children's sleep is to their development and completely backs up your decision with psychological studies. It is hard to deal with others ideas on how to raise "your" children. Continue to stand up for your choices for you and your children! Good Luck!

Stick to your guns!! I've been exactly where you are at, and it is NOT worth it to mess with little one's sleep schedules! Good luck and Merry Christmas!

It sounds like you are compromising by staying past bedtime already. So, I would point that out and ask if they can meet you in the middle by moving up presents just a little bit. Would it be that big a deal to eat dessert a half hour earlier? Or eat dessert after opening presents? Some children are able to skip naps or stay up late without having a meltdown (thankfully mine are!), but some absolutely cannot. So, if your kids really can't handle a change in sleep schedule for just one day (my niece and nephew are like this, and I fully support sticking to their schedules!) then stick to your plan. That's your job as a parent. However, please examine and make sure you aren't hiding behind their schedule to make an early escape. And don't let other family members make you feel like a grinch. Maybe you can say something to the effect of "I really want to be able to visit longer. Unfortunately, the kids cannot handle staying up late, and it would ruin their Christmas day. It's my job as their mom to take care of their needs, even when it inconveniences me." And maybe your husband can stay to visit while you take the kids home, or he can go back after the kids are in bed? Merry Christmas!

We're in the same boat and are letting DD take her nap. My inlaws start wicked early--at 1 p.m.--which to me is absurd--so we're sticking to the nap, going later and staying later.

Keep the routine. Even childless people should be able to adjust for the youngest ones.

Don't let your in-laws create any self-doubt in your mind. I would just stand firm, and if you have to, ask them how they feel about being around children that are losing their minds and having melt-downs because they are overtired. I don't see how asking them to be more accomodating is being a hypocrite - that usually means you profess a belief in something but then your actions are the opposite. Hopefully the SIL will have kids of her own some day and then will understand better. Until then, it is their choice not to be more flexible and understanding, and that is their problem, not yours. Since this is your husband's family, maybe he should be the one to say something if they start to grumble.

When I got married, I had a cousin and his wife who had to skip the ceremony and only come to the reception because it would have messed up their 3 year old's nap schedule, and without his nap, he would have been total bear. Believe me, I appreciated that more than having my wedding ceremony and reception disrupted by an overtired kid. Do what you need to do, and don't worry about them - it will be easier for them to deal with their feelings than for you to deal with your kids when they don't the rest they need. And it won't be like this forever - this is just how it is right now.