Have you ever had situation where you wish you had stood up and said something? Wished you had the courage to speak up when you did not? Well I am kicking myself today for one of those...
My brothers MIL behaved horribly towards my wonderful aunt last night. This aunt has been amazing to my brother and I since out mom died. she is there in ever since of the word, treats our kids like her grandkids. she is truely an amazing woman.
My brother and his MIL has long standing issues. They are both stuborn.... but for some reason the MIL has now decided that in the absence of our mother, my aunt should "set him straight" about how he should act. However how this all played out was waiting until my brother left for a bit to take the dog out and going on screaming rage on my aunt. right up in her face, waving hands and poking her in shoulder when she tried to step up. Other than saying i am sorry... and i don;t understand what I did, my aunt said NOTHING (the MIL does not speak much english and since other than saying well she is not mad at you she is mad at him no one translated for us)
I sat there in shock... and now I feel horrible. I feel like I should have stood up and told her enough... to back off. I am also angry at my SIL and her family who just kept sayng it was cause brother did this or that... my brotehr is 30. has been marred 3 yrs and has a kid. They have their own home, he has a good job. He is not a child and regardless of their issues with him... her behaviors were beyong out of line to the woman who has welcomed them into her home so they did not have to spend a holiday away from their grandbaby
So mom's what do I do now for this aunt?
thanks mamas.... i did send her flowers and a note and talked to her tonight. she is better, but I think the next family get together will be interesting.
as far as the questions.... no my brother is no abusive, cheating or gambling. It is a lot of culture clash, language barriers and two stubborn people. the main issue yesterday .. he watched football during the party and did not eat MIL food, only chicken wings.
Brother knows part of what happened, not the full extent. he and MIL had a blow out once he got back. Sister in law was in tears and apologizing. Honestly as far as what was said between... we have no idea.
OH and yesterday was at brothers house... THanksgiving was when my aunt had them at her house...
Send her some flowers and tell you that you are sorry she had to go through that. Tell that you were in shock and wished you had stood up for her.
The only time I can imagine it even being "understandable" for a mil to get involved like that would be if her daughter was getting physically abused or he was out rampantly cheating on his wife. But she still should NEVER get in your aunt's face, and as a guest in her home? Hmm.
I do think Cheryl O is right in that she timed that on purpose. Bullies (verbal, physical, whatever) are more likely to jump someone that isn't directly involved in whatever she's mad about, especially when the man in question steps out to walk the dog. I would tell my brother what happened. I would N E V E R invite that woman or her family who allowed it, to be a guest in my house again (but that's your aunt's decision for her house). You can let your sil know that y'all are not a "Jerry Springer family" and that stuff is unacceptable.
As for what to do for your aunt? I would buy her some flowers and a note saying how much she's meant to you guys since your mother's death, that you love her, and that you are kicking yourself for not having jumped to her defense but you were just in shock and couldn't move, since that's not how you were expecting the holiday get together to go. That would be sufficient. She didn't jump around mouthing off either or throw them out of her house; she'd probably understand since she may have been in shock too.
It was called shock-value - she timed it and shocked everyone so everyone was "shell shocked" when she went on her rampage. So no one could "stand up"...very clever W..
Someone will need to set her straight. Who will it be? I don't know.
I would call my aunt and tell her how sorry I am for not stopping it. Tell her how much you love her and see how SHE wants you or anyone else to handle it.
not sure. maybe a message, card, or email telling her thank you for all her support. i don't think it's really on you to "fix" what this woman did. it's not YOUR mil. wierd situation.
i have been in those situations - you don't realize what's going on until it's over practically. you just don't expect civilized human beings to go off like that. shock just paralyzes us.
unfortunately/fortunately, this isn't your situation to fix. i would tell your brother what happened, and leave it at that.
I completely empathize.
First, apologize to your aunt, and let her know that you are kicking yourself for not standing up.
Then, if you're up to it, let your brother know what happened, and ask him to tell his MIL that what she did was inappropriate. I would not involved the SIL in this, as she is likely to only take sides with her mother.
I think what you do next involves how your Aunt feels about the whole situation.
She might not have any difficulty in ignoring the screaming mad woman.
It seems your SIL and your brother are also ignoring the MIL.
How does your brother feel about how his Aunt was treated?
Maybe he or his wife should tell MIL to lay off or she will not be welcome.
Perhaps explaining to your Aunt what is going on might help her understand.
I'd work on keeping visits where both MIL and Aunt are present to a minimum.
i would've stood up, but then again I'm the 'hot headed drama queen' of the family. send her some flowers with a note that tells her how amazingly special she is to you and/or that you are glad she's in your life.
First, call you Aunt and let her know how much you love and value her. How wonderful to have a loving person in your life. Next, I would call my brother and explain what happened. I would also put him on notice that if this EVER happens again, MIL will be out on her butt because this WILL happen again. Cheryl O is right. She timed in perfect and went for the "shock". Now, you know how she operates. When this happens again, step between the two and tell the MIL this is unacceptable and to leave. She will understand!
I admit I didn't understand a lot of what you said here, but it doesn't matter. The MIL screamer chose exactly when the man left the house to do this awful thing, and now you all know.
I would talk to both the man who left the house and the aunt. Tell the aunt how sorry you are that this happened, and now that you know the kind of thing this woman will do, if it happens again, you and she will both walk out the door together without fail. Tell her that something is wrong with this woman and the best thing that everyone can do is get the heck out of there and turn their back on her. If you all argue, she will just switch languages and scream more. Giving her no one to yell at will be best. And tell aunt that if she calls on the phone and does it, to hang up.
Dawn
