Give flylady another chance, but make it way simpler (one page, one week, see below). With a toddler and hubby and most household work falling on my shoulders, my house slowly started falling apart. Sticking to Flylady's routines seemed hard but when I starting doing simple chore charts for my 3-old it dawned on me I could do the same for me.
This sounds really silly but it totally works with a 3 year old and it worked for me. Forget about the control journal Flylady recommends for now. Buy "my chore chart" in the children's supply store of your local Staples or office supply store. The one I but has a big yellow star with a blue border and is made by Trend - it comes with a bunch of chore charts, one for each week
http://www.amazon.com/CHORE-CHARTS-STARS-25/dp/B001AZBTLS...
Fill it in as follows (parenthesis just explain it a little more, no need to include those):
(days) S M T W T F S
CARING FOR MYSELF
Get dressed including shoes
Breakfast
Lunch
Dinner
CLEANING MY ROOM (every day)
Make DS' bed
Clean DS bathroom (quick swipe of counters with lysol wipe, swish a squirt of shampoo and brush the toilet bowl, wipe the seat down with the wipe).
Make our bed
Clean our bathroom (see DS above)
DOING CHORES AT HOME
Empty dishwasher (first thing in the morning)
Run dishwasher (wnen full)
One load of laundry a day (set timer to wash, dry, fold and put away)
Daily challenge (little 15 min chores given by Flylady sent by e-mails)
OTHER THINGS I NEED TO DO
Vacuum (once a week)
Water plants (1-2x week)
Get clothes ready for next day (every day)
Shine the sink (every night)
As you do each thing, mark the corresponding box with a square, but only when you do it all the way (load of laundry means from wash to putting it away to count). Pretty soon it becomes a game, as you try to fill in as many boxes as possible. Reward yourself if you manage to fill in a whole section. Take a bubble bath or do something fun, buy a favorite book, whatever.
I sometimes fall off the wagon. I'm now pregnant and on bedrest, due in July (an eternity) - I spend most of my days in bed and have been forced to let the house go. My 3 year old told me this morning "daddy's nice. I'm nice. You're bad. It bothers me you don't go to the park with me and wash dishes". He's right. So we spent an hour today getting that sink nice and shiny and washing dishes, following flylady's tips. What joy and feeling of success. He's happy too. "We make a great team mom!" he said. Purple puddles as flylady would say.
Don't beat yourself up, just take it one little chore at a time. Don't try to catch up.