Keeping a Toddler in Bed at Night

There are a lot of other good answers, but I think it might make a difference to make her bed a place she REALLY wants to be. Some special new sheets or a new bedtime toy might help. Especially if you play the game where you pretend that YOU want those sheets. Then she'll want to be in them even more.

The first thing to come to terms with is that you cannot make someone fall asleep, BUT you can work on keeping her in her room. Have her go potty, say prayers and decide on a number for books read so as to be consistent. Then let her know that she is to stay in her room. If she is not tired she can read a book, listen to book on tape, or whatever you decide. Put a small light that she can control by her bed. If she is reading in bed she is bound to fall asleep faster than if she is fighting with you or popping in and out of bed. If she comes to get you say, "It is time to be in your room," and lead her back.

I would love to hear how it works out,
B. Davis

Child And Family Coaching
http://www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com
Because nothing is more important than family

I sat my two kids down and explained that once in bed, they may get up to use the restroom or get a drink of water and that is it. ( i have a little cup in the bathroom that they use to get a drink from the faucet.) I explained that the only acceptable reason to wake anyone else up in the house is if they are sick or the house is on fire, otherwise if they are awake & can't sleep, then they are to play quietly in their room in bed, but no turning on the lights. They do have permission to wake us once they see sunlight coming in the window and that is how they know that they can get up and it is no longer sleeping time. For the first week after this talk, I would explain how there was no sunlight, so it was still sleeping time, etc.. Then after the week, I told them both that they now knew the rules and if they continued to break them, there would be consequences. In our house, I have the kids "pay a fine" with a toy. they get to pick the toy. It cleans out their toy box, they loose something, and they go with me to donate it and learn about charity. So at night, if they wake me, i ask are you sick? fire? etc... & if no reason (my son woke me the other night and a mylar balloon had broken free from our dining room and had travelled into his room by air flow from the air conditioner and of course it was noisy woke him, scared him, etc... I did not make him pay the fine of course,) but otherwise I let them know that tomorrow, they will owe me a toy. i then take them back to bed. Then the next morning, I follow through & they have to put a toy in the donate bin. After a while, they figure it all out. i let mine get up and pee & drink all they want, but after about the 3-4 time I let them know that each trip while i'm still awake will start to cost them toys & that stops them. They always are going to push the limits. After awhile mine figured out that while they were staying up late going back & forth, in the end, they really didn't get anything out of it, but tired from lack of sleep. Just be consistant and patient and she will figure it out. they are just curious as to what happens after they go to bed and once they realize nothing interesting, then it should get easier. Best of luck.

you MUST be consistent. i agree with you that the door should stay open (kids shouldn't feel abandoned or cut off at night) but at 3 she is absolutely capable of learning rules. i love the suggestion to donate a toy for every infraction. getting this down will mean a rough week or two, but then your entire family will sleep more easily. when she gets up, put her back to bed immediately, no talking, no fighting, no explaining, no eye contact. make it abundantly clear that getting up is less pleasant than staying in her room.
good luck!
khairete
S.

We had the gate for a while and did end up having to close the door...my son hated it so much, but we thoroughly toddler-proofed his room and got a knob cover for the doorknob so he couldn't let himself out. Our doors are about two feet apart so we can hear everything, but our upstairs landing is very small and he can't safely have the run of the house at night. I know some people have had luck putting up a strong screen door so their child can see out but not escape--some parents like that so their kids can use the bedroom as a play room while parents are doing housework and seeing each other, too. If you have flexibility, we used a Dutch door when my sister's kids lived with us. Their bedroom was upstairs, so my dad cut the doors in half, double-hinged the top and bottom, and we were able to keep them safely in their rooms while having the top door open to hear and ventilate the room better. You won't be able to keep her in her bed if she wants to get up, but you can let her run herself out in her room safely. She might fall asleep on the floor, but my kids usually get tired and prefer comfort and climb back in their beds when they're exhausted. You could also try a mounted swing gate--they are a little stronger and taller than a pressure gate, although my boys have also learned that they are stronger than the gate and have yanked out the spindles a few times. She is old enough that you can probably talk to her a lot about the door being closed but reassure her that mommy and daddy can still hear her and she is safe, etc. You could even let her pick a comforting poster or picture to put on her door that will be soothing to her at night, or glow-in-the-dark stars, etc. Be creative and help her love her space. :)

Try putting her to bed before you and your husband are ready for bed. Also make her use the bathroom before she gets in bed and tell her she can't get out until she wakes up. Keep it consistent and it should work eventually

Shut the door. She may get upset but at 3 she is old enough to understand bedtime is bedtime. Tell her she gets 1 chance. if she comes out then the door gets shut. also. if you read stories and then do prayers be done with the bedtime routine at that point. also do potty before stories. other than going potty she should not be back out of her room till morning. If she is up a million times its because she knows you are allowing it. If you are firm she will stop getting up.

We recently switched our almost 3 yo daughter to a 'big girl' bed. We have always shut her door and even installed a child-proof device that goes over her doorknob (from Target). I understand you don't want to shut her door b/c she gets upset, but that may be the only other thing you can do to 'get the message' to her that it is bedtime. I know some of my friends use the clocks that light up...it might be a moon for nighttime, then sun for daytime. You get to set the appropriate time for her to get up.

It sounds like any change you make will result in some tears b/c she doesn't want to go to bed, and you guys need her to. Whatever you decide to do, hope she gets the message quickly and starts going to bed when you want her to. Good luck.

we use a star chart for going to bed nicely. at the end of the week if he's earned all his stars he can get a reward - a treat, going for ice cream, watching a movie... something little but it's enough to motivate my 3 yr old.

my 3 year old did that until he dropped his afternoon nap. once he quit napping he crashed at night and slept through till morning.