Hi D. - Losing a parent leaves a hole in you that can never be filled... To lose your Mom at such an important juncture must feel like just too much to bear. My heart is broken for you.
I am a 51 year old mother of a 10 year old only child and I pray every day that God will keep me healthy enough to raise her up to adulthood. I often wonder if I will know her children.
Sometimes we wonder what the gift might be in situations like this, but thank God you had her - and she had you - as long as you did! She was able to see the fruit of her labor in you as an adult... It's small consolation, I know, but it's true nonetheless.
Some others have a very different story to tell.
Right now, you are lost in the fog of grief and despair - of lonliness not only for you, but for your child. Is she young enough to change her name? Perhaps her middle name?
My daughter never knew her paternal grandmother, so we named her after her... It gives us a story to tell often and we can keep Grammy Carmen alive in our hearts each time.
Otherwise, my best advice is to find a support group. There are many wonderful ones out there and they are really very helpful. Why not give one a try?
Your Mom will be with you forever. And your breath will catch every time you think of her. You will cry for a very long time... And that's ok. That's love! And, believe it now or not, that is one of her gifts to you.
It's hard to reconcile all the "she's in a better place" stuff, but truly - just try to imagine how she felt standing before God and talking with him about her life. Whoa - speaking of your breath catching in your throat!
So BREATHE. Take your daughter out and revel in the glory of God every day. Watch trees bud and leaves fall. Watch the tide go in and out... Believe in the miracle of birth!
And every time you find a penny on the ground, tell your daughter that Gram was here... She can't speak to us, so she left this reminder that she was here to see you.
Everytime we find a penny, we say, "Hi Grampa!" and we have a lovely thought of my Dad and the time we had with him...
There are ways to keep her alive. But don't deny that you will always miss her...