JFF: Unsolicited Advice from Strangers

My daughter is very small for her age (but completely healthy). I love that strangers have to point this out frequently. As if I didn't notice? I especially love when they ask her how old she is, and then they look at me and say "really?" I think next time I'll just say, "no, she's just a pathological liar."

It was like a million degrees outside (Texas) and an older lady told me I needed to bundle my baby up in socks and a hat. Ummm...

Another time, I went horse back riding and my crazy, stubborn, old lady horse dragged me through some low lying branches on a mountainside. Beat me up pretty good, (bloody, swollen lip, 2 black eyes, lots of scratches), my clothes were in shreds from the branches. A day later, I was in line at the bank. A woman came up to me and lovingly put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Honey, he isn't worth it!"

I was walking down the street heavily pregnant when some strange man came up and started walking and talking with me about pregnancy. After a bit the nutter said, 'the problem is nowadays you never know whose baby it is!'. I replied, 'I'm pretty sure it's mine!'

He wandered his crazy way off.

I've also had another idiot man try to convince me that it's much much safer to drive as fast as you can when you're tired because you're more alert.

Well dear, don't you know that you should check that one room in your basement every single day just incase the toilet springs a leak? ;)

Hmm... Strangers giving unsolicited advice... I can't say that that ever happened to me...

Oh well there was that one time...

Did you know that even if your are naturally a pretty small person (5'7" and 115lbs) and even if you gained plenty of baby weight (135lbs at the time of delivery) AND EVEN IF you had weekly ultrasounds that proved the baby was growing just fine... If you don't have a huge baby bump (A bump of a typical 4-5 month pregnancy at the time of delivery... Which was 1 day past the due date) there MUST be something wrong with the baby and he will probably be stillborn? (Ya, I actually had someone tell me that my son was probably going to be stillborn because my bump was too small)

Did you know that if your baby isn't wearing a hat when it's 75 degress out he'll freeze to death?

Did you know that until your baby starts school you just shouldn't take him out of the house (And even then, homeschooling is better)? People carry diseases and he might catch something.

Oh, I could go on and on and on... But I won't because I'm sure that you already know that if your child gets the least bit dirty he will die, and I'm sure that you already know that if you don't have him on a schedule he will be the crabbiest baby ever, AND I'm sure that you already know that if you pick up your child when he is crying you will spoil him. And if you didn't... Now you do.

Oh my gosh, I just complained to Kohls on Saturday because some cashier leaned over the counter and started scolding a child who was with his mother. (He was making an odd, annoying noise but doing nothing else...I figured he may have had a developmental issue that caused him to do this.) It wasn't even my child or anyone that I knew but was so horribly out of line that I was furious on the mom's behalf and complained. So, I guess technically, the cashier offered unsolicited advice, but so did I. LOL.

When I was in my daughter's country following the adoption, I was routinely stopped on the streets to be scolded about an amount of skin that she had that might be showing. During the day, it was 60-70 degrees, but they keep their children very warm. Appropriate attire for that kind of day was a jacket with hood up, hat, mittens, long pants, shoes, socks, and a blanket. I did all of that, but her hat would occasionally ride up above her ears, she'd kick her feet where there was a bit of skin showing between her sock and pant leg, or she'd unzip her jacket a bit at the top. When you're pushing a stroller, you might not immediately know this, but I was routinely accosted on the street by someone tsk-tsk-tsking and bundling her back up (they didn't hesitate to take over while chastizing me in an language I didn't understand). I'd been warned that they "keep our children very warm," so it wasn't a huge surprise but still very annoying.

Upon returning to the U.S. with a 2 yr old who had never been outside the walls of an orphanage (never before been in a car, never before been in a parking lot, never before been inside a store and so on), who did not know the language whirling around her, who was grieving the loss every single person she'd ever known and was just plain terrified and overwhelmed, I had a far less than perfectly behaved child when I went out into the world. Yes, I am the mother that people have looked at and said "what is wrong with that child?!" and also the one that people have looked at and said, "what is wrong with that mother for allowing that behavior?!" I learned quickly to avoid those people because I learned pretty quickly when to tell someone they had no idea what they were talking about and to step-off. I really try to give people the benefit of a doubt on kids' behavior because without perfect knowledge of what is going on in that child's world there may be far more than what is meeting the eye.

The unsolicited advice to me rarely comes from strangers. The only time I can remember it is when an old lady stopped me to tell me my baby's feet were cold. He wasn't crying, but he was barefoot, so she was observant, at least. What she hadn't observed was that we had entered the store with two socks on, and I was in the process of trying to find at least one of them, but thank you, ma'am, for your concern.

Most of the unsolicited advice comes from my friends and in-laws. I have noticed that the friends who are particularly vocal with their advice tend to have younger children than I do, if they have children at all, so it amazes me that they are complete experts on what I'm doing wrong with my children now. My favorite was a friend who lectured me on and on about my daughter using a pacifier (she was not quite a year old at the time) because her only child, age five months old, was going to be weaned off of the paci by the end of the month since that is what Dr. So-and-So recommended. I gave a noncommittal response about waiting until my daughter was ready to give it up, just like I did with my son, and my friend dropped the subject and hasn't brought it up since...but I can't help but gleefully notice that her daughter is now 18-months old...and still uses a pacifier.

My DD was walking at 9 months old. One day, we took her grocery shopping and we were letting her walk down an empty aisle, when some old lady stopped to let us know that if we continued to allow her to walk, then she would wind up with bowed legs... Right lady, YOU try to stop her from walking! lol.

Oh, and you can't forget the time we were at a restaurant, and the little old lady next to me threw a FIT because I gave my daughter one of those after-dinner chocolate mint things... She went off telling me that I was was going to spoil her and rot her teeth out, and started a lecture on how unhealthy chocolate is for kids... Guess she missed the fact that my daughter had just eaten all of the veggies off my plate... oh no, that one little piece of chocolate is going to wreak havoc on my DD's health...

Yeah, I got the "need to put socks on, he's cold" when I was pushing my son in the cart in Target in Texas. I'm sure it was 90+ degrees outside, and the little guy runs warm. He wasn't fussing at all and he wasn't of walking age.

Seriously, no child ever died from not wearing socks in the summer time. :P

I really can't think of any from strangers. God knows my ex's mom and grandma had enough for a whole country of strangers.

Of course my favorite from a stranger that I love to this day, a shot of whiskey will fix that! My oldest was screaming as if he were being ripped limb from limb in the grocery store. Maybe six months old, no real reason for the screaming, I tried everything and then decided to grab what I needed and get the heck out! I was only in there for ten minutes, swear it was ten hours, and the minute we walked out of the store he shut up.

Every time after that my kids were screaming over nothing that comment made me smile.

Oh I never did give them a shot, but it did make me smile thinking about it.

The other day in the Kohls checkout-

My 2 year old was throwing a (fake crying) fit because she wanted to hold the outfit I was buying her. I took a drink of my water and an older lady pipes up and tells me that if I should pour the water on the baby's head-that will make her stop. I told her I doubt that was true but that it was very tempting.

I don't really have anything crazy to report, but I wanted to thank you for the laugh! That article was hilarious!

hahah that was hilarious .. thankfully i havent gotten any advice from strangers yet.. ive gotten tons of advice from family though.. everyone has an input on everything .. i know this isnt advice but the funniest for me is my dads ongoing rediculous questions.. i sware i must have never been a baby because my god he is clueless.. dont we need to buy shoes for her?.. how come she just drinks formula and doesnt eat any baby food? but my alltime favorite is his confusion on why our daughter (who turned 3 weeks old this past thursday, mind you) cant go in the pool with him this summer and he will have to wait til next year... really dad? but then again this is coming from the man who asked me why (and was genuinly confused) i was making the cupcakes with pink icing for my baby shower, when at that point he had known for months i was having a girl

You made my cry (from laughing)! Thank you! That was the funniest thing I have read in a long time.

I look grumpy, I guess, so strangers don't offer me much advice. I did once ask my mother-in-law for advice on how I might encourage my husband to look for a job so I could stay home with our kids. This was after he'd been a stay-at-home Dad for about 6 years and I was pregnant with our 3rd and last child....she told me to be more patient (!!!) and all but said he shouldn't have to work if he didn't want to (okey dokey, hows about I get 6 years too though?).

I guess my face showed what I thought of that, even though I said "okay, thanks" because she's been mad at me ever since.

My Mom gives some pretty crazy advice too, mostly about discipline. My sister and I turned out "okay" so I guess she feels secure in her parenting we haven't said anything about the years (and years) of counseling.... ; )