Jealous Kiddies After New Baby...

Our kids are also 2 years apart each. I lucked out in that our oldest was a "little mommy" type. The more I could involve her in taking care of the baby, the happier she was. Our son just wanted to get away from all the crying, pooping, and spit-up.
We didn't try to make our house too quiet. Our kids learned to sleep though the mayhem as babies, so the other kids didn't feel like they were being forced out of their own home. And, although most of kids stuff was considered community property, each kid had a space and an object that they could consider their own, something they didn't have to share or worry would be played with if they left it alone.
Part of it was that they just had to learn to live in the new family dynamic. Expect proper behavior from them, but give them an outlet for their frustrations.

Still experiencing this. About 12 yr diff btwn hubby & our child & his dtr
from prev marriage.
Still jealous but much better than it was!
I just do my best to be fair & not show favoritism (however eldest needs
to be held responsible for things as shes much older!)
Took SD out for days w/just her & I when baby was little.
Bought her gift just for her when he was born.
Bought her a gift from the baby when he came home from hosp.
Spend time with both kids when hubby can watch the baby.
Then spend time with each one.
If you can't have a special day when you take each one or both out for
an hour (reading time or the mall), then take both of them for an hour to
do something fun just the 3 of you. The 2 eldest kids and you.
When you have some down time in afternoon or evening, play with them
on the floor, read them a story, play leggos or blocks etc.
Hang in there. It will get better.

I have four daughters.....twins that are 20, a daughter that just turned 18, and a 16 year old as well. Yes, I was the human baby factory for a while but now I am enjoying being a younger mom of four and we only have one more year to go before they are all at college and out of the nest!!
Anyways, when the girls were younger, I noticed the most jealousy stemming from the oldest twins. They were two when #3 hit and they were fine until about three weeks in and then the behavior started. I would make sure the older ones had been fed, had their juice cups, a snack, been to the bathroom....etc....BEFORE I would sit down to feed the baby and by God, the both of them would start. They were either asking for all of the things I just mentioned that I just gave them or would do anything they could to get me to put the baby down and get up off the couch to tend to a request. At first, I did listen to the requests and get up and see it through. But, then I got wise to it and knew what they were doing. One day, when I told the two twin girls that it was the baby's time and she needed her attention, one of the twins says..."I dont wike dis baby. Take her back to the hostibal where she bewongs." NICE! Of course, I cried and called my husband at work and told him what she said and I was met with laughter. So, I cried some more and realized that I will have to rethink my strategies as a mom of three! From that point on, I did everything the way I did it before but I would give the twins a 10 minute warning before baby feedings, changings, and lengthy time that was spent with the baby when they were underfoot. I would repeat the warning again at five minutes and then right before the event was going to happen. After the final warning of impending "baby time", if they asked for stuff or had a request, it was going to wait. Barring an emergency, of course. They balked at this at first but when you put the foot to the floor and dig in, the parent will always win and the kids have to adapt. I also got them involved in my care of the baby too. Changing a diaper? Have the older ones get the wipes and the diaper for you. Making a bottle? Have one watch the bottle warmer and then carry the bottle to you or even hold the bottle upright for the baby. Changing clothes? Have the older ones pick the outfit and all that. It makes them feel special and part of the care-giving team. Once we got the routine down and certainly once baby learned to play and also entertain the toddler twins with her antics, they loved her more than you could imagine. When #4 came, the oldest twins were like mother hens and doted over this baby girl so much I had to fight them off with a stick! Girl #3 was 2 at the time and she was very mellow and just a little lover of all things. She was my adapt-a-baby! No issues from her at all. I am happy to say that I am a proud mom of four very close-knit daughters who would lay their lives on the line for each other. They are the four musketeers! Don't worry and just create a plan and follow it through. Involve your older kids if you can. Everything will settle in. Nothing is more trying than the green-eyed monster of jealousy and envy....until these kids are TEENAGERS!!!

I would definitely try to spend as much time with your 2 and 4 year old as possible. Maybe spend a little time dividing and conquering. DH can take the older kids out to do something special while you watch the baby. Then you do something out of the house (even just outside) with them while DH cares for the infant. Perhaps something the baby can't yet do - playing ball or building a snowman or just getting hot cocoa at the coffee shop. I would also spend time talking with them about when they were babies. They need to feel special - it may seem to them that they are being replaced by a new baby (whether or not they love the new baby this still rocks their world).

Also - if you are wearing the baby, this will enable you to play with the older kids and do most of what you normally do with them.

There are advantages to having kids a year apart lol. Never had your problem. They need some extra TLC and attention for sure. However, I would not tolerate these extreme behaviors. There must be boundaries. The weather is not helping things too. My granddaughter is 20 months. New baby four weeks. No problems with jealousy but she is definitely bored. She is used to me picking her up everyday. We babysit.
So that for her has been the hard part. So I pick her up a few times a week
Just to get her out.

Congrats on your new baby! My two were a little over 2 years apart and I experienced some of it with my older one.

I've never had 2 kids that were older and I'm sure that is more of a challenge and change for you and them.

These were a few things that helped me and my older ones behavior. You may already be doing them, but just in case, maybe something will help!

One of the best pieces of advice was from our pediatrician who said to not just make time for the older one when she demands it, but be the one that suggests it to him/her.

Basically, to not wait until they are nagging at you for attention and annoying you, but to make time to read a couple of books or play a game before that would even start.

So if you can find a time when the baby is napping or quiet, then that's the time to spend a few minutes with your older ones and sometimes that few minutes can help avoid more unwanted, attention seeking behaviors later.

And, also include them to "help" with baby. They can carry a diaper to you or a blanket and help wrap baby up, etc...that usually makes them feel really good!

And also, when Dad is home or grandma or someone, and if the weather is decent enough, bundle the older ones up and let them run around a little or kick a ball, play outside, etc or go to a park...something only "big kids" get to do and gets out their energy too!

Best of luck!

My son was almost 2 when my second baby came. He did well overall, and was loving to his brother, but he had jealousy issues. His biggest issues were during feedings so I found ways to make him feel included. When I would breast feed I would have him sit with us and flip the pages in a book so "we" could read a story together for his little brother, and then I would praise him for being such a wonderful big brother. When I bottle fed I would let him help.

As for the acting out, I just had to be hard yet consistent to make sure he understood it was not okay, but some acting out is expected of course. I spent as much one on one time with him as I could, but I understand how hard that is with a new baby. I think part of my sons issue was also with the fact that Daddy deployed again just after the baby was born, and he really just missed Daddy. It was hard, but we all got through it and the next phase began.

Best of luck and Blessed Be

Pre-empt the jealousy by having planned playtime.

Mine were 3.5 years apart, and when I knew nursing time was coming in about 30 min, I would suggest to my older child - let's play little people together (or Thomas, or whatever) until 6:30 (or whatever time was 15 min or so later). Then I would put the baby in the moby wrap, and sit on the floor and play. At 6:30, I could then say, Ok, Mommy has to go do some other things now, but it was fun to play with you. The older one would usually keep playing happily without me then (not always of course, but usually :).

My pediatrician told me after I had my third child was, imagine if your husband brought home another wife? It would take awhile to get used to it! So I just always kept that in the back of my mind!