I've Become a "I'm Going to Count to Ten" Mom!

I counted backwards from 5. I didn't give nearly as many chances as you, though. They knew I meant business from the start. And I didn't tell them that I'd pick them up - I just did it. Talking about it over and over just makes them up the ante just to see if they can "win".

I suggest that you need to tighten things up. First, counting to 10 gives her too much time. She's only 3. You've lost her attention by 10. Then you let her dawdle. Again, you've lost her attention. She may have even forgotten what she's supposed to be doing. Then you didn't follow thru by grabbing her hand. I suggest you haven't given her reason to do what you've said.

I suggest that you read the book 1-2-3-Magic. Other moms on this site have said it works. I haven't tried it but skimmed thru the book and found it to be simple and quick.

What has worked for me is to give a 5 minute warning and then begin to help the toddler with their jacket or with picking up toys or with taking their hand and leading them to the table while talking with them, telling them what we're doing.

Later: You need to be a firm and consistent mom when it comes to getting her to co-operate. Fun is extra. There are ways to make co-operation fun but you don't have the time or energy to always do that. Racing to the car or out of the park is one way to make it fun. Singing a song while picking up toys can make it fun. At 3 it's important to take the next step in addition to telling her what to do. When it's time to go, grab her hand and say, "let's race to the car or perhaps to that tree by the sidewalk." When she doesn't cooperate then it's time for a not so fun consequence.

There's a great book called 1-2-3 Magic. I don't think going all the way to 10 is effective.

I stopped caring about my kids' perception of my score on the fun-mom-meter a few years ago. I give them plenty of fun with me, but other times I just have to lay down the law and get stuff done.

I'm a one to three mom. Ain't no one got time for ten! :)

1... 2.... 3... 4.... oh look a shiny quarter. 10 is way to long.

Something my daughter's preschool teacher taught me helped immensely with the situation you describe. Give the child a 5-minute warning. ("In 5 minutes, it will be time to leave the park.") A few minutes later, "In 2 minutes, it will be time to leave. Start saying goodbye to your friends!" And then, "Okay, 5 minutes is up! It's time to go." At this point, if the child balks, simply repeat, "Our 5 minutes is up. It's time to go." Walk to the car, get in. Done.

I think you will find that kids this age have a hard time with transitions, and for a lot of kids, having a 5-minute warning allows them to feel like they understand what's going to happen, and can prepare for it. That's not to say they won't still be disappointed in having to leave the park, but it's not a shock to them that it's suddenly time to leave. Preschoolers want to be independent, and it really chafes them to feel like they're powerless (even if that's the reality ;).

Uh, no. I don't have the patience to count all the way to ten. I have always been a "count to three" mom since my kids were toddlers. They are 10 and 12 yrs now and I rarely count. Now I just give "the look." Occassionally I may have to count along with the look, but I usually only get to "one." :)

You count to ten multiple times? Good Lord your kid is lucky. I give my kids a 5 or 10 minute warning (always have) at the park so they can do a few more things and then we leave. When I say go, they are in the car or on the way home if we walked.

Trust me, you are letting her have control and it's going to bite you in the tail very shortly. YOU are the boss, take control. It is realistic for her to go to from the car to the house on a beautiful day. Why would it not be? She's not in charge. She wants to play outside? Great! When it's doable for you, then it can happen.

My sister does this with her daughter and I refuse to babysit her unless I WANT to have her. She doesn't listen well enough and everything is always a fight. I could NOT live that way. Your daughter is still young enough to get a grasp on it. So take control and quit worrying about being the "fun mom" and focus on being the mom that she will respect as listen to as she grows older.

I count to 3. My 2 year old is the same, she wants to run off. Welp, she doesn't get to.
I count to 3, if she's not next to me then I pick all 35 pounds of her up and shlep her to the car.
You do what I say, or I do it for you.
L.

The most valuable lesson I learned for "training" (sorry if people are offended by the term 'training') kids to come when called is this: You're going to have to discipline at some point, because they never want to come when called or stop what they're doing. So you can either discipline them for ignoring you after ONE WARNING (or MAYBE two) or after ten. The more lee-way you give, the more room you allow for tantrums and escalation etc. Whatever YOU CHOOSE will be how many warnings it takes before they come.

Three is not too young to come when called by a long shot. My youngest is three and she has known since 18 months that when I say "come on" it's time to put down what she's doing and come. Or else. Sounds tough but I'm that mom at the park who can give a cheerful warning and then one or two "OK, right now, time to go" and all three kids say goodbye to the other kids and come with me without a problem. Because I never gave them up to ten to respond.

Before they "got it" (between 18 months and 2) , they would push the boundaries, so after one or two warnings I would bodily remove them and implement discipline in the car or whatever for ignoring calmly with an explanation. Then I would warn them in advance the next time that when I said it was time to go it was time to go, and they got it pretty immediately with very few consequences.

My youngest is my toughest and she would especially push it in public, so after two warnings I'd swoop her up and carry her with my fingers poised for a good sharp pinch on the thigh (I usually wouldn't do it, but I'd warn her about it) and then I'd say, "Now I'm going to put you down and you're going to walk, no fits." And she would because she knew she was ignoring me and her time was up. Now it's just habit that she comes when I give her a final warning and it never comes to that.

I don't think you're boring. You have a high tolerance for letting her not repsond up to a point. Whatever your standard is, stick to it and the child will comply. If you're comfortable with counting to ten, then stick with ten. I'm able to do a lot of spontaneous extra fun things because the kids are manageable after I say something once or twice. If it was a struggle to get them to come with me after fun outings I'd hide in my house way more. Chasing kids and putting up with being ignored are things I can't personally handle. But I see lots of moms telling their kids 50 times to leave the park and the kids still don't. And some give less warnings before hauling the kids away screaming..... It's all a matter of personal preference.

Gee...I only count to three!! ;)

I never counted to 10.
By the time I get to 3, my kids are correcting themselves.

Or you can carry a whistle with you, and blow it when it is time to change activity etc.

I never worried about if I was the boring Mom or not.
Who cares.
I just do what I think and need to and per my kids' and how they are.

And, when/if I am in a pissy mood... I will actually tell my kids "Mommy is grumpy today. So, you need to cooperate or I will run out of patience..." and I say it in a nice understanding voice to them, but I just openly and honestly tell them this... so that, they realize and will heed to cues, too.
I don't pretend to be Marry Poppins if on certain days, it is a pissy PMS day.

First, you are not boring. You have stuff to get done. We all have far more responsibilities than our kids, right? That doesn't make us boring-- that makes us the parent.

Transitions: five minute warning (unless there's no other choice b/c it's an emergency) and then "It's time to go."

Everyone is right in saying that 10 is too long. Three and get things moving along. And if there are safety issues or the child is unpredictable, then stand close to them and be ready for them to bolt.

never to ten. i didn't get that far - lol. i got to three (and it was a fast three! lol) then i was done.

i also always gave a 5 minute warning. at 3 he didn't really know what 5 minutes was, BUT he understood that when i said 5 minutes was up - it was UP and it was time to stop.

Ten is too high! Three is the magic number. Even before 1-2-3 Magic there were plenty of moms who did this, myself included.
It's a good idea to give a warning though, it helps your kids "wrap up" what they are doing and gives them some responsibility for it. In 5 minutes, we need to start cleaning up, in five minutes you need to put on your shoes, etc.
Once they've been warned, and you've counted to three, no more negotiating. Pick that kid up and go.

I count to a very quick three......counting to ten is the fun mom

Have a good talk before any activity and STOP counting to TEN:

COUNT TO THREE

Be consistent and follow through.

She's too young for 10. Count to 3 or 5. She can sort of comprehend that amount of numbers. Buy the time you get to 5 you are already starting to lose her attention.

I'd say count to 3 then go pick her up, strap her in, let her scream, and go about your business and ignore her until she's quiet. Then go to the park and have some fun.

No way. I do not have the patience to sit around counting to ten while my child ignores me. When I say something, I expect them to do it the first time. I think that's more in line with what they will encounter in the world. People in general, especially teachers and employers, are not going to wait around counting before they expect a student or employee to step up and do what they're told. Also, I think that children learn real fast that you're going to count to 10 and they will push it to 9 or 10 every time. After all, why shouldn't they? You are giving them that time, they are going to take it.

I warned my kids "you have 5 minutes" before we leave. Then again, then "time to leave". If they protested, and they would, I would count to three. My daughter was rather easy, the boy, oh he was and still is stubborn. I have picked them up and put them in the car screaming. But only a couple of times.

You need to train your kids. Yep, you are training them to be productive members of society.

When we're out, I let them know they have ten minutes, five minutes, then two minutes. If they're expected to do something specific or we're leaving, we do "five, four, three, two, one .... ZERO."

Sometimes they dispute the zero, saying "I was already there/doing that! You didn't have to say "zero!" Lol. The magic number. Or we make it a "race," but then someone usually gets hurt while being plowed over by the other. :)

Actually it is count from three and my older two always found it fascinating that it worked. There is nine years between my middle two.

Counting is actually a great way to transition.

Three. A three count is all they get.

I usually do the 'I you want to be able to come back, you have to leave when I say'. Works with my dd. But she also knows that I mean it.

Amy J. made some valid points.

For me and mine, I find it worked better to count down, not up. And I started at 5, not 10. So, it went more like this: "In 3 more minutes it will be time to go." (3 minutes goes by) "Ok, this is the last turn down the slide, then let's go." (and they would go down and head my way). If they did not (which was rare) it became, "ok, I'm counting from 5 and if you aren't over here you _____ (lose the next fun thing on the agenda), 5, 4, 3, ..." Usually compliance happened before I got to one. If you want to be "fun" about it, then challenge them to race you to the car (front door) " in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO!!" Or in the scenario with the car... I'd prep in the car before we stopped in the drive-way. "When we get home, we are taking the groceries in and putting them away. If there is time afterwards, we might be able to go outside for a few minutes." Then, the car stops, you gather your things, get out, open the kiddo's door, unstrap them, and say, "ok, inside, so we can get the groceries put away."
No allowing the wandering around at all. I know it is nice out, but the sooner the groceries are dealt with (or the sooner mom has been potty), the sooner fun things can happen. Right?

I gather you only have the one child at this point. What happens if you have another and the first one is rambling around not following your instructions to come away from the street while you are gathering the baby out of the car? Amy is right that your child will accept however permissive you decide to be, as her limit. When you only have one, it is easy to let that be until the count of 10. But when you have more than one child to manage, it is too much time to amount to any actual control.
Good luck.

I count to three, if need be. Usually by 2 he's well in action. Compared to me you're the cool mom :)

We used/use the phrase "I will help you move your body" instead of "I'm going to pick you up".... it sounds nicer. I also have to remember/remind myself to say that in a neutral tone (because saying it in an angry negates the politeness of the phrasing!).

We are a one-two-three family, but yes we count.

I also use the timer function on my phone. I make sure LO hears and understands that "When the timer goes off, it's time go." And he does well with the "timer telling us" it's time to go (that way, it's not me, it's the timer).

I also believe in consistency. Once you give in once to "5 more minutes" it's a struggle every time.

I count. heck sometimes i need an extra warning. When I begin to count Emmy knows I mean business and its no longer "but mom....." "five more minutes..." and so on. she knows if she doesnt get her butt in gear there will be a consequence

you can be adventrous tonight and decide not to count beforehand, roll down that hill with her and then walk and run and be silly=)

too much time counting.
i'd dial it back to 3.
and not for everything. only if she is deeply involved in something, or having an actively defiant episode, would she get a countdown. 90% of the time i would simply tell her what's going on and expect that she's going to cooperate.
kids often live down to our lowest expectations if that's what they see us expecting most of the time.
khairete
S.

I count to 5, getting progressively louder as we get closer to 5, lol. I also give a 5 or 10 minute warning.....although some nights my 5 minutes looks more like 10 and others it looks more like 2. Really messed me up when my kids learned to tell time, lol.

At that age, I used to do a 10 minute warning, then 5 minute, then counted down from there. Now that she is 5.5, I will do a 5 or 10 minute warning, and then when it's time to go, it's time to go. There were numerous times, at 3 years old, I have had to drag her kicking and screaming from a playground or wherever because she just couldn't deal with it being over. I have also done the "1-2-3 Magic" approach and still do today with her, since she loves to stall and dawdle and try to drag things out as long as possible. It's rare that I actually get to 3 - once I start with 1, she knows I mean business. I've also told her many times that if she doesn't cooperate when it's time to leave, we don't come back. I remind her before we get somewhere fun, that won't be back if she can't be good about leaving. Now, when I ask her what happens when it's time to go, she just sighs and kind of rolls her eyes and says, " I know, I know!" Kids will push for more and more and test your limits until they realize that you are really serious and I need a child who knows they need to listen to me the first time. Sometimes there just has to be less talk and more action.

She's gotten better, although last fall we were at a paint-your-own pottery place and she just wanted to keep painting more and more, and just about lost her mind when I said NO, really, it's time to go! She actually tried hiding under a table and I had to physically pick her up and haul her out of there. I couldn't believe that at 5 years old, she actually tried pulling a stunt like that. We have yet to go back - whenever she asks to go again, I remind her about how she acted the last time, and that's why I'm not ready to let her go again yet!

I'm a 1,2,3 Mom.

The key is that once you hit 3 you DO what you said you were going to do, no questions, no conversations.

"N, time to get in the car."
"N, get in the car, please."
"N! In the car, NOW! 1...2..."

My "N" is 6 now, so she knows that if I reach 3 she gets a swat on the rear and is made to do as she is told. As in I will pick her up and physically put her in the car. There may or may not be some head bonking on door and seat miss-aim involved, but she was given the choice.

I don't think I ever really counted to ten but I might have! They need a heads up. But they don't need a head start! Lol!

It may sound boring to you but it can be effective. I think I was more of "we can go home and do this" or distraction of another kind. Or I made a race out of it somehow. On some occasions I just picked up a screaming kid.
Ok, I'll admit it. Once I didn't bring water to the park so they would go HOME. When I knew we didn't have long.
Counting was for when I was completely out of ideas.

Count to 3 - my daughter is 10 and I will still count, usually by 1 she is doing what I asked. Definitely by 2.

Yes, one to ten means I need 10 minutes. One to three means you better do what I asked or you're in big trouble.

Nothing wrong with counting as long as you follow through. If you say there will be a consequence when you get to a certain number, the consequence needs to happen. As with any other parenting tool, it's all about consistency and follow through.

We use a count to five because we felt it gave enough time for our kids to respond without allowing for foot dragging. It's effective for us because we don't start doing fractions when we get to five; we do what we say we're going to do.

You're generous. I countdown from 5.

Oh hells to the no. I'm a counting mom, but I'll only count to three. Tops. And I rarely ever reach three. :-) There are actually consequences if I reach three.

I do "one to three".

I give mine an advance countdown and then I am a 1,2,3 mom. There is a book about 1,2,3 and we use it for disciplining. So if we are out I give a 15min heads up, 10 min, 5 min, 2 min and then it's time to go. If they don't listen at that point, I tell them what the consequences are for a 1, 2, 3 count. Workd good on my 5 year old since we have used it for a while. 2 year old still learning.

Before leaving the house, I tell my kids that when I say: "Kids, we are leaving in 5 minutes, it is going to be 5 MINUTES and then I am going to say:"Time to go" which means: WE ARE LEAVING." I repeat that twice before stepping out of the door. I have D. that since they were 3 yo. It works!
The more you count, the harder it gets!

I count to five. And if she doesn't respond in 5, then she gets x consequence (being bodily removed from the venue, time out, etc.) I rarely get past 3.

I usually give her a 10 and then 5 minute warning first, before we have to go.

I am impressed that you count to TEN!! I only count to THREE....ha ha ha. Our latest thing with my 3 and a half year old "spirited" little girl is, "Five more minutes!" We almost sing it and then we look at my phone/clock and we figure out what the time WILL be in 5 mins etc. Getting her to know her numbers and time. Mind you, this has only worked in the past few days but I feel your pain! Hang in there....and so willl I :)