It's Confusing and Long but Please Tell Me Somebody Has Been Something Similar?

Yep.

He sounds gifted, ADHD, or both (ADHD kids are nearly always gifted).

(The impulsivity thing? 2 very key points to keep in mind is this:

1) Coping Mechanisms. Older kids have them, so it LOOKS inconsistent.

2) Hyperfocus. When something is INTERSTING, they've got 100% of their attention on it, and do for hours. It's a diagnositc tool for ADHD experts. Being able to focus in things he's interested in is NOT disqualifying for ADHD. The opposite is disqualifying for ADHD. If there is no time period where there is hyperfocus (instead of just hypofocus... the distracted bit), it's nearly never ADHD.

That said... your son could just be "straight" gifted.

IN EITHER CASE

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/

Be prepared for months worth of reading... it's a huge site. And hands down the best resource out there.

And here... www.additudemag.com ADHD AND Gifted kids can be very emotional, and then they hyperfocus on some aspect (what if, 20 years from now) and just go into full on meltdown. Fast brains. There are a lot of tips / tricks and ways to work around this. In my own house it's "Silve Lining City". No matter how hard or how bad something is... we find what is a good thing about it, AND I repeat over and over and over... "We can handle it! We can handle anything. You and me kid. We got this. Improvise, adapt, and overcome."

Gifted... I didn't even need to hear about the IQ testing to tell you this! And it will only get worse if you do not do something to accommodate it. Gifted kids are special ed. They have different learning perspectives and when they are taught the way mainstream is they tend to tune out or refuse the work or argue with the teacher or become behavioral issues. Furthermore, most experts are not trained to identify giftedness but rather ADD, ADHD, Asperger's, etc.

Gifted kids that are unidentified have higher rates of depression and anxiety and tend to be more socially immature than typically developing children. Left untreated older gifted adolescents have higher risks for suicidal behavior. He will not grow out of these risks, they will only get worse if you do not have him identified and taught as such. When he gets around intellectually appropriate children, you will find that a lot of this behavior, inclduing the anxiety, should disappear. But if you leave him as is, he will get worse.

Count yourself lucky that you kept pressing and figured this out now. Your school district should have something in place to serve this population, although it is drastically underrepresented in terms of funding in the special ed programs across the U.S. You will have to be his biggest advocate and have a very loud voice at that. But if you get him in the right environment, he will prosper! :-)

What you describe are all classic gifted behaviors.

I have to tell you that being gifted and going through the public school system sucks. It also sucks to go through private school as a gifted kid. Been there, done that. At his age, he is really realizing that he's different, and other kids are zeroing in on it, too. Hence all the teasing. There are two things he needs, mainly. One is enrichment, preferably in school as well as outside of school. Does his school have a gifted & talented program? Is there one near you which does, if yours doesn't? The second thing he probably needs is counseling.

Here's what he needs to know right now that he doesn't currently know: being different is okay, even if others tell you it isn't. Being smart makes schoolwork easier, and it sometimes makes schoolwork really boring. Being smart also makes your social life difficult.

You need to make sure he knows that it's okay to excel, but that it's a difficult road ahead. He will catch up, socially, emotionally. He doesn't need to "squash himself in" to fit in with others, but some quality social skills training/role playing would probably be beneficial for him.

There's a really good book called Living with Intensity (I think that's the title, anyway.). Read up on giftedness. The idea that "gifted kids will take care of themselves" in school is ridiculous, so you need to learn how to meet his needs outside of school time. Good luck!

Yes, I have...my son is a lot like yours (he is almost 8) and he has tested for gifted and is in the gifted program in his school. When I first started reading your post I thought, I wonder if he is gifted bc your boy reminds me of mine. Mine is different in that he is good at the social thing at school. But just like your son he is SUPER sensitive about things and will tell me of someone who teased him during the day and break down in tears, sobbing. He is sensitive in so many ways - cannot watch movies bc they are too much for him, thinks we are yelling at him when we talk in a stern tone of voice, etc. So, did your son get put into a GATE program? Maybe a therapist can work with him on how to respond to other children when they tease or are mean and how to control his emotions more at school. Your poor son - he has to learn not to cry and be hysterical at school bc that just makes you a target to get teased. Is there any way you can find a really academic private school for him or homeschool him? I don't really have any great advice, except to really try to teach him other ways to respond besides crying. Go over scenarios, act it out with his toys, etc. There are some pretty good books all about gifted kids and their emotional intensity. I did inter-library loans and have read two of them. I just googled and searched on the internet to find them. They explain that it is very common for gifted kids to be extremely intense and sensitive and how it is actually common for a gifted child to be misdiagnosed.

There are separate issues:
1) the teasing and bullying is illegal and with suicides due to bullying in the news most school systems have programs and rules in place. I would alert the principal and teacher about this and request they address is, not specifically mentioning your son, but in a general way. Our school uses the "Open Circle" program where once a week they sit in a open cirlce and leave 1 extra space and address playground and classroom issues.
2) My daughter is gifted and dyslexic. Intellectual giftedness can come with emotional giftedness as well. My daughter is sooooo bored, calls school a "waste of my time", yet has trouble spelling and writing. I would read up on this subject, perhaps start on the sites below. Then discuss with a good counselor that you like and trust and that has experience with gifted kids how he can learn to cope with being different.
http://giftedkids.about.com/od/socialemotionalissues/qt/e...
3) Check out SENG = supporting the emotional needs of the gifted
http://www.sengifted.org/
4) encourage one-on-one playdates with little boys he likes. My daughter has 2 very close friends and with one she spends the afternoon laying on their bellies and talking while doing crafts. With the other she does more physical things. Once kids know each other there is less teasing. Maybe even invite the biggest bully for a playdate (and perhaps discuss this with his mom beforehand).
5) Find a gifted program or school, since he shows no signs when he is with his family and older siblings who probably communicate at a more mature and intelligent level.
You are going to have to be his advocate, since school do not really know how to handle anything but the mainstream. We are enrolling our child in a special school but due to limited space she may not get in, and then will homeschool her. She commented herself when I pointed out how much she was learning even though she HATES her school: "Just think how much more I would learn if I liked my school".
Good luck, get some supports from other SENG parents, and know that you have a very special child to guide, you will learn so much while trying to advocate for him. It will be hard but making him happy is what counts, and in the end it will be OK. He might be able to test out of some courses and skip grades to be with more kids who are intellectually like him.
(((hugs)))

As I read your post, I instantly thought - well, this child sounds extremely gifted. I've taught gifted teens for years, and many times the extraordinarily gifted students have trouble fitting in. I have recommended a book several times on mamapedia, and I think it will help you, too. It's called Living with Intensity, and here is the link on Amazon : http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0910707898/ref=wms_ohs_p...

It's a great book that I use as a reference all the time, for students and for my youngest son. It talks about twice gifted kids, and gifted kids that are highly sensitive. I find it very helpful. I hope it helps you.

How Frustrating for the two of you that his teachers, school and environment aren't getting it and helping him to live up to his potential! The mainstream attitude isn't serving your son well and it sounds like he's been unfairly labled.

Thanks for the posters below! My daughter has some of the same behaviors and I think you've provided me with some more tools to help her! Another resource I wanted to mention for you S., is the Highly Sensitive Child http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm. See if this fits at all and helps with coping.

All the best to your son! I'm glad he has Karate. I would focus on that and also what is available for Gifted kids. That has been cut at our school :-(. It's volunteer run and hasn't gotten off the ground this year.

I'm crying-and I don't know either of you. No child should be getting teased or bullied or made fun of at school-no matter what. I have been through some of what you are going through. The way your son takes things so literally-i.e., it is inconceivable to him that someone could ask him the same problem with the numbers reversed-what is abudantly clear to him-he is very bright-is different for many children. He may flourish in a smaller setting; at a school where the children are very bright and their talents are brought to light and enriched. Further, I would expect any educator to be protective and at the very least thwart any situation in which your child would be hurt physically/emotionally and I would make it crystal, freaking clear (now I'm getting angry at the injustice, which, I find deplorable) that your child is never again to be used as a scapegoat! I would demand that your county tailor a curriculum specifically to meet the needs of your child-and if they cannot, then I would insist that he attend a private school that can-tuition to be paid for by the county-think I'm kidding? Good luck and hang in there!

I have a almost 7 yr old that sounds a lot like this. He doesn't have an Asperger's diagnosis either, but he shows a lot of signs/symptoms of it and his tests came back at just shy of gifted on IQ (which is often seen with asperger's). Autism and Asperger's symptoms have such a range, but only part of the range meets the diagnosis...its not that its one thing and not the other or that there is only one issue, it is often a blend of symptoms that don't fit neatly into a category. I usually say my son is Asperger's-ish or that he has symptoms of Asperger's. We had our pediatrician recommend OT and speech therapy evaluations. The evaluators then found need for continuing OT sessions and a social skills group. Our insurance has covered these since it was recommended by the evaluators. There may be ways for you to get your son the services he needs without having the diagnosis. Speech therapist (especially with groups) do alot of work with social skills, scripting and such with autism/asperger's. I actually prefer not having a diagnosis...then he doesn't have a diagnosis in his medical record in case he does one day "grow out of it." There may also be places in your community where they offer treatment "out of pocket" and may have programs for reduced fee services (I have a friend who qualified for a program like that). Good luck...I know it is so hard to watch your child get picked on. It breaks my heart too.

How much do you cry in front of your child?

I have not been through this, but as a mother my heart goes out to you. I also have to say good for you for getting answers and dealing with this rather denial which a lot of parents do. I think your son is being bullied a litttle. I also think the teachers need to be aware and make sure to pay attention and stop the teasing. That is awful and any child would be crying. Make sure you tell your son he is gifted. He is special. And try and work with him on not crying so much. But to let him know their is nothing wrong with showing emotion. Good luck. Stay strong. This will pass.

My second grandson was very sensitive and cried a lot too. It drove us crazy! Every time you turned around, there was M crying! Over nothing! He didn't, however, have any impulse control. I think part of it is because he's the baby and he got babied and didn't really "grow up." All of that will change over time. My grandson has developed into one of the greatest kids you'll ever know. He is liked by everyone - kids and adults alike. So I say just give it some time which I know is not easy given what he is experiencing every day.

I wonder if it might be possible for you to homeschool him for the next couple of years - until he has outgrown the crying and can get along better in a public school setting. I know it must be extremely difficult to send him off to school every day knowing that he's going to be teased.

Give him a hug for me please!

Wow, you have a lot of issues at hand. I would encourage you to look at transfering him to another school next year. Give him a fresh start. The teasing is very detrimental to his emotional well-being and that alone can and will bring someone down to tears etc. I would start working with him one on one on confidence building tools. Role play, give him some things he can say to the people who are teasing him so he can stick up for himself etc. I would also meet with the principal again and tell them what is occuring on the bus....its unacceptable for all this teasing to continue. You need to nip it in the bud. One other thing, is there an older child at school that could shadow your son and kind of buddy up with him on the bus? Maybe that would help? Hang in there and good luck with this.....

M

I wish I had an answer. My 2nd grader is very similar and seems to be getting worse with each passing year. Like your son...very smart, logical, remembers things but very emotionally intense and can't control his mouth or, sometimes, his actions. He'll randomly tell me that he misses my dead brother, or that he's sad that he never met my husband's grandmother and will get all worked up and cry over it. We gave our dog - who hated us and destroyed our house - away to a guy we know more than three years ago and he still brings it up all the time like it was yesterday. He talks incessantly and is very loud but doesn't care that other people find that annoying and shy away from him, but can read emotions a mile away and is intensely observant of other people.

Several people have also suggested "a touch" of AD/HD but not enough symptoms to really diagnose or treat. He was the most mellow baby though and never had tantrums as a toddler. Now though I tell him all the time that he's tantruming like a two year old. Mine will get really aggravated and aggressive or defiant. He was being a total tool to his younger brother one morning last week and after several interventions, I said "I am very disappointed in your behavior and I know you can do better." Well you would have thought I killed the dog in front of him. Never mind that he had been on a rampage picking fights all morning, the fact that I said "disappointing" sent him into a spiral of despair - he threw himself into bed, tearing at his hair, sobbing and gasping for breath. Then 15 minutes later was sunshine and roses and headed off to school. It's heartbreaking and bizarre.

Anyway...I have no answers for you but want to let you know that you're not alone. I'll check out some of the links below though. It's just so strange. My oldest clearly was a "spirited" child and had AH/HD primarily inattentive and learning disabilities. All of his puzzle pieces fit together in predictable and easily treatable ways. But my middle boy is getting more and more puzzling as time goes on.

We took ours youngest to a psychologist for very similar reactions to things. She seems to be helping him, though it has only been 3 weeks. She also recommended the book "the Explosive child" by Ross Green. I am only half way through it. We have a parent meeting with her after spring break.

He is most likely missing skills to cope with his very strong emotions.
Good Luck

My middle daughter is gifted but I'm fortunate that she has never had the issues with emotional intensity that your son has; however I know from being around a lot of gifted children that your son's behavior is considered normal for a gifted child. It's like the extremely high IQ equates to extreme everything! I was reading your post and knew his issue was giftedness before I got to the part where you said he was tested. I don't know if it is a financially viable option for you but it sounds like he would benefit greatly by being in a school for gifted children. These are mostly private but some public school systems have them too. Does his current school have a program for gifted children? If so and he isn't currently in it I would insist they get him in as soon as possible as that may help. If not I would seriously consider putting him in a special school. Giftedness is a special needs condition--it is just on the other end of the spectrum from what most people consider special needs. If your son was autistic or learning disabled you would do everything in your power to get him the appropriate help--you need to do the same for his giftedness. Best of luck to you--it will get better!!

I am dealing with a very similar situation. My son is a lot like yours. The only thing he doesn't do is cry He's not terribly emotional but I would also say my son's tantrums are worse. A 7 yr old should not be throwing himself down on the ground and screaming, "I want a new mommy" because I won't let him have his way. Or, kicking the door! I'm not unreasonable with him but responsibilities first! My son has not had an IQ test but I'd love to have him take one. He has been diagnosed with ADHD (and has some symptoms of Asperger's but not enough) but I'm not convinced this is the problem. Many people have told me he is so smart and should be in the gifted program at school. ...but he's not. In fact, he's quite mediocre in the classroom. I guess this is why he can't qualify. You probably need to have stellar grades before that can happen. He's definitely a little different. Not your typical kid. He has the mind of an engineer. He's also EXTREMELY strong willed and stubborn. He has a sense of entitlement (not as bad at school as it is at home) and is terribly jealous of his younger sibling.

So, other than the fact that he is gifted, I would be willing to bet your son struggles with anxiety! I know mine has always struggled with it. Talk to your doctor about that. I'm sure there is something he can suggest. Maybe start by treating him with some natural products. If that doesn't work, maybe you can toy with some sort of medication over the summer (I know that sounds really scary). I hate the idea of medicating a child but maybe it's necessary. I think I would rather take the risk of medicating than watch my son be bullied. I think constant bullying is worse. You should make an appointment with the school counselor. Maybe she can help. Ask if there's some sort of mentor program where your son can mentor a kindergartener. He needs to feel in charge of something in his life.

I don't know where Troy is but do you have charter schools in the area? I would try to enroll him. They are often great for kids like ours; I have toyed around with this idea for my son. Kids like ours have brains that work differently than ours. They are smarter but unfortunately the social part of their brains are wired a little differently and they seem to not fit in with the rest of our "average" society. When you encounter problems like him skipping the problem on the math test, fight the urge to be frustrated with him. His brain probably sees this as stupid and redundant and he's not going to do something stupid. An average kid does what they are supposed to do but these guys don't get it. We will have to teach them over and over what society expects of us, even if it is stupid. Just tell him, you're right, that is silly but we just have to do it because some kids don't realize that 2x4 and 4x2 are exactly the same thing and they have to be taught....you already know it. However, you have to finish it or the teacher will mark it wrong. What seems so natural to us, they have to be taught through repetition.

I know this is probably going to be really hard but I'd get him off the school bus or demand that he sit with one of your older kids to protect him. Do whatever you have to do to protect him from the bullying. Maybe the counselor can give him something else to do during recess (like sitting in with a kinder kid to help him read or practice math) or let him eat lunch elsewhere. My son feels so empowered when he's teaching those younger than he is. When he does this with his little sister, I see a whole new side of him (a happy and secure one). I'm not sure doing this is the best thing to do but I have NO TOLERANCE for teasing others, it will effect his life negatively. Try to find a group of kids in your area that he's like. That's what I am in the process of. Not easy but I'm looking at engineering camps and such. I know these kids exist! ...even though I feel so alone sometimes.

I'm getting long winded, sorry. So, start working on the anxiety!!!! There's no other explanation, if he's obsessing about things he cannot control like college and his grand-dad at his wedding. Lastly, take him out of that school, if you have to. And...know that you are not alone! I have met others struggling with this too. It's been a slow process but it's happening and I'm making it a point for my son to meet these kids.

He sounds like he has ADD. He sounds just like my son. No hyper but always frustrated. We put him on a low dose of Foclain XR 5 mg. It helps immediately. Pay for the psycharist out of your pocket. It is worth it. Now I have a well adjusted child who can at least get through the day without acting out or crying. Focalin works immediately unlike some older medications. So the results are instant.
It's worth a shot.

Here are some articles that might help you:
http://giftedkids.about.com/od/socialemotionalissues/qt/e...
It sounds to me like he has mild Aspergers, but you probably won't get a diagnosis. Read as much as you can about children with Aspergers and how you can help him to thrive.
Both my daughters are gifted, and both show signs of mild Aspergers. It's important to not try to "make them normal", because that's impossible. It will only cause you and him more frustration. Embrace his intelligence, and know that his behavior reflects the difference in his brain and a neurotypical brain, and not him trying to be cold or calloused.
I would encourage you to do everything you can to get him into a gifted program at school, so he can be intellectually challenged and socialize with kids more like himself.
And remember, some of the greatest minds of our time were socially awkward people. You may just have the next Einstein on your hands =)

Sorry this is so rough on you and your son. Bless you both.

I have sons with Asperger's and I go through some of what you are experiencing. I'm surprised, a little, that no help was offered at all. Please ask the child psychiatrist if some medication could help. It might be the case that a small dose of an anti-psychotic med or ADD med while he is at school would help him keep his emotions in more control. Maybe, with some medication, he could catch up emotionally without so much frustration.

Do speak with his teachers! Set up a 504 meeting with the school counselor! Ask for teaching modifications that will help your son in school. Mine need low-tech modifications like being allowed to answer 2x4 once and leave all the other 4x2 and 2x4 problems blank; or being given some extra time to complete a test or a project (mine make the projects out to be so very hard that they stress over it more than get it done).

I would also highly recommend Pragmatic Speech therapy (not the same as speech delay therapy or speech therapy for word sounds). One of my sons is partaking in a group therapy with the psychologist. This brings together my son and four other boys of similar age also with social awkwardness and, usually, gifted. They practice conversing and social skills.

You are most welcome to send me a private message if you would like to hear more. I hope your school's Spring Break is soon and you all get a "break".

Hugs!!

I think that the answers you have been given sound really good and a place to start. I also want to say that you are doing a good job of showing him that you are listening to him and trying to help him. As a teacher it makes me angry that the children are being allowed to pick on him just because he is sensitve or different. Everyone now has bullying policies and it should be zero tolerance for such behavior. I would let the teacher, principal and counselors know that you are doing everything you can to figure this out but in the meantime you hold them responsible for not allowing him to be picked on or bullied by anyone. Bullying is just prolonged episodes of being picked on and he sounds like he has had this. I would also explain to him that the children are doing this because they like a reaction and he is giving them the reaction that they want and so it is reinforcing their behavior. He may be smart enough to see the correlation. I would tell them ( the school staff) that if they can not control the fact that the other children are doing this then they will be responsible and liable for his counseling and any other adverse things that come out of it. Some children eventually commit suicide and that the way they are not handling this could contribute to such a scenerio.
I too think that it is a combination of being high IQ, and somewhere on the Autism Spectrum (which includes Aspergers.) or just a highly sensitive child. There is a book called the Highly Sensitive Person which if you read it you would recognize him and maybe yourself. It was comforting to me when I read it because I saw that I had been that way since childhood.
I aplaud you for continuing to seek an answer and I would also try a small dose of some medication to see if it works and maybe try some different things. The one thing about medications is that IF your child does not have what they are for they will not work. If you give him ADD medicine and he does not have ADD it will not work. If you try anxiety meds or any other thing he will know if it makes him feel better. If it doesn't you can stop it. BUT if you don't try them then you may be passing up something that can help him get a handle on this.
I would also look for a school or class for gifted kids. Being around others that are like you makes you feel less alone. If the doctors can give you some kind of diagnosis then you can get a 504 under OHI (other health impairment) and they have to accomodate for this.
Hang in there and continue to support you child. If you do not advocate for him no one will.