L.A.
I use to work at a dry cleaners for several years, and it is true... they get scam artists ALL the time. I have seen it so many times, so yes, some dry cleaners in areas do watch out for problem customers to help other cleaners out while they are being scammed. So I can see how he would be quick to accuse, especially if he is getting fed up with other scammers right now.
In your case, since you have been a good client for all that time, it is odd he would just accuse you like that. I would be upset too.
Perhaps another phone call to the wife, explaining the situation, how you have been a good customer for 3 years and never had any problems, but these issues you are having now needs to be resolved.
Usually, dry cleaners, after attempting a couple of times to fix a problem, may replace the item, if you have a comparable price reciept. For example if it's a $40 pair of pants, but they are 5 years old, obviously they should give you a refund for the pants, but not the full $40 since age needs to be considered as well. So yes, I would ask for money to replace the damaged items if they are not more accomadating. I do think they should have not cleaned the pants since they are not dry cleanable, they should have checked for that. And the other pants that they said should be fine after a few washes, doesn't really make sense.
Also, sad to say, but I don't see how they should be responsible for the cufflinks. They should have been removed from the clothing before hand. They probably even have a sign up that states they are not responsible for items like pins, brooches... that are supposed to be removed from clothing or things left in pockets.
Oh, and contacting the Better Business Bureau probably won't get you very far. They practically file complaints and don't always act on them, but you can always try.