This is a vent... When there is something to be done, there seems to always be a person or two who could have stepped up to head the thing, but didn't. Yet, once it's under way with someone else in the lead, they insert and assert themselves. I will be hosting an event and I have someone who is rubbing me the wrong way. They are not offering to help or co-host which is fine because I already have everything planned out and am just following my to-do list. Anyway, one of the guests questioned me about something. Even though I nicely explained why I did that particular thing the way I did this person went ahead and sort of went over my head and took steps that did not need to be taken. I'm not going to confront them because I don't want to create tension for the special occasion, but I am annoyed.
Have any of you had a similar situation?
This is not the current situation that made me think of this, but is an example: I and some others got together to give a milestone birthday party. It was a few weeks beforehand when I offered to host. I was not the closest to the Birthday Girl, but close enough, and no one was planning anything. Once I offered to host, the Birthday Girl's BFF and one of the BG's sisters came forward to say they could help. We met up to decide on the theme and menu. I brought ideas and neither of them had any ideas so we decided on one of the themes and menu I prepared. The next day the BFF messaged me asking if I was sure about the menu. Even though we all agreed to it, for some reason she felt that the guests would not like/want grilled chicken, steamed veggies, shrimp skewers and steamed rice. ( There was also to be finger sandwiches, garden salad, fresh fruit, raw veggies, sweet tea, juice, water, a specialty drink as well as the birthday cake and couple other desserts). I was THINKING "It's not Burger King, they can't have it their way! If you attend a function and don't like the type of food there then you simply don't eat".
What I said was, "I'm sure it will be fine."
Two days after that she messaged me again saying she was telling her other friends (who were not friends of the BG so they were not invited) about the menu and they told her that the guests would be upset with the menu. (As if they had any say so!) THEY didn't think it sounded very filling and agreed with her that steaming the veggies was not the way to go. ?! I told her that I prepared the menu with the BG in mind and those were foods I knew she liked. The BFF kept at it and said that the BG's sister was also bothered by the menu. So, I told her that they could go ahead and prepare a different menu, but I still wanted to make the desserts. Know what their menu consisted of? Taco salad and soda. The sister was so proud of herself for finding the chips at the DOLLAR store. I tasted those chips and they were awful. They tasted as if they were cooked in burned or dirty oil or flavored with old tire. I didn't finish mine and I noticed that some of the guests were leaving theirs put and throwing them away as well. The BG mentioned the chips had a strange taste and I didn't say a word, but I felt so bad for giving in to the others. On the up side, my desserts were a big hit. AND most importantly, the BG had a great time. =o)
My respose is, "Looks like you have some great ideas for when you take charge of the the next event/party."
Annoying! Hey you can plan my next event and I wont say a word!! ;)
I manage my son's academy soccer team. Everyone complains about the cost of the tournaments but no one is willing to step up and be the fundraising chair. They keep bringing me great fundraising ideas and my standard response is "That's a great idea! Let me know when you're ready to move forward with it and I'll handle the money part". So far no one has moved forward with anything and I refuse to add fundraising to my already full plate so the team account has a balance of $0 and the parents have to pay for every little expense that comes up - their choice.
I recently encountered this kind of attitude with an event for our cub scout group. NO ONE would offer so much as a single idea even though they would all be attending it. I had a few suggestions that I threw out, nothing set in stone, just to see what others thought about it. I got all kinds of flak for daring to consider decorating for "a bunch of boys". The reason: "Like they even care about that stuff."
This happened to me all the time when I was on the parish board. No one wanted to do stuff but god they loved to tell me what I did wrong that they didn't do. I usually showed them up by blowing their fundraising totals out of the water. That shut them up!
They are extreme back seat drivers!
Unfortunately, I have run into this situation many times. Most recently, I was in charge of setting up the hall at my church for a chili supper fundraiser. I had everything ready in the morning, set up as we usually do, but when I started filling the drink containers an hour before the event another woman (new to the organization, hadn't helped out before) came over and told me the area needed to be set up a different way. Though I told her it was fine and had always worked out in the past, she insisted on going and finding what she wanted to use to "fix" the situation (even though they needed those containers for the chili!). In the end, I realized it wasn't worth the effort to keep conversing with her over that one issue since she couldn't see that there was more than one "right" way to set it up. I worked on making sure everything else went smoothly--and when anyone asked, I referred them to the other person with questions saying that she had volunteered to set that area up. It was a matter of choosing my battles--and I think I chose wisely (considering I didn't really want any battles anyway)...
I could write a book on the subject!!!! :)
I always say the best way to get someone to help you, is to do something wrong!
If you initially ask for help, no one wants to step up. BUT do something wrong, and people climb out of the woodwork to tell you you're wrong and show you how to do it the right way.
Everyone has an opinion!
Yes, there is. Noone wants to step up and take on the Lions share of the work, but everybody has an opinion! The best tactic with that person is to smile graciously and delegate stuff you don't want to do to them.
