Is This Normal? - Carlisle,PA

It just a phase. my first one was biting her hands all the time when she was mad, it over now. and my second one always hitting himself on the head, hope it will stop soon.

Hi, Mom:

Sit down and talk with her about the activity that she is doing to herself.

Just a thought.
D.

.

When she does this try to distract her. I think it will pass. Just do not gi e
into her demands. If she knows this bothers you, she will continue to do it.
Hang in.

My daughter did the exact same thing and still at 4 will occasionally hit herself in the face. The 1st thing I do is ask why she is hitting herself and I'll say tell me how you are feeling. The answer is usually she's frustrated or angry. Then I ask what has her feeling frustrated/angry. She will usually respond because this toy isn't working or you wouldn't let me do _____. I then ask her if she is getting her way because she hit herself. Answer is always no so there you have it. Lesson learned doing that doesn't get me what I'm wanting so what is a better way to show my feelings. If she continues throwing the tantrum she is placed in her room until she gets herself under control. I've been consistently having this conversation with her every time she does it and it use to happen several times a day. Over time it's dropped dramatically to every once in a while. I always explain to her that she has a right to feel whatever she is feeling. They are her feelings and she is entitled to feel them. However she needs to learn better ways to express and communicate her feelings.

It's pretty common. My grandson did this for awhile at about the same age. We recognized it as a sign of anger, hurt, frustration. He already knew not to hit other people, but he could still hit himself.

Two things to do for it: know her trouble areas, and plan ahead to avoid those situations if possible. Also, don't react to the hitting/biting at all.

Here are time-tested ways to reduce a child's frustrations:

1. When she wants something, empathize. Big time, and in the child's language. I love the advice of Dr. Harvey Karp on how to get on a tantruming toddler's wavelength in this and several related videos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6KnVPUdEgQ&feature=re... . Once your little girl realizes you do care about what she wants, she's more likely to be able to calm down and cooperate with what you need from her. And there are lots of positive ways to approach this, rather than just saying no to a child. They hear no so often, and they can be so frustrated. So look for ways of finding a mutual "yes," and save "no" for those occasions when children are trying something dangerous.

2. Keep it playful. Children lean primarily through play. You may need help with this if your parents didn't model a lighthearted and cheerful approach when you were little. The book Playful Parenting is a great resource. Your daughter's sense of humor is developing, crude though it may be.

There will also be times when you must have her cooperation, like diapering or trips to the store, so keep a special toy that she gets to play with only at those times.

3. Here's a big one: give advance notice when you'll want her to be doing anything differently, especially when she's grooving on her activity/play. Children absolutely hate unexpected transitions. With my grandson, we let him know at least a couple of times that a change is coming ("We're going to go to the store / have lunch / take a nap pretty soon." … and then a second alert one minute before making the change.)

4. Whatever the next activity is, make it sound as desirable as possible. Give some detail about the ride in the car, or a favorite food at lunch, or sweet snuggles before nap. Be positive and enthusiastic. And be calm. Desperation will show, and even though she's too young to deliberately engage in a planned power struggle, she will quite naturally sense any cracks in your resolve. And this is where future power struggles truly can begin.

5. Try to keep demands low when she's tired, over-managed, hungry, or sick. An already frustrated child doesn't have any emotional reserves left with which to cooperate.

6. Get to know her most likely trouble-spots, and plan ahead. For many kids, it's when they want some tempting object or food they've seen. So keep those things out of sight when possible. Be prepared with a distraction – for example, another toy she likes when you have to take ______ away from her, or a healthy treat when she wants a junky snack. Laughter, introducing a new game, a few twirls and bounces, hugs or tickles, a goofy song, can help break into her determination to get something she wants (that short attention span is both a curse and a blessing).

7. Avoid bribes, but let her work toward occasional rewards. Don't try to buy cooperation with "IF you'll do X, we'll let you have Y." Instead, phrase it as if she gets to assist in advancing something good for herself: "Hey, as soon as you help me get X done, then we get to do Y." It sounds like a small distinction, but it's important. It gives the child a chance to cooperate in what feels like choice, even when there's no "if" about it.

8. Be sure she gets lots and lots of physical activity during the day. Time outdoors in nature is calming for most children. If she has pent-up energy, it will have to come out some way, and unless channeled in a positive direction, it will likely to add to both your stress and hers.

9. Whatever you are trying to teach will need to be repeated hundreds of times over the next few years. That's completely normal. Attention spans and impulse control are extremely limited in toddlers.

Spanking and time-outs don't work for every kid, and will sometimes actually backfire over time. Especially with spanking: children may be scared, shocked, or shamed into compliance, but behaving for the sake of avoiding pain isn't the same thing as developing an internalized sense of "good." Consistent, calm guidance and demonstrations of what you DO want from her will work better in the long run than punishing for what you DON'T want her to do. See more on this by googling The Science of Parenting or Emotion Coaching.

Finally, be sure to pay attention to what you love and appreciate about your daughter, and make sure she knows you notice her finer moments. Children seek attention and approval, and she'll eagerly try to create more of them.

Normal phase. Ignore it or re-direct her if you can.

My son did bite himself when he was upset when he was about 18 months. It lasted for a few months. I think it is because they have a hard time vocalizing when they are upset.

As my son started talking more he did it less and less till he finally stopped, but while he would bite himself, we would just say 'ouchy! ouchy! ouchy! Don't give yourself a boo boo.' in a joking voice, and pull his hand down from his mouth. He never actually hurt himself doing it, but I also didn't want him to.

Maybe you could try someting like that, but know that it is just a phase and shouldn't last long.

I think so... I recall doing that myself as a very young child and I've seen other children do it in a sudden fit of anger or frustration. I would ignore the behavior for 2 weeks and see if that lessens her occurrences of doing it.

It's a phase.
Little kids do all sorts of neato things to get attention when they can't get what they want. It's like, "You won't let me have my way. Maybe you'll feel sorry for me and change your mind if I bite myself."
That's pretty complex thinking for such a small child, but they can be masters at manipulation. I knew a little kid that went into a tizzy everytime it was time to pick his toys up. He would throw himself on the floor and then say he couldn't do it, he was hurt. Oh, he would cry real tears even. Nothing was hurting him except for the fact he didn't want to pick up his toys. He would even hold his little leg up and say, "Look...owie!"
He was hoping his mother would pick him up and kiss his "boo boo" and forget that she wanted him to pick up his toys. For a while, she would kiss his boo boos and then say, all better now, time to pick up your toys and he would just throw a bigger fit.
If she hits or bites herself hard enough, she'll realize the only person she's hurting is herself and you're not going to give in and let her have what she wants.
Sometimes a sense of humor helps, such as saying something like, "That little hand sure must taste good. Can I have a nibble?" Sometimes you can snap them out of it that way. Sometimes they just get madder.
Could go either way depending on the day.

She really will out grow it.

Best wishes.

its a phase mine slaps himself when he gets hurt on the area he hurts. yours is having a temper tantrum time out time. ps she isnt going to hurt herself. its an attention thing.

Ignore the behavior. Attention will make it worse or cause more problems.
C.

a phase. ignore and move on. distract her if you can. almost 2 is a good time to start time outs, if she refuses to be distracted. if it turns to a full out tantrum, walk away until she calms down. it's to get her way and/or attention. if you give it to her, she'll keep doing it. just remember, she's only hurting herself. she won't cause serious damage.

Every child will test ways to get a different reaction from you when they don't get what they want. Some kids hit themselves. Some kids throw themselves in the floor. Some kids scream and cry. It varies somewhat from kid to kid. Some kids take it more in stride... it just depends.

Don't encourage it by reacting strongly to this behavior. The more you try to get her to stop hurting herself, the more she realizes she has power to make your react. Try your best to stay stoic and calm. Then give her a more appropriate way to express her anger. Give her a pillow and tell her that if she is angry she can squeeze the pillow really hard; or a crayon and tell her she can scribble on a piece of paper to draw her anger/frustration. And, if you can, walk away.

It should go away pretty quickly once she realizes that she gains nothing from it.

Just ignore it. My son went through a head-banging phase about that age. If she doesn't grow out of it in 6 months, check with your ped. But my guess is that it just goes away if you don't pay it any mind...

She does it because you might react to it, distracting from the initial (undesired) behavior and hoping that you'll give in.

Ignore, rinse, and repeat.

Ugh - this is such a frustrating phase, compounded by their freakishly strong muscles! My son would go into full head slamming (choosing the tile floor for extra effect) until he injured himself, then switched it to slapping himself in the face. Our friends' son would bash his face on the side of the crib until his nose was bloodied. Other children we know turned into biters or hitters.

I just hang close to monitor things (a few times, I redirected him from the tile floor to the carpet floor), saying things like, "I'm hear when you want to talk.", "I love you and I'm sad that you're sad.". Eventually, he would come to me for hugs. I'd heard that the more he spoke the less he would tantrum, but it has the opposite effect. He speaks very well now and since I don't immediately react the way he wants me to, he flies off the handle. The tantrums are slowing down greatly, but he still gets in his moods :)

Good luck!!!

phase that you should play in to. Just ignore.