Is This an Acceptable Request?

"Ok, kids... looks like you had fun, but now it is time for everyone to help get it all cleaned up..... Johnny, you gather the blankets and put them back NEATLY where you found them.... Sarah, here's a broom and dustpan.. you start sweeping up the popcorn.... I'll help you if you need the help. Jason, you know where the toys go, so why don't you get started on those. I'll help as needed."

Kids do need to be taught to be responsible... by whatever adult is around. It can be done in a gentle manner, though.

Absolutely insist on them cleaning up!!! I don't care if they are a guest or not, you are not a maid and if the parent gets offended---too bad! They shouldn't raise a lazy child that lets another parent clean up their mess. Set the standard now before any more visits--that way they know what to expect.

M

We do! When the parents start hinting about getting ready to leave I say "ok everyone, we're wrapping up the evening, let's get in here and clean up this mess" I'll help, and my kids are expected to help (even if they didn't do most of it). I've never had a guest act put out, and usually the adults go I. & we keep chatting while picking up. In my mind, my house was clean when you got here, I'm hosting this get together, so it's only polite to reasonably not trash my house. I'd never expect them to do dishes or anything but the kids mess should be picked up.

If my kid guests make a big mess, I ask them to help us clean up. I just say, "Okay, kids, time to clean up!" and ask everyone to pitch in. I think it's perfectly acceptable when someone asks my kid to pick up or not stand on furniture or whatever the house rule is. I also tell my little guests that food must be in the kitchen, not anywhere else.

Totally unacceptale to take your kids to someone's home and leave it a mess. As the dad was starting to leave you should have said 'come on kids lets get this cleaned up'. Toys are one thing but the popcorn all over the place is another. Yes it's fairly easy to sweep up but the dad should have offered to clean up after his kids.

If you are not comfortable saying something to him, have your husband do it. I would have him tell his buddy that if he wants to bring the kids over, he needs to clean up after them.

???

I just naturally start getting the kids schlepping things back to where they belong and handing out brooms. ALRIGHT, guys, lets get this cleaned up!

When we're elsewhere, that's part of our leaving ritual. As in, "We're getting ready to go. Kiddo, start getting stuff put away."

I mean, we don't get out their vacuum or anything, but we make sure the house was 95% as we left it. Everyone I know does this. I'm baffled by the idea of just coming and leaving, OR of having kids over and not putting on coach-voice and getting things cleaned up. Unless it was a disaster playdate and I just want the kid OUT of my house, but then I'm more than happy to clean things up just to get them out of there. That's certainly rare enough that I can only think of 1 kid.

You shouldn't even have to ask. The parents should have noticed the mess. I can't stand it when kids come to my house, and the parents seem to not notice how they've destroyed it!!!

We ALWAYS said ok, lets get this picked up, your parents are getting ready to leave. OR if we were the guests.. Ok We are getting ready to leave, how can I help you kids clean up?

We never left a home without cleaning up and I never let children leave our house without helping pick up the kids messes.

This is just normal where we live.

I think it is totally acceptable that you ask for them to clean up the mess. I look at it like this...if it offends the parents, then you probably won't have to worry about them coming back!! LOL

Another vote for Malia B's answer. My kids have friends over all the time, and before it's time to leave they always know I'm going to have them clean up their mess. Depending on their age and the situation, they may or may not pick up everything. I expect other parents to do the same when my kids play at their house. In your case, I would have them pick up everything. If the parent isn't there to remind the kid of their manners, then it's your place as the adult in charge. And if the parent is there and not saying anything, then reminding the child is also a gentle reminder for the parent. If it was my kid, I would totally back you up.

Heavens NO you mare not crossing the line by asking them to help clean up, whether it be toys or a huge mess of popcorn, it's not okay to go to someone's house being a guest and make a huge mess! I think the parent would probably respect you for asking them to help, I would be mortified if my son did something like that and didn't help clean up.

you are SOOOOO NOT (can i bold and underline that?!) crossing the line.

Guest or no - I tell them the rules - you take it out- you put it away. You make a mess - you clean it up ... my home is not a war zone for your pleasure...well, not exactly like that but you get my point.

I've NEVER had to have a host ask me or my kids to clean up. EVER. And if I did - then I'm slacking as a mom. My kids KNOW they are clean up a mess they helped create.

If a guest does not offer to clean up? I don't ask them back. It's only happened once. Overall - all of my friends are on the same page when it comes to play dates...mess is cleaned up BEFORE they leave.

Most parents with a dozen working brain cells and the sense of sight will tell/remind/suggest that their kid(s) help clean up before they leave!
If the parent is THAT clueless--or isn't there--by all means--speak up!

Like Ina, I expect a little extra tidying up after a play date, but popcorn all over the place? Uh-uh.

I always tell the kids it's time to clean up. I try to do it about half an hour before parents come to pick up. That way if it's not done I can say things like "Your mom will be here soon, she's not going to like having to wait while you finish the cleaning, so hurry up!".

If it's a regular guest in my house, I say, "Okay, let's pick up now" when it's time. I even say that to the neighbor children playing outside before I call my daughter in, and they dutifully help clean up. If it's a first time or special guest, I offer "Don't worry about it, I'll get it later" to which they say "Are you sure?" and I say, "Yes, don't worry about it!" Sometimes I'll have a polite guest who will insist, and I graciously accept. :)

However, if my OWN child made a mess like that, I would apologize profusely and insist they clean it up, and would pitch in myself. HOWever, I don't think as a parent I would ever let my child make a mess like that at my house OR anyone else's house. How rude of their father!!!

I think it's acceptable to ask for help in picking up in the above situations. There's a difference between asking your dinner guests to do the dishes (no!) and asking little mess makers to pick up after themselves (yes!) :)

Just walk into the room and start singing,
"Clean up, clean up
Everybody, Everywhere!
Clean up, Clean up
Everybody do their share!"
Then, "Here Jonny, you take this and put it away, Here Peter, you take this and put it away. WOW, you guys are doing a good job cleaning up!
I expect that children pick up at least a little before they leave.
L.

yes you should say lets clean up, its time to go... I have many times.

If I was the guest and my kids were involved I would have been the one to say it was time to clean up! There is NO way I would leave someones house in that condition!

the only line that was being crossed was by them not cleaning up. We teach our kids to be responsible and pick up after yourself. That goes for at home or else where.

Cheryl O said it perfectly. Laura U and Malia B have the same great idea.

Our family has a cute song that goes "Clean up! Clean up! Everybody clean up! We had our fun, but we're not done! Clean up!"

With the littles ones, they look and the "clean up" is over whelming. We tell then to pick up three things (or 10 things or what ever) until the mess is all cleaned up. If it requires vacuuming, then an older child or an adult grabs the vacuum cleaner and goes at it.

"You weren't born in a barn or raised in a sty,
So we clean up and you know why."

Good luck to you and yours.

I would NOT be offended in the least if another parent asked my child to clean up the mess they made. I encourage my DD to clean up her mess at home, so why should it be any different at someone else's house?

Growing up, I was taught to ALWAYS clean up, or at least offer, whenever I contributed to a mess in someone else's house. I feel like it's simple common courtesy that if you make the mess, you clean it up. I understand that 'kids will be kids' but kids also need to learn to respect other people's property. We were always taught to respect other people's things MORE than we respect our own!

Maybe the tactful way to approach it would be to go into the room about 10 minutes before the 'fun' time ended, and announce that it's clean up time. Don't single out the kids who are visiting, but make sure that they know that they are included in the cleanup duty. If they don't help after your announcement, you could ask them to do something specific ("Would you please put the blankets back in the bedroom?" or something similar.) Just be polite about it.

IF the parents take offense that you are expecting their kids to act like decent house guests, then you can suggest hanging out at THEIR place, and see how THEY like cleaning up the mess left behind. :P

This request is not only acceptable but mandatory. If you do not make this request, you are tacitly teaching these little hooligans that this is acceptable behavior and that there are no consequences for their actions.

I'd meet them at the door with a welcoming smile and then firmly lay out "The House Rules: Toys get picked up as you go, and NO food in the bedroom/playroom. Snacks in the kitchen only."

There is nothing rude or inappropriate about stating your needs and expectations in a friendly way. To be most effective, you'll need to let them know up front what you want, and then remind every half hour or so. Stop the play until the mess so far has been picked up.

If they really won't cooperate, don't invite them back.

You are completely justified in saying "ok, time to clean up" or "oh wow, things got messy in here, please start picking up".

Yesterday morning, first thing after breakfast, my son and I went two blocks away to a nieghborhood backyard (where we wait for my son to get done at the end of the school day). This house has a backyard that is split by a drainage area, and on the back half of their yard they have woods and a small playhouse that butt up against the schoolyard and a cul-du-sac. On Friday afternoon, my son found a potted plant that had been dumped in the woods and proceeded to dump it all over the floor of their playhouse. We couldn't get it cleaned up on Friday (due to schedules/my other children) so first thing we could we wen tover with a broom and swept it out! I was mortified that my son would make a mess like that. I say, as a parent, I'd be glad if you made my child clean up his own mess.

J.

Eh, it depends. Normal kid mess? No, I just clean it up, but what you are describing? Yeah, I'd probably say, "Oh, my goodness! What a mess! Can you guys help me pick this up real quick?"

.

I certainly would say, "okay, children, time to clean up this mess...let's get this popcorn cleaned up..." Perfectly acceptable to me. I would hope the host would gently remind my child to help clean up her mess.

We never leave a place without making the kids help clean up the mess that they made! Even when the host says don't worry about it we at least do something quick to tidy up anyway.
I wouldn't feel it out of line to ask as the playdate is ending to help clean up. Just a non-threatening Hey..it's about time to leave, how about we clean up some of these toys and food. You'll probably have to get in there and help but you can certainly take your time so they do a bit more ;)

Tell them ok guys time to start the clean up. "X" you pick up the legos, "X" you put the blankets on the couch and "X" start picking up popcorn with the vac, we will trade off jobs in a few minutes. I would have not let that mess go in the first place. Not judging but are they at the age you left them alone to play? Unless they were older say maybe 4th grade up I always stay in the same place they are playing. kids can destroy a room in no time. If they won't help pick up they won't be invited back.

Absolutely you have the right to ask guests or children to clean up after themselves, especially if the mess is more than the normal visitor mess. Don't feel bad at all!!

I REQUIRED my child to pick up after herself at someone else's house.

You will not be out of line to ask the kids to clean up. Just do it very matter-of-factually and in front of their parent. Like: "Oh my, look at this terrible mess you guys made. Here are the brooms. How much time do you think you need to clean it up?" I do not think the other parent will put up a fuss. I think he will tell his kids to clean. Usually,the parents do chime in and tell their kids to clean up if you make the request in front of them. That puts them on the spot. If, however he will question your request - he is on the shaky ground. "Excuse me, John, WHO do you think needs to clean up this mess?" I NEVER let my guests or my children's' guests walk over me.
Good luck.

OF COURSE it is acceptable to ask them to clean up.

Whenever I have play-dates for my kids here at our home, one of the routines is that they ALL HELP clean-up, before they go home.
Their parents have NO problem with that.
I don't ask their permission to have their kid help clean up 'my' home. I just say "time to clean up kids!"

Anytime we have had guests with children, ranging from ages 3-14, they always clean up after themselves, usually without being told, but sometimes being told by their own parents. I think that should be the norm.

Make them clean it up. Back when parents didn't worry about what other parent's thought they would tell the kids to clean up their mess, or call the other parents and tell them to send their child(ren) back over to clean up the mess.
If my children go to someone's house they are expected to clean up any mess or they will be marched back over to clean up that mess and will be grounded from playing for at least a week! It is unacceptable to me to have my kids leave a mess. In return if they have kids over, those kids, before they go home, must clean up. If they do not then they are not allowed to play in the house again.

I think it is a completely acceptable request. Just so you don't step on the other kid's parent's toes.....it might be good to talk to the parents about what happened and hopefully....HOPEFULLY....they can address proper guest etiquette with their children.

I am assuming you dont have a dog to walk around and vaccuum up the spilled popcorn as it slips the children's hands? Always a good tool :) Kid friendly as well :)

I think all parties need to clean up messes they make before leaving. I would just tell all kids responsible that it is time to pick up before leaving. If the parents get mad too bad, it really isn't your responsibility to clean up after their kids. They should have enough respect to make their children pick up before leaving someone else's house. I would definitely make my kids pick up before leaving someone's house. Good luck.

When my child goes to play at someone else's house, when I go to pick them up, I always say "Let's help pick up, then get our coats on." It's appalling to me that your guest did not make the first move towards clean up. What's done is done and if they are already gone, you can't really call them and ask them to come back to clean up. But, in the future, as the parent arrives to pick the children up, you can say "Johnny, you're father's here to pick you up. Shall we get things cleaned up so he doesn't have to wait so long?" or if the parent has stayed there and is starting to get ready to leave, the same thing applies: "Kids, Becky is getting ready to go, so lets pick up all the toys, and get things cleaned up." I would think a guest would know that manners dictate then their children are expected to help...they are hardly going to say "oh, sorry, I don't think my children need to do that." And if they try the "Oh, we're in a bit of a hurry" line, then you simply say "Well, if we all work together, it will go much faster and you can get out of here." If you know in advance that they are leaving at a specific time, gather the kids 15 minutes before that time to clean up before they leave. It's more planning ahead than anything...and anyone who refused to help after it's been asked when THEY made the mess would not be invited back

I don't expect my guests to clean up after themselves, even if the kids "destroy" the house - I kind of expect that to happen on a playdate.
However, most people do offer to help (unless it's gotten too late and they're in a rush to leave) and we always offer to help clean up as well (unless, well... see above).

i make my kids clean a mess before they leave anywhere....and i make other kids do it at my home also....sometimes its like pulling teeth but it gets done....i expect other parents to do the same to my kids....they shouldnt be responsibe to clean up after my creatures lol....and niether should you :)

I cannot tell you how many time this happens over at our house and here is what I do; I ask my children to pick up in front of the parent. That way they can choose to tell their kid to help or not and I am not stepping on any toes. Believe it or not, a lot of parents do NOT ask their kids to help! Shocking, I know! Needless to say my kids know they do not have an option. Like you, I would be horrified if they made that kind of mess at someone else's house.

I think a 5 minute warning where all the kids are involved in cleaning up, not just the guests and not just your kid, is a good idea. However, if you had the parent over, he should have seen the mess and told his kids to help pick the toys up and offered to run the vacuum. He must know that his kids do this. I wouldn't invite them back.

Even as guest, I'd like to think I put a stop to it WAY before it got that far...

but since I obviously didn't I would certainly hope that if I didn't have the good manners to have my kids help clean up (and probably HELP myself- depending on the ages and capabilities of the kids involved), I would HOPE the host would feel comfortable suggesting that my mess-makers be involved in the cleanup.

(And boy would they get a strong talking-to once we get home before ever visiting anyone again!)

I don't think you are crossing the line in the least bit!!! Children need to learn that cleaning up is a part of play. It would be great if the kids didn't make such a big mess in the first place, but if they know before hand that they clean up whatever mess they make, they are less likely to make such a big mess.

i know this is old and i am late, but i agree with everyone else. i don't even question it any more, after once or twice of being the "nice hostess", "OOOH it's okay, we'll clean it up, you're company!" then i went into my son's room and found the disaster area in there...i SO regretted it.

now i ALWAYS take the initiative (because some parents are great about, "ok sally let's pick up before we leave!" and others don't even mention it) to say, "aw, looks like it's almost time to go home huh - let's go ahead and start picking up then!" just like with my own son i try to make it fun and just a part of life, no drama. has not been a problem since. if the parents think i am a bit pushy, that's okay. i would rather be a bit pushy than a doormat, and they came into my house and made a mess. they can help clean it up before they go. i see zero problem with that. just keep it polite and friendly.