Do You Expect Dinner Guests to Help?

No way, I'm with you. I hate people in my kitchen. When we have people over, I just do a quick pile of dirty plates and put all the leftovers quickly in tupperware in the fridge and get back to my guests. I leave all the cleanup for after they leave or in the morning. When I go to peoples house, I don't automatically jump up to help, I too ask if there is anything I can do or if they want me to help and see what they say. I assume most people are like me and either don't want everyone in the kitchen or know I'm the guest and should be visiting. =)

It's polite of them to offer but NO WAY do I want them to help. It would be RUDE to expect them to help.

I dont like dinner guests to help. I have my routine, know how I want it done, and don't want them putting dirty dishes anywhere... please- just leave them on the table and I will get them when I'm ready!.

I won't let my dinner guests help. I don't clean the dishes while they are there. This isn't about dinner. It's about fellowship. It's about enjoying their company. I'll clean the kitchen the next morning.

I don't like your co-worker's attitude, quite frankly, expecting a woman to help but giving a pass to a man. Ugh.

I ALWAYS try to help when someone else invites us over. So does my husband. If they accept the help, we get it done. If they won't accept the help, I understand, because I am the same way.

Dawn

No, that's what the kids are for. Duh ;)

I appreciate the offer, but prefer to do it myself. If we are having a team potluck or something of that nature at my house (we host alotn of those type things) then I do appreciate people helping cleaning up outside after their kids and helping bring things into the kitchen, but I do not expect nor do I ask that they do this. If they do it on their own or offer I gladly accept, a regular dinner party indoors with a few people I DO IT MYSELF

No, and I don't want any of us to spend time cleaning, mainly because our guests are over to visit & spend time with us, not watch me clean or vice versa.

Sherri,

I feel exactly the way you do! When I'm a guest, I will offer help because that's the way I was raised. If the host/hostess says NO, I just enjoy myself!

Once I invited a couple over and the woman laid out the plates and picked seats for everyone. I was affronted! I felt "this tall" in my own home.

The other weekend we invited family over for a cook out. My mom went around the house picking up dishes and I caught her in the kitchen rinsing them off. I scolded her, lol. Next time I'll just have to beat her to it!

So, no I don't expect a guest in my home to clean up after themselves. Their children, maybe. Depends on the mess. But I'm offering them dinner so I will clean up too. To me that is just what it means to be a hostess.

I would prefer they don't help with cleaning up. They are a guest in my home and I wouldnt' want them to feel they are expected to clean up after themselves after I have invited them over, and also like you said I would feel like they just get in my way (not familiar with the kitchen ect.) I don't think its rude to not clean up if you are the guest. Yes it is nice to ask if the host needs any help with anything.... but most women I have come in contact with in this situation feel the same as I do.

I do not expect a guest to help clean up. I'm quite picky as to how I load my dishwasher and how I manage pots and pans.

If someone brings their plate to the sink, no issue but I prefer to do it myself when the party is over

I'm with you. I DO NOT let my guest clean up. I almost got in an argument with my neighbor one day over this (she was trying to help clean up and I kept telling her to stop). I know they just want to help, but I am WAY to particular about how things are done. Besides that, *I* invited THEM over. They are my guest and shouldn't be doing anything.

Ditto exactly what you said! I would never expect or let a guest clean up. I always offer to help though.

Expect it? No way. Appreciate it? Of course. I always clear my own dishes at others' homes, unless the dinner is so formal that to do so would be just plain awkward.

Give the host the opportunity to say, "Thank you, but I can handle that. You don't have to help clean up." It's always, always better to offer to help as a guest OR to automatically help clean up without being asked.

In other words, yes it's bad manners if you don't do one or the other.

I would never expect a guest to clean up. They are a guest and are there to visit and have a good time, not to clean up. When I am at someone else's house, I do ask if there is anything that I can do.

Although I always appreciate when people ask "can I do something", I REALLY REALLY appreciate a guest who respects my answer of "No, please just sit and lets relax. This will wait until tomorrow."

I prefer the guests not help, but appreciate that they offer. It really just makes more work for me. They invariably stack the dishes so I have to then clean the bottoms as well as the tops!
I offer to help at others homes. I use to automatically do it at family and in-laws homes. But I noticed some of them never offer to help me. So, I stopped doing anything at those particular homes. It is so hard to sit there and do nothing!

Only during holidays when we host over 20 people... otherwise I am hosting the guest...which means I take car of things. If they ask to help multiple times I am pretty good with finding something for them to do...

I'm with you. I'd rather visit and do the dishes later. And I am picky that things go back where they belong. There is nothing I hate more than having to hunt for my pots, pans, utensils when I'm trying to cook!

had to add my 2 cents,
Dh enjoys parties I loathe them,
there are 2 groups of his friends and our sisinlaw that will begin cleaning up with out asking me, I hate it.

then instead of it just getting done on my terms, they are rummaging through my cupboards for saran wrap, mixing up the good china that I would handwash with the regular stuff i want in the dishwasher, or else they are standing in my way holding a gravy boat asking me where i want it. --I want it where it was and would really like some alone time to try to compose myself so i can contnue dealing with you for the rest of the night.- get out! I obviously don't say that but when i insist they go visit and leave it to me :) the look at me like Ihave 3 heads. nope only one and it is sick of visiting with you!

I don't expect it. But I am a little lucky, in that usually when we have company my sister and her family are here, and she ALWAYS cleans up while I am enjoying talking with my friends. And the same goes at her house - I clean up while she enjoys her guests. It's kind of an unspoken rule now. My dad always did that when he was alive, and I guess we picked up on it.

To me, a guest is someone who should be catered to. I don't want my guests to help me. They are important and I think its tacky to ask them or expect them to clean up. Thats just me though.

NO only because I like it done a certain way nothing ticks me off more when the dishes are put away in the wrong place

i tell my guests 'stop! you won't do it right!'
it injects a little humor into the situation without awkwardness.
now, it's different if it's someone who's over a lot and happens to be joining us, like one of my kids' gazillion friends. it's fine if they clear or run water in the sink to soak the dishes.
but if i have invited people to dinner, i expect and prefer to take care of them from start to finish. all i want is to enjoy their conversation while i do so.
khairete
S.

I don't even pay attention. I always offer to help, some take me up on it, some don't. I like when people bring their plates to the kitchen and set them on the counter but beyond that I don't want or expect help. Doesn't bother me in the least to collect a few stray pieces.

Not to. I like you want my kitchen my way. If they start I take the things out of their hands promptly and tell them to go sit in the living room or tell them they don't need to do that to sit and relax.

On the other hand if it's a family member, I have 6 siblings, I always just help. If it's at my mothers I'll hand wash for her even.... as all of us do after parties. It's just too much to leave that in my mom's hands but no one but her children do this.

Now if I go to someone elses house I ask if I can help and if they say I can I gladly do it and chit chat with them. I hardly ever get taken up on that though. I don't think it's normal to expect your guests to help. I'm pretty sure if you looked in old etiquette books it would be rude of them to help or be asked to help because they are the guest.

I always just say, "Oh no, thank you, I'll get to them later. I'd much rather stay out here and chat with you right now!"

Depends on the size of party and who the guest are.
As in when I was with my ex and we hosted thanksgiving for 25 direct family members then yes I loved the help, I mean it was my mom and mil and family...of course I'd have to find things throughout the next few weeks=). I mean who wants to clean a whole 2 rooms of dishes by themselves
if its J. a small gathering or a bbq I'd say no thank you.
I wouldnt find it rude either way though.

It really depends on region/culture as well.
In my city/State, guests DO help clean up.
It is largely a cultural thing and just what people do here.
I personally never "expect" a guest to help do that, but guests just do help and take the initiative to do so. Regardless of generation. It is socially and culturally, the thing we do here.
In fact, if a person does not do that, then it is seen as rude, or as a faux pas.

And any Host can say to their guests "just sit down and relax...." no need to help.

I only expect immediate family to help. I dont help as much at my sister's house because her husband is Very particular. If I am at someone else's house I ask what can I do to help and they may assign a task like take this to .... or they may say nothing right now.

For me it depends on the situation - do they have us over a lot and it's very casual? Do they have really young kids? Do they have a big kitchen where we won't be tripping over each other?... So the same in my house. I think there's a happy medium. Bring some dishes into the kitchen but don't wash them. And it also depends if it's a Sat night or a Sunday night when I have to get to work the next day or I know the hostess has to. I can't really think of anyone who doesn't help bring some dishes into the kitchen except my MIL... And I always bring dishes in and often scrape food into the trash so it's not such an overwhelming mess. But that's bc most of our friends' have young kids and I know the moms are tired and feel rather overworked so last thing I want to do is sit there and leave it all to them. I wouldn't feel like a friend if I did that. And we all continue to socialize while cleaning up some so it doesn't really put a damper on things. Now that I think about it, sometimes I want everyone to get up bc we have some friends who seem to never leave! So sometimes I start cleaning as a bit of a hint that the night is over!

No. I clean up after my guest. It's the same when I go to guests.

I prefer some help. I have at times found it rude when guests did not even offer to help.

If guests are family or really close friends, I do expect that they'll help clean up at least some what.
But if they are more casual friends, or new friends, or work related or something, then no, I wouldn't expect their help. I'll take some if offerered though!

Nope I don't but they do anyway.

I don't expect guests to help. If they offer I accept, but I'm not bothered if they don't offer.

I am not the Queen of England. I always get my butt up and help.

Unless they are immediate family (lol) I wouldn't expect guests to clean up. Would appreciate it if they did help, but not expected.

My side of the family are considerate and always help each other and are supportive.My husband has 1 brother and although they are kind people not very aware of that stuff. They were visiting 1 time and my youngest child was about 6 mo. My sil said can I do anything to help. She had never helped me clean the kitchen. I asked if she could hold my daughter. My daughter being the 3rd child was very easy going and went to anyone. My sil held my daughter at arms length for about 4 mins and put her down. My daughter was not crying just wanted to held. My sil doesnt have children.
My parents are amazing and so is my grandmom. No grass is growing under their feet. My brother wife doesnt have to be asked she just helps out ...even before she had kids.
However... I dont mind people helping out but I detest working with people in my kitchen...especially my mom. She totally takes over I am constantly in her way. Then she says other people dont mind working in the kitchen together. Its not me..I like space. I feel like why does dhe have to start cooking while I in the kitchen. I am very close to my parents not to much that bugs me about them...so I am lucky.

If they are family, I expect them to clear their plate. Otherwise, they are guest, and they should be sipping wine.

I always help clean up (I don't ask if I can I just do) but I would never expect my guests to help me. If they pitch in and help put away food or clear the table that's great but if they don't I really couldn't care less.

My guests typically take their dishes to the kitchen. Some offer (typically the women but also a few guys) and others pitch right in. I tell them "just put them in the dishwasher".