Is It Wrong??? - Plainfield,IL

There is no right or wrong way to celebrate a child's birthday. Do what feels right for you.

And 40 people at a 3-year-old's birthday party? I didn't invite that many people to my WEDDING!

No, its not wrong.

My personal belief is as long as you do something special for the birthday child that's all that's important. Whether it be with just the immediate family to whomever. I think every child should have a little special recognition, but I don't think it has to involve a huge party.

Less is more.

How about a mini-party with the two little girls her age that she sees once a week if you don't want to include them in the family party. Personally, 40 people for a 3 year old birthday party sounds a little silly to me.

Oh gesh, who is the party for, the MIL or the little girl??? If MIL wants a big party, have her host one at HER house with all the family. Do it your way and you'll be happiest. Just a side note, I never do big parties. I never had big parties while growing up. I only had my bestest friend in the whole world to eat cake with me and my family which consisted of my mom, dad, uncle (who lived with us) and my sister. That's it. No big party, no big expense. I do the same thing with my kiddos...they can have 1 or 2 of their closest, and I mean closest friends. Yeah, yeah, the party comes only once a year...but that credit card bill will come once a month until you get the expense of it paid off. 40 people to feed/entertain is a lot!

Unless she plans to host or foot the bill grandma needs to zip her trap

I know I'm a bit different, haha, and if you've read any of my responses, you probably know it, too. But, I think that we way overdo birthday parties in our culture. I find it refreshing that you are scaling back. I have found that the danger of huge overdone birthday parties is bratty, tired, self-centered birthday children. They are not normally this way, but have you noticed that the birthday child is usually an absolute mess at their party? Ugh. We no longer go the big party route with our kids. Instead, they get to pick the menu for their birthday, including dessert. We give them gifts, we have a special plate for them. We honor them by telling them how special they are to us. We tell them about their birth, and other cute stories of what they have done. On occasion, they get to have one friend over for dinner. But, our family is large, so we are a party just waiting to happen (6 children). Also, my husband takes them out one night that week for their one-on one birthday dinner to the restaurant of their choice. (and I take them out 6 months later, same deal-they pick where) We let them know how loved they are, how special they are, but we have ditched the huge parties.

Well, tell your MIL she should have it at her house and fund the whole thing if shes so against a small party. No, small parties are awesome!

i dont think its wrong at all. however, be sure that she has some fun at her own bday party! maybe you could invite her friends to join so she's not the only child?

We don't have large parties for our kids until age 4. I feel like birthdays are meant for a kid to feel special. And a kid can feel special without having everyone you know over. We celebrate the day and the occasion with just close family. It may be intimate, but it's still a special day.

Nothing wrong with whatever you do. It's your choice.

We did big parties for the 1st one. After that, we just had small parties with the grandparents and maybe and aunt or uncle. My 5 year old just had his first friend party for his 5th birthday.

I'd say, if you want to keep it small, do so. If you want it big, do so. If your mil wants a big party, tell her to throw it (and pay for it). Of course, I'd leave that up to your husband to say.

Save your bucks and efforts for when she can really remember and appreciate the party! I think what you're doing is just fine.

We went to a 3 yr old's party yesterday at one of those roller rink/ bounce house places where my son and the birthday girl were the only "preschoolers" there- everyone else was older. While the two little ones had fun, she was totally overwhelmed and cried during lunch and the cake b/c it was too loud and there were too many people. Bottom line, the party was more for the older cousins and parents than the birthday girl.

Do the small parties while you can... once she starts school you may not be able to get away with the "family only" parties! If your MIL wants to host the large party for your daughter, then she can go for it! Otherwise, she's a guest at the party and her opinion (while heard) isn't as important as what you and your DH want to do for your daughter.

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Tell her to back off. It is not written that you must have a big party for every birthday. Some parents only have big parties every 5 years. If she wants to have a big party she can have it at her house and at her expence. A 3 year old is not going to remember any party til about age 5 anyway, so whats the point since it is her birthday.

No, it is not wrong for a 3 yr old to be the only child at her party.
It will mean a lot more to her when she's older.
When I was growing up, I think I had a total of 2 parties where friends were invited. For my son we did friends parties for 4,5,6 and 7 and that was enough.

you should not feel bad. parties are exspencive...imagine if u had more kids...it adds up quick. besides, they are so young...they are happy w/the smallest things. It's her b-day not ur mil. Good Luck. :)

40 people!!! Holy Hannah!! I wouldn't ever want to throw a party for that large of a group for a birthday party that my child wont even remember!
She is YOUR child and not your MIL. She's invited so she shouldn't have to worry and to be happy she's even invited at all!

you are a lot nicer than me! for my daughter's 3 birthday she wanted a friend party and that's what she got! grandparents/aunts and uncles were able to take her to dinner on another night or stop by with gifts, but we let her have the party she wanted- 5 friends running around the house in fairy costumes---no grandparents--and she had a BALL! She'll have a special day no matter what, if she has no real opinion on the matter, the party you suggested sounds lovely and perfect! Let you MIL host 40 people at her house!

Have your husband explain it to his mother.

Perhaps she would like to rent a hall/restaurant and host the birthday party for her granddaughter?

I see absolutely wrong w/ mixing it up from year to year. Some years we have a big party w/ everyone invited (relatives, personal friends w/ kids, school mates); other years we keep it to family only or family and personal friends. I'd just tell your MIL "this is what we've decided to do this year." End of story. It's not her call!

NO not wrong in any way!! In fact you should start now to make it a tradition - a party only every other year.

I didn't have a first birthday party for either of my kids cause they didn't know anything about birthdays or presents and could care less at a year. When I did my older daughter's 2nd birthday with a party I was exhausted afterwards. I decided at that point to only do them on even numbered years. I think that is one of the best decisions I have ever made honestly!!

No, I don't think you are wrong...You are her parents... If you don't want to have a big party that she'll never remember anyway don't do it. She'll have plenty of big parties later in life.

Tell your MIL to pay for the party and put it on then...

Oh, no, I think a small party is great. Kids this age are beginning to gain some concept of what 'birthday' means, and having big bashes kind of sets up that expectation.

I think it's okay to tell MIL that there will be other years for big parties and this is what you want to do this year. Sounds like MIL wants a big party-- let her figure one out if she wants to arrange and host. Stick with your own plans.

Our little guy will be 4 this year, and we are surely going to be doing something fairly small, maybe with family. Maybe cousins, maybe just us going away for a weekend. Who knows? I do know my little guy, though, and know he doen't have high expectations. And he'll be getting his requested Tonka trucks, so I think he'll be pretty happy about that. :)
If my folks want a big party, they can do the legwork on that!:)

While I don't think you have to throw a huge party, I think 3 is an age where she'd appreciate having her friends at the party more than extended family. Party games, projects and activities are really fun for that age group and they're starting to really build friendships too. An adult, family only gathering might be nice, but not really feel like a birthday party to her.

I would do what you had originally planned. As long as you celebrate it and make it special for her, then that is most important. A 3 yr old wont care that she didn't have a huge party. At this age that is more for the parent than the child. I don't do big parties for my kids every year. It's a lot of work, not to mention it's expensive.

So why doesn't she have a party then?

40 people gathered for a 3 year old's bday can be overwhelming! I liked the suggestion where you simply state: That's what we've decided to do this year. End of story and DON'T explain any further. My daughter is 11 and we've kept her parties fun but not with tons of people. I don't think there have ever been more than maybe 10-12 kids total at any one given party. We've done bowling, build a bear, trip to the movies and lunch for just 3-4 friends, an 8-girl tea party at home, a 10 kid make your own pizza/dessert party at home, etc. All fun, but not huge. We've been to parties for small kids where it's been a carnival for 40 kids - literally. Fun but overwhelming for our daughter. Do what fits your family best.

We did the same with my daughters 2nd bday. Kept it small and just had family! Thats whats most important after all!!!

I think however you want to do it is fine as long as your daughter is celebrated. However, I think inviting one or two kids her age would be really nice for her -now more than ever. As kids age, they enjoy seeing and being around some others their age. Don't feel pressured to have some huge party (and the people pressuring you should back off -perhaps tell them if they want to pay for it and host it, then you would love that!). I think inviting the 2 little girls she plays with once a week would be nice, but don't feel like you need to invite the entire family. I personally found with my MIL that turning situations around like that (in a very nice -almost joking way) really stopped comments -especially when it involves her paying for and/or hosting large family gatherings.

No way, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!!!

My family didn't do BIG parties every year...and I don't intend to either. We make a big deal out of the 1st b-day (friends/family). After that we will just do grandparents for sure, and maybe aunts/uncles/cousins. I'd prefer not to do aunts/uncles/cousins, but they all do a BIG party for every b-day, so I don't know if they would get all bent out of shape if we didn't do something. It isn't that I don't want to celebrate...it is just a lot of money and effort to throw a party. Even if it is just for aunts/uncles/cousins - in my family that is 24 people!!

For my daughter's 3rd birthday, we took her to the Disney store and let her pick out whatever she wanted for her gift. Then we took her out to dinner. The next day, we invited grandparents over for pizza and cake. For her 2nd birthday, we celebrated it just the 3 of us on vacation. There are no rules regarding how or when to celebrate birthdays. Do whatever you are comfortable with and don't get caught up in what you think you are supposed to do. My SIL does this and winds up throwing these extravagant parties, each one needing to out-do last year's. At this age, who is a party like that really for? Because a 3 year old is never going to remember it.

Long story short, do what you feel is appropriate. Honor the day for her and treat her to something special, but don't feel like you have to throw a huge party unless you really want to.

Nope, I told my family when I was preggo that I would have bigger parties on the milestones 1,5,10...but otherwise it was too much. My little girl turns 2 in May, we plan to go to Lincoln Park Zoo (free) and send out a mass email "those who would like to join us for a day out, we will be here..this day, this time!" It's my birthday that week too so I get to pick! It's mostly for the grown-ups at this point anyway and she'll have much more fun without a stressed out mommy!

I think small parties are more fun and more special than huge gatherings. If your MIL loves big events so much, tell her she should plan those kinds of parties for herself, for holidays, or some other occasion, at her house. You and DH get to decide the birthday party plans for your daughter.

She's THREE YEARS OLD!! It's not like she 10.

However, she should be able to voice her opinion on what she wants.

if your MIL wants to have a big party - tell her she can host it and pay for it. I know that sounds rude - but seriously! You need to do what's right for your family - if financially this is all you can afford to do and take her to this other place - then fine. If that's what she wants fine.

did she ask to be taken to the WI Dells? I have not a clue what it is.

bottom line - find out what your 3 year old wants - don't sway her decision - talk to her while you are baking cookies - ask her what she wants to do for her birthday - leave it open-ended - she can speak her mind.

You are perfectly FINE to only do a small party! Explain to your MIL that it is your DAUGHTER's bday and you guys thought she would enjoy/remember the special trip to the Dells more than the super big party.

Well, I think ultimately you need to do what you are comfortable with.

I can only share how we have done it in our family. We have always invited all the extended family - grandmas, aunts, uncles, cousins everyone - which comes to about 25 people. And I give one party in Sept and one in Oct. Although 40 people is a lot, but how do you choose who to exclude without hurting feelings? This has always been an issue for us.

I personally think it's such a blessing to have so much family around and how great your child will feel at her party having everyone there for her - then also so look back at the pictures and remember those great times.

I can imagine a party of 40 is a huge deal to throw, and the amount of gifts must be bordering on outrageous (I know it is for us). Consider an easy meal (sandwich bar, chips etc) and suggesting larger gift ideas that a group could go in on together, if you are asked for ideas.

But, really, if this is not something you want to do, you have to do what you are comfortable with. IMHO, as my kids get older the big party with lots of family around is more important than when they were younger and didn't really know what was going on.

Do what you think is appropriate! MIL doesn't have to pay for it, or clean up, or entertain. It's your daughter, and it's really about you and her. Afterall, MIL wasn't in the delivery room that day giving birth to her. It was all the two of you then, and it is still about you two now (and dad of course!). She had her turn throwing parties for her kids. It's your turn now. So celebrate the day with her, the way *you* wish.

Now that I said all of that, I know easier said than done if MIL is pushy. Hopefully you can stand your ground. The one thing MIL does have right is she will only be this age once, and her birthday only is once a year. So it would be real sad for you to spend it in a way that you wouldn't enjoy.

heck NO! save the big parties for once elementary starts and all the other kids are doing it and she hears all about it. for now keep it family.

We've had my sons 1st and 2nd bday parties at our house and invited a lot of people and I am definitely planning on a smaller party for his 3rd birthday! These parties have been WAY too stressful. My son only has 2 other toddlers that he sometimes plays with so these parties end up being more for the adults. This year I just plan on inviting close family and maybe going somewhere special with my son and husband.

Hi, I would have the party that you are currently having but then also have a small b-day party with her two little girl friends. Kids do not need huge parties and they are toooooo expensive. Have her two little girl friends over for a play date with cake and ice cream. Your daughter will love it.