Is It Unreasonable for Kids to Play Outside When They Have Friends Over?

Best place for them is outside. I only have 1 son but when he has even 1 friend over I ask them to go outside as soon as they start getting loud and rowdy. Sounds like it is time for a big family sit down to establish some guidelines.

I don't think there is anything wrong w/ you and/or hubby asking kids (with or without friends over) to go outside and play/enjoy the weather. I have a problem with any of the kids being told they "have to go out because the other sibling gets too stressed with the company". Why not let the 17 year old seek the quiet outdoors?

I think boundaries are needed. When the houses merged did everyone get to discuss boundaries and ways of living? Some people need quiet to accomplish homework, some people need friends over. I would limit the amt of friends over at a time or say if it is more than 2 friends they must go outside. I would have "Homework Hours" and say from 4pm-5:30 noise is to be kept down so homework/studing can be acomplished in peace. I would also have designated friend day(s), friends can only be invited over MWF for 2hrs max and "Homework Hours" are to be respected. I think boundaries and general house rules are in order here.

When I first read your question, I thought you were talking about little ones, and yes, outside!

However, this isn't just about who plays where, it's about all of you blending your families and sharing space. Sounds like time for a family meeting, making some agreements about when/how many kids can be visiting at once, etc.

I'm a noise-sensitive person, too. That said, if there's homework or something like that going on, which is requiring concentration for school/studies, then the noisy kids should go outside or take a walk. (I understand how sound travels in a house and I know I have a difficult time focusing on work when my son is being noisy.) However, if she's just wanting quiet, perhaps she could take her book outside or to her room.

As mentioned before, it sounds like a family discussion and a written plan would be helpful here.

The problem is 14 year old boys only want to be outside if there are 14 year old girls out there.

You cannot compare a 14 year old boy to an 11 year old girl. My 11 year old girl plays outside all the time, the only way you can get my 13 year old boy outside is the pool.

So yeah you are kind of being unreasonable throwing his son and his friends out to placate your older daughter.

I'm all for fresh air and exercise but a fourteen year old boy isn't interested in "playing" outside, unless he's involved in a sport OR unless there are girls out there ;)
I played outside a LOT as a kid, but not much past the age of twelve. Teens are social creatures, they want to be around other teens.
At that age we spent most of our time at the community pool, the skating rink, the mall or at each others' houses, hanging out, eating and listening to music. My kids do the same kinds of things.
I hope you all can reach some kind of compromise, now that you're all living together. I can see how your daughter would be annoyed by boys at that age, but can't she go and hang out somewhere else sometimes, like a friend's house, or the kinds of places I mentioned above? It's not fair for her to call the shots, there are other people involved.
You all need to compromise with each other, and soon, or else it's going to be a LONG miserable summer :(

I do not think 14 year olds "play outside"..

They may ride bikes, play basket ball, swim in the pool, therwise they are playing video games, watching TV and eating!!!!

I understand that the 17 year old thinks they are too loud. The problem with a small home.. BTW, we also live in a tiny house.. is that there is seriously no way to get away from the others and their noise.

I also suggest each one of you limit the guests..

Or put up some type of outdoor covered area.. with netting to keep the bugs away.. I spray outdoor insect repellent that you use a water hose to spray and it works for months.. Check at the Lowes..

Also Your daughter could consider head phones. She can go in her room and use headphones with her computer or ipod..

Is the 17 year old going to have a job this summer? If so, while she is working is a good time for the boy to have his friends over.. and when she is home can be more quiet time.. Or a limited number of friends.

Here is the deal.. You WANT to be the home the kids hang out at.. It is a good way to keep and eye on them and monitor them.. But every home needs time for just some peace.

Sit down with your BF and come up with a plan.. Then have a group meeting and set up some rules and expectations..

Cover number of guests. time of day.. or days.

Food that is allowed to be consumed.. People pitching in to cover the costs.. etc..

Let everyone have a voice, but the people paying the rent or mortgage, get the last and final say..

Okay, I come from a large family, and this is the house rule:

If one person has a problem, they need to fix it, not expect everyone else to quit doing what they're doing to solve their problem.

Is asking fine? Sure. Hey G!! Can you guys do that outside? But "no" is always an acceptable answer. After all, I (or anyone else) is asking a favor. If Greg wouldn't take the rucus elsewhere, I could take my books and go elsewhere... like outside where it's sunny and gorgeous and trying to send them. Or if I HAD to be inside (why am I sending others out if I'm in and not out myself), there are libraries, coffee shops, etc.

The thing is we ALL lived there. No one had more 'right' to the house than anyone else. So if someone had a problem, it was on them to solve it.

Or as my mum constantly reminded me (oldest, who felt I had more rights than anyone else as a teenager, god she had a lot of patience with me! ;)

"The world doesn't revolve around you, darlin'. It's his house, too!"

Of course, the rule was equally applied. If I had girlfriends over and we were giggling and driving others up the walls, or my guy friends and we were wrestling or setting up ziplines out my window), others had to deal with me as well.

SIMILARLY... there were household rules we ALL followed. My parents tried numbers for awhile, but that didn't work, as my bestie and I were as loud the two of us as 12 of my sister's friends and her, so they tried a number of different things as we grew.

1) Different ages = different expectations (that took them awhile)
2) Peace & Tranquility after the youngest child's bedtime (I was a Sr. before that was 9pm!)
3) Wake the baby, you put them back down
4) No intentionally harassing someone else (like stereo wars, or jumping into the bedroom wall of someone else, or hiding power cords, or, or, or)

etc.

But it basically all boiled down to ; Everyone lives here.

I think thats way to many friends to have over in the house. I think if he has one or two thats fine in the house....not four.

I think your daughter needs to learn how to go to this really quiet place where people study & work... you know, that thing called a library?! ;-P It's not fair for everyone else to cater to her wants... there needs to be a compromise somewhere.

If you are blending families & favoring your own child over your SO's, it could cause issues with him, and might make his kids feel like strangers in their own home. Then, you'll be dealing with more problems than a loud house.

No it is not unreasonable if the weather is nice... and the answer to your boyfriend is, either they stay in and be quiet, or go outside.

WHile they should not be "exiled" all the time, when they are inside they need to be considerate of th eother people in the house.

Half the problem with this country is that kids don't go out and play anymore... but that is one of my soap box issues....

Anyway, your boyfirend may feel that you are favoring your daughter over his son, so having a heart to heart with him on the subject after the kids are asleep should be on the top if your to-do list.

Good luck!

Does your daughter work? You can't always be telling your 11 year old and your b/f's children to get out of the house. The 14 year old is going to ignore the 17 yr old as she is not his parent. Sounds like ya'll need a bigger gouse. Myself I have a family of 6 in a 3 bedroom house.. 3 girls & 1 boy and my 14 yr old has friends over all the time or goes to their house. my 15 yr old daughter also has friends over. you have to compromise and work out rules with the boys father

You ALL live together in one "small" house.
Therefore, to me... the rational thing to do is:
for you ALL to sit down and talk about it.
You have 2 daughters. Boyfriend has 2 sons. They all have friends, and kids like to have their friends over. Adults too I am sure.
So, there has to be a consensus about it all.
It is all about, LIVING TOGETHER UNDER ONE ROOF, and respecting things. When the kids have friends over, they need to also respect everyone else in the house. It is not their home nor their own apartment. You all live together. And friends, ideally, need to be courteous too. As well as the kids who live in the house.
I often have truckloads of kids over.... who are my kids' friends. Sometimes there are 7 kids at my house in addition to my own 2 kids. So 9 kids. (my kids are 5 and 9). But, even their friends, will ASK me... "Aunty Susan, can we play this game?" (such as tag), in the house?" I don't mind... but IF my other kid and his/her friends are gonna be displaced from their own activity because of it, I tell them no... they can go elsewhere and play it. Outside for example. My kids are very active and their friends too. I allow that. But my kids and their friends are always mindful... of each other and the friends, too. So it works out.
Or I tell them, they can do as they want to... but as long as it does not displace the others or restrict them from their own activity. They understand, as young as they are.
So... I would think that your kids and your Boyfriend (since he is an adult) and his kids, can understand.
Also, when my kids' friends do come over, I give them a head's up... as to what I expect, what they can do or not do, where they can go or not go. They are always welcomed to play outside or inside. But, not overtake the place.

The thing is: you are not telling your Boyfriend, that his sons cannot have friends over. You are telling him, to have them go outside... because the NOISE in the house by his sons and their friends...are disrupting the other family members. To me... there is nothing "wrong" with your request.
But perhaps, instead of your daughter telling the boys to do that, YOU should. They are ignoring your daughter saying that because she is not the "Adult" in the house nor the parent.

But the thing is: IS there, anything that they can do outside? Do they have a basketball hoop? Or anything else that they can actually do outside???? Or not??? What they heck can they do outside? Or do these boys just hang out inside playing video games?

In a nutshell: you, Boyfriend, your 2 girls and his 2 sons, needs to have an agreement, regarding when friends comes over. It is not a Fraternity house.

And sure, it is not pleasant nor fun, when the larger group of kids/friends are making NOISE in the house and it is irking the people who live in the house. Whether that be you or your daughters.

Can the boys play anything out in the garage or driveway? Do they have ANYTHING that they can do, outside? If not, get some things/activities for them to do outside.

Or tell the kids, that they cannot invite that many kids over at one time. The house is SMALL. It needs to be considered.

I remember trying to get my son and his friends to play outside when they were 14: I would shoo them out and then they'd trample around the outside of the house for a few minutes and 10 minutes later they'd all be back inside again. I'd shoo them outside again, and 5 minutes later they'd be back inside. I finally gave up trying.

I personally wasn't successful. You'd think they would want to go outside. But the days of playing outside seem to be over. Good luck.

I agree with a family meeting and "homework hours" being established. That being said, everyone needs to take turns. She can have her peace during certain times and the friends can be rowdy at times.

When I was younger, my friend's mom was often ill and she needed quiet so she could rest. We were allowed to be in the house so long as we were quiet. We were never told to go outside, but we CHOSE to do it anyway because we wanted to be loud. We were girls, so we would sit on the porch and talk and eat, or play in the yard, or go for walks. I think if we had been told to go outside then inside would have seemed more enticing.

If you have homework hours and friends must be quiet in the house during those times then they will go outside on their own.

But your stepson should be doing his homework during homework hours so it should be a moot point!

Good luck!

I come from a home where we were constantly shooed outside by parents. ;) My husband, on the other hand, came from a home in which a TV was ALWAYS on, usually even while everyone slept, and his mom often barked at the kids (and later grandkids) to sit quietly in front of the TV. It's frequently difficult to reconcile many facets of our upbringing - this is one.

I used to have 4 kids, ages 9, 8, 7, and 5 in my house. They would run through the house, yelling, kicking balls, tossing things and making me crazy, so I would say, "Go outside!!" (We have a decent sized yard, and a gate in our back fence that opens onto the park.) They'd protest, I'd insist, and once outside, they'd sit quietly on the porch swing and whisper to each other for half an hour or so. Then they'd come back inside and be running and kicking balls again.

"You have this totally backward!" I'd tell them. "The place for running, yelling, kicking and throwing is OUTside!" They'd look at me like I was crazy, and say, "Someone might see us." What kind of thinking is that? It made me crazy.

Now, to answer your question :) -

Try not to always go with the wishes of one child, but to occasionally let each have their own way. (The same goes for the adults in the house.)