Is It to LATE? [ I Need to Better Myself as a Mother]

You've done the hard part C. by admitting you have a problem (sorry if this sounds like a self help line ;-). No, it is never too late to start making the right decision. I am a foster dad and as such my three foster children were raised contrary to how I believe should be raised (1 yo was neglected, 2 yo was horribly spoiled and the 7 yo abused). My 2yo couldnt even speak to say no when we got him and he grunted for things he wanted as well as screamed at you for things he didn't. He is now 2.5yo and he is using sentences and is much more polite; oh he still says no every now and then, but he respects my decisions in the end or he goes to timeout (his room by himself which he cant stand because he is an extravert). I never have screamed or cussed at him and I certainly don't reccomend it as he will be doing this to you when he is older (but then I don't cuss unless I am driving ;-). Another note on the crying, my 7yo used to do this all the time when she didn't get her way, but I would just tell her crying dosen't change anything (broke my heart at first until she suddenly stopped crying when she knew it wasnt working).

:-)

Don't be so hard on yourself. I think we all have our own parenting issues.

BUT since you are asking, NO it's not too late . . . it's not going to be easy AT ALL since he is so used to manipulating you but if you commit to a schedule, discipline plan, etc. you can do it. And from that you BOTH will really benefit from it.

Kids love routine and structure . . . and by giving him that you are providing him with the tools he needs to grow and feel safe.

Sooooo . . . I would just start. You don't need (IMO) to "explain" to him that there are going to be changes (of course make sure that you and your husband are on the same page cause that will make it so much easier).

The next time he starts to act out, keep your wits and patience, but you just let him know that behavior is unacceptable and he needs a time out, etc. Some people send the child to their room and others create a time-out space-- either works. You will have to place him there initially and if he tries to get up, you just put him back (side note- when my daughter was 3 one time she refused to stay in time-out. I literally carried her back to the designated stair about 15 times. It was brutal but it worked). And don't be afraid of the screaming/tantrums/ etc. I know it's hard to listen to but once you put your foot down really resist giving in.

I read this book called "One, Two Three Magic" and it's the school of counting to three to get the child to end the undesired behavior. Worked for my son, but not my daughter (BOTH are stongwilled).

You also should think about what motivates your son. My son is petrified of time out b/c he doesn't like to be alone . . . so when he acts out I let him know he is in danger of a time out. My daughter on the other hand could careless about time out. With her, and I know some moms will disagree vehemently, it's all the threat of the wooden spoon. If she is not doing what she is supposed to or is whining etc. I just ask, "do you want the wooden spoon? Then please stop doing X,Y,Z". I think I may have swatted her on the butt like once but that was all it took. I just show her the spoon and she "wants to talk about it".

Again, there are tons of options out there. I am sure you are going to get GREAT advice from the moms . . . and I am sure I will learn something new too.

Good luck and be sure to keep us posted.

It's good you're seeking help. That's the first step to getting it! It's great that you want to better yourself as a mom. It's not too late, but you do need to start soon. I suggest reading the book Love and Logic. They may have a special one for toddlers. You MUST instill some structure and discipline now or else you will have a much larger monster as time goes on. Every time you give in to him when he cries or tantrums, you teach him that he needs to cry or tantrum to get what he wants.

Also, about the sweets. Have you taken him to a dentist? All the sweets and juice can destroy his teeth at a young age. Be careful.

Something in you knows that your parenting style needs to change. Listen to those doubts inside of you, because it will be hard work to make this change. It's not too late, but the longer you wait, the harder it will be, so start now!

It's never too late! Good for you for realizing you want to better yourself.

I have never had my daughter on a strict schedule. She napped (as does my son) when they are tired. She doesn't nap at home at all (she's 3) and rarely does on weekends.

First thing I suggest to work on is the eating thing. Plan out three meals a day (f you are home with him all day). Easy things for breakfast that he may like are waffles, pancakes, bananas, etc. Put the candy where he can't see it (as well as other foods if he's quick to choose them). My daughter would eat candy and watch cartoons all day if we let her. But we don't. She usually gets 1/2 - 1 hour of cartoons a day (sometimes more, sometimes less). That may equal 1/2 hour in the morning before daycare and 1/2 hour before bed. As for candy - she now gets 1-2 pieces a day (just because of all the Halloween candy we have). Otherwise it's rarely. Make meals and offer the food to him. If he doesn't eat, don't worry. He'll eat when he's hungry. As far as juice goes - stop offering it. If he asks for it tell him you are out (or hide it in a container or stop buying it). Tell him he can have milk, water or tea. I give my children choices so they do not feel like they are being TOLD to eat/drink something. We also have a one bite rule (more like a 1 lick rule with my daughter). You have to try it. If you do not like it, you do not have to eat it. But you must try it. We do not make her clean her plate either. She eats what she wants and then tells us when she is done.

I think having a bedtime schedule is the BEST thing for kids security/stability/sleep. Starting 1 hour before bed, we let her watch 1 cartoon. Sometimes she'll ask for 2 and time permitting, we may let her. But I let her know IN ADVANCE if she can watch 1 or 2. When it's over, she knows to turn off the tv and then it's time to brush her teeth, read two books then I go with her into her room and sit in the rocking chair beside her and we say prayers and I sing her three songs. I sit in there for a few minutes then tell her I'm leaving. The door is open and she goes to sleep.

When she tells me NO about something - depending on what it is, my response will be different. If it's NO she doesn't want a snack, I say "No thank you mom, I do not want one." and she'll repeat it to me. If she's just saying NO to not do something I've asked, I usually tell her she should not tell me no and countdown from 5 to 1. If I get to 1, she has to go in timeout. I rarely get there. When it's time to clean up the toys, we do it together. I give her a specific job to do so she's not left with the entire room to clean up.

Giving choices has helped a lot with this age. Do you want to put on your jacket or want me to? Do you want water or milk? Do you want to color or do stickers? That way she feels in control but it's within my selection.

Stop giving into to him. Explain that you understand he's mad/upset/sad but _____ then give him the reason. Like this morning my daughter wanted to watch cartoons before we left for daycare but we didn't have time. She cried and fussed and got mad. I told her "I understand you are sad that you cannot watch cartoons but we do not have time this morning. You can watch them later tonght if you want."

I do not think time outs always work for every sitatuion. Sometimes I tell my daughter if she doesn't stop something she'll have to go 'have some quiet time to think' in her room. This is worse than time outs! Also when I put her in timeout, I usually leave the area so she can't cry and have me watch her. If he starts to cry, leave the room or tell him it's okay to cry but you can't do your work, make dinner, etc when he's crying so he'll have to go in another room until he's done.

Stop screaming and cussing. That is only making things worse and showing him it's okay to scream and cry and throw a fit because Mommy is doing it! If you are getting that upset, leave the room, go into the bathroom and turn on the shower then scream. Or count to ten. Do something to release the anger but don't take it out on him.

Good luck! I know you can do it!

Its never too late to start. You are on the right track by realizing that there needs to be change. So don't let other mother's knock you. You and your husband must be a team during this transition; no one must give in any longer. Give him juice only at lunch and other times give him milk or water. Sure he may get mad but eventually he's gonna get thirsty and need to drink. Give him a nice meal that you know he'll eat; start with his favorite foods that are healthy and only give a small piece of candy as a reward for finishing his plate the first few times until he gets the hang of it. Or even replace the candy with a sweet fruit.

As far as disciplline, just remember follow through. If you want him to act well in public or any where else you must perfect it at home. Give him a count down and if the tantrum doesn't stop, you must follow through with time out or some form of discipline that you know will work.

Eventually it will all be smooth going for you and your husband. It's gonna be tough at first, lots of tears, screaming, falling out but you both stick to your words and your son will get it.

never to late to start making better choices! start small, by making a schedule and trying to get him used to it. remove the juice and candy from your house. if its not there, he cant eat it. give him a 'snack' kids love the word snack it seems! try cut up fruits made into a smiley face with hard cheese and whole wheat crackers. just start small by getting him the proper nutrition. then once you have got a handle on that, you can start to tackle the harder issues like tantrums, disciplining and such. best wishes to you mama!

I think you need to get started momma before it IS too late. He is three years old and yes he is used to you giving into him ALL the time and there are no consequences for him because he knows eventually mom will just cave in.
You have to be consistent and you have to follow through. I have twin daughters and for the most part they are pretty well behaved. Me as the mom believes they could be a little better and there have been quite a few times in Public I have been quite embarrassed by them but their main problem is their hyper-activity and they feed off of one another and it mainly happens when they are bored or not interested in what we are doing-as most chiildren do. Sometimes I feel like I live in a zoo-and I just don't have the personaility for that plus I don't have alot of patience either. However I am adamant about follow thru and consistency. I cannot tell you how many times I have literally left somewhere because of my children's behaviors with them begging, crying and pleading with me to give them another chance. I have a strike three your out system. I will give them three chances to correct their behavior after three I follow through with my threat. They have lost out on so many opportunities and I tell them they should have thought about their actions if that is what they really wanted or an activity they wanted to participate in. I mean business-and they are almost 8 now and they know it. Sometimes I think they don't take me seriously but when it happens... its meltdown city and I deal with it and they get over it. It sounds like your biggest issue is you don't like to hear him pitch a fit and cry-get over that one real quick. Do whatever you have to do to deal with it-walk out of the room-send him to HIS room, etc. My girls HATE being sent to their bedrooms because there is absolutely nothing in there for them to do. I believe a bedroom is for "sleeping" therefore no toys, no entertainment, nothing is in there. We have an office combined playroom and that is where their toys are kept so when I tell them to go to their room-it sort of is a punishment but they almost always end up falling asleep and most of the time their crankiness is what caused the issue in the first place and they obviously needed to go back to bed anyways-lol! It's going to be hard and their are plenty of books out there for you to read-its just a matter of which technique you believe in and think is best. The one I have heard the most about is Love and Logic but I have no personal experience with it -I just have heard it mentioned quite a few times. Just remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Get started now because if you don't guess what? You will have TWO running all over you and it will last a lifetime more than likely. Your youngest is watching and learning.........crack the whip so to say momma-it ain't going to be easy but whoever said parenting was easy is a liar-lol!

It's never too late girl!!!

Take things one baby step at a time and keep at it! Think of it as you showing your kids through your life that you can grow and change and learn throughout your entire life.

There are a LOT of ways to discipline. I discipline without timeouts and have a very well behaved, often complimented son. You can have kind boundaries that are boundaries. They don't need to be painful boundaries.

If you have continuing ed ECFE (early childhood family education) classes in your area, those are great. Also, look and see if you have a local MOPS group or an API group. (my API group is full of very knowledgeable parents that have a variety of practices, so you don't need to believe or practice everything the guidelines call for. People are there in every level of participation.)

Books are great too. You probably will like "Kids are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso. She talks about "jelly fish parenting" and also "brick wall parenting" and then about parenting that is in the middle. It has stuff for older kids in there, but the general concepts hold true. Another one about main concepts is "The Science of Parenting". For more specific how-to, look for "The Happiest Toddler on te Block", "Playful Parenting" and even "How to Talk so Kids will Listen".

When I switched my parenting style I goofed up a lot. Also it felt really awkward. I kept at it and am so glad I did. One trick I would do is that when I goofed up, I would replay it in my head (or talk it out with a friend) until I could imagine me doing or reacting how I would rather have reacted. Then kids are kind to repeat a situation (haha) and I was able to gradually re-learn things.

Keep at it! Just like your kids who are growing and learning, you will have better days and worse days, but keep looking to make incremental changes and THEY WILL ADD UP!

You go girl!!

UPDATE: figure out what motivates you and surround yourself with that. For example, put up phrases you like, or your goals for the week, or read from blogs that ARE doing the parenting you want to do.

It is never to late to change anything in life Just ask my mom who got her bachelor's degree about two years ago and she is 78! The key in changing ANYTHING, is to not let it overwhelm you or look at it as a huge picture. Take things in little steps always, little increments and life will be fine. As far as the not giving in even that can change. There is an old ancient thing that will help you at first through the crying. EARPLUGS.
GOOD LUCKY MY FRIEND!!!

C.,

It sounds like you have a lot going on at home with caring for both a three year old and a one month old! I can relate, as my children are 1 1/2 years apart, so I was also caring for a young child when my second came along.

Everyone parents differently, but I can share what has worked for my family. I believe a schedule or routine is important for a child. It gives them a sense of predictability, and thus security, so they know what's going to happen. Every minute can't be scheduled, but I believe it helps to have a few routines throughout the day that happen (mostly) every day. I say "mostly" because there will be times when they can't happen, but the routine should happen as consistently as possible. In our house, we pray before and eat every meal together at the table and bedtime is always the same: teeth, pjs, stories, bedtime.
When I had my second child, I tried to spend time with my older child when the baby napped. I was usually very tired (and wanted to nap myself), but we would do relaxing activities together, such as reading stories together. I think it helped my older child adjust to the new baby, since we were spending time together without the baby.
It's never too late to establish a new way of doing things at home. All you need to say is "Today, we are starting a new rule" and then say what it is. If you want to introduce some discipline, maybe consider saying something like "from now on, if you don't listen, you will go in time out" (and if needed, explain what that is - sitting on a step or some other special place for a few minutes so the child knows exactly what will happen if they get time out). If our kids don't listen, we usually repeat ourselves once with "if you don't xyz, you will go into time out". I know it's hard to stay calm sometimes (especially with being a sleep deprived new mom!); however if you can stay matter-of-fact about the discipline, it seems to work better. Another good part is that it also empowers the child - they have a choice - either they do what you say, or they (by not complying) choose to go into time-out. It's their choice, so it diffuses any power struggle.
As for nutrition, maybe a gradual approach would work best. Maybe you could start to water down his juice and only give it to him a couple times a day. Other times during the day, you can offer a choice of water or milk. As for eating, we have found that focusing on what healthy food does for us works well. For example, we tell our kids healthy food (meat/eggs, vegetables) help you grow strong and run fast and unhealthy food doesn't make your body happy or help you grow strong. Sometimes, when they are eating vegetables, I pretend I hear something in their belly and I say it's their belly doing the happy dance because they are eating healthy food.
These are just a few things that worked for us. As I said, everyone parents differently. Above all, I would recommend you find a parent/mom support group in your town so you can talk with other moms and have play dates with them. When my kids were little, I was involved with MOMS (Moms Offering Moms Support) and the friendship, support, and collaboration was very valuable to me.
Good luck!
B.

No, it isn't too late, but you need to work on your habits more than his. This boy is the boss of your home. He knows exactly which of your buttons to push. It's a great power game for a child, but it turns out to be very hard for the child who wins the game every day - not to mention his parents.

Can you find a counselor to help you? I think you will need expert guidance and support in this. If you attend church, ask there for the name of a family counselor.

I am very proud of you (and I don't even know you!) for thinking about this and wanting to change. So very often it's easy to imagine that giving our children what they ask for is loving them. If our babies were sensible, it might be - but they need Mama and Daddy to teach them what to want. Teaching them right is REAL love.

When you change, your son might get mad and cry, and even perhaps say he hates you, but he doesn't really hate you - he hates the fact that his game isn't working, and is taking it out on you. No big deal. You're not being a bad mom.

While you start finding with a counselor, you might take a step forward already. At least think about this: get rid of every single bit of candy in the house, all at once (even yours!). Stick it in the garbage can outside. Stock up on fruit. When your son asks for candy, tell him there isn't any and there won't be any more, and offer him ONE fruit item. Don't give him a choice. Don't explain more than, "This is what we're eating from now on." If he turns it down, that's that. (Oh, and if he starts continually asking, "Why?" to your changes, that's a new game. Don't play.)

Expect fussing - and smile at it. Don't worry. Don't cuss. Don't scream back. Don't cave in. This gives you a bit of practice at not caving in, and it gives him a bit of practice at 1) not having candy around and 2) hearing the two-letter N word from his mama.

Hi- Take some parenting classes and nutrition classes. You and your hubby will benefit and your child will REALLY benefit from having some structure, limits and good food. Kids act out alot more when they eat alot of sugar. I suggest cutting his juice down by watering it down a bit. Like at least 50% water. Figure out a bedtime routine like: eat dinner, take bath, read books, sing songs, snuggle and then bedtime by 7 or 8pm at the latest. Good luck. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

M

It will be hard now because he is used to being spoiled. You have to really commit to doing this and not go half-a**ed. Tell him things are going to change. Ask your pediatrician for a referral to a parenting coach, counsellor, etc. You know what you need to do. Throw out the juice and candy, you have control over that and he does not. Please remember that you are not doing this child a favor. When he goes off to school and pulls this behavior, there WILL be consequences. Also, this is a child who no parent will invite over for a playdate. If he does not learn now that YOU are the boss, you are not suddenly going to be the boss when he is 14, taller than you and getting in trouble with drugs and the law.
It's never too late to improve your parenting, but it will be hard work and the only person who can make it happen is YOU. Stop behaving like an indulgent grandparent who sees the kid once a month, and start being his mother.

all three year olds say no its a phase. and the crying is meant to break you and it works. you need to hold firm now before its too late. I got my 2 1/2 yr old finally on a bedtime routine there was a reason we didnt implement sooner. we do have to tell him several times to lay down and he does cry his eyes out. but it last about 10 minutes and he is out for the count. we have started implementing the corner too. he hates that cries the whole time he is in there. its part of being a mom mine is trying to get sweets instead of real food to so I dont buy it anymore. so you eat what is given or go hungry your choice. the juice is better than pop or koolaid. parenting is trial and error and you will err there is no way around it.

It is better late, than never... It's never too late... or whatever cliche you want to use. :o)
Good for you for wanting to change. While, it won't be easy for you or the little one, you can do it. Take it in small steps. Pick one thing to change, and tell your boy that this is what we are going to do from now on. Work on that for a little while. Then pick the next thing to change. Trying to do it all at once would be too much to handle, especially for your son. Just remember to stay consistent.
Someone suggested you read the book, Love and Logic. Another book that may help is How to Talk so That Kids Will Listen, and How to Listen so That Kids Will Talk.

Best Wishes!!!!

Yes, you can improve and it will take committment and be hard.

First of all, your son will not starve. If you provide him a health breakfast and he throws it on the floor or refuses to eat it, then he doesn't get breakfast, and the same for all the meals you provide. Eventually, he will eat what is put infront of him when he is hungry enough. He will battle you to your breaking point though.

Same with rules and discipline. You need to understand that it is ok for him to cry and that he actually wants a predictible schedule and rules to follow. It will make him feel secure.

I agree with the moms who suggested reaching out to other moms for coaching and support. You may want to catch an episode of Super Nanny. A TV show certainly won't solve your problem, but she actually has some tools that may help you.

It's not too late, but please do it now. Once he gets into school and becomes a teenager you will have an absolute nightmare on your hands. All the best!

None of us are perfect and mothering is hard work and overwhelming at best. My advice is to choose one thing to work on at a time, probably the more "physical" stuff right now vs. the emotional stuff (you'll find that as you get the food and schedule worked out, a lot of the other things will work themselves out naturally). Start trying to plan two healthy meals a day at scheduled time. Once you've got that down, start trying to stick to something of a bed time. Then add a quiet rest or nap time in the afternoon. Just focus on one thing at a time.

It is never too late to start. The fact that you want to do something about it says a lot and it is a start. It isn't going to be easy on him or you as it takes much more time and effort to dicipline as opposed to giving in to avoid a conflict or trantrum, but you must know that if you don't do this now, it will come back to haunt you and your son later when he starts school. Kids absolutely need dicipline, a set schedule and rules in order to feel safe, confident and secure. These tools will help them for the rest of their life. Look into the future and picture your child without changing anything at home, when he is starting school, how do you think he will do? How will he be able to adapt to rules and structure if he doesn't have them at home. He won't do well in school and he he won't have many friends. You can start with small steps and make sure your husband is on board. You owe it to your son and your family, especially now that you have number two. A good start would be to create a behavior chart appropriate for his age and allow him to put stickers when he makes good choices and then have a small reward at the end of the day or week so he has something to look forward to. Good Luck.

I don't think it's ever too late. Keep in mind that by getting him on a schedule and feeding him healthy foods you're doing what's GOOD for HIM--giving in to his demands is what's NOT GOOD for him--in so many ways. Please don't scream at him or cuss at him. He's only 3. Walk away when you feel you're losing your temper. YOU put yourself into a time out.

the tantrum do the time out and strongly enforce it or else he will start doing it in public if he isnt already. as far as the eating i had the same problem with my oldest when u feed him give him little by little and give it to him with pediasure it will help substitute if he doesnt eat all of what u give him pediasure is nutritious u can ask your pdiatrician she will agree or u can let him help u make the food and taste it when u are making it and let him try it too no raw meat and eventually he will start eating more. no its not too late for a schedule u need to so u can focus on the one month old i have a 3 year old and 10 month old mine was a little hard too but now i also have him in pre k and that also help keep him on a schedule might want to try it they are free just 4 half day at some elementary schools. good luck. and u are a wonderfull mom he might just be acting out because of the baby.

I have a 4 year old and a 2 1/2 month old. No, it's not too late. Write up a schedule of how you want the day to go and stick by it. Kids thrive on routines. Set some rules and firm consequences and hold to them. My son gets a warning, and then it's time out (4 minutes), no exceptions. He absolutely hates time out, so this works well for me.
As for the meals- Give him a choice- you can either have this or that. For example- milk or water, yogurt or oranges. Stop buying juice for a while and tell him it's all gone. It's hard, but don't give into the candy. I tell my son he can have one piece of chocolate after he eats his food. If he doesn't then no "dessert". If he throws a fit, I just ignore him or put him time out (if he takes it too far). It's a lot of work at first, but as he learns your boundaries, he will adjust. My son will try to push the envelope as most kids do, but he knows my limits and that his naughty behavior will have consequences.
Hope this helps!

Go get "The Good Son" It is about raising respectful boys from birth to adulthood. It is excellent and has what is and is not appropriate for each stage of development. One thing that struck me from it was if you cannot control your toddler how are you going to control your teenager when they are physically larger than you. (Control in the listening aspect--not control in the I am a controlling mother and you cannot make any choices aspect.)

Also 1,2,3 Magic is excellent. And no it is NOT too late.

hi
start out simple for example, do you, yourself eat healthily? remember, kids do learn in part by example. Try what I did, when my son was younger, I didn't make a big deal out of eating fruits and veggies. I just served them each day as though they should always be part of his meal. example.. when I gave him cereal (never sugary cereal) but say Cheerios, I'd cut up apple slices along side of it and serve those. OR for dinner, I would cut up fresh veggies, carrots, red bell peppers and too, other types of fruits. By doing this, my son got used to the idea of always having some type of fruit or veggie with his meal. Additionally, I never gave him juice from the get go, but since your son does drink it, maybe do this.. what about slightly watering it down.. apple juice is already pretty sweet and he might not notice that too much. DO this all gradually without making it seem like a a big deal.. see if his sweet tooth slowly diminishes.. Lastly. I don't keep the Halloween candy upstairs.. Although that is mostly because of me :) my son, if he saw it, he'd want it.. so out of sight out of mind..
I think once you get him off of the sugary juice (which might not be helping with his behavior) he may begin to settle down a bit.. Again, try this out slowly and without making it a big deal. However, you do need to eventually put your foot down. he does need to know there are consequences for his behavior. IF you don't do it now, you ll wish you did. it's never too late to start. Also, consider getting him into a sport or Karate'. they teach discipline in those classes, it might assist you at home with him.

blessings

Well, good for you for realizing that you have been making mistakes. That is the first step - admitting you have a problem!

So, NO, it is definitely not too late to begin to discipline your child. I start first by talking to his dad and others who care for him on a regular basis....all of you need to come up with a fair, consistent, plan of action for discipline. Decide for your home: what is OK, and what is not? When will breakfast time, naptime, mealtimes, and playtime be? Everything should be C. clear and routine, so he can anticipate what will occur next throughout the day. I personally am a big fan of 1-2-3 Magic, I recommend you purchase that book to get you started. Be prepared for major tantrums, but don't get intimidated by them or lose your patience, he is just a 3 year old kid trying to exert his independence, BUT you know what is best for him, so keep at it.

If you are rigid in your discipline you should see results in just a few weeks. To help you: a good diet and good sleeping habits for your son, lots of playtime, and lots of praise. Diet is tricky, but at least you can begin to encourage him to eat some more healthy foods. Many children like fruit - so try the common ones like apple, banana, or strawberries, and gently coax him to eat those over candy. Slowly eliminate the candy from the home - if he asks, you can say, you can have your candy after your fruit, or something like that, or use the candy as a reward rather than an everyday treat (you can have candy if you pick up your toys) - eventually, make the candy less and less available in the home. As for sleep - a 3 year old still needs at LEAST 10-12 hours a day if not more. I still place my 3 year old for nap - even if he does not actually nap, the rest period in the middle of the day helps a great deal. I would encourage something like this, both to give you a break and to calm him down a little bit. Finally, play time is so important - find a playground close to home and let him to to town - a good 2, even 3 hours of vigorous play will wear him out and he will be too tired to defy you. And praise - 3 year olds love to hear that they are doing a great job at something. When my son is doing something right, I praise him, tell him good job, and encourage him to tell others what he did so that he get more praise. He really loves all that good feedback. I even to make it fun by doing a silly dance if, say, he agrees to go to bath without a fight or whatever. Another thing that works great is taking his picture - he loves it! When he helps to clean up after dinner I take a photo of him next to the clean table, and it seems to really motivate him.

It is never too late. Each new day is new. You can start over and begin a new and create new habits and ways of living as you live and grow. It won't always be fun but parenting isn't for the feint at heart. You can do this. Have a plan and a strategy in place to promote your success. Somethings you will need to cut off completely while others will need to be gradual. Remember always that each new day is new. I'm proud of your decision to change for the better and your children are going to seriously benefit from this change.

Here's a tip with the food thing: children will eat what they see you eagerly eating. So you will need to eat more healthy foods infront of your kids. My kids still love celery stalks, carrot sticks, blueberries, black berries, raspberries, strawberries, grapes, fresh pineapple, apples, oranges, cauliflower, cherry tomatoes, broccoli, bell peppers, cucumbers, and so much more all because they watch me enjoy these things.

awww, you are being tough on yourself, you absolutely CAN change. here are a few things i have done to perfect my bad habits a little with my kids. And are directly related to your questions

dilute his juice little by little with water, sneak vegetable juice into his fruit juice little by little. sprinkle flax seed on his yogurt. Feed him meals that look like funny faces, or a forest, or a snail, or batman, get creative with it, but always sit him down for meals. Sit with him and eat yours as well, lead by example.

I know this might be a hard one but you need to implement time out, right away and stick to it, i know it makes you feel mean, but in the long run its meaner to raise a boy with no boundaries and manners. You need to stop screaming and cussing at him, he will start screaming and cussing right back at you. Put him in time out and walk away, take that time to calm yourself as well as him. Most importantly, be consistent always do what you are threatening to do if he doesnt stop an action.

Children are very good at learning expectations and adapting. You son will adapt. If you are consistant, he will learn what is expected of him and what to expect from you. Part of the challenge is that he has learned that if he throws a fit he will get his way. If he complains enough, he will be given candy. He's going to protest, because he's learned that it works. He will adjust. He will learn the knew routine. It's much harder for adults to change than kids.

Try to stay as even tempered as possible. Be consistant. Make you expectations clear, and don't back down.

At meal time, "It's time for lunch." Have his food on the plate and a cup next to it. If he complains, just say, "This is what we're having for lunch today."

Let him know how you expect him to behave. When a problem occurs, just repeat your mantra of, "It's time to go home. Please get in the car." Or whatever the situation is.

If you remain calm and consistant and are just very matter-of-fact, he will adjust much faster.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

It is easier to start in the beginning but it is not impossible to take control now. It will be harder to get your 3 yr old into a routine and implement rules since he is use to walking all over you but it can be done.

First his meals...give him milk (don't serve juice) with his breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Allow him to have juice (maybe water it down) with his snacks between mails. Don't buy the candy. Since he is used to candy, you may need to allow at least on of his snacks to be cookie, cake, candy or something not a nutritious. Maybe make it the reward after dinner if he ate well the rest of the day.

Second his behavior (and yours). When he throws a tantrum, walk away. Say something like "I know you are upset and that is ok but it doesn't change my answer or what we are doing. Let me know when you are ready to act like a three year old" and WALK AWAY. Don't give him the attention (positive or negative) he is trying to get when he does this. Don't yell which results in you feeling bad and giving in. When he is done and is acting as he should, PRAISE him. Always let him know you love him regardless of his behavior. It is ok to say "I love you very much but right now I do not like how you are behaving and it upsets me". This helps because it lets him learn how his actions can affect others and that you don't always have to like someone's action but can and do still love them. If you don't feel you can handle the situation without yelling, make sure he is safe and WALK AWAY. Take a few minutes to calm down. If he has come to you and then started a tantrum, tell him he needs to take a few minutes to himself in his room or on the couch (whatever works for you) and come back when he can talk and act appropriately.

Sounds like he is about the same size as my daughter at that age...just about average. My son was always in the 95 % as a child and was considered overweight. He gained a lot very fast and then leveled off. I wouldn't worry about that right now.

If you make a schedule, try to stick (at least loosely) to it. It will help.

Check into some parenting classes and resources. You can change but it is not going to be easy. Your son has had 3 years of getting whatever he wants. You have had 3 years of giving in to him. These are not easy habits to break and you will need help to stay strong. There are resources out there. I live in California so I don't know what is available to you. Call your local school district to see if they offer any classes. park and rec districts, child services, whatever but do it soon.

You may need a lot of support to make the changes you want. Consider ABC moms out of Naperville that provides one on one parent coaching in your home. My friend uses them and loves them.
http://www.abcmomsinc.com/