Is It Normal for Adult Sibling Relationships to Fade Away?

I think people just change sometimes. Having kids at different points in life can also affect relationships.

I have 3 brothers and they and one of thier wives are my closest friends in the world. We live 6 hours away from each other and only see each other a couple times a year. I never talk to my brothers. I text them occasionaly and keep up with them on Facebook through thier posts and pictures. I never see them rarely talk to them. But when we see each other!!! It's like no time has passed. They get my jokes like noone else does. We laugh and talk a hundred miles an hour. Love Love Love my brothers!

Siblings are people too - but, while we can pick our friends, husbands, and lovers, with siblings, we are "stuck" we don't get to pick them.

I have one sister, 2.5 years older than me. When our parents brought me home from the hospital the family story says that her first response was "Can you bring her back?" Not a good start - but we did well as siblings for the most part when we were young. Along comes adulthood, she moved out of state, and contact was sporadic at best. We really didn't hang on the phone - occasional email once we both got hooked into that, but not close. She didn't meet my son until he was 2.5 when she came in for our Father's funeral, so it wasn't a good visit.

Anyhoo, fast forward 12 years and we talk almost daily - if we don't hang on the phone we email. What changed? Some of it was on her part, some on mine. We both learned to listen better. We both realized that with our parents/grandparents gone that we are the closet family each other has. We realized there are certain memories that only the other shares and can relate to - suddenly sisterhood became powerfully important to us both.

So H., be patient. Relationships with siblings ebb and flow and have highs and lows. Continue to reach out to your siblings, send them funny cards, photos, etc., maintain a presence in their lives that way. Remind them of the memories that only siblings can share. And remember, they have lives, loves, and struggles that they get caught up in also, sometimes to the exclusion of everything else.

Continue to let them know that you love them unconditionally no matter what they do. It'll come back around.

God Bless

Texting or facebook is one of the only ways I keep in contact with one of my siblings. The other one I'm still pretty close to. My husband is very close to some, but his others went totally mental and are pretty dangerous to even communicate with. So, yeah, people change, relationships change.

I personall don't think it's normal to fade away, but it seems to be pretty common. I have 2 sisters. I live close to one and the other is only about a 1/2 hour away. I talk to my one sister daily and we see each other a few times a week (dinners, etc.). The other sister lives further away, has 3 kids, a husband and works 2 jobs. She still finds time to email, text or call me at least once a week or so - even if it's on her break at work and it's a 2 minute conversation. We see eachother less often, but always on holidays and birthdays. Last week we just hung out at her house for a couple of hours on her night off from work.

My husband has 2 sisters. If it wasn't that he called/emailed/tried to have a relationship with them, he'd maybe see them twice a year - maybe. They have no social skills and don't seem to want to be bothered with any kind of relationship. It's like talking to a wall.

You sound like a great sister. It's hard when you're the one doing all the work. I honestly think some people either just don't want to be a part of anyone else's life, or they're jealous (maybe something from childhood?), or they just don't care. Sorry your sister is missing out on being part of your life. It's her loss.

I have the same problem. prior to going into foster-care, I lived with an older biological sister on and off at least 5 different times.. one time, I stayed for almost a year. In my book, I considered her not just a sister for whom I admired, but also a mother figure. once placed in foster care, I didn't hear from her for 13 years........... and the only reason I did was because our biological mother died and we came together for that. In my book, I thought oh maybe we can get to know one another again .. it worked for a little while, but mostly it was me calling her and suggesting I visit her ... I did a couple of times but over time, I could tell she wasn't too into it. then I had my son and have since asked SEVERAL different times if she'd like to visit and offered to pay and have her stay with us. she always has some excuse not to come. Therefore, she has never met her nephew.

So as you can see, siblings can be strange. I think it's important to realize that IF you have done all that you can to connect and that doesn't work, then you either have to reach out to them and NOT expect anything back (note the word expect) OR if too painful to be in what little contact there is, perhaps you have to consider letting go. that is what I had to do.. I tried and tried to reach out (esp for the sake of my son who wanted to meet his aunt and cousins) but my sister wouldn't budge.. I wish her the best.. but I no longer try to connect... in fact.. given how she seldom responds over the years. frankly, I think it might be for the best.. I don't consider it my loss (like I once did) but rather.. hers.. and moreover, her youngest daughter who will never know an aunt who happens to care and would have loved to know her.. anyway.. think it over... follow your heart. it's not always easy and sometimes hurts.. but once you realize you can't change your siblings and you've done all you can to connect.. then you just have to move on..

I wish you the best

blessings

I have three sisters, growing up I was close with all of them at a certain time in my life. As adults, I talk to all of them, one of them still lives in the same state as we grew up so we don't talk much, plus she changed some. I love her dearly, but when she married her husband, she really became all his. She does what he wants her to do. She has 5 kids, she home schools and has a spotless house. If you want to talk to her, do it during the day when he's not there, her time belongs to him when he gets home. The hardest part was accepting her way of life. It's not for me and it's not for me to judge her, she seems happy even if down deep I think she's faking it some. When we talk we laugh and tell what our children are doing. I don't see her much, she lives 1000 miles away. This May I'm going back to and I will see her, it's been 6 years. That's the sad part because we were really close growing up.
Now my other two sisters, I'm still close with, they live in the same state, Texas, but it's a big state. I don't see them as much and both of them do have email address plus we call each other. I also live close to my parents so they come my way more than I come their way. I love them so much and hope my kids stay close when they get older.
I think you should try talking to your sister and find out what's going on with her. Having kids can take up a lot of your time and you don't mean to come off as rude, but it does happen. I had more of this problem with a friend of mine who doesn't have kids. If she works a full time job, has a husband and child/children, she could be exhausted that she doesn't make time to just call or email to say hi.
I hope your sister and you can have that close relationship again.

I have two older brothers--we're in our 40's and 50's now and we are still pretty close and get together about every other month.

It's so hard. I think I would say that my brother and I are close, but honestly, when you become an adult and you have to make life choices, sometimes you might not agree with the other, or life gets overwhelming and you lose the closeness that was once there. I think this relationship, like any other, requires nurturing and effort. I would talk to your sibling and tell them, listen, I feel like I can't count on you, I don't like it. What can we do to change it. It is your sibling after all and even though you don't want to have that talk, it will probably help! They might feel the same way. I've had to have that talk to some extent with my brother. I really question some of his parenting and life choices, but I love him so I try to deal with all of it. But I have my moments, trust me! In the end though, I do remember what it was like when we were kids, because he was there for me then and will be now if I need him! hang in there! and TALK it out!!

My younger brothers on my dad's side and I were close growing up but now we talk maybe twice a year. Even when they came home (they live in Alaska) when my dad was dying they stayed with friends instead of with me. It is strange I talk to my sisters on my moms side all the time but my brothers and I have just sort of faded away. I have tried to stay in contact but it just doesnt work. I guess when you get older there just isnt as much holding you together.

My sister and I grew apart when we were young adults (and missed each other's weddings because of it) but are friends again now. My husband is close with his sister, but not his brother. Whoever said that siblings are people too is right. I wouldn't have much to do with my BIL if he weren't my BIL. If she won't talk to you, then you can't fix it and you won't know what her deal is. But if she's like that with her childhood friend, too, then the problem is her, not you.

I think it more has to do with families growing up and it just becoming more difficult to get together and keep the bond strong. I think its normal to grow apart and more abnormal to keep that close bond.

My dad has siblings, that growing up, I always felt were close. Then my Grandma passed away. The get together stayed strong for a few years but then as my dads siblings started having grandchildren it got more difficult to have the get togethers. Now my dad is lucky if we see them all once a year. And even then, one of his siblings he is lucky to see once every five years...and this was his closest sibling growing up.

He's explained to me that the glue to most families are the parents and when the parents pass away that glue kinda weakens. Soon it isn't as important to get together anymore. I'm not saying all families are like this, but I do believe most are.

I was very close to my siblings, well at least my brother growing up. My sister and I got more close after we both had our first child. I still feel very close to them and feel I could go to them with any vent or problem and they would be there for me. But I already see how busy our lives get without contact. But for now we really do try. So far for the past few years we've been making huge efforts to do one big family vacation once a year. This year we are going camping again, next year we want to do a trip to Disney.

My sister is 7 1/2 years younger than myself. We were not too close growing up because of the age gap. Once my sister graduated from H.S., something clicked between us and we've been close ever since. She lives in the same neighborhood as I do and we talk on the phone every day, sometimes several times a day. You keep the relationship afloat because you each put forth the effort. Now my husband and his sister, they are less than a year apart, she lives about 40 minutes from us, she NEVER calls, never visits, doesn't send my children cards or gifts (not that I expect them but we have always sent cards to her son and given gifts). In fact, she hasn't seen her nieces and nephew in 3 years. And we live about 40 minutes from each other. My husband calls her from time to time but she shows little interest in connecting with him or us as a family. Like I said, it takes both sides to work at it.

My brother and I are 3 years apart and our relationship isn't close but when something happens in our lives we know. He lives in the Midwest and I on the East Coast. Now with the technology out there we video chat with the kids.