I've been dating someone for over 1 1/2 years. He has a daughter that lives with her mother in Louisiana. I haven't met his daughter nor anyone from his family. He travels home to Louisiana at least once a month. He doesn't call or answer his phone in the presence of his family. Just today we were having a conversation while he was waiting for his daughter to come out of school. When she was about to get in the car, he abruptly ended our coversation, in mid sentence, and said his daughter was about to get in the car. I have a son that he's been in his presence 2 times. My son is 11 and his daughter is 13. He claims that his daughter is very protective of him. Is this normal for his daughter and his twin and father don't know that I even EXIST? I'm 38 and he's 39 years old.
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I think I should end this relationship; but sometimes I think he's kinda "slow" (mentally) and that's why he's not handling a mature relationship. I've asked him to spend more time with me, my son, and for me to meet his family. His response is "I want to do more, I'm going to do better", but nothing changes. As far as his ex, now that I think about it, she still has control over him. He's fixed her car, paid her light bill, etc. but I excused that because his daughter is effected by those things. But once, he bought his daughter some clothes and was waiting til the next day to take his ex's other daughter shopping and his ex didn't know about it and she fussed at him for not buying her clothes too. The next day when he bought her clothes, he was SITTING in the house and the ex told the daughter to say thank you and apparently he was watching tv and the ex started fussing at him cause he was paying attention. He told me this story, so I figured he wasn't trying to hide anything. I've looked him up on the internet and "monitor" his facebook account. All he seems to do is play Mafia wars, yoville, and FarmVille; and he plays Madden on his days off. Oh yeah! our conversations get cut short or he doesn't answer when he's playing Madden. I know it's over, it's been over for a long time. I've just been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. BUT, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO END IT! I don't want to hurt his "feelings". Sad to say, I think I have some mental issues with this relationship!
Ok. I DID IT! The conversation lasted 1:38 minutes! I said that I was thinking about us and I don't think us should be anymore. There was silence, so I asked do you agree and he said yes! Then we hung up! I thought I would be sad, but I got angry 'cause he didn't ask why? But now, I actually feel that a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Now, I have to be strong! Thank you all so much, just hearing the same thing from different people in different walks of life, just gave me the confidence to do it. I think I'll go see that Tyler Perry movie, "I can do bad all my self" tonight! :)
I don't think he's got an "ex" he's got an "is". You need to GET OUT. Why worry about sparing his feelings when he obviously doesn't worry about yours.
I would attempt to put this in my best mamasource voice, but you need something different. Your "boyfriend" is either married or in a committed relationship with someone in Louisiana. His behavior is very normal for a married man having an affair. I could explain what each of his actions really mean, but I'm sure your natural instinct has already told you this relationship isn't on the up and up. Follow your instinct and move on to more productive things in your life.
Your son needs you to be the best you can be. Please don't let this person who is not looking out for your best interest cause you unnecessary heartache that will affect your relationship with your son and your ability to be you.
This is not normal behavior!! You deserve better!
Something is not right!! After a 1 1/2 yrs you should be WELL KNOWN!!! Just end it, easier said than done but just do it for you!!
I can kind of understand keeping it away from the children until you are 100% sure this is who you want to be with... but if you have been exclusively dating 1.5 yrs and no one else in his family even knows about you... I would wonder that something else is going on. You deserve honesty about the situation.
The purpose of dating is to find out if it is a good fit. Is this the kind of behavior you want to deal with for the rest of your life? Don't find someone you hope will change or "do better." Find someone who is exactly what you are willing to live with and enjoy.
Sounds shifty to me. 1 1/2 years? You know in your mama brain and gut this is not the truth. I think you need to explain to him that you are not feeling he is as committed to this relationship as you would like it to be. Then explain why. Then YOU need to be strong and follow this feeling and move on.
