My 12 yr old daughter has had a hard time with 7th grade, finding her place, making friends. She has kept her 6th grade best friend that is pretty troubled, dad left them, anxiety issues, and is on some different meds. for depression at only 12... I love her and want to help her by giving her a good safe place to come and relax. My daughter is still pretty niave and inoccent, very sweet. This friend and her get on my lap top and listen to music and read ther emailfrom friends, i went o dinner last night and when i came homethey were still on it but the friend was on one side of the table and my daughter n the other, like she couldn't see. The freind said she was looking up jokes and she couldn't see them yet. (but for 4 hours???!!) So i looked up the history and sure enough she was on you tube in the adult video and personal ads, very inapropriate stuff... I don't want to break my daughters heart, and freak out, I'm having stress over this friendship. If this kindof stuff is happening now, what will happen when boys start to matter? If I ban them from being together I think it will really effect my daughter dramatically... help?
yes i did talk to my daughter, and she had no idea,thats why the friend had her sit on the other side of the table so she couldn't see what she was doing, i just try to keep the communication open and keep her busy, and she interested in one boy, but she isn't in any hurry to grow up.. we see stuff on tv and discuss what's appropriate and what isn't and why. I tell her how beautiful she is and this is why she needs to be especially carful about her choices. I've just said no pc if they are coming over to play they can play, not stare at the computer the whole time. It's amazing what kind of stuff u can see on utube without verifying that your an adult... i guess it depends on your standards... thanks for all the concern and advise
i had to put parental controls on my oldest and he had to make me his friend to be on myspace and I demanded his profile be private until someone is approved to be his friend.
maybe this will help for you.
Good luck,
A.
i remember being that age, and my parents thinking i was naive and innocent.. and not all 12 year olds are the same, but do you really think she has no interest in boys yet.? or that she was totally innocent in the inappropriate web surfing?
i would be talking to your daughter trying to instill self esteem and value so she knows she can speak up if she doesn't feel comfortable with what ever a friend might be doing, if she doesn't agree with it. alot of times girls just don't speak up in fear they won't be liked. i believed that comes with self esteem and confidence.
being there for her friend is very kind of you. i'm sure the girl is going through a lot with her family and that she is on meds at this age really isn't that major in this day and age. but it's a good thing that the girl is getting the help she needs, right now. i'm sorry but it sounds like you may not feel comfortable about the girl being on meds for depression..(?) would you rather see the alternative around your daughter?
have you talked to the girls mother? you should always know your kids friends parents and talk to them on a regular basis.
good luck.. i would say talking opening and positively is the best policy.
T.
You can't prevent it, you can however teach them how to be safe on the internet and what is appropriate, don't ban the friend your daughter was there and did it of her own free will, the friend may or may not have suggested it but in the end your daughter had a choice, I like Kates idea of sitting down with both girls and being frank with them, letting them know that you know what they aere doing and that you do not approve, one way I have dealt with this is that when my teens were around that age I got them thier own screen names and then locked the parental controls, they didn't have my password so the only thing they could look at was age appropraite for them. Remind your daughter that everything they do in life is a choice and sometimes we make the wrong choices, thats ok but you will hold her to things that are appropriate no matter who is involved and that her and only her will get into trouble for the choices she makes. She is 12 and boys are fast approaching, mine can't date until they are 16 and only if they keep thier grades up, I know I can't stop it but I will make sure they have it togather first. Sorry got off track good luck, she is fast approaching the teen years :0.
I know you would like to be a safe place for this friend, but if she has the back ground you say she does, why on earth would you let them be home alone together? My daughter is 13, and yes she stays home alone and babysits because she has proven herself trustworthy, but I do not allow her to have any friends over while me or my husband are not home. Also, Parental controls--and be strict with this!
Dear A., We don't ever allow our daughter to be on the internet when we're not home. I told her it's just a safety measure for her. And if she doesn't want me looking at what she is viewing then I told her then you probably shouldn't be looking at it. We have had lots of talks about being discerning on what we watch and listen to. It takes alot of talking between mom and daughter. Internet is definately a big issue and has to be monitered. I understand what your going through, I have an 11 and 14yr old who are always wanting to get on. I have set time limits for them and they are pretty good about sticking with it. Remember, you're the mom, don't be afraid to set ground rules.
Hi A., I think if you really want to help your daughter's friend and still be the safe place for her, you really need to sit down with both girls and be completely honest. Tell them that you know what one or both of them were looking at on the computer while you were gone. Explain the dangers, and set some rules about the computer. You can also get software to lock out sites you don't want them going to. Most importantly, do your best to let the friend know that you care about her, you know she is going through tough stuff, and that you are someone she can talk to, or come to for help. Kids need grown-ups they can trust, otherwise, especially girls from broken homes, go to older guys, sometimes bad ones on the internet to feel special. It may also help if the mother of the friend is aware of the situation so she can parent the girl in the dangers of the internet.
