Insecure Due to Husband's Female Colleague

He has removed her from his life away from work. What else do you want him to do? Quit his job?
Even if she IS after him she can't get him against his will, and he has made it pretty clear that he isn't willing to be gotten.
Let it go.

If he had not been willing to cut off contact then I would have been concerned, but he was willing to cut her out in order to help you feel okay, so I would not worry.

When I had a bad feeling about a co-worker my husband was working with I knew more was going on when I expressed my dislike for their friendship and he defended keeping her as a close friend. If he had not already crossed the line he would have put my feelings above hers, as it seems you husband did. He sounds like a keeper :)

You're not insecure "due to" his female coworker.
Only YOU can be responsible for your own insecurity.
What you are is "jealous."
NOTHING good ever comes from jealousy.
It's a negative, self destructive behavior.
Your husband reacted in an above board manner.
He understands that it "bothers" you and he has stopped.
He might also realize that this back and forth banter between him and a female colleague might not appear fitting for a married family man and it was smart of him to nip it in the bud.
What do you do now? CHOOSE to put it behind you and move on!

there's a point when obsessive thoughts stop being fantasy and become self-fulfilling prophecies.
please get professional help before you ruin a nice marriage and your beautiful family.
do it, hon. there's nothing wrong with getting help when you need it.
khairete
S.

Your husband has done what he can to show you that you are most important to him and yet you are still stewing about this so this is *your* problem. Perhaps you would benefit from counseling. You seem very insecure. Also, I doubt this woman is "after" your husband. I think you are mistaking friendliness for attraction.

Meet with a professional before things get worse.

Do you spend time away from your responsibilities as mother and wife? It seems to me that your insecurity may be coming from a feeling inside that you are not as valuable or pretty or attractive as this female colleague. I am certain that you are more valuable, more atractive - after all your husband has trusted you with his mosts valuable thing - his children. We begin to think we are not important becuase we are "only" a homemaker or "only" a mom, etc. But - mothers are the ones who are training the next generation of world & business leaders. We moms are vitally important.

It's not uncommon for men and women to be friends at work - depending on the type of work they do. My husband is a police sergeant and has a small number of peope he supervises. He carpools with one of them - a female police officer - and she does text him every so often. (Her husband is also a police sergeant). He's had other female police officers he's been friendly with - and their relationship has been the same as with any male police officers he's worked with. But they are in a type of job that requires camaradrie - they have to support eachother and protect eachother. I work in an office job where we back-up for eachother when someone is out of the office. We know eachother pretty well - I've met some of the husband and wives - but not all. Some of the kids but not all - but if there's something funny on TV or a joke that reminds us of something we might send a text or get one. Many of the married people in my office, men & women, are on Facebook with eachother and play smartphone games with eachother (I don't - but that's just me). None of them are having affairs with eachother and none of them have any kind of romantic interest in eachother. But we all spend 40 hours a week in the same place, dealing with the same kinds of problems. In a way we are alilke.

I think you need to build up your self confidence - it will make you feel better about yourself and less emotionally threatened by a woman your husband works with. Take some classes, or volunteer at your kids' school, a local hospital or nursing home or food pantry - something that will help build your confidence as you experience the satisfaction of another kind of work. You'd be too busy helping others (which always helps us more) to feel insecure. I'm sure there are organizations in your area that would love to have your help.

Your husband's action proved he loves you!! Let this go. There is nothing attractive about a jealous wife.

Work on yourself and your marriage. Write little notes to your husband, leave them in his car or sock, text him, have fun in the bedroom with him. Basically flirt with your husband, make him feel valued, loved and trusted and give him no reason to even think about another woman.

I am sorry you are going through this. Your self esteem must be really low and/or depression at an all time level.

Your continued thoughts will eventually drive a wedge between you and your husband. He should not "HAVE" to delete his FB account or forgo any social activity that may have a female involved due to your insecurity.

You have no idea who this person really is because you feel so threatened. Your husband will only coddle you so long before it gets old. Some of my dearest friends are male, my daughter's best friend is male... just because you have a friend of the opposite sex does not mean you are thinking sexually about that person.

Please talk to a counselor so you can gain better self esteem for yourself and be confident in your marriage instead of being someone who needs constant reassurance that you are loved.

You are in charge of YOU and you can get over this if you put your mind and energy to it. Think of it this way.... YOU change yourself regarding issues like this (this will not be the only instance in your lifetime) and YOU are able to protect and save your marriage and family. The ball is in your court. Act now before your husband starts to resent you. It is not fair that he has no social life due to your insecurity.

A good counselor can help you do this. Best wishes.

You know, she could be a lesbian. She could be totally in love with someone else. She could be a-sexual and simply not interested.

Combined with your other post I suggest you talk to your doc about depression so you can get on some meds and feel better.

Some of my best friends have been male. Married guys, single guys, gay guys...actually 2 guys I have been roommates with were gay.

There is nothing there. Your controlling behavior could actually turn your hubby off and send him looking for someone else who does not have issues like this.

Please get help so you can be happy again.

Your trust in him is shaken and that makes it hard to move past this situation. I totally understand this however his reaction to your upset seems to show that his relationship outside of work with this woman isn't anything important to him. He did not try to turn the situation around to make it look like you were crazy. She may or may not be 'after him' but clearly he's devoted to his family so she's not going to take him away.

I think at this point you need to understand that he really didn't see any of this outside work communication as being important to him. He's stopped and said that you and your children are most important. So now you need to stop obsessing over the would haves and what ifs and channel that energy into constructive things that will benefit your family. Every single minute you think about this relationship that could have happened is energy you are not giving to your children, your husband, and most importantly yourself.

Seek professional help if needed but please for the sake of your own well being stop and move on.

When my husband has a female co-worker that likes him or flirts with him. It makes me feel good. I take it as the ultimate compliment that my DH is a real catch and other women see what I see in him.

I trust him completely. He and I are solid as a couple. When he makes a promise he keeps it to death. I have never seen him break a promise no matter how small...so his promise when he married me is a big one.

I will tell you about a time that made me smile and tease my husband for weeks. I rarely go up to his office hardly ever...but he had car troubles, and I was dropping off my car. I know where his cubicle is and one I passed through reception I walked right back. I get to his desk, and one of the female interns is not leaning but sitting on his desk in a short skirt talking away to him. I got there and said, "Hi, guys!!" The look on her face was priceless, and my husband's face was "oh man this can't be happening". So I asked, "You guys getting a lot of work done?"...she stuttered something and then left. He thanked me for running her off and asked if he should sleep on the sofa. I said, "No honey she just knows a good man when she sees one".

It made me feel good all day and still does that she was flirting with my husband. She doesn't work there anymore...but sometimes I still tease him about it.

It is all in perspective...be flattered that she sees what you do. I am glad he cut off the app that allowed her to send your husband jokes. But don't let this haunt you. Big hugs!!

The fact that he disabled the ap means that he is being a good guy. Are they facebook friends or do they twitter each other too? If so, that needs to stop.

Their conversations should only be at work at this point.

I do think that you would be well served to go talk to your primary caregiver about this. It's a little more than just being insecure that you have lost weight and haven't been able to deal with this well. I hope that you will do this. It wouldn't hurt for you and your hubby to go on a weekend vacation together. Lots of sex and lots of loving each other.

you have a wonderful husband to have done what he did. that is a lot of love going on for him to immediately take your feelings first and stop contact with this person. I think it was needed and healthy to do so, now you need to let it all go.............

I know how you feel. A few years ago I found an email from my husbands co worker and to this day I cannot believe they were associating. She didn't work with him anymore so I felt better. Then I came upon an email from her while I was looking for an email from our realtor that she sent only to him. The girl said she had fun talking with him and could have talked to him for hours! I was so shocked I showed it to him and he said she showed up at a meeting after work to meet her bf. I still don't believe that to this day and feel very hurt by it. The thing that got me is she is not pretty and had a reputation for sleeping around with co workers and chasing after them. He didn't want me to say anything to anyone there because of his job and just acted like I was crazy. I felt like he just dismissed it. A few months ago she commented on a friend of mines FB post about something at work. That was when I found out she was working there again for two years and was never told! All that time I was feeling more comfortable that she was a mile away at another place when she was really in the same office! If that makes a person not trust I don't know what would!

I disagree with Yarrmatey and her flower bearers. He should have never joined in on her reindeer games. So what if she is fond of social media? His duty is to you not her. She can join a website, log onto Facebook or get a pen pal other than your husband.

I suggest that you stop nagging him on it, but watch for signs of his being aloof. That will let you know if he is upset with you.

I lilke the suggestion to be active and to find ways and act on them to show your hubs you love him.

and I have gone through the same thingexactly as you described, I got upset and threw a tantrum and put a stop to it which dhs agreed to just like yours, but the yucky feelings last a while.
I'm not sure people understand that the emotional affair that occurs before the physical sexual cheating is just as devastating, especially if you are in a solid loving relationship, that makes it even worse. and through it all You feel like the crazy one, because, nothing has happened---- yet.

you might want to also try a visualization, think of him turning his back on her and opening his arms to you. thinking of her beign after him is holding on to the negative, picture her turning back to her own family.
I hope it gets b etter for you.

Your husband did everything right. You have nothing to worry about.

What does it matter if she's attracted to your husband? It means you married a winner. Don't worry. Now go do something fun.

He did it all right by disconnecting all of the social media he used to let her connect with him. He said all of the right things to you and took you seriously when he saw how upset it made you.

It makes sense that you're having trouble trusting him right now. If by "joking" you meant "flirting" then I would be hurt too. I would probably be watching his behavior on his phone and on the computer to make sure that he's keeping his promises. I would want to see him send a text or hear him tell her that she/they can no longer socialize on social media or through texting before/after business hours, and any contact made must be business/professional only. But it's not her that needs to follow through, it will be him.

I'm bothered, I guess, that he did say and claim to do all of the right things but then told YOU not to spoil your happy life. You were upset for a very good reason and your instincts told you something was wrong. I don't think YOU were spoiling anything. That's called "gaslighting" and putting the blame for the situation on you... meaning that your interpretation of his behavior is crazy and stupid and therefore you're messing things up. Except he was behaving in an untrustworthy manner. That means that HE needs to build back trust and not just say and do the right things while you're upset.

I guess I'm not as positive as the other ladies here. I think that there are some red flags here that are being missed but your instincts are making you feel uncomfortable with. Listen to your instincts. I think maybe a marriage counselor would be a good idea.

Change your thoughts. Look where your thoughs are dragging you both down to. What you really need to pay attention to are the deep awful feelings you have about it. Often too many times we disregard our intuition.

Stupid or unrational thoughts can be dismissed.
Gut feelings need your attention.

You don't need confirmation from your husband. What you need to know is that you'll always be okay. We're strong enough to overcome anything. That's what you need to work on...it's not about her or him. Work on "you" and nothing else matters. Confidence will turn a bag of lemons into a perfect lemon drop! Ta-Da!

S.