Infrequent Peeing - Potty Training Blues

Do I understand what you said? You asked her if she wanted to potty train and she said half of her wanted to and half of her didn't want to. Is that right? And how early was she born? Premature babies usually reach milestones at dates based on the full term birth date. And, of course, all babies/children develop at their own pace.

If so I think you've put too much pressure on her to "perform" as half of her said she wanted to do. It's possible the half that said no is the part that's working. The whole situation is too intellectual put this way.

I'd back off officially potty training and literally leave it up to her. This means not giving her an intellectual choice which puts her in an area unrelated to her physical readiness to potty train. She's made a conscious intellectual decision. When she says half and half she's indicating there's an emotional component too.

I wonder if, as a result, potty training has become a sort of power control issue.

I'd tell her she can use the potty chair or the toilet whenever she wants to use it and then let it go for awhile. Perhaps a couple of weeks at a minium. Plan for potty training to be a no big deal, whenever you want to do it sort of feeling. Don't mention potty training at all.

Then talk up potty training as a big girl thing to do. Don't ask her what she wants. Just let her know that big girls do this.

Sometimes, not actually doing potty training is the easiest way to potty train. I have a friend whose 3 yo daughter was still wearing diapers when she wanted to put her in pre-school. However, all of the convenient pre-schools required that the pre-schooler be potty trained.

This mother had a "natural" approach to child raising. She put a potty chair in the bathroom along with several toys. Everytime she (the mother) went to the bathroom she took her daughter with her. The daughter sat on the chair, still clothed, and played with her toys. They left the bathroom door open so that the daughter could go in and out to sit and play any time she wanted to do so.

In a couple of days her mother suggested that she take her panties down to see if she could pee like her mother did. The daughter was using the potty chair all of the time within 2 weeks and able to wear big girl panties at pre-school.

An important part of potty training no matter what method you use is to not put pressure on the child. If she doesn't pee it's OK and to show that it's OK in a way that the child feels that it is no big deal. It really is OK.

But then to praise the child when she does pee. Some kids need a "big potty dance." Other's need a simple but enthusiastic, good job sort of compliment.

I do wonder if there could be a medical component involved. If she's truly drinking enough fluids I think that she shouldn't be able to hold it that long. Even over night until 10:30 or 11:00. To hold urine this long does set up, even an adult, for the possibility of UTIs.

I suggest checking with her pediatrician about both her ability to retain urine and her readiness to potty train.

I know a lot of people discourage pushing potty training, but I had enough. I have an autistic four year old who is beyond brilliant and has decided to use his special needs as an excuse. We took away the diapers (not even pull-ups except for night and going out) and made him sit on the potty till he went. It took two hours, but when he went we danced and praised him. We also have a sticker chart and special book of stickers. He went nuts! Now the kid will go a little, hop off, get a sticker, then get back on to go a little more to get more stickers. Go figure.

Some kids are super stubborn because it is easier to just go in a diaper. We also set a timer and have him and his sister go in and at least sit on the potty. A week later (she's 2.5) they are simply going in whenever they need to and ask us to go potty when we are out in public. LOL - actually right this second I just heard my daughter go running in there.

Bottom line is that sometimes some kids need to wait and sometimes some need to be pushed. If she's in the largest size and holding her pee on purpose it may be time to just buy some panties (get something really fun), maybe make a reward chart (the kids get a party when they get so many), and show her the empty diaper package. Keep a pack of pull-ups hidden and don't let her know where they are - when they go on at night you can just tell her they are night-night only. Or, if she is staying dry, put a bed slip on her bed. She really cannot hold it forever, and maybe if you give her no option and make her comfortable it'll flip the switch.

I had almost the exact same situation and it turned out that my daughter has some physical problems. It is very important that you mention this to your pediatrician. I don't have much time right now to respond, otherwise I'd give you my entire story but holding is very common and can cause more problems like diverticuli. It's also important to take the pressure off of her or things will get worse. We have suspended all potty training (my daughter is 3 and 2 mos). and this has been helpful. She could have reflux - most reflux is diagnosed when holding begins during potty training. It's important to get a proper diagnosis because her kidneys could be affected. Feel free to contact me for more information or referrals to pediatric urologists.

Children can hold bowel movements for very long periods of time, but cannot hold in pee that long. Just give her more fluids... maybe allow special treats like soda for the time being. I also suggest rewards that really mean something to her. Tell her that when she goes potty, she'll get......? Some kids stickers are enough, but mine were not THAT into stickers. We used M&Ms.

Hi, I had one daughter that wett the bed often until 9 years.
What I learned was more water. If she doesn't want water push salt things until she is used to drinking water.
I last thing she should have is water before bed.
I know this isn't help but I just wanted you to know what I learned. Good luck, J.

Ahh, L.-a these stubborn little treasures do test us, don't they???? -- This is something she will always be able to completely control - and so - we just have to ''dance''' with her - check with your doctor - ( your concern regarding a uti sounds like a good question to me) --- and then - let her do what she's doing- you can't make her go --

Blessings,

J.

Not to discourage you.. I've got a stubborn 3 year old and 4 1/2 year old... neither will potty train although I've proven that the 4 year old can stay dry for periods of time when she really wants to.

When she grows out of the pullups (maybe you'll be lucky and won't need these), but I put my 4 year old in a "nightime" diaper... they are for older kids that wet the bed, absorb a lot and fit larger sizes. They are called "Goodnights" and I get them at Target.

If she was affected by the problems at birth, it may have an affect. I'm wondering the same about mine. Both my kids have sensory integration problems. Through therapy, they can handle most of life as normal kids, but maybe its playing a role here. You could have her evaluated by an occupational therapist, but unless she's showing other signs, like extreme reactions to sounds, textures, lights, it's likely not the problem.

Yes I would be concerned about UTI.

Things you might try to get her to go would be to run the shower or facet while she is on the toilet.

I would hesitate putting her in a warm bath because that might undermine herself worth that she is building.

I would begin to include cranberry and other fruit juice in her diet. It does help in bladder infections.

L.,

I would take my cues from her. Some kids just train later than others; my son being one of the later trainers. He turned 5 in October, and still isn't to a full year being potty trained. He had some understandable set backs (one being his little sister), but he did eventually get there.

As frustrating as it is for us parents, this is one area where you just can't be the leader. When she's ready, she'll get here.

Patiently,
Melissa