"In-Law" Discomfort

Oh, that's an uncomfortable situation! My oldest son's fiancee and her family have all been friends of ours for years. He's literally marrying the "girl next door", so I look forward to having parties together someday. But I know how this feels. My MIL and my mother really don't get along, and we've always had to do separate things throughout the years. In the end, though, it's your daughter's call, I would say. For the sake of her and your grandson, you'll have to abide by her wishes. You may have to put on an Academy Award winning performance to do so, but that would be best. If you try to fight this, you could damage your relationship with your child and grandson. That's a lot to risk, I would think.

Hang in there!

That is a tough situation. My parents and my in laws are total opposites. I get such anxiety when I know they will be coming in contact. Perhaps this will be a good opportunity for the two families to start getting along! Good Luck!

I totally understand your situation (as much as I can from your explanation).

My mother makes no effort to join herself with my husband's parents. His parents are all for the combining of efforts.

When our wedding came around, my husband's mom was always asking to assist, but for some reason my mom was "not comfortable with it". Honestly, I think that my mom just does not want to share her time with me and my daughter.

Using the word "turf" sounds like you feel usurped as a grandparent when not at your own home. This is not the case. You are the mother's mother! That is a honorable role and no other grandmother/father can ever fulfill that special place you have.

You sound like a very intelligent and caring woman. I doubt it would be challenging for you to be polite to the paternal grandparents for an hour or so at some joint gathering.

It could make things less stressful for your daughter.

as a child of divorce, my parents avoided each other at all costs since I was 12 years old. that is, until my sister had a baby (the 1st grandchild). since then, they've been able to put their differences aside for the sake of the grandkids (and kids), and that sure has made our lives easier.

anyway, I think it'll make it easier on your daughter to only have to do one birthday party. I know with my schedule and my girls... I barely have enough time to do much as it is, much less having to do several birthday parties for one kid.

maybe in the future she can do parties just for people with children of similiar ages, not family too... and she can do a cake with each of the grandparents seperatly if she wants.